Is she a sub? Am I a dom? 100% noob here..

[lm2000]

.....

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

First of all, let me ease your worries. A little light bondage, which is what it sounds like she's asking for, really isn't a big deal. For some, sure, it might lead them down the road to more intense forms of sex play, but by many BDSM standards, it's very mild.

As to her wanting to play the victim, well, here's a bit of info. Rape FANTASIES, not the word fantasy, are in the top FIVE female fantasies. She doesn't want to be raped, what she wants is the pleasure a loss of control being bound and taken, by YOU, would give her. This is TOTALLY within the realm of 'normal'.

Try taking it one step at a time. If she wants to be tied up, and you're okay with it, tie her up. Try it out. See if you like it as much as she does. Then go from there.

Slow and steady, steady and slow is the best way to get anywhere.

 

[John Doe]

First of all, let me ease your worries. A little light bondage, which is what it sounds like she's asking for, really isn't a big deal. For some, sure, it might lead them down the road to more intense forms of sex play, but by many BDSM standards, it's very mild.

As to her wanting to play the victim, well, here's a bit of info. Rape FANTASIES, not the word fantasy, are in the top FIVE female fantasies. She doesn't want to be raped, what she wants is the pleasure a loss of control being bound and taken, by YOU, would give her. This is TOTALLY within the realm of 'normal'.

Try taking it one step at a time. If she wants to be tied up, and you're okay with it, tie her up. Try it out. See if you like it as much as she does. Then go from there.

Slow and steady, steady and slow is the best way to get anywhere.

Although there is a certain logic to your logic, I disagree.

I say fuck her in the ass hard and fast.

But yeah, she isn't any freakier than the average woman. Most of them like to play the victim. The only difference is, they're just not as honest about it as your bitch is.

 

[Guest]

So,

I have never considered the BDSM thing seriously until the girl who I will probably end up marrying suggested she wanted to be tied up.

At first this kind of freaked me out, im not into pain(assuming being bound is a baby step towards BDSM?), or, as far as i know, inflicting it. But I am open to new things.

She says she likes the idea of being bound because it lets the pleasure build up until you cant control it and want to jump out of your skin. She also said she likes the idea of being "the victim". That scared me a little too.

I dont know, maybe I could get into this, I certainly would try if its what she wants. Maybe i would like it? I just love to give her pleasure, giving her pain might freak me out. But i guess if it gives her pleasure? Help!

Ask me questions! Test me! Maybe i'm not a dominant kind of guy, I have no idea. Although I like doing the fucking, and dont get off much on being fucked.

P.S. I'm 23 so, have alot of learning to do in all aspects of sex still, wont deny that.

She's normal. So are you.

You should be happy that she feels comfortable enough to share her fantasies with you. Well done!

As Emma says, slow is good. Bit by bit, work your way through matters. If she will be bound (and use scarves, hmm? Cuffs hurt too much) make certain the two of you have a code word or signal she can use that tells you if things become too much.

I doubt you'll get to too much. Just follow her lead. If she's squirming, moaning and gasping, if she's wet and aroused, apparently everything is fine.

Good luck!

(Oh - ignore everything Stuponfucious says if you want to continue to have great sex with your lady.)

 

[chris9]

So,

I have never considered the BDSM thing seriously until the girl who I will probably end up marrying suggested she wanted to be tied up.

At first this kind of freaked me out, im not into pain(assuming being bound is a baby step towards BDSM?), or, as far as i know, inflicting it. But I am open to new things.

She says she likes the idea of being bound because it lets the pleasure build up until you cant control it and want to jump out of your skin. She also said she likes the idea of being "the victim". That scared me a little too.

I dont know, maybe I could get into this, I certainly would try if its what she wants. Maybe i would like it? I just love to give her pleasure, giving her pain might freak me out. But i guess if it gives her pleasure? Help!

Ask me questions! Test me! Maybe i'm not a dominant kind of guy, I have no idea. Although I like doing the fucking, and dont get off much on being fucked.

P.S. I'm 23 so, have alot of learning to do in all aspects of sex still, wont deny that.

First, let me say, welcome, Im2000.
Usually we actually get posts the other way round, mostly women coming to say they want to be tied up and stuff, but their SO isn't really into it.

