"Is my mother a good fuck?"

[doncarlos]

I am an unmarried gentleman in my sixties in very good condition, but I will never remarry. My girlfriend(s) have been and are wonderful women often in their fourties and with grown children. Everybody involved are well-educated and in excellent financial shape.

My girlfriend is understandably very eager for me to get along with her 'kids' and so am I, but that is not the problem. Without pretending to be a successor to Sigmund Freud it seems to me that sons often have significant psychological problems with my role in their lives. It normally simmers under the surface but in case of some upsetting event, or if alcohol is involved, the bubble may burst and it all comes out.

I dont know how to handle questions like the title of this thread. Until now I have simply somewhat bombastically said that I did not want to answer such questions, or that I considered the question inappropriate. I have considered refusing to interact with the 'kids' but that will make their mother very unhappy.

The answer is not 'communicate, communicate, communicate', because that is the last thing the 'kids' want to do with me on the subject. They may mumble an apology later most likely because their mother asked them to.

And it is not really an option to give any kind of answer to the question. Just imagine if I answered 'yes' what the follow up question would be!

 

[mrtnmoon]

this isn't the kind of answer you want, probably, but I'd say, "she sure is! and she gives the best head I've ever had!" they'll never ask again.

 

[Weird Harold]

I dont know how to handle questions like the title of this thread. Until now I have simply somewhat bombastically said that I did not want to answer such questions, or that I considered the question inappropriate. I have considered refusing to interact with the 'kids' but that will make their mother very unhappy.

The answer is not 'communicate, communicate, communicate', because that is the last thing the 'kids' want to do with me on the subject. They may mumble an apology later most likely because their mother asked them to.

My standard answer to questions of that ilk -- and other rude and nosy questions from adults or children -- is "NUNYA." As in "NUNYA DAMN BUSINESS!"

It doesn't take long for kids to get the hint; Adults tend to argue about it a bit longer.

 

[wicked woman]

Standard answer for such inappropriate questions is 'And just why do you want to know?' with a look clearly telling them the question is inappropriate and you don't plan on answering it.

 

[Lynxie]

Standard answer for such inappropriate questions is 'And just why do you want to know?' with a look clearly telling them the question is inappropriate and you don't plan on answering it.

I totally agree with WH and WW. It's not their business, and why the hell would they want to know anyway?

Nice that kids (young or grown) would disrespect their own mother that way.

 

[Bobmi357]

Just answer with "A true gentleman never discloses private information about a lady he's dating."

 

[londonaberdeen]

I'd go with the "I don't kiss and tell" approach. Keep it simple, dismissive yet not offensive either. They may be disrespectful of their own mother but no need for you to disrespect them back. Be polite, civil but clear that they're never going to find out.

 

[doncarlos]

Just answer with "A true gentleman never discloses private information about a lady he's dating."

Now, there is a useful suggestion, thank you.

 

[smoothdevil]

I am an unmarried gentleman in my sixties in very good condition, but I will never remarry. My girlfriend(s) have been and are wonderful women often in their fourties and with grown children. Everybody involved are well-educated and in excellent financial shape.

My girlfriend is understandably very eager for me to get along with her 'kids' and so am I, but that is not the problem. Without pretending to be a successor to Sigmund Freud it seems to me that sons often have significant psychological problems with my role in their lives. It normally simmers under the surface but in case of some upsetting event, or if alcohol is involved, the bubble may burst and it all comes out.

I dont know how to handle questions like the title of this thread. Until now I have simply somewhat bombastically said that I did not want to answer such questions, or that I considered the question inappropriate. I have considered refusing to interact with the 'kids' but that will make their mother very unhappy.

The answer is not 'communicate, communicate, communicate', because that is the last thing the 'kids' want to do with me on the subject. They may mumble an apology later most likely because their mother asked them to.

And it is not really an option to give any kind of answer to the question. Just imagine if I answered 'yes' what the follow up question would be!

I'm in my late 50's and have a few lady friends in the 40 to 55 age range. When ever I have been confronted by such a rude request, I just reply ... your mom is a wonderful person and that is the reason I see her .... and add nothing further ... well maybe just a Cheshire smile ....

