Is this for life or for now?

[mrbimystery]

Quick question to make everyone think. I like conversations that are about more than just sex. Do you view your bisexuality/homosexuality/etc as a stage in your life or as a personal lifestyle?

I ask because I view my encounters with men as a part of an experimental sexual age. I know myself enough to know that I could never be in a relationship with another man. However, I do hope to one day be in a ltr with a woman. When that day comes, i am willing to make the sacrifice of my sexual lifestyle. If shes ok with it, then maybe we could incorporate into our sex life. However, i would be satisfied to leave it at a younger stage in my life.

So what do you guys think? Express your personal views and/or feel free to comment on mine.

 

[Hitchiker69]

a stage in my life

For me my Bi experience was a stage in my life that lasted from approx. age 18 to 30. I had a lot of fun with guys, and don't regret it.
I've settled down with a woman now. Sex has gotten very dull, and infrequent.
I often fantasize about what I did, could have done, and would like to do with guys now, if my situation was different.
I also had lots of fun with women, but somehow the gay experiences, in retrospect, seem more exciting. Maybe that's because they were 'naughty' and not be approved by some folks.

 

[Bimusicman]

Quick question to make everyone think. I like conversations that are about more than just sex. Do you view your bisexuality/homosexuality/etc as a stage in your life or as a personal lifestyle?

I ask because I view my encounters with men as a part of an experimental sexual age. I know myself enough to know that I could never be in a relationship with another man. However, I do hope to one day be in a ltr with a woman. When that day comes, i am willing to make the sacrifice of my sexual lifestyle. If shes ok with it, then maybe we could incorporate into our sex life. However, i would be satisfied to leave it at a younger stage in my life.

So what do you guys think? Express your personal views and/or feel free to comment on mine.

I was in my early 20's the first time I was with another man, and it was done in the context of a 3some with my then wife. As time went by and her and got more into swinging I enjoyed myself with a few different male partners, but always kept it in that same context of three/foursomes.

I didn't seek out male company without also being with the wife, and while I could certainly appreciate a good looking guy, and was very open to giving/receiving oral/intercourse it was all just for fun as far as I was concerned, and it made my wifes already active libido go into overdrive.. heh.. so really, it was a win-win.

When I was 27, I was starting a new band and when we auditioned the drummer we wound up hiring I hated his guts, he was such a cocky, arrogant bastard LOL but was able to back it up and we wound up fast friends. after several months in the band, and our friendship growing extremely close my wife suggested we invite him for a threesome. We did, it happened several times but I kept my distance, as did he. This went on for awhile but I found myself in a quandary because I was developing feelings for the guy beyond hey this is my good bud and he's fun to fuck my wife with. I started pulling away from it all because I was confused, and didn't know what to do and wifey called me on it, made me admit what I'd been feeling and a couple of months later after a gig, we were alone at my house and I kissed him. I expected him to punch my lights out, and really wanted him too because that would have just ended it for me. He didn't, he kissed me back.

I'm now 49, and we were married in a wiccan ceremony about 5 years ago, and we count our anniversary as July 1990. at 25 if someone had said to me I was going to eventually split with who I thought was the love of my life (she's now known as Satan, and my relationship with him is actually not what broke us up) and wind up in love with a man, raising a family with him.. I'd have scoffed.

so what I thought was just a phase, getting in lots of copulation before the wife's libido dried up and could take it or leave it, wound up my lifestyle. We both still love women, and love being with women, and enjoy it often both apart and together, and it's very rare a guy other than him ever turns my head or gives me so much as a twitch and he's the same way.. 22 years later, he still excites the hell out of me sexually and emotionally, and I don't regret a second of it

 

[Pirate_Guy]

Mr. Bi...

That's a very mature perspective and I applaud you for thinking clearly about what you're doing now and characterizing it as experimenting. But, I'd offer you some food for thought if and when you pursue a LTR later in life.

