Is it menopause or husbands libido-destroying behaviors that is ending sexual intimacy?

[LMWM321]

There have been lot’s of posts lately about dealing with a wife's plummeting desire, and while some of it is inevitable due to menopause, I believe some of it can be blamed on many husbands' libido destroying behaviors.

As I see it, if you want sex with your wife to be more like it "Used to be" then tend to your appearance and manners they way it "Used to be" back when you were trying to impress her. Try to earn her sexual interest in you like you did when you were dating.

I have two friends in their late 50's who endlessly grumble about their wives' declining libido. And although they are both kind and loving husbands, they seem to make NO effort whatsoever to stoke their wife's desire with just a LITTLE bit of attention to their own attractiveness. As men we can't help our thinning hair, wrinkles, adding a few pounds, etc. But what about....

• Quit wearing the same tired clothes and update your wardrobe every few years.
• Clip your gnarly toenails every week. And if you have nail fungus, see a doctor and get it dealt with. Both of my friends have this problem and NEITHER has done anything about it. Gross.
• Don’t engage in intimacy without first brushing and flossing your teeth.
• Teeth don't have to be bright white, but they shouldn't be yellow. If they are, use a teeth whitening rinse for a few weeks.
• Don't leave the door open as you use the toilet - you're not a 5-year old.
• Don't poop in the bathroom as your wife is showering. Friend #1 sneaks in to do this and thinks it's hilarious when his wife starts screaming when she notices the smell. It's great for a laugh but not so good for her sexual interest in him. Apparently, he'd rather be a crude prankster than be sexually desired.
• Quit discussing the details of your daily pooping with your wife. Again, both of my friends do this all the time.
• Never spit or pick your nose in front of your wife (or anyone else, for that matter).
• Keep your mouth closed while eating and don’t shove so much food in your mouth it drips down your chin like some kind of monster.
• Don’t pick at your teeth in front of your wife (or anyone else, for that matter).
• Tend to your ear, nostril, and eyebrow hair. Yes, it's a cruel irony that this hair gets bushier as our heads get balder, but deal with it.

Am I forgetting some?

If this doesn’t impact your partner’s desire for you directly, maybe it will result in more smiles and glances from other women and perhaps knowing other women find you attractive will help to restore your wife's sexual interest in you.

 

[Nicenashguy615]

Not a popular collection of thoughts but I have to agree with you on all of it.

I can’t speak for others but I have noticed a few things on my own.

1) When I go to the gym and watch what I eat, I’m happy to find my clothes fit nicer or like how I look in the mirror. When I ask my wife, she doesn’t care and I usually get, “oh, good for you. I hadn’t noticed.”

2) When I try new clothes or different styles of glasses, I ask her what she thinks and I get, “Oh, I don’t care. Just pick whatever makes you happy.”

3) If I try a new hairstyle or facial hair, it’s the same disinterested response.

4) If I do more around the house, take her on more ‘date nights,’ watch one of her shows with her, cook more often, etc. it generally goes unnoticed.

I could go on but a lot of the gripes I’ve seen from guys in posts are 50 plus year old couples and perimenopause is brutal on relationships. Changing hormones doesn’t just lower her sex drive, it brings on a kind of depression in many and nothing seems to lift their spirits, let alone get them in the mood. Once my wife started hormone therapy, the clouds really parted for her.


Now if the guys complaining were in their 30s or 40s, this advice would be spot on.

 

[LMWM321]

I could go on but a lot of the gripes I’ve seen from guys in posts are 50 plus year old couples and perimenopause is brutal on relationships.

Thanks for replying.

Needless to say, my suggestions aren't guarantees, but they should certainly help.

Look at this way.... When women are in their 30's and 40's, their libido is high enough that a husband's lapses in hygiene and manners might not be bad enough to significantly diminish her sexual desire for him. ..But after menopause, sexual arousal becomes harder and penetration can become painful - which leads to a woman's interest in sex becoming much more fragile. At that point, those same lapses in hygiene and manners may be more than enough to totally ruin her desire for sex.

Besides, the things I listed above are things husbands should be doing from Day 1 of their marriage anyway. That is, if they hope to keep the lust alive. No man who wants passion in his marriage should EVER sit on the toilet while his wife is two feet away in the shower or putting on her makeup. ..Or should spit or pick his nose in front of her, etc.. Ugh.