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Taking into consideration that until you enter the picture, the eldest son is the man of the house, and his biological father's son, and therefore very few males want to see the mother that they love getting the affections of a man from someone other than "Dad."

The comment about "A true gentleman..." is probably the right way to go, but at the same time, if you're going to get involved with an insta-family, which is rarely a wise thing to do, then you need to set the pecking order, quickly. In the wild the wolves do it by fighting until one submits and cowers, but in our world, setting guidelines about your relationship with the woman of the house can help dramatically in winning over the support, or at least the respect, of the previously "eldest man of the house."

Now every once in a while you'll just have to face the fact that you're not going to get that approval, respect or support from the boy(s). That's just the way it is. In their eyes you're an intruder into their lives and against their mother. Sometimes that's just the way it'll be and it will stay that way.

 

[doncarlos]

Taking into consideration that until you enter the picture, the eldest son is the man of the house, and his biological father's son, and therefore very few males want to see the mother that they love getting the affections of a man from someone other than "Dad."

The comment about "A true gentleman..." is probably the right way to go, but at the same time, if you're going to get involved with an insta-family, which is rarely a wise thing to do, then you need to set the pecking order, quickly. In the wild the wolves do it by fighting until one submits and cowers, but in our world, setting guidelines about your relationship with the woman of the house can help dramatically in winning over the support, or at least the respect, of the previously "eldest man of the house."

Now every once in a while you'll just have to face the fact that you're not going to get that approval, respect or support from the boy(s). That's just the way it is. In their eyes you're an intruder into their lives and against their mother. Sometimes that's just the way it'll be and it will stay that way.

Thoughtful remarks, that are appreciated. Thanks.

 

[krazeekat]

Just answer with "A true gentleman never discloses private information about a lady he's dating."

This is good.

It's really none of their business. Hell, I wouldn't even want to know if my folks are still getting it on.

 

[sweatinganal]

Did the kid(s) actually ask a question with those EXACT words? Somehow I don't believe it, that you're just exaggerating a teeeeennnyyy, weeennyyy bit in order to draw the masses. After reading your opening post, I'm not so sure that you're not a guy that is difficult to get along with. If you're telling us that you're never going to remarry, then don't you think you're giving bad vibes to the kids about all of this? If they know that you're not willing to commit your life to their mother, then WHY SHOULD they treat you with the kind of respect you're wanting? You don't even respect their mother.

 

[doncarlos]

Did the kid(s) actually ask a question with those EXACT words? Somehow I don't believe it, that you're just exaggerating a teeeeennnyyy, weeennyyy bit in order to draw the masses. After reading your opening post, I'm not so sure that you're not a guy that is difficult to get along with. If you're telling us that you're never going to remarry, then don't you think you're giving bad vibes to the kids about all of this? If they know that you're not willing to commit your life to their mother, then WHY SHOULD they treat you with the kind of respect you're wanting? You don't even respect their mother.

Your underlying assumption seems to be that the holy grail for everybody is to get married, which is not accurate. If not wanting to get married is a lack of respect, then 'their mother' does not respect me either, because like me she does not want to get married. It is not an issue.

No, I am not exaggerating. The interesting part is exactly the virulent in-your-face nature of the remark. Not sure what you mean by 'draw the masses'; who are 'the masses'?

 

[Eilan]

The interesting part is exactly the virulent in-your-face nature of the remark. Not sure what you mean by 'draw the masses'; who are 'the masses'?

I think that what is meant by the phrase "draw the masses" is that you were trying to draw attention to yourself by creating this thread. I, however, don't agree with this. If that were indeed the case, anyone who starts a thread, myself included, is guilty of seeking attention. While there ARE some attention whores on Lit, I didn't see you (nor do I see most thread starters) as one of them. You asked an honest question; you got some honest (and very helpful) answers.

 

[miss_kate]

What horrible kids! If i ever spoke to one of my parents friends like that i would have got a huge telling off!

It must be such a hard position to be in, and i think that the best way is too ensure that you try and relate to the kids as much as possible, without appearing like you are trying to grease them up. If possible, spend time with them without your girlfriend and try and build an independant relationship.

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

What horrible kids! If i ever spoke to one of my parents friends like that i would have got a huge telling off!

