is SO cheating?

[ChildOfUniverse]

From my personal experience and by advice of many of my friends, i believe my SO is cheating on me. I would greatly apreciate any input and comments on the topic. I do not want to jump to any conclusions, as they maybe false. I love my SO with all my heart and this would trully crush me if it were true. My SO's the kind of person that wants to wait until they're maried before having sex, though they're not a virgin and used to enjoy it frequently. Here's the signs i gathered so far.

My SO is alot more affectionate.

Found a new friend at work, with whom they spend time frequently going to movies and other activities that in part sound alot like "dates."

Has a "glow" about them that wasn't there before the new friend.

Constantly bring up the subject trying to assure me that the friend is just a friend.

Breaks out into tears for no reason when around me, never have a normal excuse and trail off with something irrelevant.

Very defensive when infidelity even remotely comes up in conversations even when they are not accused of anything.

 

[irishrule05]

Cheating

 

[LukkyKnight]

If you don't know, but present to us only those things that make you suspicious, what conclusion are those who read this likely to draw?


Here's a further question for you:
If you're thinking this, and the two of you can't address the topic in a rational, mature, adult manner, is the relationship in jeopardy even if there's no infidelity?

 

[ChildOfUniverse]

i couldn't be more specific than that as to the person comes here quite often to read.

i did not really consider cheating as a possibility untill all my friends have pointed those things out.

there are more signs, which i can't mention because they would be very specific to the person

 

[Mischka]

i couldn't be more specific than that as to the person comes here quite often to read.

So you started this thread in order to get your SO's attention, instead of directly confronting her with your suspicions? (I'm assuming your SO is a she because of the bursting out in tears part. Never known a man to do that.) You've already gotten confirmation from your friends that they suspect she is cheating, so there's no point in rehashing the topic on a board where you know she posts, unless it is to get her attention in a passive manner.


Relationships take work and open communication. You have to learn how to broach this - or any other - subject with her. If the cheating doesn't break the relationship, the lack of communication on fundamental topics will. Good luck.

 

[Eilan]

You need to talk to your SO about this, not us.

 

[SweetErika]

From my personal experience and by advice of many of my friends, i believe my SO is cheating on me. I would greatly apreciate any input and comments on the topic. I do not want to jump to any conclusions, as they maybe false. I love my SO with all my heart and this would trully crush me if it were true. My SO's the kind of person that wants to wait until they're maried before having sex, though they're not a virgin and used to enjoy it frequently. Here's the signs i gathered so far.

My SO is alot more affectionate.

Found a new friend at work, with whom they spend time frequently going to movies and other activities that in part sound alot like "dates."

Has a "glow" about them that wasn't there before the new friend.

Constantly bring up the subject trying to assure me that the friend is just a friend.

Breaks out into tears for no reason when around me, never have a normal excuse and trail off with something irrelevant.

Very defensive when infidelity even remotely comes up in conversations even when they are not accused of anything.

You just told us you believe she's cheating, so what's your question? Take a look at your motive(s) and expected outcomes from posting this. Are you trying to avoid confrontation, make her admit it, feel bad, get sympathy, etc.?

If my husband even had the slightest suspicion I was cheating, I'd want him to talk to me about it. I don't want him to wonder, hurt, or be in a relationship that lacks communication, honesty, and trust or includes passive aggressive behavior.

 

[EJFan]

i agree with all the other points made already. it's an odd question you're asking and an odd way to go about it. that being said, i have one thing to add to what the others have suggested...

if you suspect your SO is cheating, there are two possibilities:

1. it's your 6th sense kicking in and you're likely correct
2. you're probably headed to a bad place with the relationship that (perhaps) has nothing to do with fidelity

whichever the case, you need to have a discussion and give each of you a chance to leave the relationship in a dignified manner.

