Is therer such a thing as a genuine switch?

[aussie_phil]

Greetings all,

In answer to my initial question, I believe that if the answer is yes I am probably an example. What I'm not totally convinced of is that most "switches" don't harbour a secret preference for one side of the arrangement or the other. For example, I lean to my dominant side in most situations, but is this probably because the right person who can fully realise my submissive potential hasn't crossed my path yet? I've thought about this from a theoretical perspective for some time and was interested in othere members opinions.

Thanks

Phil

by the way apologies in advance if previous discussion has covered this in any length, perhaps my search was ineffective.

 

[Shankara20]

I considered myself a switch for many many years - and was willing and able to Top or bottom depending on my mood and who the other player was. Due to some emotional changes in my makeup, I now only Top.

I know that there are "genuine switches" as there are genuine bisexuals.

 

[Netzach]

I have to bottom and submit about once every 4-5 years, or for a short period every 4-5 years, it appears. The compulsion hits me, hits hard, and then goes its merry way for a long time.

For obvious reasons, it doesn't really behoove me to insist that I'm really a switch. I have not met very many people on this part of the spectrum at all.

Revised to state: I have not met many people who will admit to being on this part of the spectrum.

 

[Alt]

Add to Netzach's post... I believe everybody is a switch. Some may be 99% Domme and 1% sub, but that still allows for even the remotest dash of switch.

For me, it's not so extreme. I'm like the tide. My moods come and go with the tug and pull of the moon.

 

[amsubone]

I considered myself a switch for many many years - and was willing and able to Top or bottom depending on my mood and who the other player was. Due to some emotional changes in my makeup, I now only Top.

I know that there are "genuine switches" as there are genuine bisexuals.

Well said!

 

[serijules]

Why would it matter if there were a preference for one side or the other? I don't think that makes anyone any less of a switch. There is no scale to gauge by, no "grade" to determine what someone is.

My sub sister is a switch. She is very submissive to Ma'am and there is no doubt she belongs to Ma'am. She also has a sub of her own and again, there is no doubt that B is hers. I have no idea if she prefers bottoming or topping and it really doesn't matter, what matters is that she enjoys both roles and lives both roles to the fullest. That's what makes someone a switch in my opinion.

Some people just enjoy playing at the other role now and then. It isn't something they live or embrace, just play with and enjoy when the desire comes about. I don't tend to think of this type as a switch, merely a top/bottom exploring and accepting other desires they have without it affecting their core role.

And yet others may switch and fully enjoy both roles and relate to both roles, yet chose to present themselves as one or the other as that is the one that they live most outwardly. Someone I am very close to is a good example of this. She submits to someone and I know she enjoys that role and NEEDS that very much. Yet very few people know about that as it is something she also needs privacy with. Most everyone knows her as a Domme. She doesn't use the switch label because it isn't a fit for her, but she DOES switch when she needs it. She isn't ashamed of it or any such thing, just is a part of her lifestyle that she shares with very few people and thus, the switch label doesn't work for her as it just doesn't very accurately encompass how she lives the lifestyle on a day to day basis, which is as a dominant.

 

[serijules]

I know that there are "genuine switches" as there are genuine bisexuals.

People often tell me "you are not a lesbian, you are bisexual" because I have sex with men and women both.

I disagree because while I have sex with men, it is always for the enjoyment and amusement of my female Owner. And besides, I just enjoy sucking cock and having my ass fucked. Emotionally though, I have no attraction to men. I wouldn't want to be with one in a romantic or emotional relationship outside of friendship. I am attracted to women emotionally, physically and submissively.

I don't think sexuality labels should necessarily be based purely on sexual activities.

On the same line of thought....I think someone who plays as a top or a bottom just because they enjoy the activity is not always necessarily a switch unless that emotional investment is there as well.

Maybe we could call it "recreational topping/bottoming". lol

Years ago I used to top with friends just because it was FUN. I liked learning to use the implements. I enjoyed helping my friends when they needed a spanking or some playtime. Yet emotionally, I didn't get a charge or satisfaction out of hurting someone or controlling them. Was moreso recreational for me than serious.

Not disagreeing with the quoted statement, it just got me thinking.

 

[Netzach]

People often tell me "you are not a lesbian, you are bisexual" because I have sex with men and women both.

I disagree because while I have sex with men, it is always for the enjoyment and amusement of my female Owner. And besides, I just enjoy sucking cock and having my ass fucked. Emotionally though, I have no attraction to men. I wouldn't want to be with one in a romantic or emotional relationship outside of friendship. I am attracted to women emotionally, physically and submissively.