It's pretty normal to be scared. And it's pretty normal to want to be tied up. It doesn't seem quite normal to be able to tell your lover what you want, so you're on the plus side.
I second Emma's advice. In regards to safewords: If she's more into it than you are, it's especially important to you. It takes away some of the responsibility, because it makes it her job to tell you when enough is enough. If you use scarves to tie her, keep emergency scissors nearby, and a torch light, just in case there's a black out, and/or you have to get her out of her binds fast. If both of you enjoy this, look at velcro binds. We have some that are very comfortable.
If you tie her up, try out thing you don't normally do. Tease her a lot, using all kinds of different things (silk scarves, feathers, your hands (hard or soft), fingernails, an ice cube, whatever). See what happens.
Afterwards, TALK! Doesn't have to be directly after, but after a day or so, ask her what she liked and why, tell her how you liked it.
Continue talking about her fantasies. Does it stop at being tied and teased? Or does she want pain? You won't know until you ask her and then try it out. My bf is probably in a very similar position to you. I like being tied. I like being hurt even better. He doesn't really likes to hurt me. But he likes how horny I get from it.
I don't know if you are a Dom. I don't know if your girl is a sub. I do know that you are both doing the right thing, telling each other what you want, researching, asking people. Just keep reading here, maybe you'll see something you like, you want to do. You might also want to read some BDSM stories, just to see how you react, what you like. Don't hesitate to ask questions.
You might want to tell her about your fantasies, too. It feels better to not only tell fantasies, but be told, too.

 

[satin_coals]

Welcome

Firstly, I'd like to say a warm welcome to you I hope this thread can answer a few of your questions ..

Light bondage is nothing to be afraid of ... and something that alot of couples get involved in. A little pain neever goes astray and you might find that you enjoy being the dominant kind of guy.

Take my partner for example. He had no experience in the whole bondage/disipline type thing, and yet now, months down the track, HE asks ME if we can go buy a paddle for him to use. So off we go to Eagle Leather (I LOVE THIS SHOP!) to sus out paddles and he ended up picking out a rather nice one that I know will inflict alot of pleasure inducing pain And then while we're there, he spots a collar he addmitted he would love to see me in.

My advice is start off slow. Get a pair of kiddie handcuffs (you know the ones .. you see them in cheap toy stores and markets all the time) and experiment! Silk scarfs are awesome to start off with too .. probably the lightest bondage you can get .. and soft and sensual. And use your hand to start off with .. a few light thwacks to the ass .. and gadge her reaction.

