Is she crazy or just stupid?

[SweetPrettyAss]

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/fans-stunned-by-rihanna-chris-brown-reconciliation/19459?nc

I have seen pictures of Rihanna's face. If any guy ever did that to me I know he would never have another chance, not even after he got released from prison.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/fans-stunned-by-rihanna-chris-brown-reconciliation/19459?nc

I have seen pictures of Rihanna's face. If any guy ever did that to me I know he would never have another chance, not even after he got released from prison.

Sadly, most victims of domestic violence go back to their abusers repeatedly.
He's only 19 too, makes me wonder what kind of abuser he's really going to grow up to be.

 

[bb_peaks]

Sadly, most victims of domestic violence go back to their abusers repeatedly.
He's only 19 too, makes me wonder what kind of abuser he's really going to grow up to be.

It also makes you wonder what kind of mental abuse he may be doling out if she's already going back to him.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

It also makes you wonder what kind of mental abuse he may be doling out if she's already going back to him.

Yesterday, Geraldo was talking about it on some talk show, saying Brown's "people" have probably been hounding her from the beginning. I'm guessing he's been giving her the "I love you/don't ruin my career" pep talks.

 

[cloudy]

It never fails: someone always says, "Why don't they just leave?" Anyone with any real life experience knows that it's never that easy - the most dangerous time for an abused woman is the moment when she's trying to leave. More abused women are killed then than at any other time.

Rather than calling someone stupid or crazy, why don't you educate yourself a little, and do something real to help, like volunteering at a shelter, etc? Of course, it would take a lot more energy to actually do something to help, and I'm sure it's way more fun to just label her as stupid.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

He's seeking counseling? That's good. However, they aren't married so is it really a case of her leaving him or just not dating any more? Speaking as a man, anyone who would do that to a woman needs his career ruined, preferably by a number of years behind bars!

 

[TE999]

So this Brown dude is a 'clean-cut teen idol' who is 'sad and reflective' about beating the crap out of his girl friend?

Cahhmon! He's a 19 yo punk who already has fame...and 'people'...some teen idol he is.

If this is the sort of person the yoots of America are emulating...no wonder so many of them are fucked up.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

It never fails: someone always says, "Why don't they just leave?" Anyone with any real life experience knows that it's never that easy - the most dangerous time for an abused woman is the moment when she's trying to leave. More abused women are killed then than at any other time.

Rather than calling someone stupid or crazy, why don't you educate yourself a little, and do something real to help, like volunteering at a shelter, etc? Of course, it would take a lot more energy to actually do something to help, and I'm sure it's way more fun to just label her as stupid.

If this was about some dropout who was dependent on an abusive husband, I would agree with you. Rihanna is two years older and just as successful as Brown and they are both very much in the public view. She can end the relationship anytime she wants and if Brown tries to do something about it, he will do it in front of the whole world and go to prison, hopefully forever.

 

[sr71plt]

If this was about some dropout who was dependent on an abusive husband, I would agree with you. Rihanna is two years older and just as successful as Brown and they are both very much in the public view. She can end the relationship anytime she wants and if Brown tries to do something about it, he will do it in front of the whole world and go to prison, hopefully forever.

Well, the problem there is that you can have all of the fame and privileges in the world there are (and you can have your walls papered with restraining orders), but if you are in an abusive situation where your abuser has decided you are going to be dominated or dead--unfortunately in our world, chances are you are going to be dead. Then what does fame and position do for you other than give you a real nice funeral?

The best bet on these situations is to see them coming and sidestep them. The stage those two are in now is way beyond that.

 

[cloudy]

If this was about some dropout who was dependent on an abusive husband, I would agree with you. Rihanna is two years older and just as successful as Brown and they are both very much in the public view. She can end the relationship anytime she wants and if Brown tries to do something about it, he will do it in front of the whole world and go to prison, hopefully forever.

Your ignorance is truly showing. It doesn't make even the slightest bit of difference what "class" a woman is, or how much money she makes.

Pathetic.

Well, the problem there is that you can have all of the fame and privileges in the world there are (and you can have your walls papered with restraining orders), but if you are in an abusive situation where your abuser has decided you are going to be dominated or dead--unfortunately in our world, chances are you are going to be dead. Then what does fame and position do for you other than give you a real nice funeral?

The best bet on these situations is to see them coming and sidestep them. The stage those two are in now is way beyond that.

Exactly.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetPrettyAss
If this was about some dropout who was dependent on an abusive husband, I would agree with you. Rihanna is two years older and just as successful as Brown and they are both very much in the public view. She can end the relationship anytime she wants and if Brown tries to do something about it, he will do it in front of the whole world and go to prison, hopefully forever.

Your ignorance is truly showing. It doesn't make even the slightest bit of difference what "class" a woman is, or how much money she makes.

