Is it possible to have an affair "work"?

[fonestud]

Where no one gets hurt?

If so ... how long has it been?

 

[Bug Eyed Monster]

My $5.00 is on No.

The only affair situation I can think of that worked was Sonny and Cher when they were still married, but they had broken up, they were living at opposite ends of the same house and they were both bringing home other people. I don't consider this situation a true affair since the primary couple had broken up and they both new about the other's activities.

My recomendation is "Don't Do It.

I had a male friend (A) who went on a baseball park visiting trip (Flying and driving to parks) with another male friend (B). B had to get home to the wife and A was going to drive to one more park. B went home. A drove to see on-line lover in stead of going to baseball park.

When it came out the results were, B treats A differently now because he feels used, Wife of A was pissed. I certainly don't respect A as much as I used to. A had to call it off with on-line lover. In short a very messy and painful situation that is best avoided. If you are tired of your lover, wife, etc break it off, then find someone else.

Just my $.02

 

[islandman]

Where no one gets hurt?

If so ... how long has it been?

I'm working on it. I'll get back to you on this one.

 

[sweetiepi25]

Where no one gets hurt?

If so ... how long has it been?

I don't know if it's possible or not...tried to, but circumstances kept coming up. not giving up though.

 

[LadyBlueMoon]

How much do you love your current job?

 

[fonestud]

SLIGHTLY CONFUSED ...

How much do you love your current job?

Is my marriage work? Is that what you are implying or was that a Freudian slip?

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Where no one gets hurt?

If so ... how long has it been?

I beleive that there is no such thing as a "victimless crime". To put it another way,somebody always gets hurt. It doesn't necessarily have to be a big emotional blow or even realized at the time it happens. It could be something as simple as a direct hit to the integrity of the individual who has the affair.

A friend of mine says that people lie (which is implicit in an affair)for two reasons, to get something they don't deserve or to keep from getting something they do deserve.

 

[sirhugs]

doesn't it turn on the definition of "affair"?

my wife has a fine "outside" relationship. Is it an affair when I know about it?

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

doesn't it turn on the definition of "affair"?

my wife has a fine "outside" relationship. Is it an affair when I know about it?

I agree that it does turn on the definition of affair. My comments were directed at the clandestine relationship where one spouse/significant other is kept in the dark through manipulation or lies.

As long as everybody is of legal age and everybody consents, either implicitly or expressly, I am not in the position to say anything but "Have fun!"

 

[Aphrodisiac]

My opinion

I think when 2 people get into an affair they must set the ground rules.

*Yes I know that sounds bad and no one should be cheating out there on thier SO...


But if 2 consenting adults find the need to have an affair I think they should know what the basis of the affair is ... go into the whole thing with thier eyes wide open...


That is all I have to say on that .....

 

[Wotan]

RE: Affair at work.

I dont know about an affair. I dont think my experience quallifies as that. I have had a sexual thing going on at work in the past but that was all it was . SEX.
The girl was a real sub. and just wanted to be used. There was no question of jealousy or anything complicating. If you can keep it at that (just phisical) you might be able to manage. If not......there may be trouble ahead.
Best of luck pal.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Re: My opinion

I think when 2 people get into an affair they must set the ground rules.

*Yes I know that sounds bad and no one should be cheating out there on thier SO...


But if 2 consenting adults find the need to have an affair I think they should know what the basis of the affair is ... go into the whole thing with thier eyes wide open...


That is all I have to say on that .....

Again, doesn't it hinge on the definition of affair.

 

[WhatsHerName]

Where no one gets hurt?

If so ... how long has it been?