Remember, anything is good as long as you're both okay and comfortable with it. So sit down and discuss exactly what she wants .. both your limitations .. and then you'll both know eachothers needs, wants, and limits before you even go into the bedroom.

~~~Fallyn~~~

 

[RJMasters]

First, let me say, welcome, Im2000.
Usually we actually get posts the other way round, mostly women coming to say they want to be tied up and stuff, but their SO isn't really into it.

It's pretty normal to be scared. And it's pretty normal to want to be tied up. It doesn't seem quite normal to be able to tell your lover what you want, so you're on the plus side.
I second Emma's advice. In regards to safewords: If she's more into it than you are, it's especially important to you. It takes away some of the responsibility, because it makes it her job to tell you when enough is enough. If you use scarves to tie her, keep emergency scissors nearby, and a torch light, just in case there's a black out, and/or you have to get her out of her binds fast. If both of you enjoy this, look at velcro binds. We have some that are very comfortable.
If you tie her up, try out thing you don't normally do. Tease her a lot, using all kinds of different things (silk scarves, feathers, your hands (hard or soft), fingernails, an ice cube, whatever). See what happens.
Afterwards, TALK! Doesn't have to be directly after, but after a day or so, ask her what she liked and why, tell her how you liked it.
Continue talking about her fantasies. Does it stop at being tied and teased? Or does she want pain? You won't know until you ask her and then try it out. My bf is probably in a very similar position to you. I like being tied. I like being hurt even better. He doesn't really likes to hurt me. But he likes how horny I get from it.
I don't know if you are a Dom. I don't know if your girl is a sub. I do know that you are both doing the right thing, telling each other what you want, researching, asking people. Just keep reading here, maybe you'll see something you like, you want to do. You might also want to read some BDSM stories, just to see how you react, what you like. Don't hesitate to ask questions.
You might want to tell her about your fantasies, too. It feels better to not only tell fantasies, but be told, too.

Nice post Chris

 

[RJMasters]

So,

I have never considered the BDSM thing seriously until the girl who I will probably end up marrying suggested she wanted to be tied up.

At first this kind of freaked me out, im not into pain(assuming being bound is a baby step towards BDSM?), or, as far as i know, inflicting it. But I am open to new things.

She says she likes the idea of being bound because it lets the pleasure build up until you cant control it and want to jump out of your skin. She also said she likes the idea of being "the victim". That scared me a little too.

I dont know, maybe I could get into this, I certainly would try if its what she wants. Maybe i would like it? I just love to give her pleasure, giving her pain might freak me out. But i guess if it gives her pleasure? Help!

Ask me questions! Test me! Maybe i'm not a dominant kind of guy, I have no idea. Although I like doing the fucking, and dont get off much on being fucked.

P.S. I'm 23 so, have alot of learning to do in all aspects of sex still, wont deny that.

Im2000,

You have already recieved some good advice so I am going throw a few things out there for you to think about.

A couple of things that jumped out at me from your posts was when you said..

the girl who I will probably end up marrying suggested... ...I certainly would try if its what she wants. Maybe i would like it?

We all do things for our partners and those we love because it something they like. However, the issue at hand here is one of compatibility. And it is a very important one.

My advice would be to follow what Emma and Chris have suggested, I would only like to emphasize the importance of you being honest with yourself in how you like it or not after you try it. In this case it is better if love was not blind but had eyes wide open as to the problems you two would face years down the road should you choose to do otherwise.

If you try it and do not like it, but decide because you love her, you will pretend to like it, what will you do 5 years from now when you get tired of doing it and decide you don't want to anymore? How will you face knowing that she wants to keep doing it and is now unsatisfied sexually because you don't?

Speaking from expereince here, you owe it to both of you to be as honest as you can with yourself after you try some things. Chances are you will like somethings and not so much other things. As long as you are honest and communicate which is key.

You cannot live your life making someone else happy if you are not happy yourself. Give yourself some time to learn and expereince some things together.

I want to wish you both the best and hope you do find a level of compatability.

 

[saw_man1]

Is she a sub? Am I a dom?

In answer to your question maybe, maybe not. Right now she is just a girl that likes to be tied and helpless and you are a very thoughtful boyfriend.
So go with tying her up for a while and see where that leads.
Talk beforehand about any fears or concerns she might have and then just do it. Don’t make the mistake of over analyzing the situation; once you’ve decided to go forward do so with confidence. Or at least make it look outwardly like you are confident.
There are so many variations on this theme that you could have fun for months. You could tie her up with ropes both smooth and rough, scarves, or cuffs. You do it with the lights on and the windows open or in total darkness. You could whisper in her ear telling her all of the naughty things you are going to do to her emphasizing the fact that she is now helpless to resist or you could do it in total silence.

Good luck and congratulations. You two are off to a good start.

 

[lm2000]

.....

 

[John Doe]

Woah!

To be honest I havent become acustomed to such warm and helpful responses on lit.

Thankyou all so much!!!!

Yes, we already have an awesome line of communication with regards to sex. And everything else too. It's really crazy to be honest, she is my dream woman and i am her dream man. We both feel equally obsessed with each other.

