Is respect a right or a privilege?

[Iris]

One of my friends and I got into a debate about this yesterday. We're in the same class, and the professor is a total ass. He's intimidating and unmotivated, and probably should have retired long ago.

She said that he is entitled a certain amount of respect because of how he's earned his position. I said he deserves nothing more than to be treated civilly because he hasn't done anything to earn the respect of his students.

Since I'm a grad student at the same school I got my Bachellor's from, I've known some of the faculty next to forever and have become friends with a few outside of the classroom.

There is one professor who will do next to anything to help a student who's really trying. He has a boy in his class this semester who has a learning disablilty. He stayed until 3 am one night to give this student his test. It took him 6 hours to finish. He's pulled several all nighters preparing for a workshop which he instituted. All that aside, he's got a heart of gold. He loves anyone who puts forth an effort to be decent person and give their best in anything they do, and loathes anyone who lies, cheats, or backstabs.

In my opinion, the person I just mentioned is deserving of respect because he shows respect to others. The professor I have now is not. I think respected is earned, not given. You?

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Respect

Given, not taken.

Whatever motivates the giver is sufficient. If you want a persons respect, you have to become worthy in thier eyes. The guy in question isn't worthy in your eyes, but is in your freinds.

 

[LordMagicMan]

Well I believe you should respect a person, just as a standard means to get to know someone. If it comes out that the person is actually an ass and deserves no respect, then why should respect be given? Basically I'm one of those that believe in give what you get.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Neither. Respect is really nothing more......

than mutually defined common courtesy.

The key word there is mutual. The "perception of respect" and what causes it - or does not cause it - must be mutually understood by the parties partaking it.

If it is not mutually understood than the perception will not exist in those not understanding of it. Conversely, respect will only be perceived (or not) by those who understand the mutual nature of it.

And this mutuality of "understanding respect" only can happen via those who are taught it.

That's why there is so much problem in communication with, well let's say those in the Middle East right now - a whole different perception of respect and how they were taught it.

A very tough thing to establish between parties who had different teachings - as we can see.

But by now means is respect a right or a privilege - unless the parties concerned decide it so and define it themselves.

 

[ericred50]

Respect has to be earned.

 

[Blackbich]

I think there's respect then there's RESPECT.

Yes, the first guy you mentioned deserves respect - he has worked hard to get where he is and is your professor. Until he does something to discredit himself, this is the case. Because of the attitude I sense he has due to your post, on a scale of 0 - 5, this guys gets a 2.

The second guy you mentioned, however, deserves RESPECT. He also worked hard to get where he is, he's a professor but has proven time and time again that he's an outstanding human being who goes out of his way to treat people like they are special. On a scale of 0 - 5, this guy gets a 7 at least.

Hope this helps you out some.

 

[Madame Pandora]

Respect

Respect, like truth, is, IMHO, an illusion.

There are a hundred different takes on any given story and a hundred different intricacies for every human interaction.

I am often brash and haughty. I don't begin the day thinking "Today I will piss some people off and talk down to the others." This is just sometimes my manner. I do not usually alter to accommodate the world and some would find this arrogant and unreasonable.

Much as it shocks me, people often express respect for me. Some do so despite my manner, others because of it. If respect were a fixed thing, this would be impossible.

The best I can figure, the idea of respect is defined differently for everyone. Some people think holding your tongue when you would speak is respect. Some people think speaking the "truth" despite the discomfort it brings is respect.

In the end, the only person you can be really truthful to and show respect for is yourself.

In my mind, as I define respect, it is not given freely. My respect is not worth anything on the open market, but it's mine to bestow or deny, and there are many levels of my respect. My general respect is not given to only other people, but to animals, the environment, etc. My intellectual respect is given to those people or ideas which stimulate my mind. My emotional respect is given to still others.

I think if anyone has to ask for, demand, or "fall back on" respect they can never have it.

I also think many people confuse approval with respect. And I think they look for both far too much from others instead of finding it within themselves.

Just MHO

MP

 

[Whispersecret]

Yep. I'm sort of old school, and I agree completely with Black's viewpoint.

Respect is an issue that has many shades of gray. I believe everyone deserves a certain level of respect, if only because it's polite. I also believe people can act in ways that cause me to lose respect for them.

