Is she cheating...?

[Anomaly1964]

This is going to be a long question with a few details so please bear with me...

I have been married over 22 years, my wife, I love her but she is VERY timid sexually...

But here are some odd things that have been occurring lately...

About a year ago she came to bed on our anniversary COMPLETELY shaved, VERY out of character for her, I was TOTALLY surprised. I didn't really say anything cause I liked it but didn't want to SPOOK her but it DID make me wonder if SOMEONE else asked her too...

She also had a total hysterectomy the end of last year and wears a hormone patch now...

I work from home and she is out running the kids around a lot. I have been noticing she goes STRAIGHT to the bathroom when she gets home. This next part may be TMI but I'm just putting it out there. I started noticing pantie liners in the trash can near the toilet more than I EVER have since we have been married. I got curious and...opened one up, it was VERY wet. I cannot tell if it is just from her, maybe something else (like from a guy) or what. But they are very wet and very sticky? I have found MANY like this by now...

I read something that the patch may be making her more wet than usual but I just don't know...

What does anyone here think?

 

[October46]

Has she purchased new panties or bras; this is a possible sign of an affair.

 

[Anomaly1964]

Has she purchased new panties or bras; this is a possible sign of an affair.

I have noticed some new panties...

 

[TwoShades]

Cyber-affair. I'd bet anything.

 

[longtimehubby]

tuff call here. her wetness could be caused by patch, urinary woes? Shaving try to spice up things? You two need to talk, but be careful.

 

[eric60red]

PM me for some questions and answers

 

[papadoc19]

tuff call here. her wetness could be caused by patch, urinary woes? Shaving try to spice up things? You two need to talk, but be careful.

I second this...if you aren't ready to talk to her about it, you may want to check your cellphone bill...see if she is calling someone or texting someone you don't recognize.

 

[JCsailor]

short answer, YES

 

[karamorfu]

This is going to be a long question with a few details so please bear with me...

I have been married over 22 years, my wife, I love her but she is VERY timid sexually...

But here are some odd things that have been occurring lately...

About a year ago she came to bed on our anniversary COMPLETELY shaved, VERY out of character for her, I was TOTALLY surprised. I didn't really say anything cause I liked it but didn't want to SPOOK her but it DID make me wonder if SOMEONE else asked her too...

She also had a total hysterectomy the end of last year and wears a hormone patch now...

I work from home and she is out running the kids around a lot. I have been noticing she goes STRAIGHT to the bathroom when she gets home. This next part may be TMI but I'm just putting it out there. I started noticing pantie liners in the trash can near the toilet more than I EVER have since we have been married. I got curious and...opened one up, it was VERY wet. I cannot tell if it is just from her, maybe something else (like from a guy) or what. But they are very wet and very sticky? I have found MANY like this by now...

I read something that the patch may be making her more wet than usual but I just don't know...

What does anyone here think?

a full visual inspection every time she comes home is neede, maybe truth serum and a lie detector test as well. or you could talk to her.
something tells me it excites you that she may be cheating

 

[LadyVer]

It could just be an issue of her having a hysterectomy and hitting her 40s at the same time. Hysterectomies can cause a lot of issues for women like insecurity, lack of confidence, dealing with getting older, will my SO still find me attractive, etc.

When I hit my 40s all I had to do was think about a hot guy and I was dripping. Literally. I don't usually talk like this on the boards, but that's what was going on.

 

[cumunder]

check the cell phone its the best way to catch a cheater

 

[amofiga]

Based on my personal experiences I'd say that she is having an affair. I agree that you should check her cell phone but if she's smart, she'll delete texts and delete records of made and received calls. I did. She will probably use an anonymous e-mail address and if you have Microsoft Explorer, she'll use the "in private" window so that nothing appears in browsing history.

You could go as far as installing a key logger in your computer and putting a GPS tracking system in her car but what is your real aim? Do you want to simply "catch her" having an affair or get to the root of the issues if she is? Do you want to divorce her if she's seeing someone or find out why and see if you can resolve your marriage? You can confront her openly but she would most likely deny it. I did.

Seriously, good luck with this. I'd suggest really trying to get it out in the open and address it head on if you really want to resolve it like an adult. You could try to wait it out since most affairs only last about 6-9 months and then fizzle. However, once either partner successfully has an affair and finds it positive, they will continue until caught or outted or confesses or leaves. I was outted by a crazy woman who got obsessive and it forced us to confront the long term issues in our marriage that caused it. I can't say everything got 100% better, but it is better.