Pathetic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt
Well, the problem there is that you can have all of the fame and privileges in the world there are (and you can have your walls papered with restraining orders), but if you are in an abusive situation where your abuser has decided you are going to be dominated or dead--unfortunately in our world, chances are you are going to be dead. Then what does fame and position do for you other than give you a real nice funeral?

The best bet on these situations is to see them coming and sidestep them. The stage those two are in now is way beyond that.

Exactly.

You're right that the best thing to do is to avoid involvements with abusers but it's too late to do anything like that now. Restraining orders probably wouldn't help very much either but they wouldn't hurt. The worst thing she can do is volunteer for more abuse by going back to him. Splitting up and testifying against him in court may result in more injury but not doing those things almost certainly will.

She doesn't need him or anything he has.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh! Man! Do I have some domestic violence shelter stories. It's like Dracula's castle for whackos.

 

[tickledkitty]

I don't understand this fascination with the private lives of celebrities.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I don't understand the concept of celebrity. It's like being famous for being famous.

 

[sr71plt]

She doesn't need him or anything he has.

I think you are getting hung up by not showing that you see the difference between "not needing him" and being able to "get rid of him."

No, it's not going to help going back to him--but weighing her options and the realities from her perspective, there likely isn't a bouquet of roses (and completely safe) option out there.

It seems best to me (and that doesn't take all of the threat away) if the system doesn't give her the option of going back to him. Define it as a crime against society (as well as her)--put her into the background on it as much as possible and make clear to both of them that society is going to throw his ass in prison because of his crime against society and that she doesn't have the option of going back to him. Let him come out of prison looking for society to beat up on again more than her.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

I don't understand this fascination with the private lives of celebrities.

This isn't so much a case of celebrities as it is a high profile case of a woman going back to the man who has beaten her and who will probably do it again. She's better off in terms of options than most battered women are, but she is still choosing to go back to the abuser.

 

[SweetPrettyAss]

I think you are getting hung up by not showing that you see the difference between "not needing him" and being able to "get rid of him."

No, it's not going to help going back to him--but weighing her options and the realities from her perspective, there likely isn't a bouquet of roses (and completely safe) option out there.

It seems best to me (and that doesn't take all of the threat away) if the system doesn't give her the option of going back to him. Define it as a crime against society (as well as her)--put her into the background on it as much as possible and make clear to both of them that society is going to throw his ass in prison because of his crime against society and that she doesn't have the option of going back to him. Let him come out of prison looking for society to beat up on again more than her.

I don't think there is a completely safe option either but I also think the most dangerous option is the one that is almost certain to get her beaten up again and that option is to go back to him. From what I hear, the DA plans on prosecuting him whether Rihanna testifies or not but that makes it harder to get a conviction.

What do you mean if society doesn't give her the option of going back to him? She is an adult and if she chooses to put herself in danger again nobody can stop her.

 

[Dragonlipz]

My younger sister's boyfriend decided

to excersize his manhood on my sister - he slapped and punched her and she looked a lot like that little girl, Rihanna? I kicked his ass and broke his leg. I told him if he ever so much as came into the same town again that he'd be getting his shoes shined in a funeral parlor.
Fortunately, she came to her senses and decided that if he did it once, he'd do it again and spared me from making good on my promise.......He wound up OD'ing on some concoction, saved everyone a lot of inconvenience......Peace

 

[freshface]

I don't think there is a completely safe option either but I also think the most dangerous option is the one that is almost certain to get her beaten up again and that option is to go back to him. From what I hear, the DA plans on prosecuting him whether Rihanna testifies or not but that makes it harder to get a conviction.

What do you mean if society doesn't give her the option of going back to him? She is an adult and if she chooses to put herself in danger again nobody can stop her.

Did you read the point made at least three times already on this thread? An abuser is at his/her most dangerous when the victim finally tries to leave the relationship. Yes, in the normal course of events, his rage overtakes him and he beats her. Sometimes he breaks her leg or fractures her ribs. He does not normally kill her. But there's this tendency to believe that if he can't have her, no one can. It's when she tries to leave that he escalates the violence to shooting, stabbing, or burning her. Often, he's explained to her in graphic detail exactly what he will do with/to her if she tries to leave.

I believe what SR is talking about is a paradigm shift in how the law handles abusers. It used to be that if the victim wouldn't testify, the DA wouldn't prosecute. There is an increasing tendency now to use physical evidence, neighbors, witnesses, etc. to establish that the assault occurred. The abuser goes to prison without blaming his battered partner for putting him there. If he's in prison, she can't go back to him. With a bit of luck, she can disappear by the time he gets out.

 

[Liar]

It never fails: someone always says, "Why don't they just leave?" Anyone with any real life experience knows that it's never that easy - the most dangerous time for an abused woman is the moment when she's trying to leave. More abused women are killed then than at any other time.