She has already said this is a very personal and big thing for her. It is a huge trust thing. I take that as a compliment. I also appreciate the comment stating that most girls want this but dont feel comfortable to tell their men. This helps because this is my first partner who has requested this, and also the girl ive loved the most.

So I will start out slow. I think I remember she said she wants to start out slow, and she mentioned a few times that this is a trust thing and that she knows I wouldnt do anything to her she wouldnt want me to do. So I will start out slow, we will talk about it before hand, get a safety word. I liked some of the advice given...

Give her a some slaps on the ass. I planned on doing this anyways. But using hands to stroke her, and maby smack her gently on the ass and pussy. See what her reaction is. Pull her hair a little bit, she already likes that. Lights off. Great idea, i wouldnt have thought of that, at least not right away. Thats something we can try after a few times if she's comfortable with it.

What are some other good things to try regarding bound sex and very very light bdsm?
How can i make her feel very slightly more victimized, if this is what she likes?
What are some good things to whisper in her ear? "your mine now, and I can do what I want with you." or "you are helpless now and in my control" Lets hear some good ones? heheh. Might make sense to start a seperate thread for that, we'll see.

Yeah, those are good if you like opera and Armani suits and painting with water colors, but I recommend something more along the lines of "suck my cock, BITCH!" or "yeah baby, take it up your tight ass you cumsucking painslut" or "you wanna be fucked? Beg for it" or my personal favorite "mmm, I love it when they scream..."

 

[lm2000]

.....

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

Yeah, those are good if you like opera and Armani suits and painting with water colors, but I recommend something more along the lines of "suck my cock, BITCH!" or "yeah baby, take it up your tight ass you cumsucking painslut" or "you wanna be fucked? Beg for it" or my personal favorite "mmm, I love it when they scream..."

...not really helpful to the topic, but are you trying to turn me on Stuponfucious? Because its working. *sigh* not really, but it would were it coming from the right person. Take care.

and yeah Im2000, there has been some good advice given in this thread. I cannot elaborate on it, but glad that everyone was so forthcoming with help.

 

[RJMasters]

Woah!

How can i make her feel very slightly more victimized, if this is what she likes?
What are some good things to whisper in her ear? "your mine now, and I can do what I want with you." or "you are helpless now and in my control" Lets hear some good ones? heheh. Might make sense to start a seperate thread for that, we'll see.

Water gun with ice water in it.....
Wax play can be good, just read up on it first and learn what kind of wax to use.
clothes pins

Knife in hand after she is bound...making sure she sees it. This will make her heart race like crazy. Put blind fold on...this wil make her start sqirming....grab a ruler with a dull metal edge instead of the knife and drag it across her skin or put it to her throat. Then pretend she has been a cock tease and now your gonna teach her lesson.

Never underestimate a good ole fashioned bare handed spanking.

and bite....perferable sensitive areas that offer a good piece of flesh to sink your teeth into.

Hicky patterns can be fun.

Forced masturbation of herself in front of you...think director of a porn movie making her do an audition for a part. Wait till she is close then stop her and tell her she is doing it all wrong...squirt her with the ice water from the pistol and make her start over...this time with more emotion...rev her up

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

Water gun with ice water in it.....
Wax play can be good, just read up on it first and learn what kind of wax to use.
clothes pins

Never underestimate a good ole fashioned bare handed spanking.

and bite....perferable sensitive areas that offer a good piece of flesh to sink your teeth into.

Forced masturbation of herself in front of you...think director of a porn movie making her do an audition for a part. Wait till she is close then stop her and tell her she is doing it all wrong...squirt her with the ice water from the pistol and make her start over...this time with more emotion...rev her up

RJMasters, are you peeping on me? ROFL, the last one is a favorite of mine. Not necessarily that scene, porn director I mean, but DAMN! And here I thought I was a genius thinking of the ice water in the water pistol.

Okay, so I use a small super soaker, better distance, but still!

 

[lm2000]

.....

 

[USLS1]

Lol not bad, i could see saying those things eventually. But thats a ways off, as I dont think she nor I would be ready for that yet.

It would take me awhile to get past the fact that she is the woman i love and not just some fucktoy. If it were some girl i didnt care much about but was just having sex with, saying those things would be easy. But with her, I dont think those words would be able to make it passed my lips. Not yet anyways.

Things to say to a tied up women:
I would begin by telling what I wanted to do to her. Focusing on her helplessness / victim status. Because I love my wife in her undies she always gets tied up in them. Then I start telling her that I will be touching her bra and/or panties. I explain what I am going to do next, like slip my finger under her bra strap and pull it down. I go slow as I expose her and touch her more intimently telling her what I am going to do and what I am doing. She really gets turned on by me asking her if I should stop and if she feels dirty by "letting" me do this to her. Best thing is go slow and observe her reactions and you will find what trips her trigger.

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

Hmmm wow cool. Some interesting "more mellow" ideas here. Definately stuff I might try eventually depending on how this tying up thing goes. Also she likes it when I nibble her nipples, but then who doesnt right? However I kind of like it when she bites mine, then I tell her ouch, and she keeps biting them just as hard. Mmmhh. Feels good while she strokes my cock. But I can only take so much on that front before they start to get sore and the pain and pleasure goes to mostly just pain and discomfort.

