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Is money a big deal in a relationship?

WhipLuvr said:
Not really. So long as he's actually doing something with his life, I'm okay if he has only a little money to spare.
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Heh. I don't hear women say that often. Maybe it's just my location but most seem more concerned with bank accounts or high level contacts. Or porn-sized equipment.
 
Money was and will always be a huge deal to me. I refused to date someone in a lower economic bracket with no means to bring themselves, in the very least, to my level.
 
I second that one. Though I learned from experience that it was a stupid decision to date someone like that.
 
dragonrazor said:
Heh. I don't hear women say that often. Maybe it's just my location but most seem more concerned with bank accounts or high level contacts. Or porn-sized equipment.
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Well, then again, thats with the assumption he'll be doing moderatley well at some later point in his life. I dont date deadbeats.
 
WhipLuvr said:
Well, then again, thats with the assumption he'll be doing moderatley well at some later point in his life. I dont date deadbeats.
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Heh heh. *goes back to searching for a beautiful Fairlady 300ZX*
 
Theres too much emphasis on money the world over. Which is why economies have bottomed out world wide. Priorities are all fucked up. Any man that would place more value on my income than on what I personally can bring to the table, isn't good enough for me. I'm worth more than spending my life with a guy that doesn't want ''enough'', but wants ''more''. Fuck that.
Money matters so long as there's enough. It's a ''thing''. And things should never control our lives.
 
Money, to me, is a tool of exchange. It symbolizes productivity. Ambition. Security. I was told once that using fiscal security and income to eliminate possible partners robbed me of a lot of good women. It might be true. It also, however, kept me from investing time into women whose interests and lifetstyles don't match my own.

I found something more valuable than fiscal security at the end. However, it was never about valuing one over the other to me. It was about being honest with what made me happy and finding a partner of like mind.
 
I think you have to go into it with awareness.
The last girl I was seriously involved with made half what I did, by the end.
But we'd started out maybe not quite equal, but close enough.
Money did become a stress though, and when we broke up, it turns out I suddenly had a cash influx.

ANYHOW...
I would have no problem being involved with someone who made significantly less than I do, depending on why.
For example, is she an artist? Or is she just not interested in her work and so she sucks at it?
I'm not particularly career oriented, though, and I could see how someone who was couldn't be with someone who wasn't.
Thats not a money issue though, thats a lifestyle issue.
 
lllindy457 said:
Is money a big deal in a relationship?

_________________
Auroinfo
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It CAN be a very big deal. It can be a dealbreaker.

It's not the money so much as the attitude about money. For it to work, you need to share common attitudes about how important money should be.
 
My job currently isn't very well-paying.
It is, however, something I enjoy, and something that makes me happy. It's what I went to school for, and does provide me new opportunities, albeit slow in new ones lately.

I realize current economy doesn't allow for that. I tried to handle more.
But between 3 jobs, 2 kids, and trying to keep up on the house, I was exhausted every day and my kids were furious. My babysitter increased her rates. I was working to pay her so I could work... Between this, paying both vehicles' gas, and increased car insurance I "made" $90 a week. It simply didn't work out.

I would be happy if my partner understood this.

Money is a factor when we have set priorities that we had agreed on. When these fail to be met due to overzealous spending, money becomes an even bigger factor.

I don't care who makes more, who makes less.
I care about electric bills and rent checks. As long as SOMEONE is getting them, I'd be happy.
Yes, money is important... But basing your compatibility on their paycheck seems rather cruel.

I'm constantly reminded I don't make enough. Believe me, it sucks.
 
To me, not really. :)

I need to know that I am loved; that we have money for a roof over our head, food in our bellies, and that all the bills are paid on time.

Anything else, especially a few well-chosen toys, is icing on the proverbial cake.

In a partnership I would want us both to contribute, even then its is more about intent than money. That together we create something special for us both to share. :rose:
 
Maybe it matters differently at different stages. When we were young, we worked like hell and saved like hell. Got a house we wanted and went to live somewhere we wanted. Then we had a kid and my wife fell ill. I didn't want to travel for work anymore. I wanted to take him swimming, surfing, fishing. I wanted to be there when he left for school and be there when he came home. I wanted to do what he wanted to do, not to mention be there for my wife. I cannot preach as there where 10 or so years of my youth that I spent making sure I had money and the trappings and security it brings. I couldn't be like this if I hadn't done that. But enough was enough - how much do you need?

