Is it possible to convince somebody that cum is not gross?

[BrianCotes]

I started posting this as a post in a thread on "being fed your own cum" and then found a thread about "snowballing." The responses seem to always be around "yeah, I did that...it's the best when...here's what happened...I wish I could," I didn't find any suggestions on how to make it happen?

As much as I love eating my wife's delectable pussy, she will only reluctantly suck my cock, and never to completion. It's either part of foreplay or she ends with a JO then rushes off to was her hands. Basically, I am not to nut in her mouth, in her words, "it's gross." For me it's total turn-on when I taste my pre-cum while kissing her, but I almost have to force her to open her mouth. Conversely, she says that she hates tasting herself on my lips (it's actually covering most of face). I am definitely in a cum love hate relationship.

I would like to ask Lit members for strategy ideas to help me introduce cum sharing to my wife of 38 years.

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Exposure therapy?

In all seriousness though, have you told her how much you would like to finish in her mouth? Does she actually want to try to actually get over the gross feeling? If not then you're probably shit out of luck.

Im not really grossed out by semen but i cant swallow without gagging. Something about the salty taste tells my mind its poison or something. Id like to get over that and actually be able to swallow but thats very different than if someone did not want to swallow and did not care about learning how to get over it.

 

[may_I_please]

Sounds like a hard limit to me.

Talk about it outside sexual headspace. Tell her your thoughts and desires in a format where she knows you will always respect her wishes and it won't change how you feel.

If its a soft limit then you can work on it. But always accept hard limits

 

[NightL]

Fairly much covered in this thread
https://forum.literotica.com/threads/my-wife-wont-let-me.1532953/

respect your wife's limits

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

Yeah, this forum is definitely the wrong place to ask about anything relating unfullfiled male fantasies. Just take a look at the topics on the first ten pages. It's hilarious.

Your husband is shy and you want him to do more kinky shit? Force him to expand his horizons, get him drunk, or maybe you should try Cuckolding him!

How to break it to your husband that you want to open up the relationship? Here's an elaborate list on how to carefully manipulate him to accept it, so if he 'balks' you can just claim it was only fantasy and keep working on him.

Husband has lost his sexdrive over the shame of scar tissue on his penis, and clearly has developed depression about it? Get him into therapy and, if he doesn't want to work on himself, tell him how HE is disprespectful and dismissive towards YOUR needs. In the end she cheated on him, btw, and of course that was his own fault.

But ask how to make a woman let you cum in her mouth, you better be prepared for the threat to be almost exclusively filled with insults, personal attacks, and belittlement for years to come.

 

[BrianCotes]

Lots of good insights, GoldenCompulsion. Thank you.

I've read a lot of the my-wife-won't-let-me chain as well.

Let me tweak what I'm asking. I don't necessarily need my wife to take my load in her mouth or even swallow. I'd love it, but it's not her thing and that's okay. She has come a long way recently to orally please me to a level she is comfortable with and i love her for it. I'm talking more from thinking the resulting "mess" we make from sex and turning each other on as being discusting. She thinks of mine and hers sex juices as gross, embarrassing and discusting.

Is it possible to help change somebody's perception and to help them feel more comfortable with sexual juices in general, or am I pissing up a tree?

What GC said along with a strong dose of Catholic guilt:
She likely learned at some point in her life that body fluids are dirty. It is common for women to associate vaginal mucus, semen, sweat, and other natural fluids that come out during sex with disgust. Disgust is a deep emotional and physiological response to the instinctual, human fear of contamination. Like with "rotting corpses," but some cultures, media messaging, and families will give vulvas and sexual fluids the same rotting stigma.

So, somewhere along the line, your wife was likely taught that cum is "gross." That it is disgusting. Not as a literal lesson, but probably reinforced over time by multiple incidents like how human brains learn that things are good, bad, sexy, unsexy, etc.

Again, I'm looking more for suggestions on increasing her comfort level with cum in general. She definitely already knows "mostly" where I stand.

One of my ideas is to dip my finger into her and get some of our post sex juices and taste it to test her reaction. Hopefully this will lead to me going down on her at some point (maybe distant future) for the cream pie. Maybe, or maybe not, a kiss afterward to share the smell and taste with her. Thoughts?

