Is it realistic?

[Guest]

 

[oggbashan]

Q1. Yes. It is realistic and feasible.

It can also develop through the story.

Q2. Yes. If the dominant has previously been undervalued e.g. for cultural or other reasons. I had this theme in a couple of my NaNoWriMo chapters 'Flawed Red Silk'.

The reason for dominants controlling everything in most stories is because people see themselves as dominant or submissive and get turned on by one scenario or the other. A dominant who allows equality in some things would not be so arousing as a totally controlling dominant.

Realistic compromises are not so erotic.

Og

 

[Guest]

Is it realistic (from the viewpoint of Lit readers) for one partner to be dominant sexually, but then have a partnership of equals in other aspects of the relationship? Similarly, can the emergence of a dominant/submissive sexual relationship lead to a more equitable overall relationship?

Most of what I have read here, limited as it is, seems to have the dominant controlling all aspects.

Mrs. S/L

PS - Sorry, in advance, if this question has been asked before.

Yes, in my opinion, it is very realistic and actually probably pretty close to reality in a lot of relationships.

A lot of sub/dom relationships actually only come to the fore during "play" sessions in sex. At other times the relationship is very equal in nature.

And, yes, I do think the emergence of a sub/dom relationship can lead to a more equitable relationship overall. The couple goes into role in the bedroom and they can play out their dominant or submissive nature, which often leads to a feeling of greater admiration and respect for that partner outside of the bedroom.

Also, on your point about the dominant partner being the one in control, I actually see it the other way around. It is the sub who is ultimately in control. It is the sub who determines how far things can go and the dom is actually her (his) servant. This might sound a bit odd and deep, but that's just how I feel, in my own experience. Probably part of the reason why I enjoy submitting so much, because I am a bit of a natural control freak. I love giving up that control and submitting my will, completely, but if I feel things are going too far, that's where the safe word comes in (not had to use it yet, though).

Lou

 

[oggbashan]

Re: Re: Is it realistic?

Probably part of the reason why I enjoy submitting so much, because I am a bit of a natural control freak. I love giving up that control and submitting my will, completely, but if I feel things are going too far, that's where the safe word comes in (not had to use it yet, though).

Lou

That's because the Lou we know and love is always in control, topping from the bottom. And a very nice bottom it is too.

Og

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... topping from the bottom...

O my oath!

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Is it realistic?

That's because the Lou we know and love is always in control, topping from the bottom. And a very nice bottom it is too.

Og

You've made my day. Thank you, sweetie.

Lou

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Is it realistic?

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I don't how much this helps, but since I write mostly lesbian works I tend to deal with a butch and femme partner. mOre often than not the butch partner is also the more dominant of the two, but that dosen't have to translate into an unequal partnership. In fact it rarely does.

Most people have a face they wear for their partner in the bedroom that they don't show the rest of the world. I think that is much more realistic or at least closer to the norm than stories wehre one partner is totally dominant and the other constantly submissive.

-Colly

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Re: Re: Re: Is it realistic?

That's because the Lou we know and love is always in control, topping from the bottom. And a very nice bottom it is too.

Og

Yes, yes it is.

Looks lovely when red!






*SHIT! Did I type that out loud???!!!*

 

[mismused]

Re: Re: Re: Is it realistic?

Lou,

Thanks so much for the detailed and well considered reply. You've helped clarify what I was really asking. It's really more about role playing and reflects more of my own experience, contrary to what I understand about 'true' sub/dom relationships.

Wow, you're right-on about the sub being in control. To him, I was doing what he wanted, but through both physical and verbal responses, I'm actually directing events to what I desire (well, actually, what we both want).

The reason for the question has to do with a work in progress (a sequel where the couple is now living in their discovered roles). Forgive my naivete, but I'm just getting acclimated here, and don't know how realistic (to others) my reality is. Know what I mean?

Submissive (not subjugated),
Mrs. S/L

==========================

Mrs. S/L,

For you, if you're interested (and any others that may be so inclined), there is an excellent book on that deals with sexual fantasies of all types, including D/s, etc.:

Arousual, by Dr. Michael J. Bader (copyright, 2002). Fascinating reading for the many of us into much of what we do here.

The "how come's" about it, the logic, is truly amazing.

m

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Is it realistic?

Lou,

Thanks so much for the detailed and well considered reply. You've helped clarify what I was really asking. It's really more about role playing and reflects more of my own experience, contrary to what I understand about 'true' sub/dom relationships.

Wow, you're right-on about the sub being in control. To him, I was doing what he wanted, but through both physical and verbal responses, I'm actually directing events to what I desire (well, actually, what we both want).

The reason for the question has to do with a work in progress (a sequel where the couple is now living in their discovered roles). Forgive my naivete, but I'm just getting acclimated here, and don't know how realistic (to others) my reality is. Know what I mean?

Submissive (not subjugated),
Mrs. S/L

Hi Mrs. S/L

Yes, it is very much about role playing for me, too. But, for that time we are in role, it feels very much a true sub/dom relationship. He is a brilliant dom and the element of trust (which is a must) is huge.

And, a further comment about the control thing. During "play" I am absolutely not in control (I don't feel it anyway). He just does to me and with me whatever he sees fit. I never feel as if I am directing things; he's doing that. However, ultimately I am the one in control of everything, because without me completely submitting to him like I do, he wouldn't be able to be how he wants to be. Also, if things get to the point where I feel they should stop, I'd only have to say the safe word and they would stop. I trust him completely, and I know he'd stop immediately.

The story idea sounds great and very plausable. Let me know how it goes.

I do know exactly what you mean about how others might perceive your own reality. From what you have said so far, your reality seems pretty close to a lot of others here (myself included).

Yes, yes it is.

Looks lovely when red!






*SHIT! Did I type that out loud???!!!*

Ha! Yes, you did, you lovable cheeky bastard!

What's wrong, honey, were your ears burning?

Lou

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is it realistic?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Svenska: I'm never dominant! I think we should all be equals, and make all the decisions together! I'm always treating you with respect, aren't I???
Hubby: Yes, dear.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is it realistic?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Svenska: I'm never dominant! I think we should all be equals, and make all the decisions together! I'm always treating you with respect, aren't I???
Hubby: Yes, dear.

That's the way, Mrs. Svenskaflicka!
Always let you husband have those two last words

 

[dr_mabeuse]

In my opinion, D/s is most exciting and successful when the participants are equals in all other aspects of the relationship. The surrender of control means so much more when there is really something to surrender.

I'm into BDSM, but I confess the 24/7 relationships leave me totally cold. If I want someone to crawl around with a leash around her neck I'll get a dog.

---dr.M.

 

[cloudy]

I'm just going to echo what Lou said here.

In sex, I'm very submissive, but if anyone said I was like that out of the bedroom, they'd receive huge laughs. I'm anything but submissive anywhere else.

Like Lou, I'm in control so much of the time that its wonderful to relinquish that control to someone else once in awhile.