Some people HAVE earned greater respect because of what they have accomplished, like the professor. While I may disagree with some of the things President Clinton has done (I know, controversial example for many people) I would still, upon meeting the man, treat him with respect. His office demands that. I know some would not agree.

Treating people with respect is one of the cornerstones of society. If we start automatically demanding that everyone we meet EARN the respect before we give it, we will fall further down the slope of callous disregard for other human beings. It's one more step towards a world where we think only about ourselves, what others can do/should do for us, and what we can receive, rather than the opposite.

 

[SpectreT]

Privilege

Respect is a Privilege (the roots of that word are in Latin, and it means "Private Law", near enough). Each INDIVIDUAL >earns< respect from EACH OTHER INDIVIDUAL. No one "deserves" respect from everyone simply beacuse of an achievement or honor they've obtained.

That said, politeness is something that should be accorded to each and every person until they are impolite. People who >demand< respect as a matter of course are akin to those who fart in church; everyone with a little sense of public decorum is horrified, but unlikely to say something directly to the transgressor. Basically, you can give respect, but not demand it.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

A Professor deserves respect on day one, whether he's earned it from his new students yet or not. It doesn't matter if he's a total asshole, you respect the position, if not the man.

Not that this is the case here, but I've grown weary of teens and college kids demanding respect for themselves before they've done Jack in the world, and at the same time treating every encounter in life like a stand-up speaking to a heckler. (Damn kids! Keep off the grass!)

On a side not, I'm a firm believer that bad teachers don't neccessarily translate into bad classes. I've had plenty of bad teachers, and I never let them get in my way of learning. Just give me the textbook, tell me what day the test is, and don't worry about the rest...

 

[indyweasel]

Re: Respect

The best I can figure, the idea of respect is defined differently for everyone. Some people think holding your tongue when you would speak is respect. Some people think speaking the "truth" despite the discomfort it brings is respect.

Here once again MP has gotten to the core of the argument. I happen to respect MP for knowing that when she posts she is giving myself or anyone else her opinion on whatever the subject is. She is being respectful to that person becuase she is being honest, and that person knows she is not being mean, hateful or anything else.

To some people 'hurting' someone by being honest is not being respectful of the person asking the question. Well guess what, if you do not want to know the answer, DO NOT ask the question!

Respect is given until proven that you are unworthy.


*gets down from the soapbox*

Sorry, I just got into a huge disagreement with a friend over this yesterday and the nerves are still raw.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

"With all do respect - sir......

your order fucking sucks!"

That's what I said to the Duty Wardon while serving 6 months in the Quantico Brig - 1974 Christmas day - in the galley about to be seated for our big Christmas-day lunch. I had saved a seat for a guy from Point Pleasant NJ, can't even remember his name - the Wardon (a fucking Squid) - ordered me to, "not save the seat" - ah it just came to me, "Bryce" was his name - I stated the above and loud too, in front of everybody - I had no respect for this man at all - that's when two huge Marine guards picked me up by my armpits and hauled my ass away. I spent the next 5 days in solitary confinement, Duece Block - and they eventually Court Martialed me for my 3rd time - inciting a riot.

Oh well. Respect is who you choose to give it to - or who may force it down your throat.

 

[Madame Pandora]

Not that this is the case here, but I've grown weary of teens and college kids demanding respect for themselves before they've done Jack in the world, and at the same time treating every encounter in life like a stand-up speaking to a heckler.

Damn...these kids today, with their hair and their music!
Why back in the 60s we knew how to show RESPECT for authority...

MP

 

[indyweasel]

MP -

Was that before or after you burned you bra's?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

"Sorry we hurt your field Mister."
John Lennon
A Hard Day's Night

 

[Madame Pandora]

Indy - Never burned a bra, I'm a child of the 80s.

Dix - Good sport Now I ASK YOU...could YOU have walked away from that set up?

MP

 

[Xander]

Respect

No matter what, has to be earned.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

MP - I had already made an ironic "damn kids" reference in my first post. Yours was superfluous.

 

[Madame Pandora]

Re: Re: Respect

I happen to respect MP for knowing that when she posts she is giving myself or anyone else her opinion on whatever the subject is. She is being respectful to that person becuase she is being honest, and that person knows she is not being mean, hateful or anything else.