I don't think sexuality labels should necessarily be based purely on sexual activities.

On the same line of thought....I think someone who plays as a top or a bottom just because they enjoy the activity is not always necessarily a switch unless that emotional investment is there as well.

Maybe we could call it "recreational topping/bottoming". lol

Years ago I used to top with friends just because it was FUN. I liked learning to use the implements. I enjoyed helping my friends when they needed a spanking or some playtime. Yet emotionally, I didn't get a charge or satisfaction out of hurting someone or controlling them. Was moreso recreational for me than serious.

Not disagreeing with the quoted statement, it just got me thinking.

I've known people who switch like this, almost as social/recreation. They were well matched tops for me, actually.

 

[serijules]

I've known people who switch like this, almost as social/recreation. They were well matched tops for me, actually.

It's funny, when people use the phrase "topping from the bottom", this is what I think of first rather than the manipulative behaviour they are usually talking about.

I used to have a play partner that in the course of the relationship, told me he sometimes just felt the need to be on the bottom, to have his head shoved into the bed and a dildo shoved into his ass while told what a naughty boy he was.

I was honoured that he trusted me to share that fantasy and helped him realize it. It was SUCH a thrill to be trusted like that and I enjoyed helping him, but I only did it because he needed it and wanted it, not because I particularly enjoy shoving dildos up mens asses and calling them naughty.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't think to be a "genuine switch" one has to be 50% dominant and 50% submissive. I identify as a switch, but I have a lot more experience on the submissive end of things. I enjoy taking the dominant role, but it has to be with the right person, and I have to be in the right kind of mood. I think once I gain some more experience with it, I'll be a lot more comfortable with it and will want to be the dominant one more often.

As it is, I'd place myself at about 85% submissive and 15% dominant. Six months ago, I'd have put the "dominant" figure as less than that, so I think the experience I'm (very slowly) gaining is making me more comfortable with that part of myself and more willing to act on it. It works out well, though, because I'm owned by another switch, who's probably 85% dominant and 15% submissive. When either one of us feels the need to switch roles, the other is happy to oblige.

Just because he leans to the dominant end of the spectrum, and I lean to the submissive end...I don't think this makes us not genuine. We enjoy and identify with both roles. I'm bi, too, but I prefer men. That doesn't make me love my girlfriend any less, though.

*Shrug* Where's Ms. Neon to say everything I'm thinking in 25 words or less?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have had a couple of submissives who are switches. One of my current subs is a switch. he is dominant in his other personal relationships.

 

[Stegral]

I consider myself a switch...not sure what the definition of "genuine" is
I started out thinking I was a submissive... I was sure of it...
Then I was introduced to some very wonderful people.
They helped me learn about Tops, Bottoms, Switches, Dom/mes, Subbies & Slaves.
I learned through all of them that each person has a slightly different outlook on each of the "titles" but the base line is about the same.
I now realize with this wonderful bunch of people that I am a switch.
More pigeonholed so to speak... I am a switch that prefers to bottom.
I met a wonderful fella I will call *K* on a "vanilla" dating site & it evolved into playmates rather than a 'nilla or D/s relationship. We play, there is no Master/Subbie or any kind of ownership (even though I wouldn't have minded)
When *K* is about I am in subbie mode, no if's ands or buts.
BUTTTTT some of the Domes in the group noticed my backbone & have coaxed a bit of the Domme, they seem to think is in me, out of hiding. Unfortunately I will only do to another what I have done to me. Right now that is a very small type of play with Pinwheels, A vampire mitten, feathers, finger claws & a knife (lightly traced... welting but no cutting). I do wear earplugs or a blindfold on occassion too
I cannot be whipped, flogged caned or cropped with out panicing.
Spanks are fine if they are light, few & during play.
A few weeks ago I had a very willing person offer his back to me in the play space (he is a machoist) assuring me even a bad hit would be fine...
I asked another Domme the "target" trusted to help me & she did... I planted a few swats with a flogger, handed it off to her shaking & said "nope... can't do it" & was almost sick to my stomach. I think I know what "Domme Drop" is.
When *K* isn't around, I do switch & I am a soft Domme, no percussion play, no pain, just sensory stuff & pleasure.

 

[Softouch911]

I'm told that I'm a heck of a bottom .... but even when I'm not the top, I'm dominant ... inside ... where it makes a diff to me.