 

[TeaforMe]

Being a women in my mid to late 40's I can say with certainty the trips straight to the bathroom and the extra panty liners are age and hormone related, especially if she is on hormone replacement therapy. I know where every bathroom is in every store I frequent. It's just a stage of life.

New panties? Doesn't everyone need new panties from time to time?

As for the shaving, she probably was experimenting with something that is now "all the rage" in vaginal upkeep. It's not easy to get older and not feel sexy, so we ladies try new things to turn our men on. If you didn't comment on it to her, she probably felt silly for trying it in the first place. She wanted you to notice and tell her she was sexy, and you didn't.

Before you go snooping around, talk to her. Tell her the changes you've noticed and have an open discussion. Life is fluid, not static, changes occur and it doesn't always mean an affair is happening.

 

[StrayKat]

What does anyone here think?

I think it is sad that after 22 years of marriage you investigate her underwear instead of simply asking your wife what is going on.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Being a women in my mid to late 40's I can say with certainty the trips straight to the bathroom and the extra panty liners are age and hormone related, especially if she is on hormone replacement therapy. I know where every bathroom is in every store I frequent. It's just a stage of life.

New panties? Doesn't everyone need new panties from time to time?

As for the shaving, she probably was experimenting with something that is now "all the rage" in vaginal upkeep. It's not easy to get older and not feel sexy, so we ladies try new things to turn our men on. If you didn't comment on it to her, she probably felt silly for trying it in the first place. She wanted you to notice and tell her she was sexy, and you didn't.

Before you go snooping around, talk to her. Tell her the changes you've noticed and have an open discussion. Life is fluid, not static, changes occur and it doesn't always mean an affair is happening.

This... Men often forget that women peak later then men and it wasn't until my mid to late 30s and even now in my early 40s that I feel more sexy then I ever did in my 20s. I'm much more willing to try new things to feel sexy. I know my body now better then I did a decade ago.
You should talk to her though. If you've been married that long and don't have good communication skills, then I'd be worried that she will turn to someone who she can talk to.
And panties.. Wow, I'm a panty freak. I buy panties all the time, so if that's a sign of cheating, someone forgot to give me that rule book.

 

[ashesatwork]

Being a women in my mid to late 40's I can say with certainty the trips straight to the bathroom and the extra panty liners are age and hormone related, especially if she is on hormone replacement therapy. I know where every bathroom is in every store I frequent. It's just a stage of life.

New panties? Doesn't everyone need new panties from time to time?

As for the shaving, she probably was experimenting with something that is now "all the rage" in vaginal upkeep. It's not easy to get older and not feel sexy, so we ladies try new things to turn our men on. If you didn't comment on it to her, she probably felt silly for trying it in the first place. She wanted you to notice and tell her she was sexy, and you didn't.

Before you go snooping around, talk to her. Tell her the changes you've noticed and have an open discussion. Life is fluid, not static, changes occur and it doesn't always mean an affair is happening.

Exactly.

 

[Anomaly1964]

Many great replies...keep them coming

 

[shannysugar]

It could just be an issue of her having a hysterectomy and hitting her 40s at the same time. Hysterectomies can cause a lot of issues for women like insecurity, lack of confidence, dealing with getting older, will my SO still find me attractive, etc.

When I hit my 40s all I had to do was think about a hot guy and I was dripping. Literally. I don't usually talk like this on the boards, but that's what was going on.

Damn I had the exact opposite experience, before 40 - crazy sex drive, kept up easily with my sex addicted nympho husband, after forty BAM! No sex drive, no interest, dry as bone when I do want to have sex, hormones totally gone haywire... I am now on the testosterone pellets every other month, and some progesterone cream, and all my doctors just basically just say "deal with it", tried vitamins, supplements, yoga, exercises, everything I could find and the improvement has been better, but still nothing like what is was 15 minutes before my 40th birthday..... Of course my husband has gone from sex addict nympho and at forty instead mellowing a bit, his drive has gone off the chart, like a teenager taking care of himself 3 or more times a day in addition to what I do with him... The funny thing about it is, my doctors are saying once this settles down at 50 (I'm 45) my drive should come back and my sanity returned. I'm not counting on it!! lol... just keep swimming!

 

[shannysugar]

Based on my personal experiences I'd say that she is having an affair. I agree that you should check her cell phone but if she's smart, she'll delete texts and delete records of made and received calls. I did. She will probably use an anonymous e-mail address and if you have Microsoft Explorer, she'll use the "in private" window so that nothing appears in browsing history.