My motives are not always so noble, but I thank you for the kind impression. I rarely endeavor to do harm, but I can be as snide and spiteful as the next person. And often, my words have less to do with truth and more to do with the discussion at hand. Truth, like respect, is also a matter of personal definition IMHO. I don't defend my manner or my intentions to anyone, but I will say that they are usually backed with earnest thoughts. As ever, I am grateful for those who offer people like myself the benefit of the doubt.

MP

 

[Madame Pandora]

Oh, Dix. Don’t be so supercilious.

;-P

MP

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

It's an Insult! It's Contempt! It's, it's...Supercilious!

I could go on, but I have too much respect for the fact that you spelled "supercilious" correctly, so I'll stop now.

Just one more thing: You're on notice!

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Comshaw]

From Madame Pandora:
There are a hundred different takes on any given story and a hundred different intricacy's for every human interaction.

MP hit the nail on the head with this one. Each and every one of us define "respect" in a different and totally personal way. Some hold it close like so much gold, parceling it out in minute quantities to those they think deserving. Others give it away like water; allowing all to drink of it. Where do I fit in?

From indyweasel:

Respect is given until proven that you are unworthy.

Right here, smack in the middle of indy's quote. I believe in giving respect freely and profusely; to everyone at all times. That is until the time arrives that I feel it isn't being given to one who deserves it. Respect cannot be earned, it can only be destroyed by someone proving they are unworthy of it. In My candy colored view of the world, each and every person starts out with all the respect they will ever have from me. It can never be added to, only subtracted from, and that not very easily.
But back to the question that started all of this; Is it a right or privilege?
Because of what "respect" means to each of us, it's which ever YOU wish it to be. For me it's as much a right as breathing.

Dixon Carter Lee

A Professor deserves respect on day one, whether he's earned it from his new students yet or not. It doesn't matter if he's a total asshole, you respect the position, if not the man.

Disagreeing with someone isn't disrespect, unless it's done in a vengeful, totally unacceptable manner. Having said that, I have to adamantly disagree with you Dixon. As far as I'm concerned, a position means jack shit. It's the person in that position that makes it what it is, not the other way around. I should respect a bad cop because he's a cop? I should respect my father, even though I have a half dozen scars across my back from his drunken tantrums, because he is my father? I think not. That just ain't the way I'm made and it's definitely not how I see the world.

Comshaw

 

[KillerMuffin]

There are two kinds of respect, earned respect and positional respect.

A person acheives a certain rank or position within an organization, such as the military, academia, or corporately, their position is entitled to a certain amount of respect. If your supervisor tells you to do something, you generally respect his order and do it, not because you respect the gal/guy but because s/he is your supervisor and told you to do something. This is positional respect, or positional authority, and this authority is something that commands a certain amount of respect.

Personal respect is what you earn and that's the only way you get it. You earn respect in a variety of ways, by going out of your way to help others, by having integrity, responsibility, personal accountability, and by exuding at least a modicum of competence. You also earn respect by treating others with respect. Just because someone is in a position in the company/academia/military/family that is lower in the hierarchy than yours does not mean they aren't entitled to some respect.

Respect is when a person's existence and value is consciously acknowledged and accounted for in dealings. By respecting someone, you are indicating to them that you believe they have value as a human/student/coworker. When you disrespect someone, you negate their value and you generally find their very existence to be highly irritating.

 

[Weird Harold]

Dixon Carter Lee

A Professor deserves respect on day one, whether he's earned it from his new students yet or not. It doesn't matter if he's a total asshole, you respect the position, if not the man.

As far as I'm concerned, a position means jack shit. It's the person in that position that makes it what it is, not the other way around. I should respect a bad cop because he's a cop? I should respect my father, even though I have a half dozen scars across my back from his drunken tantrums, because he is my father? I think not. That just ain't the way I'm made and it's definitely not how I see the world.

When you meet a cop for the first time, how do you know he's a bad cop?

No you should NOT respect your father if he is/was abusive because he has proven he is not worthy of respect.

In the case of other people who you have never met before, their position and accomplishments warrant your respect until they prove unworthy of respect.

As KM mentioned, there are times and situations where respect is due the rank/position of people who are not personally worthy of respect because that rank/position means they must be obeyed regardless of personal feelings on your part.

It is possible to respect a position of authority without respecting the person who holds it.

Just as our legal system requires an assumption of innocence for the accused, any pesron must be accorded respect based on common courtesy and due their rank/position until they abrogate the right to that respect by their words or actions.