And to those who think it's inevitable that women eventually lose all interest in sex - think again. Talk to people who work in retirement communities you'll learn a fascinating fact. Many women in their 60's - 70's+ who begin dating after losing their husbands experience a renewed interest in sex - an interest that was long absent with their husband. Why does this happen? Perhaps it's because they are being courted by men who care about impressing them; men who mind their manners, their hygiene, who dress nicely...men who try to look and act their best; who won't pick their teeth or their nose in front of them, and who brush their teeth before kissing them, etc.. It's not that these women didn't love their deceased husband, it's that their husbands long ago became complacent and began engaging in many of the same libido-destroyong behaviors as my two friends. So although the love was still there, the physical attraction was not.

 

[LMWM321]

I would add to my list:

Quit oversharing about every little ache and pain, which is something my two friends do constantly. Our wive's want to think they've married a strong person, not a fragile hypochondriac.

 

[GoodnessO]

Its a shame more women, perhaps all women, aren't offered HRT (hormone replacement therapy). It makes so much sense, with women living longer (no only women). Not necessarily for sexual purposes... but that can be nice side effect, if you're sex positive. But HRT to protect women from stroke, heart attack, etc. There was some research that suggested HRT caused cancer, but that has been debunked... now medical providers, & women as patients, need to recognize that.
HRT aside... women tend to crave variety, versus men tend to like sticking with particular habits... that's overall, according to the most up to date research I've seen... of course we vary per individual preferences.
But if your partner isn't sex positive when your relationship is new, that's probably not going change later.

 

[Bayzapper10]

Hmmm.
I won’t quibble with any of your points, they are fine, and could all be effective in changing the libido dynamics of a long-time couple. But I would say that they are things you should do for you anyways; better health, hygiene, wardrobe, hormone replacement therapy, help around the house, mini and long dates … sure, all good things for yourself.

There is one thing I would introduce to the conversation: expectation.

(the) way it "Used to be" back when you were trying to impress her. Try to earn her sexual interest in you like you did when you were dating.

Well you did that, you are together and have been for however long, there is no such thing as going back to how it used to be. There are thousands of reasons that one of you “lost interest”, there are permanent expectations that exist in your relationship, most are ones you really want to keep. Back when you were dating there were fantasies, dreams, and many expectations. Some have come true, many were tried and found that they didn’t meet expectations, and maybe some have aged out, but there are experiences in place of expectations now. You can’t go back and undo or redo experiences. You can address the unmet expectations from those experiences, which is my main point.

How does your spouse or partner feel about those experiences? Are there experiences they feel that remain an interest to them? Where did you fail to meet expectations? Have you broken their trust? First you have to repair that part of your relationship- and I can not emphasize that first step strongly enough. If you’ve been together more than a week, you screwed up somewhere (or at least your partner FEELS like you did), you might disagree but don’t. Don’t excuse it or dismiss it, move into it and see if it can be resolved. After that you can open the window on new experiences, see if there are fantasies to explore, or even the level of desire each of you have.

Just my thoughts

 

[LMWM321]

A thoughtful Contribution to the convo, thank you!

 

[canonrfshooter]

There have been lot’s of posts lately about dealing with a wife's plummeting desire, and while some of it is inevitable due to menopause, I believe some of it can be blamed on many husbands' libido destroying behaviors.

As I see it, if you want sex with your wife to be more like it "Used to be" then tend to your appearance and manners they way it "Used to be" back when you were trying to impress her. Try to earn her sexual interest in you like you did when you were dating.

I have two friends in their late 50's who endlessly grumble about their wives' declining libido. And although they are both kind and loving husbands, they seem to make NO effort whatsoever to stoke their wife's desire with just a LITTLE bit of attention to their own attractiveness. As men we can't help our thinning hair, wrinkles, adding a few pounds, etc. But what about....