"Trappings" is not such a bad term. It seduces you. When is enough, enough? I own a house and a car. I live at the beach. "Motivated" people I studied would call me (and do call me) an unfulfilled talent - they earn shit loads of money sitting at their desks moving money or flying around. I help organise recreation fpr disadvantaged people for not much pay, coach tennis for not much pay and write - ok, for good pay - but I choose to do it for only two days cause that's all the time I'm willing to "sell" for making sure I can pay the bills and make sure I can look after everyone. The rest of the time, I do what I like, usually something involving family or writing for fun. Unfulfilled talent? Yep. Unfulfilled life? Nah :)

Yeah - sorry for the length of the post. And like I said, I can't talk either way. I've done the chasing money thing and I've done the alternative. It's not about money - it's about not being lazy. It's about contributing what you're best at contributing and feel happy contributing to your family and the local community.

If my wife could walk again? I'd give all the money back. Maybe the clue's in there? Maybe money isn't such a big deal........?
 
Fish_Tales said:
Maybe it matters differently at different stages. When we were young, we worked like hell and saved like hell. Got a house we wanted and went to live somewhere we wanted. Then we had a kid and my wife fell ill. I didn't want to travel for work anymore. I wanted to take him swimming, surfing, fishing. I wanted to be there when he left for school and be there when he came home. I wanted to do what he wanted to do, not to mention be there for my wife. I cannot preach as there where 10 or so years of my youth that I spent making sure I had money and the trappings and security it brings. I couldn't be like this if I hadn't done that. But enough was enough - how much do you need?

"Trappings" is not such a bad term. It seduces you. When is enough, enough? I own a house and a car. I live at the beach. "Motivated" people I studied would call me (and do call me) an unfulfilled talent - they earn shit loads of money sitting at their desks moving money or flying around. I help organise recreation fpr disadvantaged people for not much pay, coach tennis for not much pay and write - ok, for good pay - but I choose to do it for only two days cause that's all the time I'm willing to "sell" for making sure I can pay the bills and make sure I can look after everyone. The rest of the time, I do what I like, usually something involving family or writing for fun. Unfulfilled talent? Yep. Unfulfilled life? Nah :)

Yeah - sorry for the length of the post. And like I said, I can't talk either way. I've done the chasing money thing and I've done the alternative. It's not about money - it's about not being lazy. It's about contributing what you're best at contributing and feel happy contributing to your family and the local community.

If my wife could walk again? I'd give all the money back. Maybe the clue's in there? Maybe money isn't such a big deal........?
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*hugs you * truly understanding. :rose:
 
It can be... then again, that depends on the people involved I think. Different people have different priorities. Right now, I just want to make enough to be comfortable, which I am. I don't care if my partner makes more or less than me. Hell, I don't even care if they don't work at all. As long as the bills are paid. But and this is a big but, there has to be balance. If I'm at work all day, things around the house should be taken care of like laundry and such. I don't think I should work to pay all the bills and then have to do all the chores too.

That's just me though. Like I said, different strokes for different folks.
 
Fish_Tales said:
Maybe it matters differently at different stages. When we were young, we worked like hell and saved like hell. Got a house we wanted and went to live somewhere we wanted. Then we had a kid and my wife fell ill. I didn't want to travel for work anymore. I wanted to take him swimming, surfing, fishing. I wanted to be there when he left for school and be there when he came home. I wanted to do what he wanted to do, not to mention be there for my wife. I cannot preach as there where 10 or so years of my youth that I spent making sure I had money and the trappings and security it brings. I couldn't be like this if I hadn't done that. But enough was enough - how much do you need?

"Trappings" is not such a bad term. It seduces you. When is enough, enough? I own a house and a car. I live at the beach. "Motivated" people I studied would call me (and do call me) an unfulfilled talent - they earn shit loads of money sitting at their desks moving money or flying around. I help organise recreation fpr disadvantaged people for not much pay, coach tennis for not much pay and write - ok, for good pay - but I choose to do it for only two days cause that's all the time I'm willing to "sell" for making sure I can pay the bills and make sure I can look after everyone. The rest of the time, I do what I like, usually something involving family or writing for fun. Unfulfilled talent? Yep. Unfulfilled life? Nah :)

Yeah - sorry for the length of the post. And like I said, I can't talk either way. I've done the chasing money thing and I've done the alternative. It's not about money - it's about not being lazy. It's about contributing what you're best at contributing and feel happy contributing to your family and the local community.

