Is this a form of Domination?

[Kajira Callista]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

 

[laurel-marie]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

No.
If you crush something enough it dies.
That's murder, not domination.

 

[pandoravampire]

no NO NO NO,

for me, it wouldnt push any D/s buttons at all, it might push him out the door though im sure.

 

[Shadowsdream]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

I see no Domination but a lot of Domineering uncertainty.
In a self debasement sense it may be reassuring to some but should not be confused with D/s in My opinion.

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small he is trying to make himself feel big.

When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole he needs to weaken you to strengthen himself.

When the words out of his mouth are venom he displays his own self hatred.

When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go he displays his inability to be alone until he replaces you.

When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him he is in need of viagra and a kick in the balls....in My opinion.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Might be said to work for one or two I can think of but INHO if it is a day to day 24/7 routine it is abuse from someone who has huge self esteem issues they need to deal with instead of paying out on others in an effort to fill the hole within themselves which will never be filled until they deal with it.

Catalina

 

[Bikewer]

Sounds like abuse to me.

D/S should be a relationship.

 

[jasonlf]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

Unless you've chosen to submit to him, this is VERY MUCH verbal abuse.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I see no Domination but a lot of Domineering uncertainty.
In a self debasement sense it may be reassuring to some but should not be confused with D/s in My opinion.

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small he is trying to make himself feel big.

When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole he needs to weaken you to strengthen himself.

When the words out of his mouth are venom he displays his own self hatred.

When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go he displays his inability to be alone until he replaces you.

When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him he is in need of viagra and a kick in the balls....in My opinion.

G iggling at the last line. You and i see things very much alike at times.






As some know, this is a description of someone who is very much a part of my life unfortunately. Although we live in separate places we are still legally bound in marriage. Often i wonder where the attraction came from, and where i got fooled and why he wont just leave me alone. I think a lot has to do with my being a submissive woman. Because you see....all those things if done the way a dominant would....would be a mind fuck i would prolly love. So from time to time i ponder things such as...how many other bright strong submissive females fall prey to this type of person.
I know my self esteem is seriously damaged and one sentence from him can send me spiraling into the deepest darkest hole. If a person has no choice but to be around the other... how do you avoid that from happening?

 

[Softouch911]

My sub is dealing with the same thing, but just for awhile longer ....

You're describing a bully, a tyrant, a jackass. If he is telling the truth, he is not a Dom and is not worthy of anyone's respect since he has none for himself.

And that's more than $.02

 

[graceanne]

G iggling at the last line. You and i see things very much alike at times.






As some know, this is a description of someone who is very much a part of my life unfortunately. Although we live in separate places we are still legally bound in marriage. Often i wonder where the attraction came from, and where i got fooled and why he wont just leave me alone. I think a lot has to do with my being a submissive woman. Because you see....all those things if done the way a dominant would....would be a mind fuck i would prolly love. So from time to time i ponder things such as...how many other bright strong submissive females fall prey to this type of person.
I know my self esteem is seriously damaged and one sentence from him can send me spiraling into the deepest darkest hole. If a person has no choice but to be around the other... how do you avoid that from happening?

Ok, I have a friend who's ex is like that, too. And since they have a son together, and he got custody, they have to deal with eachother. I'll tell you what I told her. The only reason he should talk to you is for reasons pertaining to the kids. When they're on the phone, and he brings up anything else, I told her to hang up on him. Do not let him in your house, all he's looking for is something else to drag down on your self esteem with. He can drop the kids off, and leave. That's why you live in seperate households. If he comes to the door, let the kids in, and slam it in his face. Tell him that until he can treat you with respect he is not welcome in your house. If he says "Well, I need to talk to you about the kids." point out that he can do that, and stay on the steps. If he brings up anything else, shut the door, lock it, and ignore him. If he decides to throw a tantrum, call the police. Frankly, if he throws a tantrum, you can get a restraining order on him, and he won't even be allowed on your property. He'll have to park his car on the street to let the kids up. Also, if he's an asshole tell him from now on he has to call if he wants to talk to you. That gives you the power to escape from his abuse, cause you can hang up.