You could go as far as installing a key logger in your computer and putting a GPS tracking system in her car but what is your real aim? Do you want to simply "catch her" having an affair or get to the root of the issues if she is? Do you want to divorce her if she's seeing someone or find out why and see if you can resolve your marriage? You can confront her openly but she would most likely deny it. I did.

Seriously, good luck with this. I'd suggest really trying to get it out in the open and address it head on if you really want to resolve it like an adult. You could try to wait it out since most affairs only last about 6-9 months and then fizzle. However, once either partner successfully has an affair and finds it positive, they will continue until caught or outted or confesses or leaves. I was outted by a crazy woman who got obsessive and it forced us to confront the long term issues in our marriage that caused it. I can't say everything got 100% better, but it is better.

This is good advice, I think. Depending on what your end game is, either just forget about it all together, address it head on - you'll know by the look on her face even if she denies it if it is true or not - or ask her if you can watch...l

 

[shannysugar]

I think it is sad that after 22 years of marriage you investigate her underwear instead of simply asking your wife what is going on.

Nail... meet hammer... hammer meet nail on the head.

 

[jet_nebula]

This is going to be a long question with a few details so please bear with me...

I have been married over 22 years, my wife, I love her but she is VERY timid sexually...

But here are some odd things that have been occurring lately...

About a year ago she came to bed on our anniversary COMPLETELY shaved, VERY out of character for her, I was TOTALLY surprised. I didn't really say anything cause I liked it but didn't want to SPOOK her but it DID make me wonder if SOMEONE else asked her too...

She also had a total hysterectomy the end of last year and wears a hormone patch now...

I work from home and she is out running the kids around a lot. I have been noticing she goes STRAIGHT to the bathroom when she gets home. This next part may be TMI but I'm just putting it out there. I started noticing pantie liners in the trash can near the toilet more than I EVER have since we have been married. I got curious and...opened one up, it was VERY wet. I cannot tell if it is just from her, maybe something else (like from a guy) or what. But they are very wet and very sticky? I have found MANY like this by now...

I read something that the patch may be making her more wet than usual but I just don't know...

What does anyone here think?

I don't think she's cheating. You two should talk. It's important that you keep the conversation light and casual. You don't want her to feel like you're interrogating her. Tell her what you've noticed. The bald kitty, the trips to bathroom, etc. Praise her for shaving her kitty coz she did it for you. Ask her if everything is all right. That patch might be causing her trouble. Good luck.

 

[SweetSam42]

Being a women in my mid to late 40's I can say with certainty the trips straight to the bathroom and the extra panty liners are age and hormone related, especially if she is on hormone replacement therapy. I know where every bathroom is in every store I frequent. It's just a stage of life.

New panties? Doesn't everyone need new panties from time to time?

As for the shaving, she probably was experimenting with something that is now "all the rage" in vaginal upkeep. It's not easy to get older and not feel sexy, so we ladies try new things to turn our men on. If you didn't comment on it to her, she probably felt silly for trying it in the first place. She wanted you to notice and tell her she was sexy, and you didn't.

Before you go snooping around, talk to her. Tell her the changes you've noticed and have an open discussion. Life is fluid, not static, changes occur and it doesn't always mean an affair is happening.

Another vote for Tea for Me's post. Hormone replacement therapy can do some strange things to a woman's body.

I also vote for some open dialogue. I know that after so many years, if sex wasn't a frequent topic of conversation, and she was timid about it you say, it can be hard to bring up. But I really do think it's a good idea to just open up about all this. Don't accuse her of having an affair, but start a conversation that you've noticed her being more open to some things like new panties and shaving.

And for god's sake, tell her she's sexy as often as you can. You'd be surprised at how far that goes.

Marriage can be tough. It takes work or it can fall apart. I wish you all the best with everything!

 

[pfflyerhot]

Don't fucking assume shit!

You know. Uh... she's got a hormone patch you say? She told you about it, right? Damn, I guess she's gotta spell it out completely. Make a move, buddy. Come on to her. She's got a new found sexuality and I think she's trying to share it with you. Shaving her pussy could mean anything... speaking as a single (for fucking ever) women... whose libido is often thru ceiling, but sexless for almost four years... What can I say? I took the razor to my private lips the other day, and ... well, I certainly ain't having an affair. That's all.
I say go for it, unless you don't want her, anymore.

 

[LadyVer]

Well, I think when pff is this blunt, someone might want to listen.

 

[HayleyLuvsSex]

Maybe. You should be straight up with her.