• Quit wearing the same tired clothes and update your wardrobe every few years.
• Clip your gnarly toenails every week. And if you have nail fungus, see a doctor and get it dealt with. Both of my friends have this problem and NEITHER has done anything about it. Gross.
• Don’t engage in intimacy without first brushing and flossing your teeth.
• Teeth don't have to be bright white, but they shouldn't be yellow. If they are, use a teeth whitening rinse for a few weeks.
• Don't leave the door open as you use the toilet - you're not a 5-year old.
• Don't poop in the bathroom as your wife is showering. Friend #1 sneaks in to do this and thinks it's hilarious when his wife starts screaming when she notices the smell. It's great for a laugh but not so good for her sexual interest in him. Apparently, he'd rather be a crude prankster than be sexually desired.
• Quit discussing the details of your daily pooping with your wife. Again, both of my friends do this all the time.
• Never spit or pick your nose in front of your wife (or anyone else, for that matter).
• Keep your mouth closed while eating and don’t shove so much food in your mouth it drips down your chin like some kind of monster.
• Don’t pick at your teeth in front of your wife (or anyone else, for that matter).
• Tend to your ear, nostril, and eyebrow hair. Yes, it's a cruel irony that this hair gets bushier as our heads get balder, but deal with it.

Am I forgetting some?

If this doesn’t impact your partner’s desire for you directly, maybe it will result in more smiles and glances from other women and perhaps knowing other women find you attractive will help to restore your wife's sexual interest in you.

Good tips, but you have forgotten some.
* When peeing when standing in front of the loo, pee into the bowl and don't splash beyond it.
* Don't repeatedly ask for sex or intimacy when she dismisses, that will work against you. She may be not in the mood.
* Communicate if there is an issue (e.g. the previous line) and don't bottle it up. Miscommunication is a relationship killer.
* Eat healthy, not too much fat, sugar or junk food. Men with bellies or other overweight is another libido killer for women.
* When having sex, take the time as women usually respond s l o w e r to get aroused.
* Excessive porn watching degrades the attraction of your wife / gf to you.
* Don't send dickpics to a fresh new date. A real turn off for most women.

 

[LMWM321]

Good additions @canonrfshooter

 

[drobert44]

Good tips, but you have forgotten some.
* When peeing when standing in front of the loo, pee into the bowl and don't splash beyond it.
* Don't repeatedly ask for sex or intimacy when she dismisses, that will work against you. She may be not in the mood.
* Communicate if there is an issue (e.g. the previous line) and don't bottle it up. Miscommunication is a relationship killer.
* Eat healthy, not too much fat, sugar or junk food. Men with bellies or other overweight is another libido killer for women.
* When having sex, take the time as women usually respond s l o w e r to get aroused.
* Excessive porn watching degrades the attraction of your wife / gf to you.
* Don't send dickpics to a fresh new date. A real turn off for most women.

Good advice.......

 

[LMWM321]

I remember as a kid the prevailing wisdom was something like, "Men are more 'visual' so it's more important that wives tend to their appearance than husbands.." What a sexist crock of shit. Think I'm wrong? Check out these lyrics from a Burt Bacharach song, a hit for Jack Jones in 1964. It was a bit before my time but the social expectation it speaks to persisted through the 70's and beyond.

WIVES AND LOVERS - Burt Bacharach, 1963
Hey! Little Girl
Comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you
Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here
Hey! Little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city and
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Time to get ready
Time to get ready for love

Hilarious if it was parody. Sadly, it's not. It's deeply offense ..

I do, however, agree with the lyric, "Don't think because there's a ring on your finger you needn't try anymore."

But it cuts BOTH ways... Men need to try too and every bit as hard. And that's the point I'm trying to make.

 

[Grindallnight]

I love this thread. I have been going through this for the last few years with my wife. We will be married 20 years in September this year. While my libido dipped when I was at my heaviest weight, it's back now (losing weight and feeling great - the libido has skyrocketed).

She has been losing weight, somewhat slowly, for the last year. I know she's feeling better about how she looks, but her sex drive has not increased. We typically have sex maybe once a month. I need to initiate it and then find out if my touches are welcomed or if she just moves my hands away and rolls over in bed. I bet 9 out of 10 times my advances are rejected. It can be early morning, late evening, or a weekend daytime nap, and my odds are about the same. It's incredibly frustrating to want her so badly and get turned away so often.

Even when her libido was "high," it was I who needed to initiate - she has very rarely done things to specifically please me, like using her hands, mouth, or other parts so that I can receive pleasure. Now, I think it's been one time in the last year that I recall her initiating sex one afternoon.