Anyway, that's what I told her. She didn't and won't do it, but I think she enjoys the adrenaline rush from screaming at him. *shrugs*

 

[shy slave]

G iggling at the last line. You and i see things very much alike at times.






As some know, this is a description of someone who is very much a part of my life unfortunately. Although we live in separate places we are still legally bound in marriage. Often i wonder where the attraction came from, and where i got fooled and why he wont just leave me alone. I think a lot has to do with my being a submissive woman. Because you see....all those things if done the way a dominant would....would be a mind fuck i would prolly love. So from time to time i ponder things such as...how many other bright strong submissive females fall prey to this type of person.
I know my self esteem is seriously damaged and one sentence from him can send me spiraling into the deepest darkest hole. If a person has no choice but to be around the other... how do you avoid that from happening?

Grace gives good advice but sometimes its hard, mentally, to follow through when that person can make you feel so small so easily.
One part of you just crumbles the other part wants to give yourself a telling off for sucumbing so easily.

Mentally preparing for difficult situations helps me.
Visualising being strong when you see him, imagining the things he may say and how you could respond..silence, quick retort, calmness whatever makes you feel you are the better person.

And breathe, don't forget to breathe.
I used to shower after I had spoken to him, to wash away all the horrible emotions he made me feel.

I know it all sounds dumb and a little crazy, but all that, and a helping of the advice Grace has given, mixed up with time and re-establishing my place in the world got me through in one piece.

 

[sunfox]

Unless you've chosen to submit to him, this is VERY MUCH verbal abuse.

Even if you have chosen to, it's still mental and verbal abuse if it's done regularly and is not something the both of you enjoy on some level.. as KC said, as a mindfuck.

If C treated me that way, he'd have divorce papers, and he wouldn't have me.

 

[kerker_miester]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

In my mind this guy is nothing more than a lower life form. When my xwife/sub told me she no longer loved me and wanted out I was hurt badly. We are still friends and talk on the phone. I spent 20 years building her up and loving her I always told her how beautiful she was, though she felt she was not. Two days ago we were talking and she told me that she was not beutiful and I told her that if she ever ever said that to me again I was going to grab my flogger and go up there and whip her ass into shape. She is a wonderful woman and a very good submissive I wish I could have figured out what she needed that I was not giving her. What you are describing is NOT I repeate NOT a D/s relationship it is abuse. What a sub submits to from a Dom is done out of a position of caring for the Dom, even in many cases out of love for the Dom. Trust being at the heart of the relationship. How could anyone Trust or care for one that despises them and makes them feel small. I understand that there may be those out there that are into that type of treatment but even then it is agreed to by both parties. But if one has not desired such from another it is abuse. My first suggestion to you is don't talk with him any more than you have to. Don't accept it when he does talk to you like that. Finnally NEVER NEVER belive him though I have never seen a picture of you I can say without a question you are beutiful inside and out. Never let him or anyone knock you down submit to whom you will but not because you been beatin and abused into it. Ok OK I'll get off my soapbox now

Take care

 

[graceanne]

Grace gives good advice but sometimes its hard, mentally, to follow through when that person can make you feel so small so easily.
One part of you just crumbles the other part wants to give yourself a telling off for sucumbing so easily.

I didn't say my advice was easy to follow through, especially if you have trouble with being submissive to everyone. I don't. I won't put up with shit from anyone but K, and if we broke up, I wouldn't put up with it from him.

From what you've said, KC, isn't he a good dad? You might want to point out how hard it is on his kids when he treats you like that in front of them.

But if that doesn't work, then what I said is the best way. Good luck. *hugs*

 

[AppleBiter]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

NO. This guy sounds like an asshole who wants a woman to beat down, and not in a good way. Get rid of him.