That makes sense to me.

I'm glad to bottom for the ones I do, and I have fun doing it, but I doubt that my lack of commitment to it makes me any the less "genuine."

I know a woman who has thought of herself as a dominant femme to her bois for many, many years. Recently, she lost a whole bunch of weight (on purpose) and, in the process, discovered she now prefers being a "girly" submissive.

I don't know if that is on topic or not.

Respectfully, ST

 

[Netzach]

I'm told that I'm a heck of a bottom .... but even when I'm not the top, I'm dominant ... inside ... where it makes a diff to me.

That makes sense to me.

I'm glad to bottom for the ones I do, and I have fun doing it, but I doubt that my lack of commitment to it makes me any the less "genuine."

I know a woman who has thought of herself as a dominant femme to her bois for many, many years. Recently, she lost a whole bunch of weight (on purpose) and, in the process, discovered she now prefers being a "girly" submissive.

I don't know if that is on topic or not.

Respectfully, ST

Off topic, maybe, but body morphing and identity are interesting. I know that M has less interest in crossdressing when he's over a certain weight, and I lost of "boi" identity when I no longer felt passable in guy clothes as I gained some weight too.

 

[SpectreT]

Here's what I said on this topic in May:

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=22625698&postcount=46

 

[LittleJade]

I identify as Switch, and am quite comfortable being Dominant to one person, and submissive to another. I have difficulty being both roles to the same person.. it doesn't click in my head.

I am whatever the other person inspires me to be. I don't look at a person and decide "I want to top him/her", and then get to it, no matter their own orientation... I get to know the person, and the dynamic develops.

I am more comfortable in a submissive role, but that is because I have years of experience in that role, whereas, the Dominance in me is a newer phenomenon. However, I don't think that comfort denotes preference... it is entirely dictated by how inspired I am.

 

[mickyp123]

I have had a couple of submissives who are switches. One of my current subs is a switch. he is dominant in his other personal relationships.

Interesting, if he is a switch should he not be able to switch with you and be the top? or do we go back to alt's opinion where some are higher percentage than others in there top/bottom swing

 

[Flamestorm06]

shrug, i think there is. i Can be dominant, and i enjoy it, but i prefer to be submissive with most guys. Depends on the guy really, because if they're really shy i'll take over but i'd prefer to be the submissive one

 

[Shankara20]

Interesting, if he is a switch should he not be able to switch with you and be the top? or do we go back to alt's opinion where some are higher percentage than others in there top/bottom swing

I'm not speaking for Eb, just for me. There are some people I will bottom to, many others I will no bottom to - there are many people I will Top, and a few I will not Top. And gender plays a factor - should I ever choose to bottom again it is more likely to be to a female, I just cannot see myself bottoming to a male - I am a cross-gender Top, I prefer males but will Top a female if there is a connection of some sort.

but that is just me...

 

[BiBunny]

Interesting, if he is a switch should he not be able to switch with you and be the top? or do we go back to alt's opinion where some are higher percentage than others in there top/bottom swing

Since Eb is strictly a Domme, not a switch, I can't imagine why her sub would want to dominate her.

As for me, I enjoy myself most when I switch with other switches. With those who are strictly dominant, I'm submissive; with those who are strictly submissive, I'm dominant. A lot of the "flow" in my relationships depends on the other person.

 

[wouldloveto]

nice!

Thanks for this thread!

I am a switch. I find it easier to find a partner to top, but crave the bottom.

I enjoy both, very much.

 

[aussie_phil]

I identify as Switch, and am quite comfortable being Dominant to one person, and submissive to another. I have difficulty being both roles to the same person.. it doesn't click in my head.

I really agree with that last part, about not being able to have that line crossed in one relationship. This has caused me to really overanalyse and doubt so many interactions that I've had.

It also leads to stupid general questions like the one that started this post

 

[Netzach]

Interesting, if he is a switch should he not be able to switch with you and be the top? or do we go back to alt's opinion where some are higher percentage than others in there top/bottom swing

It hasn't got anything to do with percentages. I've played with a lot of switches with whom *I* don't switch. Much to both our relief.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Interesting, if he is a switch should he not be able to switch with you and be the top?

Why is that necessary?

or do we go back to alt's opinion where some are higher percentage than others in there top/bottom swing

Who cares about alt's opinions? I certainly do not.
Who a sub switches with (if he swtiches at all) has nothing to do with me, as long as he knows he submits to me.

.