is she out there? where do I find her?

[mrtnmoon]

first I was going to reply in seshena's thread since I feel like this is a similar issue, but I didn't want to hijack her thread in case anyone felt the desire to reply to me. her lament was that she sees other overweight women out there that aren't alone (so I guess she is overweight, pardon me if that's a wrong assumption). I've also considered posting in the "who likes bigger guys?" thread because I'm one of those, too..... but again, I feel like I don't really fit in there, either.

so what's my deal?

well, like I said, I'm a big guy... about 5'7" and packing about 310 pounds right now. it ain't muscular pounds, either. I'm pretty lumpy... I guess I'm kind of along the lines of the "teddy bear" type, at least that's how I've always considered myself.

like seshena, I've wondered why people that I consider less attractive than myself don't seem to be going home alone. not that I'm a prize, but I truly believe that I'm a decent looking guy as long as the size thing doesn't turn you off.

what makes me say I don't fit in the "who likes biggers guys?" thread is it seems that most of the women I've seen posts from in that thread seem to be bbw's. now, I know this is going to seem hypocritical and I may get flamed for it, but I'm just not into that.

hell, it is hypocritical. I've felt like I was being judged on my size all my life. I grew up fat and shy and I got fatter along the way. I hit 500 pounds at one point. I could definitely understand why women weren't attracted to me and I know I should be the last one to judge someone by their size.... but I've always been drawn to smaller-sized women. short, petite, small breasted. I mean, most of the women I've dated have been bbw's and they were very nice, but I never felt that "spark". is it because they don't fit the idea of my "fantasy girl"? maybe so.....

so I'm wondering.... are there tiny girls out there that are attracted to the big "teddy bear" type, or should I just try to lower my expectations and settle for what I can get? I know that personalities and other factors come into play, too, but I'm speaking just from a physical standpoint.... am I holding out hope for something that is unattainable?

if there are small women out there that dig bigger guys, where do I find them?

I apologize if I've offended any bbw's. everyone here seems to be pretty open about what they want, so I thought maybe I could be, too.

ok....

that was pretty much a rambling/venting kind of thing, but in case anyone is still here and since this is a personal ads thread, I guess I should give a little more info about me...

41 y/o single white male. I've been told that I'm smart, funny, caring and sensitive. someone once told me I was too sensitive to be a straight man... I've never had any urge to suck a cock, tho, so I'm pretty sure I ain't gay.

I've recently decided that I'm probably compulsive, too, about things that are important to me or make me feel good. I've kind of suspected it in the past in regard to other things like food and sex. well, masturbation. sex when I can get it, for sure, but it seems mostly what I get is my left hand.

since I feel like I might as well be totally honest, what led me to the realization that this compulsiveness might come into play in other areas is that the last girl I was semi-involved with said she felt like I was smothering her.... after considering it I could see how she might feel that way..... being around her and doing things for her made me feel good, so I tried to do both as much as possible. so, now I realize that's an area I might need to work on.

my other interests include music and playing games. not head games, I mean real games like trivial pursuit. I spend a lot of my online time playing literati, a scrabble-like game on yahoo. musically I'm mostly into classic rock, but I can deal with different kinds as long as it's not rap. I also play guitar, bass and try to sing but I haven't felt the urge to do much of that stuff lately and I don't really have any gear anymore.

I used to read a lot in my pre-internet days and I've made some attempts lately to get back into it. mostly horror.... stephen king rocks and The Stand is my favorite book of all time... but I've also read lance armstrong's book "it's not about the bike" (I think that was the title) and one of these days I hope to read the books that neil peart (drummer for the band Rush) wrote. I believe the first one at least is about how he used bicycling as a means of dealing with the loss of his wife and daughter. yes, I'm pudgy and out of shape but I'm a semi-fan of cycling.

I'm also kind of a tv junkie... there are at least a couple of shows every night that I watch on a regular basis but I guess my favorites would be 24, lost and the dramas on the F/X channel, the shield, rescue me and nip/tuck. favorite comedies include two and a half men and the simpsons and I think the episode of friends with the prom video might be my all-time favorite piece of television. maybe that's because I've always considered myself to be the ross geller type (if he weighed 300+ pounds) and I can so relate to wanting the woman that you can't have.

what I'm looking for in a woman....

in a perfect world, she'd have those "fantasy girl" dimensions, but I'm trying to stay open to the idea that maybe I just haven't met the right woman yet at all and if I ever find her I'll feel that "spark" even if she's not young and sweet and petite. (I forgot to mention young earlier, didn't I? is it so wrong that at least once I'd like to screw a young, tight-bodied hottie?)

she'd be interested in at least some of the same things as I am, especially a similar taste in music, and if she plays an instrument that'd be a huge bonus. she likes to laugh (I'm a big fan of stand-up comedy) but hopefully her tastes are a little more sophisticated than jeff foxworthy and larry the cable guy. I find those guys amusing, too, but I'd much rather watch guys like robert schimmel, denis leary, the late great bill hicks, the late, great richard pryor. also a lot of the guys that they have on the bob and tom show on the radio crack me the hell up, like henry phillips..... she might like to go dancing on occasion. that's something I would do more of if I had a partner, but I'm not very good at the "would you like to dance?" thing.