 

[budderfwy]

I see no Domination but a lot of Domineering uncertainty.
In a self debasement sense it may be reassuring to some but should not be confused with D/s in My opinion.

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small he is trying to make himself feel big.

When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole he needs to weaken you to strengthen himself.

When the words out of his mouth are venom he displays his own self hatred.

When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go he displays his inability to be alone until he replaces you.

When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him he is in need of viagra and a kick in the balls....in My opinion.

As one who was married to this kind of man, thank you Shadowsdream for that perfect description.


The only way I was able to deal with it was to empower myself. It took almost a full year of being seperated before I could even begin to think of divorcing him, it took that long before I felt I was even strong enough to deal with him. We do have 3 kids together, so I did have to see him, but I found myself backing down, doing whatever was necessary to appease him. A friend of mine, actually had to call the lawyer and make an appointment for me because I was terrified that he would be mad if I filed for divorce. Once the process got started, I found that I wasn't so afraid anymore. Nothing had changed, I just got empowered by an attorney who stood up for me. A man who said I was not to talk to my husband unless it was about the kids and even then for just a minute, I was told to not agree to anything and if something happened to blame him and he would deal with my husband directly. Funny, how just having somebody tell you what to do and taking responsibility for the situation makes it a lot better.

I did a lot of what Grace said, stood at the door, didn't let him enter, hung up on him, but mostly I realized that I was not a bad person and he was a sad sad little man who had to put people down to make himself look better.

Sorry for the long reply, but thank you for "listening" to us all

 

[Kajira Callista]

eh...i do not submit to him, but he still effects me. from what i have read the thicker skin comes with time. thanks

 

[graceanne]

eh...i do not submit to him, but he still effects me. from what i have read the thicker skin comes with time. thanks

I can imagine. It's not like this is a stranger calling you names, it's the man you used to live with, and married. He's the father of your child. It's easy for us to tell you what to do, but that doesn't make what he does any easier to bear.

I don't know if this helps or not, but we like you, and we think you're worthwhile.

 

[O'Mac]

Domination and abuse are very different concepts. I believe the very root of domination itself is love and friendship. With abuse, there is none of that.

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is not meant to be in the slightest judgemental KC, or minimising the trauma you go through each time you think of this man, not to mention have to deal with him, (so please don't take it that way) but until you can reach that point where you decide not to play victim to his ploys anymore you will endure the pain and torment. It is never easy getting to that point after years of abuse and largely relies on finding the key which will work for you...it may be avalanches of positive messages to yourself daily (pinning a few on the mirror is a good way, especially if they are comments made by others about you), or perhaps concentrating on the pleasure you could feel from taking power back from him and freeing yourself for a wonderful future, or maybe simply bringing your survival instinct into full focus.

You have never seemed to me to be a quitter so don't let this sorry excuse push you to burnout point...use the fighting spirit we see shine so often from your words here. I think too often we use our submissiveness as an excuse to not act to protect ourselves, or to give others the power to abuse us without our consent...I know I have and it seems easier at the time, but not long term. Perhaps try a mindfuck on yourself and think of yourself as acting as a good submissive in taking the steps you need to protect yourself and your self image/esteem...sort of along the lines of doing it so you won't be harming that which could one day be the property of someone who deserves all you have to offer....wouldn't that man want you to protect yourself for him and the future? As a good sub/slave, isn't it possible that is what you could do? Either way, you know you have many here who support and value you and would gladly get a posse together to show him which way to go!! Take care of you first.

Catalina

 

[Kajira Callista]

This is not meant to be in the slightest judgemental KC, or minimising the trauma you go through each time you think of this man, not to mention have to deal with him, (so please don't take it that way) but until you can reach that point where you decide not to play victim to his ploys anymore you will endure the pain and torment. It is never easy getting to that point after years of abuse and largely relies on finding the key which will work for you...it may be avalanches of positive messages to yourself daily (pinning a few on the mirror is a good way, especially if they are comments made by others about you), or perhaps concentrating on the pleasure you could feel from taking power back from him and freeing yourself for a wonderful future, or maybe simply bringing your survival instinct into full focus.