What makes this story so bizarre though is that it's all playing out in public. It's usually something hushed down, laden with shame and rationalized away by the abusee. Here there is little to no doubt. The cat is out of the bag. He beat her up. It's in every gossip mag and on every news network in the western world, and it's not going to go away.

Seemingly, she has all the power and recources to just walk away. All the money she could ever need, an even more stellar career than him, and with some of the best connections in the business. So it's not surprising if people say "why don't she just give him the one-fingered salute and move on?". Because it does, at first glance, look just that easy. But the power of an abuser is of course more complex than that.

Hopefully, a public drama like this, might spur some debate about abusive relationships and the nature of them, and help some young women who idolized those two to be more wary in their own lives.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

It's never easy to leave an abusive relationship. On the surface, it may appear that it would be because of the obvious violence and the problems of the victim. But, the reality is that victims in abusive relationships are somehow drawn to the very flame that consumes and burns them out. The abuser is often in such complete control of them mentally and emotionally that the victim is unable to draw a line between who they are and who their abuser is. The relationship hinges on a power imabalance that both of them somehow enjoy. The threat of violence is seen somehow as part of the relationship and the intensity of the feelings compels the woman to stay. Walking away sounds right and it sounds like the best thing to do to the woman. But, she sometimes cannot take those steps because she is losing the one thing that makes sense to her, regardless of how senseless it appears to others.

 

[faq52]

Seemingly, she has all the power and recources to just walk away. All the money she could ever need, an even more stellar career than him, and with some of the best connections in the business. So it's not surprising if people say "why don't she just give him the one-fingered salute and move on?". Because it does, at first glance, look just that easy. But the power of an abuser is of course more complex than that.

So easy to point the finger of blame!

I do not condone violence in any form be ti physical or mental.

having said that there are two people behaving dysfunctionally here not one.

they each have needs and the other is fulfilling them.
Although clearly not in a functional way.

the mind also has a love affair with patterns.
it loves to follow patterns. it loves to link patterns.
It does this even when there is no sane link to be seen for the outsider.
there is the proximity effect.
this is the simple process whereby being regulary with someone and especially in emotionally charged situations leads the mind to make the following link.
I am with this guy ... I am with him a lot ... therefore I must love him.
If one of the emotional experiences being shared happens to be sex and the sex is great then the connection is multiplied.

these are the dynamics that we all go through.

for him he needs to dominate and feel good about himself ant it is easier to do that by crushing someone else rather than building himself up.

this is not a complicated situation.

Two people with low self esteem leaning on someone else for validation.

just like any other couple it will end badly unless one of them chooses to change.
And for as long as she keeps going back he has no reason to change she is validating his world that he is OK and just had a bad moment.

 

[faq52]

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/fans-stunned-by-rihanna-chris-brown-reconciliation/19459?nc

I have seen pictures of Rihanna's face. If any guy ever did that to me I know he would never have another chance, not even after he got released from prison.

Adn to answer your original question.

No she is not either crazy or stupid.

You are making a logical answer to an emotional question.

this never works.

If you were feeling what she is feeling and had her understanding of the world you would do exactly the same.

since you clearly do not understand why she is doing what she is doing they I suggest that you think long and hard about being so judgmental.

As you obviously have the same lack of education in this area as she does( along with 99% of the population) then you are just as vulnerable.

that may not work out the same way of course. you might decide to never have a relationship for example.

you might pick a weak non vilolent guy and resent him being a wuss for years and then dump him. You could choose to be a lesbian.
there are many possibilities.
I could write a book on this.
Some people have already done so.

The dynamics of human needs and human communication are very simple but you could spend a lifetime and not learn them from your own experiences.

In fact most people do not.
hence the violence and divorce rates.

 

[Boota]

At various levels of risk to myself I have helped quite a few female friends out of abusive relationships. About half of them stayed out once I got them out. Anyone who goes back, especially after I face down her psycho boyfriend waving a gun around, is on her own. They don't need to ask me for help again.

 

[sadangel]

It never fails: someone always says, "Why don't they just leave?" Anyone with any real life experience knows that it's never that easy - the most dangerous time for an abused woman is the moment when she's trying to leave. More abused women are killed then than at any other time.

Rather than calling someone stupid or crazy, why don't you educate yourself a little, and do something real to help, like volunteering at a shelter, etc? Of course, it would take a lot more energy to actually do something to help, and I'm sure it's way more fun to just label her as stupid.

Cloudy. Just thank you.

It is hardest when trying to leave. That's part of what keeps me where I am. Afraid of what is going to happen when I finally have the nerve to walk out the door. I will..but I have to make certian I will be safe first.

ETA: In my case. About a week ago, my roomate (ex-partner) said "IF you decide to leave, tell me ahead of time. I need to take care of some things." I fear that statement. I know she has a revolver hidden. I don't know where. She got it about a month or so ago from the neighbor. I know she keeps it loaded and ready. I fear that too.