It's my opinion that it takes a very rare woman to accept the notion that a guy who has gone through a bi phase has "gotten it out his system." I'm sure the women of Lit who may read this are enlightened exceptions (so please don't beat me up for this generalization!), but I believe the vast majority of the female population will immediately conclude you are gay no matter what you say or do.

I am madly, wildly, batshit crazy in love with my girlfriend of two years and I honestly don't have the least interest in being with another man, woman, T-girl, sheep or goat -- and she knows it. Yet there is still a small nagging doubt in her head that I might deep down really be gay and I'm either completely fooling myself or I'm one helluva a good actor. This is the most wonderful, open-minded person I've ever met -- a woman who herself has admitted having bisexual fantasies -- and she still can't let go of the pervasive notion that, for men, bi equals gay.

That said, I couldn't imagine life if I'd kept my bi phase and the circumstances that led me into it a secret from her. I'll take that tiny shred of doubt in her mind over the massive guilt of not being completely honest with her any day.

So, I guess my point is that, when the time comes and you're interested in settling down with a woman, be prepared to be both honest and patient!

 

[PressNightly]

As someone who recently came out to my sig other I have to say that you must have honesty with the man/woman you chose to share your life with or sooner or later it will come back to bite you.

It could be that one day you feel that you can't not be involved with men anymore and you cheat. Or one night she catches you in a moment of weakness watching gay/tranny/bi/bestiality porn and then the relationship would be over, when she might have been ok with it if you'd been up front with her.

I know that in my case I hid it from her for 12 years, and tho I haven't and don't plan on having an encounter with another man (without her consent and/or participation) as I got older the 'cravings' I had for a rock hard cock got more and more demanding. And the fact that I loved my wife but couldn't tell her about my feelings was worse than if we'd just parted ways long ago. It deepened my depression, and obsession with drugs and even after I quit them, the constant stress, anxiety and self loathing was literally ripping my guts apart. I'm in my early thirties and I've already got an ulcer.

The thing is is that I was a lot like you, I figured when I was younger that it was just a phase, just experimentation and that when I met my wife I would just put those feelings that I had aside. Now I'm not saying that for you it isn't just a phase, and you may find out later in life that you weren't really attracted to men or whatever. But I think it's safe to assume that if you enjoy something now, there's probably a good reason for it, and above all you should be true to yourself.

If you like a girl and she is not capable of accepting you for who you are, then she's probably not going to be the woman for you.


I agree with one of the above posters in that I think the majority of women out there might have issues with past homosexual encounters, but I also know that there are many women who do not. The key is to be up front, and open with whoever you chose to be your life partner, regardless of gender. Just make sure to show/explain to her exactly how much she means to you in no uncertain terms. If they doubt your love, commitment, or sexuality then they don't deserve your affections.

 

[mrbimystery]

One thing I can I know is that my thought process may change with time. I recognize that. Although I say I would never get in a relationship with a man, who knows who I will fall in love with 10 years from now.

 

[TheDoubleU]

Quick question to make everyone think. I like conversations that are about more than just sex. Do you view your bisexuality/homosexuality/etc as a stage in your life or as a personal lifestyle?

I ask because I view my encounters with men as a part of an experimental sexual age. I know myself enough to know that I could never be in a relationship with another man. However, I do hope to one day be in a ltr with a woman. When that day comes, i am willing to make the sacrifice of my sexual lifestyle. If shes ok with it, then maybe we could incorporate into our sex life. However, i would be satisfied to leave it at a younger stage in my life.

So what do you guys think? Express your personal views and/or feel free to comment on mine.

My bisexuality is not a stage in my life. I have tried to make myself move away from my bisexuality, but every time I try, I come right back to guys and girls. I'm too attracted to both sexes to really make ONE definite choice.

So, my bisexuality was my personal choice and is my personal lifestyle. I enjoy women more, but I enjoy a guy every now and then. No use shying away from what makes myself feel good.