It must be such a hard position to be in, and i think that the best way is too ensure that you try and relate to the kids as much as possible, without appearing like you are trying to grease them up. If possible, spend time with them without your girlfriend and try and build an independant relationship.

nah sorry, i have to disagree.....

i am the oldest of three boys. i think that if my mum ever shacked up with another man besides my dad, i would wanna punch him in the nose. boys are very protective of thiers mums... its a special bond.

i think the question of subject may be a sign for a much much more deep rooted problem the boy may have. he doesnt really want to know the answer, he wants to see you retaliation to the question as a means to "suss" out fi your any good for his mum. prehaps being offended and refusing to answer is the best thing you can do!

i dont think you should strive to build a relationship with the children, especially if they are grown. they arent stupid and they know your not there for them your there for thier mother.

i think the best thing you could do is make thier mum happy, so they can see you are good for her.... there fore... no punching of lights out!!
just my opinion
good luck

 

[lisasmurf]

Just answer with "A true gentleman never discloses private information about a lady he's dating."

I just wish that was true!

 

[lisasmurf]

nah sorry, i have to disagree.....

i am the oldest of three boys. i think that if my mum ever shacked up with another man besides my dad, i would wanna punch him in the nose. boys are very protective of thiers mums... its a special bond.

i think the question of subject may be a sign for a much much more deep rooted problem the boy may have. he doesnt really want to know the answer, he wants to see you retaliation to the question as a means to "suss" out fi your any good for his mum. prehaps being offended and refusing to answer is the best thing you can do!

i dont think you should strive to build a relationship with the children, especially if they are grown. they arent stupid and they know your not there for them your there for thier mother.

i think the best thing you could do is make thier mum happy, so they can see you are good for her.... there fore... no punching of lights out!!
just my opinion
good luck

you'll get more with Flowers and a box of candy!
then a punch to the nose!
Take for a trip, get her away from the kids!
Let her she you for whom you are, kids can't get in the way.
When you get back, she tell them of all the fun you two had, or she pack youe over night bag and set on the curb!

 

[silverwhisper]

don carlos:

when i was 21 and still in college, the brother of my then-girlfriend (and now wife of almost 7 years) came up to visit. he knew we were dating, and he asked, more or less out of the blue, "so, sleep with her yet?"

i was kinda taken aback by this question, so responded w/ what came to mind immediately. "you should think better of your sister than that."

i'd like to recommend this approach, combined w/ a tactful change of conversational topic. it has the merits of:

1. immediately putting the questioner on the defensive.
2. ends that aspect of the conversation.
3. maing clear that you aren't interested in providing an answer to their question.

alternative:

"does your mother know you're asking me this ridiculously loutish question?"

merits are the same as previous.

if that doesn't appeal, consider asking your girlfriend how she would prefer that you respond.

ed

 

[Eilan]

i am the oldest of three boys. i think that if my mum ever shacked up with another man besides my dad, i would wanna punch him in the nose.

I'm obviously not a son, nor do I have sons, so I obviously don't understand mother-son dynamics. But since your mom's an adult, shouldn't she be allowed to make these decisions without worrying about one of her sons punching the guy in the nose?

I guess I'm of the opinion that, if it were an issue, my mom should be able to have a relationship with whomever she wants.

Sometimes it's hard to admit that one's parents (or children, for that matter) are sexual beings.

 

[NYSubGrpplr]

"Why don't you ask her?"

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

I'm obviously not a son, nor do I have sons, so I obviously don't understand mother-son dynamics. But since your mom's an adult, shouldn't she be allowed to make these decisions without worrying about one of her sons punching the guy in the nose?

I guess I'm of the opinion that, if it were an issue, my mom should be able to have a relationship with whomever she wants.

Sometimes it's hard to admit that one's parents (or children, for that matter) are sexual beings.

oh yeah. its one of those irrational emotive things... would probably never do it in reality.. just would be the first thing that came to mind you know.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

I think if I was ever in this situation

I would say something along the lines of....." You mother would like us to get along, weather or not that happens I don't care. I would let your rudeness or ill manners to affect the realtionship I have with your mother. Know if you wish to continue to be rude to me I will treat you in kind. "

Holden