If my wife could walk again? I'd give all the money back. Maybe the clue's in there? Maybe money isn't such a big deal........?
Click to expand...

THATS putting it where it counts F. It's an old fashioned word, but you have an honourable wealth.
 
I'd say that in choosing and valuing a partner within a relationship money is fairly unimportant.

But as an instigator to strain and break relationships money is a HUGE fucking gorilla (the only one bigger being infidelity). The only way to overcome the hurdles financial-woes can place in a couple's journey is through trust, love, and honesty, oh and forgiveness...lots and lots of forgiveness.
 
Fish_Tales said:
Maybe it matters differently at different stages. When we were young, we worked like hell and saved like hell. Got a house we wanted and went to live somewhere we wanted. Then we had a kid and my wife fell ill. I didn't want to travel for work anymore. I wanted to take him swimming, surfing, fishing. I wanted to be there when he left for school and be there when he came home. I wanted to do what he wanted to do, not to mention be there for my wife. I cannot preach as there where 10 or so years of my youth that I spent making sure I had money and the trappings and security it brings. I couldn't be like this if I hadn't done that. But enough was enough - how much do you need?

"Trappings" is not such a bad term. It seduces you. When is enough, enough? I own a house and a car. I live at the beach. "Motivated" people I studied would call me (and do call me) an unfulfilled talent - they earn shit loads of money sitting at their desks moving money or flying around. I help organise recreation fpr disadvantaged people for not much pay, coach tennis for not much pay and write - ok, for good pay - but I choose to do it for only two days cause that's all the time I'm willing to "sell" for making sure I can pay the bills and make sure I can look after everyone. The rest of the time, I do what I like, usually something involving family or writing for fun. Unfulfilled talent? Yep. Unfulfilled life? Nah :)

Yeah - sorry for the length of the post. And like I said, I can't talk either way. I've done the chasing money thing and I've done the alternative. It's not about money - it's about not being lazy. It's about contributing what you're best at contributing and feel happy contributing to your family and the local community.

If my wife could walk again? I'd give all the money back. Maybe the clue's in there? Maybe money isn't such a big deal........?
Click to expand...

I love this. Thank you for sharing.
 
I'd put money, how it's made and how it's handled, in the top five of dating's most important and underestimated factors. I appreciate some of the sentiments expressed here but I don't think they're touching the entire truth of what someone's financial status and ceiling really represent.
 
Light Ice said:
I'd put money, how it's made and how it's handled, in the top five of dating's most important and underestimated factors. I appreciate some of the sentiments expressed here but I don't think they're touching the entire truth of what someone's financial status and ceiling really represent.
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I have to disagree with the blanketness of your statement.
I make a very good salary, and when I'm out of debt at the end of the year, I'll be able to easily afford to support two people comfortably. My material wants are within my range, and my career is as secure as any.
What I do require out of a partner is that their effort/pay ratio is reasonable. And that they respect that money doesn't grow on trees (god, I sound like my mother) and so they can't always get what they want.
But, again, I'm not career oriented, don't care about 'success' much except in what it does for my life outside of work.
So its a very different perspective from many.

Its all about the relationship to money, and life goals. I've fought hard to put myself and money into a good relationship, and its worked out well. It is no longer symbolic for me, so as long as enough comes in, I'm fine. And since my career is just a way for me to get what I want, I don't use money as a gauge of success. I also don't want kids. I also don't particularly care if I ever own a house again, and if I did it would likely be small (no kids). The only thing I really want is to retire ASAP and I've fairly fucked up that dream, which is fine. I like to travel, and know how to do so on the cheap. Oh, I would like to be able to take a year off to write, and I can probably make that happen too.
BUT, my partner has to share that relationship, or make a lot of money herself.
 
Vail_Indigo said:
The only thing I really want is to retire ASAP and I've fairly fucked up that dream, which is fine. I like to travel, and know how to do so on the cheap. Oh, I would like to be able to take a year off to write, and I can probably make that happen too.
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Admit it Vail, you've been hopping freight trains again, huh. I always thought that would be so cool! :D
 
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