We are planning a walk this afternoon with our dog (as soon as it warms up a little bit more) and I plan on discussing her libido - asking what I can do differently so that she finds me more attractive, asking if her medications might mess with her libido, or if she would be wiling to talk to her doctor about it. I worry that it might make her feel attacked and that's not my goal.

She is 50, I am 49. She's not pre-menopausal yet, but still has an IUD because it helps with some hormone (I think). She's also on some anxiety and depression meds, which probably have the biggest impact.

If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it. Here, or you can PM me, too.

 

[LMWM321]

I know she's feeling better about how she looks, but her sex drive has not increased. We typically have sex maybe once a month. I need to initiate it and then find out if my touches are welcomed or if she just moves my hands away and rolls over in bed. I bet 9 out of 10 times my advances are rejected. It can be early morning, late evening, or a weekend daytime nap, and my odds are about the same. It's incredibly frustrating to want her so badly and get turned away so often.

Large desire discrepancies are very frustrating - indeed, they can be ruinous to a marriage.

I'd suggest you both read the book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. I am the world's biggest skeptic when it comes to Self Help books but I found this one to be very helpful. And if your wife won't join you in reading it, then read it yourself. Our sex therapist recommended it. It is written primarily for women but it's very helpful for any male partner who wants to better understand how sex is perceived and experienced by a woman, and all of the obstacles to enjoyment. ..Many of which can come from a well-intentioned partner. And, if your budget allows and your wife is receptive, see a sex therapist.

My wife's and my biggest takeaway was the understanding that the goal of sex shouldn't be to always have an orgasm. The goal should be to enjoy intimate touching with one another. And I applaud that you both are tending to your health by losing weight. People need to feel reasonably good about their bodies to fully enjoy sex. I'm a lifelong weightlifter so my weight and body-image has never been a problem. My wife, however, has struggled a bit with it. After sending our kids off into the world after college, my wife took up Yoga. She does it 2-3 times a week and it's been a godsend for her self-image. I've always thought (and told her) she was gorgeous but she has to feel that way too, and Yoga has done that for her. As a selfish upside, I go nuts watching her walk around the house in her Yoga clothes.

Good luck!!

 

[Grindallnight]

Large desire discrepancies are very frustrating - indeed, they can be ruinous to a marriage.

I'd suggest you both read the book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. I am the world's biggest skeptic when it comes Self Help books but I found it to be very helpful. And if your wife won't join you in reading it, then read it yourself. Our sex therapist recommended it. It's written with a female reader in mind but it's very helpful for a male partner to better understand how sex is perceived and experienced by a woman and all of the obstacles to enjoyment. ..Many of which can come from a well-intentioned partner. And, if your budget allows and your wife is receptive, see a sex therapist.

My wife's and my biggest epiphany was the realization that the goal of sex shouldn't be to necessarily have an orgasm. The goal should be to enjoy touching and being touched by one another. And I applaud that you both are tending to your health by losing weight. People need to feel reasonably good about their bodies to fully enjoy sex. I'm a lifelong weightlifter so my weight and body-image has never been a problem. My wife, however, has struggled a bit and it. After sending our kids off into the world after college that my wife took up Yoga. She does it 2-3 times a week and it's been a godsend for her self-image. I've always thought (and told her) she was gorgeous but she has to feel that way too, and Yoga has done that for her. As a selfish upside, I go nuts watching her walk around the house in her Yoga clothes.

Good luck!!

Thank you. Great ideas and feedback.

 

[Mike302]

HUSBANDS AND LOVERS
Hey! Big guy
Comb your hair, groom your face
Soon she will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore
For husbands should always be lovers too
Run to her arms the moment she comes home to you
I'm warning you
Day after day
There are men at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send her off with your bad attitude
You may not see her again
For husbands should always be lovers too
Run to her arms the moment she comes home to you
She's almost here
Hey! Big guy
Better wear something smart
Something you'd wear to go to the city and
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Time to get ready
Time to get ready for love

I fixed it!

 

[Mike302]

My wife and I keep in good shape. I want her to enjoy looking at me and I want to stay healthy for her. I want her to believe that other women find me desirable in some way.
We also both work and that keeps us busy, but I believe courting never ends. We treat eachother like great friends because that's what we want to be.

I'm not wealthy, especially handsome, not tall, no status or power over others, and not super talented. I'm quite an average guy as far as all of that goes.