Not sure if she would like the porn director one, at least not until we started getting into this stuff. I already fucked up with her awhile ago because I was telling her how she could make a video for me with her webcam. She wasnt sure how it would work, so I told her how i envisioned it working, which included using a lamp for lighting. She said it made her feel like i was directing a porn and she was my doll. I was hurt pretty bad by this and so was she. Anyways, she might be down for the icewater thing though, who knows.

Emma how do you roleplay the icewater squirtgun?

Have you ever known a cat owner? I don't really roleplay it, I more use it as discipline. He is supposed to do x, he doesn't follow my exact instructions, so I shoot him with the squirt gun. I've also mixed up its usage with a warming cream, so his flesh feels so hot, and then gets hit with ice cold water, and its a shock. He jumps, gasps, etc.

I also enjoy 'icing' his cock. I put ice packs over his cock for a few minutes, not long enough to do any damage but long enough for him to just start to get comfortable with it. Then I take it off and begin to give fellatio. I do this over and over again, with lovely results.

 

[chris9]

Im2000,
We all do things for our partners and those we love because it something they like. However, the issue at hand here is one of compatibility. And it is a very important one.

My advice would be to follow what Emma and Chris have suggested, I would only like to emphasize the importance of you being honest with yourself in how you like it or not after you try it. In this case it is better if love was not blind but had eyes wide open as to the problems you two would face years down the road should you choose to do otherwise.

If you try it and do not like it, but decide because you love her, you will pretend to like it, what will you do 5 years from now when you get tired of doing it and decide you don't want to anymore? How will you face knowing that she wants to keep doing it and is now unsatisfied sexually because you don't?

Speaking from expereince here, you owe it to both of you to be as honest as you can with yourself after you try some things. Chances are you will like somethings and not so much other things. As long as you are honest and communicate which is key.

You cannot live your life making someone else happy if you are not happy yourself. Give yourself some time to learn and expereince some things together.

I want to wish you both the best and hope you do find a level of compatability.

Yes, we already have an awesome line of communication with regards to sex. And everything else too. It's really crazy to be honest, she is my dream woman and i am her dream man. We both feel equally obsessed with each other.

She has already said this is a very personal and big thing for her. It is a huge trust thing. I take that as a compliment. I also appreciate the comment stating that most girls want this but dont feel comfortable to tell their men. This helps because this is my first partner who has requested this, and also the girl ive loved the most.

I believe that's what RJ was trying to say. Blind love. It's hard. It's very hard. Besides giving you stuff to try out, I want to focus again on the less pleasant things. Both of you need to find out what you want and need. If she needs some occasional tying up, maybe a little pain play, you will be able to provide it, even if it's not what really floats your boat. If she needs a Dom/sub relationship, and you don't, I don't think it's doable.
I'm basically on the other side of RJ's experience, and a few years earlier I believe. It's tough to be in love, but not compatible sexually. So you owe it to yourselves to find out exactly what each of you wants, feels, needs.

 

[Temptress_lee]

Yeah, those are good if you like opera and Armani suits and painting with water colors, but I recommend something more along the lines of "suck my cock, BITCH!" or "yeah baby, take it up your tight ass you cumsucking painslut" or "you wanna be fucked? Beg for it" or my personal favorite "mmm, I love it when they scream..."

Haha unless a girl is into rough talk I think that would be considered offensive to most women. Whispering sexy things in a girls ear is one thing. But I personally don't find that a turn on at all. A guy who says things like that is usually on an ego power trip. He wouldn't have a clue as how to turn a woman on if it bit him in the ass.

 

[John Doe]

...not really helpful to the topic, but are you trying to turn me on Stuponfucious? Because its working. *sigh* not really, but it would were it coming from the right person. Take care.

and yeah Im2000, there has been some good advice given in this thread. I cannot elaborate on it, but glad that everyone was so forthcoming with help.

Sorry, for a minute I forgot what board I was on.

 

[lm2000]

......

 

[Guest]

I would agree that sexual compatibility is huge. But we both already realize that where we are at now, we are definately compatible.

I have explored this a little further with her, just over the phone, and from what I can tell already, I dont think she's a pain lover. I told her i wanted to spank her ass until it was pink and she said "but you have to be gentle, my ass is sensative!"

I think if she was into pain she would have said, mmmmmhh, sounds delicious, or something.

Anyways, i know this is only one very minor example. But I'm not worried AT ALL. Blind love, yes. But we are already very very honest with each other about sex. The only problems we may have, is i have slight bi tendancies, and she doesnt. :-o

But mine are not overwhelming or very strong, so I wont have a problem not experimenting with men ever again if thats the case.

You can't do it over the phone, sweetie.

You need to see her expression, her body language, see what she is really telling you, not just relying on her words (she may be saying what she thinks you want to hear.)

It's just like any new sexual technique. Try some of it. You'll either like it or you won't.

If neither of you enjoys it, forget it. If one of you does, perhaps the other will indulge from time to time. If that's too much to ask then you may have difficulties in your sexual relationship.