Is it real...

[_lonelykitten69]

Hey everyone

I need some real advice. I have been with my Dom for almost a year now and it seems that we are either growing apart or his interpretation of being a Dom have changed. I accept my punishments when received, however there have been times that I have been placed in a situation where the police were called by my neighbors. Sometimes he will take things to a point where he doesn't respect our safety word at all. He will say that he is ignoring it because I have misbehaved so much... I really dont feel that safe with him anymore... Should I just leave the situation? Do I really deserve my punishments to that extent? Or is this beyond a BDSM relationship and has moved on to something controlling?

Thanks in advance

 

[Ahlam]

Yes, you should leave! When your limits and consent are being violated, it is abuse.

 

[vibes]

Hey everyone

I need some real advice. I have been with my Dom for almost a year now and it seems that we are either growing apart or his interpretation of being a Dom have changed. I accept my punishments when received, however there have been times that I have been placed in a situation where the police were called by my neighbors. Sometimes he will take things to a point where he doesn't respect our safety word at all. He will say that he is ignoring it because I have misbehaved so much... I really dont feel that safe with him anymore... Should I just leave the situation? Do I really deserve my punishments to that extent? Or is this beyond a BDSM relationship and has moved on to something controlling?

Thanks in advance

Leave without wasting a second

 

[SpunThings]

Hey everyone

I need some real advice. I have been with my Dom for almost a year now and it seems that we are either growing apart or his interpretation of being a Dom have changed. I accept my punishments when received, however there have been times that I have been placed in a situation where the police were called by my neighbors. Sometimes he will take things to a point where he doesn't respect our safety word at all. He will say that he is ignoring it because I have misbehaved so much... I really dont feel that safe with him anymore... Should I just leave the situation? Do I really deserve my punishments to that extent? Or is this beyond a BDSM relationship and has moved on to something controlling?

Thanks in advance

Get the hell out of there.

 

[_lonelykitten69]

I appreciate the responses. He makes me feel as if I'm not a good kitten

 

[Primalex]

He will say that he is ignoring it because I have misbehaved so much...

And did you misbehave much?

 

[inkyprimal]

Ignoring your safeword - red flag 1.
Going up to the point where the police are called - red flag 2.
Ignoring the safeword = abuse. There is no 'maybe' about it.

 

[julia2442]

And did you misbehave much?

come on. that's ridiculous and you know it, Primalex.

yes, leave. run for it. go go go. your gut is telling you exactly the right things.

 

[_lonelykitten69]

And did you misbehave much?

If after working 8-16 hours, I come home and the first thing he wants is sex, even though the house is a mess, no dinner is made, we both have children to take care of and when I just nicely to just take care of home first, I'm disobeying

 

[_lonelykitten69]

come on. that's ridiculous and you know it, Primalex.

yes, leave. run for it. go go go. your gut is telling you exactly the right things.

I appreciate it. Although I am new to this, I know and understand boundaries and limitations should be respected on both sides

 

[_lonelykitten69]

Ignoring your safeword - red flag 1.
Going up to the point where the police are called - red flag 2.
Ignoring the safeword = abuse. There is no 'maybe' about it.

Thank you.he told me that from the 32 pages he read online, he has been doing everything right. I couldn't help but laugh in his face

 

[SpunThings]

Thank you.he told me that from the 32 pages he read online, he has been doing everything right. I couldn't help but laugh in his face

It doesn't matter how much you "disobey" or what the books he reads tells him. If you no longer want this, and make that clear to your partner, then it changes fromBDSM to abuse. What makes this not abuse is freely given consent.

It sounds like you no longer trust his judgement, and from what you describe I wouldn't either. If he's letting the d/s aspect to your relationship negatively affect your family's functioning, then i think he's being selfish and irresponsible.

 

[_lonelykitten69]

It doesn't matter how much you "disobey" or what the books he reads tells him. If you no longer want this, and make that clear to your partner, then it changes fromBDSM to abuse. What makes this not abuse is freely given consent.

It sounds like you no longer trust his judgement, and from what you describe I wouldn't either. If he's letting the d/s aspect to your relationship negatively affect your family's functioning, then i think he's being selfish and irresponsible.