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

One of my ideas is to dip my finger into her and get some of our post sex juices and taste it to test her reaction. Hopefully this will lead to me going down on her at some point (maybe distant future) for the cream pie. Maybe, or maybe not, a kiss afterward to share the smell and taste with her. Thoughts?

First part is good. The rest, I wouldn't get my hopes up.

As GoldenCompulsion already wrote, there is not much you can do so she would suddenly change her mind. If you continue to eat her out, show her how you accept and enjoy all of her, that she has no reason to not like her own juices... that will most likely lessen her self-consciousness about her own taste and smell. It's actually quite possible it would lead to her eventually allowing you to eat your creampie out of her. But not only could that take quite some time, you can't expect her to become curious about how you taste. Just because she accepts that YOU like your combined taste, doesn't mean that SHE lets you kiss her afterwards. And don't forget, if you seem pushy, you run the risk she simply shuts down.

To say it clearly: Just because someone makes you watch Scat-Videos, you don't stand in front of the porcelain one day and think "Maybe I should try that, before I flush it down". And if someone tries repeatedly to make you eat it anyways, you will eventually perceive that as a threat.

Here, again, you should listen to GoldenCompulsion. It has to come from her. If she grew comfortable with her own taste, then she could make the conscious effort to embrace yours as well, but keep in mind that this would be even more difficult for her.

Turn it around. Most men, from a young age, have an aversion against tasting their own semen. As they grow older, experiences and common sense change that (unless they are in an environment that constantly enforces that notion). But just because they don't care about kissing their partner after receiving a blowjob, or even eating their own creampies out of a woman, doesn't mean they would do that with someone else's creampie. And for your wife, it is someone else's bodily fluid. There are legitimate fears and disgust-responses associated with "stranger's" excretions, that need to be averted by conscious effort (e.g. wiping your own ass, vs. wiping someone else's when you start working as a geriatric nurse).

So, long story short: All you can do is show her that her own taste and smell are in no way disgusting or repulsive to you. Raise her own self-confidence to make her more comfortable with you. After that, you can only hope your partner is willing to do the same for you.

 

[BrianCotes]

So, long story short: All you can do is show her that her own taste and smell are in no way disgusting or repulsive to you. Raise her own self-confidence to make her more comfortable with you. After that, you can only hope your partner is willing to do the same for you.

Agreed. I also have patience and time on my side.

 

[emme8]

I personally am also grossed out by cum.

I will give head, but not to completion. The think I've swallowed it a max of 10 times in a 20 year marriage. The first time I was with Bob. Wedding night, several times in near "subspace". Several times I've puked trying. Spitting would definitely make me puke too.

I've gone done on another woman. It wasn't bad.

I'd rather not receive oral sex either. Kissing the dirty face, not really for me.

And most porn grosses me out too. Just because I don't like the cum shots, facials, cream pies. Yuck yuck yuck.

I'd rather have my face pissed on than cum on. Yes Bob has done both. Both are things that establish his dominance over me with I submit and would only happen under rare circumstances when he wants to take me deep.

Usually blow jobs are finished vaginally or as a handjob. And anytime he cums on my I clean up quickly.

Recently I have been allowing Bob to actually cum in my pussy. Normal sex for most of our marriage was Bob using a condom, easy clean up, for me. I know I am so incredible in bed, that sex is better for him with me, even with my adversion, than with anyone else. He knows it too.

So in response to your question, enjoy everything you have and don't try to change it.

Otherwise she might end the romance by puking.

 

[als_hubby]

Short answer: You can’t convince her. She’ll have to decide if it’s ever NOT going to be gross.

But I feel your pain. Like you, we’ve been married 38 years. My wife is extremely odor-conscious and hates her own juices, so I have to - at a minimum - wipe my mouth quite a bit after going down on her if I’m going to kiss her. As for me getting blowjobs, she’ll do it in the shower, or rarely if I’m fresh out of the shower when we go to bed, but the minute she tastes anything, that’s the end of the blowjob. She has told me that she doesn’t like the taste, and the thought of getting any more than just a taste makes her sick at her stomach.