 

[ChildOfUniverse]

I'm sorry I probably did put the question wrong. No i'm not trying to get attention and for "her" to read this. i'm not asking for simpathy or any of that stuff. For all i care everyone can put in their own 2 cents and maybe make a list of possible signs of infidelity for the blank manual. I trust her and trully did not suspect anything. everyone around me keeps telling me that she might be. i was asking on here because i wanted a 3rd party view on the possible signs of infidelity. i trust her and i do not want to question her about it because that would be a sign of lack of trust. if everyone thinks that my trust in her is misplaced then i will go and confront her. Honestly i don't know why i asked on here. I have bad luck with girls and cheating on me, because i'm too trusting. If asking for other peoples view on possible signs is so wrong i'm sorry.

 

[bisexplicit]

I'm sorry I probably did put the question wrong. No i'm not trying to get attention and for "her" to read this. i'm not asking for simpathy or any of that stuff. For all i care everyone can put in their own 2 cents and maybe make a list of possible signs of infidelity for the blank manual. I trust her and trully did not suspect anything. everyone around me keeps telling me that she might be. i was asking on here because i wanted a 3rd party view on the possible signs of infidelity. i trust her and i do not want to question her about it because that would be a sign of lack of trust. if everyone thinks that my trust in her is misplaced then i will go and confront her. Honestly i don't know why i asked on here. I have bad luck with girls and cheating on me, because i'm too trusting. If asking for other peoples view on possible signs is so wrong i'm sorry.

Don't be offended by people on lit...quick judgements are made, but easily forgotten as well. Its quite simple via text to have misunderstandings and miscommunications.
As for your girl, I fortunately have not had any experience in this realm...however, I would suggest talking to her about it. List all the the things that have made you suspicious, but also be willing to accept the fact that you might be paranoid because of previous issues with infidelity.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your SO has just found a new good friend, and thats all.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm sorry I probably did put the question wrong. No i'm not trying to get attention and for "her" to read this. i'm not asking for simpathy or any of that stuff. For all i care everyone can put in their own 2 cents and maybe make a list of possible signs of infidelity for the blank manual. I trust her and trully did not suspect anything. everyone around me keeps telling me that she might be. i was asking on here because i wanted a 3rd party view on the possible signs of infidelity. i trust her and i do not want to question her about it because that would be a sign of lack of trust. if everyone thinks that my trust in her is misplaced then i will go and confront her. Honestly i don't know why i asked on here. I have bad luck with girls and cheating on me, because i'm too trusting. If asking for other peoples view on possible signs is so wrong i'm sorry.

If you're concerned about it, then it's likely affecting your relationship. You need to talk with her about it. Don't make accusations, just tell her how you feel and that you value trust and communication. If nothing else, give her the opportunity to discuss and maybe fix the things that are making you uncomfortable...wouldn't you want the same from her? If she refuses to talk about it, you may need to take a good look at your relationship and how much she respects it and your feelings, but that's just my personal opinion.

The signs you mentioned could be cheating OR just a satisfying platonic friendship. FWIW, I probably show many signs of having another relationship, but my husband and I talk about everything and define boundaries constantly so there's no chance for suspicion to fester. We don't care what others think...we're only concerned with what's working for us.

 

[emap]

There is another possible reason for her behavior changes, she is thinking about having intimate relations with this friend. Being the wait type combined with her relationship with you, she is feeling threatened/alarmed by such feelings/thoughts. Which explain the added affection, bouts of crying and defensive nature with any sort of mention of infedility.

The reason I'm leaning most toward. She is just friends with this person, but seeing your doubt she is trying to get you reassured the best way she knows. So she is being more affectionate, the crying is because you seem to be not trusting her, and perhaps drawing away to some degree.

Talk to her, tell her your thoughts and fears, and tell her you love her.

 

[Noor]

I have a friend of the opposite sex that makes me hum, smile and be more affectionate in my life with others. My intimate relationships are easier when he is about, I am more open, peaceful, and understanding. He adds to my life, compliments it, makes it less stressful, a kindred spirit, a sounding board, a safe space where I can just be myself, don't have to be anything else. When that relationship is threatened it makes me very upset.

 

[silverwhisper]

talk to her. you said you're a trusting person. that's an admirable trait. however, it does mean that you can be betrayed more readily. point that person to this thread.

ed