I guess that's it for now.... I dunno if anything will come of this or not but I've been feeling pretty hurt, confused and lonely today and writing this seems to have helped a little.

I'd appreciate some advice/insight on the whole petite girl/teddy bear thing if anyone has any to give, or if anything I've said has sparked any interest in any of the ladies out there drop me a line. thanks for your time.

 

[pink]

i don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you like. i really hope you find it, i really do.

 

[mrtnmoon]

i don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you like. i really hope you find it, i really do.

thank you. very kind of you to say so....

 

[mrtnmoon]

some other info.....

I like to watch all kinds of movies, but lately I seem to watch mostly comedies. I've been trying to stay away from romance, but I think love, actually is a brilliant movie so even tho the romantic aspects of it made me feel a little melancholy, I watched it a couple of times during the holidays.
dodgeball, eurotrip and broken lizard's club dread have also been in fairly heavy rotation.

 

[mrtnmoon]

giving myself a....

...bump

 

[My Immortal]

...bump

It's not "wrong" of you to want to screw a hottie, but welcome to the world, ALL men do. But the cold hard truth is that just like you aren't attracted to the overweight type of woman, the hot babes aren't usually attracted to the overweight kinda guy. Can't really blame them if us guys are the same way, and the truth of the matter is that the hot chicks can usually have their pick of the buffest guys.

GL though, I hope you can find someone that fits your liking....

 

[bare_pussy]

i'm not tiny by any stretch of the word...but i have to say that if you want someone who is out of your league, change your league. Go to the gym and don't buy a big gulp. it's really not that hard.

 

[DirtyRockStar]

I disagree with the above statement. Leagues should have nothing to do with it, though I do know it isn't a perfect world. I hope he finds what he is looking for. I am a bbw but I also love tall and really thin guys just as much as I like big guys. But for me it isn't all about the body. Just because he isn't small doesn't mean he has to become small to get a small chick.

 

[mrtnmoon]

i'm not tiny by any stretch of the word...but i have to say that if you want someone who is out of your league, change your league. Go to the gym and don't buy a big gulp. it's really not that hard.

there have been posts from guys that are rail thin that claim to be into bbw's.... I just thought it might also work in reverse and that there are small women that like big guys. I thought I'd heard about women that were... awww, hell, what did they call them? chubby chasers or something like that. maybe I'm remembering wrong or I'm screwed up for thinking that such women might exist. I know I need to lose weight and I've already lost a lot, but thanks for your comments.

DirtyRockStar -> thanks for the support.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I got to thinking, "why don't you just google 'chubby chasers', dumbass?" so I did.... I can't decide if I'm glad I did or not. most of the links I found were either for bbw's and their admirers, or links for gay men. according to wikipedia, chubs or chubbies is a subculture of the gay community. hey, if you're into that, rock on, but it ain't what I had in mind..lol.

I guess the term for what I am, also according to wikipedia, is a bhm. that stands for... well, I'll just cut and paste it: "BHM (acronym for "Big Handsome Male") is the male equivalent of BBW, Big Beautiful Woman. Usually a target of affection for FFA's (Female Fat Admirers). The adoration of Big Handsome Males is not as widespread as the adoration of Big Beautiful Women, mainly because the fat admiration subculture consist of very few female fat admirers compared to male fat admirers."

what a drag but also not much of a surprise to find that apprently there aren't as many women into bhm's as there are guys into bbw's.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I'm on AIM for awhile if any ladies would like to chat. a remote possibility, I know.... but it allows me to bump myself without just saying, "bump" .

 

[Lyrical Fool]

Personally, if you haven't felt that "spark" yet, I don't think you've found the right person(s).

I've typically been drawn to taller, thicker guys through the years. I dunno, maybe they made me feel safe or something. But recently, I was extremely attracted to a shorter-than-normal guy for me, who was rather slender to boot. Actually, he was so against my normal "I want to do" stereotype that he threw me for a loop.

While he didn't start off being the ideal, he became the ideal, if that makes sense. Because of the connection, the package, while not irrelevant (I'd be lying if I didn't say there are extremes that'd turn me off), doesn't seem so important.

I don't particularly care if no one else would find him attractive. To me, he's perfect.

As for the changing your league thing, fuck them.

If banging a skinny chick is your goal, and you think the only way you'll accomplish that goal is to work out, and it's that important to you, by all means, go for it.

As varied as people are, I find it difficult to believe that there isn't a saucy petite chick that isn't into "your type." You just gotta find it.

 

[mrtnmoon]

thank you for your insight and encouragement, LF.

 

[naughtygirl69s]

I wanna comment on this later

 

[bare_pussy]

i didnt generally mean to be rude, but you made it seem like anyone other than what your preference is would be less attractive.

i have a fantastic sexual relationship with a man who I feel like is probably 1/2 my weight (though i know it's not true...just seems like it).