So here are my choices:

1. Force the issue - No thanks. I don’t want her throwing up on my dick. And why would I want to make her do something that will make her sick?
2. Do without blowjobs entirely - Preferably not.
3. Appreciate what I DO get - Yep! To be honest, my wife actually enjoys doing it and giving me that pleasure, but she has her limits. I love her enough to respect those limits.

I guess I look at it, in part, like food preferences. I like things she hates, and vice versa. And neither of us is going to coerce the other into eating those things we detest. So if she hates the taste of precum and semen, so be it.

 

[BrianCotes]

Emma8/als_huby,

I think that my wife's aversion to cum varies somewhere less than what you both have laid out. Most of the responses revolve around oral because of the way I started this thread. She had told me before that she thinks cum is gross (in her mouth and/or on her, but not necessarily in her).

She has gotten to the point of continuing to blow me even as I have pre-cum coming out. Recently I had pulled out and she started jacking me because she knew I hadn't yet cum and I stopped her because I knew she didn't like me shooting on her. She later told me that she would have preferred that I had finished even if it meant Cummings on her.

Then on New Years Eve she gave me a BJ finishing by jacking me off. Then she did an incredibly sexy thing, she leaned down and kissed the cum covered head of cock. I had to ask her if she did that because I almost missed it in my post cum bliss. I absolutely let her know that it was one of the most sexy things she things in the world.

Last week I licked my fingures after I got her off. I told her how incredibly sexy she was and that she tasted wonderful.

Like said earlier, she has come a long way. She may never be or do everything I want, but I am happy with what she's doing. She's the one who continues to push her own envelope at her own pace though our open communication.

Thank you for the responses. They really do help to keep my expectations in check.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The problem with your complaint, Sarkasmus, is that we can't "make" anyone else change their disgust response. This woman has to do this herself. And we aren't talking to the woman, we are talking to her husband.

She likely learned at some point in her life that body fluids are dirty. It is common for women to associate vaginal mucus, semen, sweat, and other natural fluids that come out during sex with disgust. Disgust is a deep emotional and physiological response to the instinctual, human fear of contamination. Like with "rotting corpses," but some cultures, media messaging, and families will give vulvas and sexual fluids the same rotting stigma.

So, somewhere along the line, your wife was likely taught that cum is "gross." That it is disgusting. Not as a literal lesson, but probably reinforced over time by multiple incidents like how human brains learn that things are good, bad, sexy, unsexy, etc.

Also there's a kind of social stigma attached that goes beyond the body fluid issue. Calling somebody a "cocksucker" is usually an insult even when it's coming from a guy who is all in favour of getting his cock sucked. Even when a condom prevents any contact with body fluids, sucking dick is often interpreted as demeaning. More so when it ends up with taking somebody's cum.

(Also, some people just have a sensory aversion to certain textures etc. - I have a friend who can't stand the feel of mince, for instance. But in this case I suspect that's less likely than those social training aspects.)

That's not something you can force her to unlearn. It's something she can definitely unlearn if she chooses to try.

+1 for this. OP, if you haven't already, I'd suggest asking her outright "is this something you'd be willing to try unlearning?"

 

[BrianCotes]

Also there's a kind of social stigma attached that goes beyond the body fluid issue. Calling somebody a "cocksucker" is usually an insult even when it's coming from a guy who is all in favour of getting his cock sucked. Even when a condom prevents any contact with body fluids, sucking dick is often interpreted as demeaning. More so when it ends up with taking somebody's cum.

(Also, some people just have a sensory aversion to certain textures etc. - I have a friend who can't stand the feel of mince, for instance. But in this case I suspect that's less likely than those social training aspects.)



+1 for this. OP, if you haven't already, I'd suggest asking her outright "is this something you'd be willing to try unlearning?"

What a coincidence with the your timing on this post Bramblethorn.

Just yesterday she brought up that she views sucking cock as demeaning. She relates it to how women are treated in porn and that she feels like she is taking on a submissive role. That's definitely NOT something in her DNA. I did my best to explain that I see the total opposite in that I elevate her onto a very high pedestal for this act, same with everything we do that's intimate.

I asked if she felt the same way about me going down on her. Apparently she does NOT feel that me going on her as demeaning or submissive. I even went on to say that I would love for to sit on face and grind away to her orgasm any time she wants (sexy smile from her).