She's the Queen, I'm the Knight. Part masculine man and part horse. I provide as best I can, protect her, and pleasure her how she wants when she wants. Adoring her is another top priority for me.

As a man-horse, I do require care, and that's part of her responsibilities. She takes care of me and does her best to satisfy my physical / sexual needs. She allows me to service and adore her, appreciates it, and trains me how to do it better.

We understand our roles and understand what might happen if we don't fulfill them. It wasn't always the system we had, or perhaps we didn't fully understand it, but we've been together over 25 years now, happily.

 

[LMWM321]

I fixed it!

I f'ing love it! Bravo.

What you have figured out is that neither a husband nor a wife should take the other's sexual attraction for granted. It needs to be earned just like the days when you were dating. We can't help that age puts a few pounds on our frame, that gravity loosens the skin on our face and that our hair begins to gray and thin. But we sure as fuck can control how we dress, tend to our hygiene and grooming AND how we treat one another.

A great contribution to the convo. And I love the updated lyrics on that outrageous Burt Bacharach song. Men should take heed!

 

[LMWM321]

We understand our roles and understand what might happen if we don't fulfill them.

Several years ago I told my wife of over 20 years that her enjoying sex was so important to me that I would be fine with her having an occasional few hour fling with other men. I don’t mean having a boyfriend or opening our marriage - I'm taking about occasional one-off no strings attached sex. For example, having sex with a trust-worthy co-worker while away at a business conference.

Why did I do this? Because I believed that after menopause, anything that helped to restore my wife's sexual self-esteem and capacity for lust was ultimately going to be good for our own sexual relationship. And I knew with certainty my wife was not going to leave me and our wonderful family just because she enjoyed 60 minutes of sex with another guy - no matter how great it was. So why should I not allow it, maybe even encourage it?

My permission was sincere and earnest. And I've convinced myself - whether it's true or not - that I'm now in competition with other men for my wife's sexual affection. Some might think this is outrageous and unhealthy - but I feel like it encourages me to always give and show her my reasonable best. To never take her attraction for me for granted.

She's adamant she has no interest in taking me up on my offer, but I'm not sure that's entirely true - only time will tell. ..In any case, it's a good way to ensure I always tend to my own attractiveness, and try my very best to please her in AND out of bed. I truly believe that this at least partly explains why after nearly 35 years of marriage, we still have sex 2-3 times a week, and quite often initiated by her.

 

[Mike302]

Several years ago I told my wife of over 20 years that her having thrilling and enjoyable sex was so important to me that I would be fine with her having an occasional few hour fling with other men. I'm not talking about having a boyfriend or opening our marriage - I'm taking about occasional one-off no strings attached sex. For example, having sex with a trust-worthy co-worker while away at a business conference.

Why did I do this? Because I believed that after menopause, anything that helped to restore my wife's sexual self-esteem and capacity for lust was ultimately good for our own sexual relationship. And I knew with certainty my wife was not going to leave me and our wonderful family just because she enjoyed 60 minutes of sex with another guy. So why not allow it?

My permission was sincere and earnest. As a consequence, I know that I might now be in competition with other men for my wife's sexual affection. Some might think this is outrageous and unhealthy - but I feel like it encourages me to always give and show her my reasonable best. To never take her attraction for me for granted.

She's adamant she has no interest in taking me up on my offer but I'm not sure that's entirely true. ..In any case, it's a good way to ensure I always tend to my own attractiveness, and try my very best to please her in AND out of bed. I truly believe that this at least partly explains why after nearly 35 years of marriage, we still have sex 2-3 times a week, and quite often initiated by her.

I completely agree, and I've had the same conversation with mine. (nearly 25 years)

She says she's plenty satiated by me and has no plans to play around but appreciated it. She's always been offended by promiscuity, just how she was raised. She believes one woman should be Queen over one man. She did make it clear that it only goes one-way and it is not acceptable for me to play with other women.

I know she can get another lover and that I have plenty of female friends who would happily take me into their lives. She knows that, too. Keeps us on our toes and working on our relationship. We get along great and appreciate eachother.

She keeps up with my needs and will offer or initiate something if it's been a few days.

 

[LMWM321]

A few more "libido destroying" male behaviors...