Great point...

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

***deleted***

 

[Primalex]

come on. that's ridiculous and you know it, Primalex.

It's ridiculous to try to safe word out of corporal punishment. The real problem is that she does not get the difference between corporal punishment and BDSM. (Maybe he doesn't get it either, but that's a different problem.)

I know, this concept might sound strange, but corporal punishment of children is legal in all states of the US, which is amusing and irritating, as corporal punishment of the wife is not legal. Societies don't always make sense. Anyway. She doesn't like the corporal punishment - the solution is to either behave or to run away. Very much like the choice children can do, they just have more problems running away.

 

[PDatura]

Get out, honey. Get out now.

That last BS comment about safewording out of corporal punishment is beyond stupid; if your limits are not being respected, then it has moved from consent to abuse.

 

[_lonelykitten69]

If nothing said about yourself and your own situation is going to change your mind to the fact that what you described in the opening prompt is in fact abuse, then you honestly need to consider the children involved. Is this a healthy environment for them to be growing up in, and is his behavior, what you want them exposed to?

My punishments would happen when the kids weren't home

 

[_lonelykitten69]

It's ridiculous to try to safe word out of corporal punishment. The real problem is that she does not get the difference between corporal punishment and BDSM. (Maybe he doesn't get it either, but that's a different problem.)

I know, this concept might sound strange, but corporal punishment of children is legal in all states of the US, which is amusing and irritating, as corporal punishment of the wife is not legal. Societies don't always make sense. Anyway. She doesn't like the corporal punishment - the solution is to either behave or to run away. Very much like the choice children can do, they just have more problems running away.

What?........

.....

 

[7inchesthick]

I am curious about being dominated

I would love to be dominated by my partner just so long as it doesn't involved he Malaysian or extreme pain

 

[7inchesthick]

Could you pvt message me about my curiosity about being dominated..kitten 69??

 

[ToPleaseHim]

It's ridiculous to try to safe word out of corporal punishment. The real problem is that she does not get the difference between corporal punishment and BDSM. (Maybe he doesn't get it either, but that's a different problem.)

I suspect he doesn't get it which makes this a bigger problem rather than a different problem. What's ridiculous is for a dominant to ignore a safeword.

OP: there are red flags all over this, you really need to tell him how you feel and discuss things so they can change or get out. If you don't trust him or feel safe, getting out is the option I'd choose.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Could you pvt message me about my curiosity about being dominated..kitten 69??

Are you trying to turn her thread into a personal ad for yourself? WTF?

ETA: What makes you think she's a switch or even interested? You start with a pic like that and try to hit on her in her thread seeking help?

 

[CutieMouse]

Actually, it's not uncommon for those who use a punishment dynamic, to remove the use of safewords when punishment is being administered. Argument being, that if the safeword is still in use, it may be used before the punishment is complete/lesson learned. So the fact that she can't use her safeword during punishment isn't necessarily a red flag. (It's also why people should know what the 'eff they're agreeing to, when they agree to a D/s dynamic involving punishment.)

However, it doesn't sound like the two are on the same page re: what a dominant/submissive relationship looks like, what they each want to accomplish in the relationship, how it should be structured, if punishment is "funishment" or meant for correction of behavior, what the rules re: punishment are (safeword or not), or how to freaking have a relationship without upsetting the neighbors or involving the police.

If things are more good than bad, stay.
If things are more bad than good, leave.

 

[hotsweetdesire]

There are red flags all over this, but most importantly you don't feel safe anymore. Relationships are built on trust and it's even more important in a bdsm dynamic. Please run as fast as you can and don't look back!
Take a break and reassess the situation, from a distance and learn from it. You'll be better prepared in knowing what you want from a bdsm relationship then go find the right Dom for you.

 

[sillysub]

I never tell people what to do but omg I'd totally recommend you leave this asap. Not respecting your safe words? The Police???? Unless you've specified that you want this treatment, unless it's consensual....don't stay where you don't feel safe. A good Dom will help test and alter your limits, but not totally ignore them.