What do you mean by "where no one gets hurt?" Do you mean where you have the affair with A and your wife doesn't find out and you break it off with A and she is fine with that and you are fine with that and all is good? or Where your wife finds out about the affair with A..and she doesn't get hurt? (If this is what you are thinking...I think for that to be the case that you already must have deep marital problems if you think your wife wouldn't be hurt by the knowledge of your affair)

I have done the whole affair thing. My current marriage is the product of an affair. Did it hurt me...no not really I am happy now. Did it hurt my ex...yes tremindously. Did it hurt my husbands ex...of course it did. Would I change how things were done...perhaps but I wouldn't change leaving my ex, I didn't choose to have an affair because I needed some extra booty....I needed much more than what he could provide me.

I am not sure that I would recomend to anyone to have an affair. If you don't like the relationship you are in..just get out then move on with your life.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Re: Re: Is it possible to have an affair "work"?

What do you mean by "where no one gets hurt?" Do you mean where you have the affair with A and your wife doesn't find out and you break it off with A and she is fine with that and you are fine with that and all is good? or Where your wife finds out about the affair with A..and she doesn't get hurt? (If this is what you are thinking...I think for that to be the case that you already must have deep marital problems if you think your wife wouldn't be hurt by the knowledge of your affair)

I have done the whole affair thing. My current marriage is the product of an affair. Did it hurt me...no not really I am happy now. Did it hurt my ex...yes tremindously. Did it hurt my husbands ex...of course it did. Would I change how things were done...perhaps but I wouldn't change leaving my ex, I didn't choose to have an affair because I needed some extra booty....I needed much more than what he could provide me.

I am not sure that I would recomend to anyone to have an affair. If you don't like the relationship you are in..just get out then move on with your life.

My point exactly. Thank you, Bella Donna.

 

[fonestud]

Re: Re: Is it possible to have an affair "work"?

What do you mean by "where no one gets hurt?" Do you mean where you have the affair with A and your wife doesn't find out and you break it off with A and she is fine with that and you are fine with that and all is good? or Where your wife finds out about the affair with A..and she doesn't get hurt? (If this is what you are thinking...I think for that to be the case that you already must have deep marital problems if you think your wife wouldn't be hurt by the knowledge of your affair)

I have done the whole affair thing. My current marriage is the product of an affair. Did it hurt me...no not really I am happy now. Did it hurt my ex...yes tremindously. Did it hurt my husbands ex...of course it did. Would I change how things were done...perhaps but I wouldn't change leaving my ex, I didn't choose to have an affair because I needed some extra booty....I needed much more than what he could provide me.

I am not sure that I would recomend to anyone to have an affair. If you don't like the relationship you are in..just get out then move on with your life.

My definition of "where no one gets hurt" would be the 1st of the 2 you mention above .... A is married to B .. has an affair and an agreement with C ... and carries it out to the mutual satisfaction of A and C .. with B having no knowledge of anything having taken place.

In the above scenario .. A and C would have an agreement going in, that either could end it at any time .. no questions asked.

This all sounds too clinical but it lays it out as best as it can be explained ...

I appreciate all the previous comments and thoughts.

 

[Guest]

At the end of the day we're all just animals. We live in an environment of our own construction, girdled by man made comforters.
I do think that if you want a thing, it's because, someware inside you need that thing. It's instinct.
You should never deney that.
However, are we now not just a bit more?
Don't we have a modicome of control.
Sweet Christ,I hope so. So-far I have been able to exersize none. My medical file is an inch thick.

'' Do what thou whilst is the whole of the law.''

And if you belive that you dont deserve our sympathy!

I think there is a lesson here, if only you can bring yourself to know it.

Ya'h a'teh!

 

[someplace]

My simple answer is NO

Mine was very sweet and very tragic and everyone was hurt all the way around. And no one "won" in the end. If I had it to do over again, it would all come down exactly the same way again -- just like a moth to a flame.

I agree with the person above who said if your relationship isn't working, an affair is not going to help. Get out of the original relationship before moving on to another.

 

[bknight2602]

Where no one gets hurt?

If so ... how long has it been?

Yes it is possible. The two individuals have to honest snd open about expectations and obsessiveness, the killer of those affairs. Do I recommend? It depends on the situation. Letnature have its way, roll whith the tide.