Realize you should look for someone caring and interested in YOU, as you should be for them. Wanting a specific characteristic is so limiting you're doomed to never get what you want. you'll only get what you deserve - which is women who might not love you for you.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I guess what bugged me is that I generally don't see anyone telling any of the bbw's that they need to lose weight.... and if anyone ever does make a comment like that, they're immediately pounced on by other posters and told to shut the hell up.

as for me and what I'm looking for, it's true that I said quite openly that I'd prefer to find someone petite that didn't find my size a turn-off. but, I also said, "I'm trying to stay open to the idea that maybe I just haven't met the right woman yet at all and if I ever find her I'll feel that "spark" even if she's not young and sweet and petite." I haven't ruled anything out.

 

[sassygrrrl]

I'm not a big fan of 'settling'.
If you have a specific type you might just find it takes a while to track that gal down. I don't see any point in starting something with a woman you don't find attractive just casue she seems attainable.
Hang in there. She'll turn up

 

[Lyrical Fool]

I guess what bugged me is that I generally don't see anyone telling any of the bbw's that they need to lose weight.... and if anyone ever does make a comment like that, they're immediately pounced on by other posters and told to shut the hell up.

Keep in mind, too that Lit BBW threads are NOT indicative of every day RL happenings. This is a sex board, with specific desires. And as for pouncing, why shouldn't they be? They're rather protective 'round these parts.

as for me and what I'm looking for, it's true that I said quite openly that I'd prefer to find someone petite that didn't find my size a turn-off. but, I also said, "I'm trying to stay open to the idea that maybe I just haven't met the right woman yet at all and if I ever find her I'll feel that "spark" even if she's not young and sweet and petite." I haven't ruled anything out.

If the person finds your size a turn off, she's not the right one. I've found that sparks happen rather unexpectedly and sometimes inconveniently. I don't like BBW threads because size is the FIRST thing that's focused on. If you develop yourself so that you're a person who "likes this, this, this, and this; does this, this, this, and this; believes this, this, this, and this" and, oh by the way, happens to be a big guy, I think you're more likely to attract that spark that you seek.

But that's just my two cents.

 

[mrtnmoon]

And as for pouncing, why shouldn't they be? They're rather protective 'round these parts.

I have no problem with that. I think I've done it myself a time or two, believe it or not. my issue was, why is it ok to tell me to lose weight when everyone gets pissed when someone makes a comment like that to one of the bbw's?

If you develop yourself so that you're a person who "likes this, this, this, and this; does this, this, this, and this; believes this, this, this, and this" and, oh by the way, happens to be a big guy, I think you're more likely to attract that spark that you seek.

on some level I know that's probably right. it's something I'm working on... I've been having trouble with being motivated to be out in the real world lately. thanks for your input.

 

[eyenohow]

want whatever you want and persue it with everything that u r.

that said, I'm not it but I love "The Stand" - amazing book.

Good luck opn your search!!!

 

[mrtnmoon]

yahoo or AIM?

is it a bad idea to put your chat screen name(s) in a post? I can't remember if I've seen anyone do that or not. in any case, I'm on both yahoo messenger and AIM for a little bit, if any ladies would like to chat. I'll try any topic, except cybering. that's not really my bag. my names are on my profile.

 

[mrtnmoon]

is it a bad idea to put your chat screen name(s) in a post? I can't remember if I've seen anyone do that or not. in any case, I'm on both yahoo messenger and AIM for a little bit, if any ladies would like to chat. I'll try any topic, except cybering. that's not really my bag. my names are on my profile.

oh, well.... maybe I'll try again later.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I'm not a big fan of 'settling'. If you have a specific type you might just find it takes a while to track that gal down. I don't see any point in starting something with a woman you don't find attractive just casue she seems attainable. Hang in there. She'll turn up

on one hand, I can see what you're saying. on the other hand....

I dunno how old you are, but if you were 41 and you'd been alone (in a romantic sense) for most of that time, your perspective might change. you might think a little more about just settling for whatever you can get. not saying I'm ready to do that yet.... just saying that as time passes it becomes a more viable option. hell, I don't even really have anyone I can "settle" on right now..lol.

anyway, thank you for the input.

 

[Lyrical Fool]

I have no problem with that. I think I've done it myself a time or two, believe it or not. my issue was, why is it ok to tell me to lose weight when everyone gets pissed when someone makes a comment like that to one of the bbw's?

It's not. Just because someone does it does NOT make it right. At all.

on some level I know that's probably right. it's something I'm working on... I've been having trouble with being motivated to be out in the real world lately. thanks for your input.

As shy as I am off the boards, I know it is difficult. I also know that it's what's required to not be a shut in. Good luck with your search

And keep in mind that there is a VAST difference between settling for something and being surprised by the notion that what you thought you wanted isn't necessarily the case.

I have no interest in settling, nor do I recommend it to anyone. Being open enough to be surprised, on the other hand, well, that's one of life's little miracles.

 

[mrtnmoon]

givin' myself a little evening bump.