is this "real life"?

[Jade]

okay,

i know this makes me seem like a nutso but
with all the interesting posts lately, like the one about whether cyber sex is cheating or not and the one about whether or not we are all strangers got me to thinking....

so often I read the reference in "real life" where we refer to our cyber friends as onlin friends and then we talk about "real life"

well, what happens when you fall in love, or make a true deep frienship... is that not real life too??

what constitutes real life... meeting them in person, talking on the phone?

do any of you ever really "expect" to meet each other in person (other than those of you in love).... do you ever really wonder about it... do you really want to?

someone tell me where you stand on this so I can understand this!
(sigh.. I can hear the insults coming at me already... [bracing self])

thanks

~Jade

 

[Shylady]

Jade,
I think this is a mixture of fantasy and real life. The emotions i have felt are very real and i love some of the people i have met online as much as i do the ones in my real life. But do i ever expect to meet any? I would love to but not sure it will ever happen.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Jade.

I think what I connect with "real life", is that you just can't always come out and say whatever you mean when you talking with people. I'm way to shy to tell what is a sexual turn on for me, or tell about my insecurity, where hundreds or more can hear it. But here I don’t have a problem at all with it. It all has to do with that I’m sitting home alone, felling secure, and if it gets to personal, I can always turn my computer off!

Yes it’s real life if you make great friends or fall in love on-line. I for sure have found great friends on-line, and I treasure them a lot! And I have also met some of them in real life, and it was a great experience. I have also fallen in love on-line, and I felt just as bad as it was in real life, when I figured out nothing was going to happen.

“What constitutes real life” Well I think it gets more real when you start to connect in other ways than on the BB. Where it is e-mail, snail mail or talking on the phone. Because then you are doing something for just one person, and not for a whole group.

And yes I really hope I’ll get to meet at least one person from here some day, and hopefully more.


ShyGuy

 

[Angelique]

Good questions Jade! Are you sure we’re not related? I’ve pondered those exact thoughts, myself.

I think that cyberspace is an area where some people (and I do mean SOME) feel as though it’s nothing more than a masquerade. Often times, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in the fantasy of what appears to be going on between people (whether a friendship or more intimate relationship) that they forget who they really are! And I don’t think that’s always a bad thing...in fact it can be a very good tool to help a shy person come out of his or her shell.

But there certainly is a reality to all of it. For those of us who speak from the heart, each letter and each word that we type is with emotion, even when we are joking around.

I will say that some of my more personal posts were to let others know that they’re not alone. Sometimes people harbor such intense thoughts and they don’t always have a group of reliable local friends to lean on, perhaps not even having family around, either. For them, THIS is real life and the friends they make on this board or through the internet are thought of the very same way you and I might think of our next door neighbor, best friend, or relative.

On the flip side, I don’t believe everything I read on the internet, either. Just as I weed out the freaks in real life, so I do here, too! On occasion, one will slip by and rope me in, but hey, that’s my own damn fault. By nature, I give people the benefit of the doubt...unfortunately, that can bite me in the ass on occasion, as has happened here recently.

Now where the hell was I going with this? Damn, when I remember, I’ll edit my post.

Well, on a final note, I am just as curious as Jade on the question of what defines “real life”. Is it meeting someone in person, talking on the phone...or is the whole cyber arena just a grand illusion?

I think ShyGuy hit the nail on the head when he said it becomes real when it’s one-on-one, sharing thoughts with another person via e-mails and real-time chat (whether ICQ, AIM or whatever).

For those of you who chat with me outside this board, I’d certainly like to hear your opinion.

Ok, all done for now.

 

[Carl East]

Personally I think the WWW is a cold place to meet anybody, but it is fun, I just wish I could meet all of you wonderful people, in person.

Carl.

 

[Gil]

Reality is, and always has been, what you make it.

 

[Gatorboy]

i have fallen in love online, and she is moving out to be with me in a few weeks. so i guess i would have to agree that if the communication is one on one it is real life. I have also made one or two friends online that I consider closer than some of my friends in real life. Being a relatively shy person, and in the military away from family, the www. has helped me make aquaintances that i more than likely would have never met in real life.

 

[Laurel]

What's real? How real are you at work? At school? With your neighbors? With your family?

I really don't see all that much of a difference qualitatively between meeting people here and meeting them at your job, at a bar, or a club. Sure, you'll be drawn to others for different reasons - physical appearance isn't a factor on the web, whereas your ability to communicate your personality in writing is vital. But the fact remains - what I know about you from the boards is just a facet of you, just as if I spy you from across the room at a club I can only judge you by the way you look, your dress, and your body language.

In both cases, what we see can be deceiving. We all make conscious and subconscious decisions about what we choose to post here. There are certain parts of us that we won't show. For some, it's a simple as our real names. For others, we may create entirely new personalities - more exciting, more flirtatious, more daring than our real selves. Some even change sexes.

But the same happens in clubs, or when we're in any social situation. (Even the sex change part. ) For us to act like the rest of our lives are so "real" and this is some big fantastic lie is to not look at the big picture. When we're around other people - be it on the Net or at a party or at our jobs - we put on whatever face is appropriate for the moment. I don't act the same way around my elderly neighbor as I do around my friends. We're not lying about ourselves, but we don't show everything either. It's all us, and it's all real - it's just different aspects of our reality.

People want to claim the Internet is unhealthy. I don't know how many articles I've read that warn about the "dangers" of "Internet addiction", specifically "chatroom addiction". Never do these articles touch on the fact that we can communicate with a wider group of people than ever before. And the communication IS real - as real as sending letters through the mail, as real as a phone call.