It’s just crazy how our upbringing and exposer to our environment impact our psyche for the rest of our lives.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I started posting this as a post in a thread on "being fed your own cum" and then found a thread about "snowballing." The responses seem to always be around "yeah, I did that...it's the best when...here's what happened...I wish I could," I didn't find any suggestions on how to make it happen?

As much as I love eating my wife's delectable pussy, she will only reluctantly suck my cock, and never to completion. It's either part of foreplay or she ends with a JO then rushes off to was her hands. Basically, I am not to nut in her mouth, in her words, "it's gross." For me it's total turn-on when I taste my pre-cum while kissing her, but I almost have to force her to open her mouth. Conversely, she says that she hates tasting herself on my lips (it's actually covering most of face). I am definitely in a cum love hate relationship.

I would like to ask Lit members for strategy ideas to help me introduce cum sharing to my wife of 38 years.

sorry for your luck but it sounds like that’s a hard limit for her.

 

[Britva415]

OP, if you haven't already, I'd suggest asking her outright "is this something you'd be willing to try unlearning?"

That's a fantastic way to frame it. It's non-blaming, non-coercive, shows her the ball is in her court, conveys the possibility of progress, and reinforces her agency.

 

[BrianCotes]

That's a fantastic way to frame it. It's non-blaming, non-coercive, shows her the ball is in her court, conveys the possibility of progress, and reinforces her agency.

I will absolutely ask the question when the time is right and report back.

 

[twister947]

This thread makes me think of certain foods that are a hard no for many people. Like boiled okra, or sardines. You're just not going to talk some people into that. I'm that way about liver. Hell to the no.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This thread makes me think of certain foods that are a hard no for many people. Like boiled okra, or sardines. You're just not going to talk some people into that. I'm that way about liver. Hell to the no.

Yeah, see my comment about textures. My partner can't stand the texture of liver, but loves the taste of it in paté.

If that's the issue, there may well be nothing to do about it. But worth figuring out whether that is the issue, or whether it's something that can be unlearned.

 

[Lady2020]

IDK. One thing I know is if I like you and I think you're hot af, I want your cum. Everywhere. Well, about everywhere.

 

[lanceGibs]

IDK. One thing I know is if I like you and I think you're hot af, I want your cum. Everywhere. Well, about everywhere.

That is poetic

 

[BrianCotes]

That is poetic

...and very HOT!

 

[NightL]

One thing I know is if I like you and I think you're hot af, I want your cum. Everywhere.

are you "hot af" for your wife BrianCotes?

 

[ctarrantella]

I started posting this as a post in a thread on "being fed your own cum" and then found a thread about "snowballing." The responses seem to always be around "yeah, I did that...it's the best when...here's what happened...I wish I could," I didn't find any suggestions on how to make it happen?

As much as I love eating my wife's delectable pussy, she will only reluctantly suck my cock, and never to completion. It's either part of foreplay or she ends with a JO then rushes off to was her hands. Basically, I am not to nut in her mouth, in her words, "it's gross." For me it's total turn-on when I taste my pre-cum while kissing her, but I almost have to force her to open her mouth. Conversely, she says that she hates tasting herself on my lips (it's actually covering most of face). I am definitely in a cum love hate relationship.

I would like to ask Lit members for strategy ideas to help me introduce cum sharing to my wife of 38 years.

So...
My wife has no problem with me cumming on her or in her mouth. She swallows without hesitation.
We have even swapped my cum or I've licked it off her. Not as much as I want. I seem to chicken out more times than not. However, she does not like tasting herself. Unlike me, I can lick up and drink all my pre-cum any day of the week.

I think like me, it's a tough conversation but once you have it, you'll know where you stand. It could be a great outcome or not. You won't know until you try and talk to her and potentially do it.

 

[lovecraft68]

How about you just grow up and accept the fact your wife isn't into this? You can't make someone do something that for whatever reason they don't want to.
So stop whining and acting like a grabby little boy. In the grand scheme of life is this so awful?

 

[BrianCotes]

How about you just grow up and accept the fact your wife isn't into this? You can't make someone do something that for whatever reason they don't want to.
So stop whining and acting like a grabby little boy. In the grand scheme of life is this so awful?

Per your signature, "Wolves don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep." Advice taken, no sleep lost.