You have never seemed to me to be a quitter so don't let this sorry excuse push you to burnout point...use the fighting spirit we see shine so often from your words here. I think too often we use our submissiveness as an excuse to not act to protect ourselves, or to give others the power to abuse us without our consent...I know I have and it seems easier at the time, but not long term. Perhaps try a mindfuck on yourself and think of yourself as acting as a good submissive in taking the steps you need to protect yourself and your self image/esteem...sort of along the lines of doing it so you won't be harming that which could one day be the property of someone who deserves all you have to offer....wouldn't that man want you to protect yourself for him and the future? As a good sub/slave, isn't it possible that is what you could do? Either way, you know you have many here who support and value you and would gladly get a posse together to show him which way to go!! Take care of you first.

Catalina

I get caught off guard from time to time. He find the soft spot no matter how much armour i have on....i just need to get better at the armour part i suppose. I actually posted the thread to see if others have ever gotten themselves in a similar position because they are sub, and i have learned that some do. So that helps me not feel like the biggest horses ass in the world...and then he doesn't win I guess this thread was a way for me to regain my strength. Sorry i sounded like a crybaby.

 

[Softouch911]

I actually posted the thread to see if others have ever gotten themselves in a similar position because they are sub, and i have learned that some do. ... Sorry i sounded like a crybaby.

Sorry to disappoint, but you didn't sound like a crybaby.

And you're right that it happens to others. I know two subs right now who are dealing with it ... one in a form as bad as you represent, the other in a milder but just as damaging form.

Good luck to you. Nice to see no one thinks this behavior is acceptable.

 

[graceanne]

I get caught off guard from time to time. He find the soft spot no matter how much armour i have on....i just need to get better at the armour part i suppose. I actually posted the thread to see if others have ever gotten themselves in a similar position because they are sub, and i have learned that some do. So that helps me not feel like the biggest horses ass in the world...and then he doesn't win I guess this thread was a way for me to regain my strength. Sorry i sounded like a crybaby.

You did not sound at all like a cry baby. Frankly, I don't think you could. (Well, maybe, but you'd be doing it on purpose, just cause I said you couldn't. )

 

[FurryFury]

Okay I don't mince words. I tend to go all the way with stuff so here goes...

I was with a man like that for 10 years of hell. Know how I got rid of him? I got too strong. I didn't know I was doing it but I did, little by little, I built myself back up and got to where he couldn't destroy me anymore. He didn't like that he couldn't take me apart and left at the most devastating time he could arrange.

I didn't understand it at first but now I get it. I thought I would die without him. Thought too about killing him in LOTS of fun ways. I'm a very passionate person you see, but too damn tender hearted and I didn't want to have the baby in jail. I couldn't think of a foolproof plan some were close but no. In truth? I cried for about 2 hours and then felt infinitely relieved.

After that, I really took over and never let him back in. Locks were changed. Real Estate was put on the market and money was taken from the accounts. Surprise shit head! LOL!

He tried at every opportunity to take me to hell again and was never done with me until he fucking died! Yay! Rat bastard.

*giggles and dances on grave*

I did all of that stuff that was recommended. I even hired someone to take my kid to the door and get the kid back from him because he only wanted to fight with me. The kid was merely a handle for him to keep at me.

At least once a year I had to consult a lawyer due to his constant threats. This after putting his ass through law school. *grr*

Sadly, it could have been so different. He could have been decent to the child. We could have found closure but his last words to the child and separately, to me, were of lies and anger. Toxic piece of shit.

Good luck.

I will be thinking about you and wishing you well.

*hugs*

Fury

 

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