Is it a substitute for face-to-face talks? Not really... But in the middle of the night when you NEED to talk to someone, you can find someone else who's also up and wants to talk. If you're the only soccer fan in a small town devoted to football, you can banter and trade opinions with soccer fans around the globe. You have the opportunity to be exposed to viewpoints you never knew existed, because you can communicate with people all over the world, of all ages and all backgrounds.

Unhealthy? How about vegging out in front of the TV for 4 hours a night? THAT'S unhealthy. Exchanging ideas with a colorful group of intelligent, witty people from around the globe? I can't think of anything better for you.

 

[Jade]

there are some awesome responses here!
I will reply to them very very soon but hopefully someone will read this at least.

I may have to change my screen name here shortly b/c someone in real life that I do NOT want reading my feelings and private statement's MAY have figured out my screename here, so this is a once and once once post of the possible name chance I will have, and I truly hope that the people here I have come to know and love read this one time message so that when I return... you know it's me...
sorry to be so dramatic.. but it is, I have my reasons I promise.

~Jade
(very soon to be "raindrop" ... best I could do at short notice!)

thanks all...

 

[Raindrop]

okay, it's me
i just couldn't let someone figuring me out keep me away....

really, i will shut up now!!

~raindrop

 

[SimplySouthern]

How does it feel to be a virgin again??

If only it were that easy!

~Southern~

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

Hey, Southern... You stole my joke!

Now I have to go to my backup...

J... ummmm... Raindrop, now that you're a virgin again, does this mean I can be your first? I promise I'll be gentle...

I'm not the sharpest tack in the box, so maybe you can explain this to me... if you're changing names to keep suspecting folks off your trail what good does it do to publicly announce the name change... what gives?

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

P.S.

thanks to Whispersecret for suggesting that I throw caution to the wind and start posting under my name.

<Internal dialogue: good thing my thoughts deep inside my head aren't being posted to the board, or people might find out my REAL name...

Mike Hunt

 

[Weird Harold]

I sometimes feel like the real world is on your side of the monitor, and other times the 'real' real world intrudes, and I have to go out and pay my rent and other bills.

Most of the time, I just think of the real world as anything on this side of the monitor, and everything on your side as an incredibly detailed game with very realistic AI characters.

Sometimes one of the AI characters in my monitor comes to life and calls me on the phone or comes to visit and becomes a 'real' person.

If I keep telling myself that you all aren't real, then it doesn't hurt so much when names stop appearing. Raindrop is a new character in the game, and I'll have to get to know her. I'll miss Jade, but maybe she'll stop in to visit once in a while.

The names people choose paints a picture of them to start from in getting to know them.

'Jade' brings an image of strong and durable beauty.

'Raindrop' on the other hand is a fleeting thing, beautiful but transitory.

'Wizard' is a common alias, and one I've used myself in the past. It conjures images of someone who believes in magic, and has an open mind. An image that seems to fit our 'wizard' here btw.

Eventually the posts will tell me more than the name does, but it's a place to start. The thing is, for me changing the name changes my initial assumptions about the person behind the messages. So I have to treat your side of the screen as akin to Alice's trip through the looking glass.

 

[Guest]

Hello, Raindrop,

Welcome to the BB.

About the 'real life' thing. I think the internet is just an extension of reality. Talking to someone on the net isn't any less real than talking to someone on the 'phone or in person. It's just different. It's a new way of communicating that's never been seen before. The first generation that used the telephone must have felt a bit like us. I bet the technophobes back then were saying that talking on the 'phone wasn't like having a 'real' conversation with someone.

When I was 16, a girlfriend broke up with me over the 'phone. I wasn't any less upset by the whole thing because she wasn't there face to face before me. The words alone were enough to hurt me.

I think it's the same on the WWW. Just reading the strands here on the BB, you can pick up so much emotion just from what people have written. The words have a real effect on you even though they're only written down. You can read one thing that brings a smile to your face and really cheers you up, another thing that really pisses you off and something else that almost brings a lump to your throat.

It's a different kind of communication though. There hasn't been anything like it before. If you're talking on the 'phone, the other person can hear all the nervous pauses and mistakes - how clumsy you sound. But on the net you can come across as fairly eloquent. You can write in whatever style you like. You can even be poetic if you've got it in you. It'd be a lot harder to sustain that in a face-to-face or 'phone conversation.

The only thing like this in the past was writing letters - but then you had to wait days or weeks for a reply. You couldn't really hold a conversation. On a bulletin board you can get a reply a few minutes later. And, of course on AIM and CIQ are it's immediate. You real can have a proper conversation - whether it's just gossiping, hving a heated argument or even cybersex.

I think it makes total sense that people can meet great friends or lovers on the net. You see sides of folk you'd probably never get to see if you bumped into each other in a club.

roger
xx

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by roger simian:
If you're talking on the 'phone, the other person can hear all the nervous pauses and mistakes - how clumsy you sound. But on the net you can come across as fairly eloquent.

Ha ha - like in this paragraph, here:

And, of course on AIM and CIQ are it's immediate. You real can have a proper conversation - whether it's just gossiping, hving a heated argument or even cybersex.

 

[Raindrop]

Originally posted by Weird Harold:
'Jade' brings an image of strong and durable beauty.

'Raindrop' on the other hand is a fleeting thing, beautiful but transitory.

believe me, I hope it is a fleeting thing here too!

everyone keeps asking why I am posting it if I am keeping it a secret....
the person I am keeping it a secret from... is not all that bright.

luv
~raindrop