• Going out to dinner then looking at your iPhone while you should be having a conversation with your wife (yes, this goes both ways..)
• One way conversations.. ...Showing little or no interest in what is on your wife's mind.
• Untrimmed finger nails. Gross.

Again, menopause is sometimes blamed when it may be the man's waning desirability that is the bigger issue.

 

[HampshireBoy]

All very good points and I have certainly seen behaviour like this from some friends.

For myself, with my first wife I was very career focused - building my own business as well as my position within companies, she was tired looking after house and kids. She always had a lower sex drive, being tired didn't help the situation. As said above, asking was interpreted as pestering, when I paid her attention, complimented her, arranged a couple meal out etc it was often seen as an attempt to get her in the mood for sex, rather than what it was - trying to be a couple rather than a mum and dad. As is so often the case, lack of communication and growing apart. I realised that we'd stopped saying "I love you", we were in a habit rather than a relationship. When we finally talked it was clear that she needed to feel loved and cherished to have sex, and she just didn't. Funnily enough after we'd split we had a bit of FWB relationship and she was very into that, no love just sex.

With my second wife, we have a very loving relationship, lots of kisses and cuddles and she knows how much I desire her. I should say that, despite being in my sixties, I still fit in clothes from my twenties (32inch waist and no discernable beer belly) she makes sure that we eat healthily. She assures me I haven't lost my looks or figure lol Asking too often just makes her feel pressured, "guilty and inadequate as a wife" (her words). I'm pretty sure I don't fail on any of the listed behaviours in this thread, but I do make sure not to.

 

[LMWM321]

I'm pretty sure I don't fail on any of the listed behaviours in this thread, but I do make sure not to.

I think husbands engaging in those behaviors is one of the reasons so many marriages morph from lustful romances into friendly cohabitation and/or co-parenting.

Just this weekend, one of the aforementioned guys was laughingly describing how his wife pops the pimples he gets on his back during the hot and sweaty months of the summer.

Not to put it too crudely, but no guy wanting to get into his new girlfriends pants would ever ask her to pop the pimples on his back. ..So why the fuck would he do it once he's married and hoping to get into his wife's pants?

He's a great dude, but he has only himself to blame for having so little sex. He was once a super handsome chick-magnet, but now he's sexually-frustrated man-child who thinks farting in front of his wife is funny, no matter how much she tells him it's not.

 

[HampshireBoy]

I think husbands engaging in those behaviors is one of the reasons so many marriages morph from lustful romances into friendly cohabitation and/or co-parenting.

Just this weekend, one of the aforementioned guys was laughingly describing how his wife pops the pimples he gets on his back during the hot and sweaty months of the summer.

Not to put it too crudely, but no guy wanting to get into his new girlfriends pants would ever ask her to pop the pimples on his back. ..So why the fuck would he do it once he's married and hoping to get into his wife's pants?

He's a great dude, but he has only himself to blame for having so little sex. He was once a super handsome chick-magnet, but now he's sexually-frustrated man-child who thinks farting in front of his wife is funny, no matter how much she tells him it's not.

In fairness I have asked my wife to look at a lump on my back, I could feel there was something there but had tried with two mirrors and failed to see it properly. She diagnosed a blocked pore and blackhead and squeezed it out - I'm sure it wasn't a great sight lol

Sometimes part of being in a couple is asking for help, but there are ways to ask.

 

[LMWM321]

Sometimes part of being in a couple is asking for help, but there are ways to ask.

Absolutely. ..I don't mean to imply that couples shouldn't be vulnerable in front of each other and rely on each other for help - even if it's embarrassing. Heck, my wife has replaced surgical bandages dozens of times for me.

But my friend does this somewhat gleefully and never stopping to consider that it's unpleasant for his wife. And it's cumulative. ..Add the zit-popping to all the aforementioned lapses in manners and you'll see a guy who no longer cares about being as attractive as he (reasonably) can for his wife. So he shouldn't be surprised when her sexual interest in him plummets even though she still deeply loves him.

 

[UtilityCurve]

The most horrible thing I have ever heard of is women expressing relief (their word, not mine) at undergoing vaginal dryness and a lack of desire, the perfect formula to refuse intercourse with their mates.

As a guy, my reflex is to feel for the boys, but upon reflection I am SO saddened for the women.