Is it a matter of attitude ?

[SilverVeil]

Is being considered desirable (sp? someone moved my dictionary on me this morning. Sorry. ) a matter of actual looks or can it be your attitude you present ?

Having just turned 38 this year, and being a short, round shaped, more silver hair than blond now, person, I am continously amazed by the number of men who have let me know they are attracted to me. Both online and in real life.

Of the few I have asked why they find me attractive, they have all in some way indicated it was how I interact with people. I appear to have confidence in myself, and know what I want in life. Two of them have said they sense a peace inside me that makes them want to share a part of it.

I am flattered by these comments and the attraction, yet I can't help but think often times " If they only knew how I feel sometimes !! "

What makes a person attractive to you ? Other than looks ?

 

[Guest]

I do think attitude has a lot to do with how attractive a person can be.
I've seen pretty people with bad attitudes and I found them unpleasant and unattractive. I have a friend that has a great personality and holds her body with confidence. She claims she's quite average in the beauty department. I find her lovely.

 

[freescorfr]

Real. real, drop on your knees attraction is caused by a huge range of invisible forces and energies. For me it is associated with energy and life, but sometimes these are not on the surface and I'm often attracted to people in whom, at first, these are quite latent.

Unworthy of analysis, it takes the form of an overwhelming feeling of "it's good to be with this person" ness . And a gereralised excitement located in the lower arms.

Now desire is a different thing. It is often located in the willie region, with a bit of twitching and a slight pendulousness in the balls. A smile can be enough depending on the weather. Repeated, long-term, chronic desire for the same object, can lead to serious long term complications.

The only desire worth having is that which is mirrored by the object desired.

It is fatal to desire the desired one to desire you, but it is bliss if you desire someone and they desire you.

 

[chewbacca71]

I have dated some pretty women that have had poor attitudes and poor self confidence and not so pretty women that had unreal attitudes and tons of confidence and I know which one I like more. I love the fuck me attitude that some women have that make them the most desireable women that the world can handle. Now I am not talking about a Fuck you attitude though . That is totally different LOL. Chewey

 

[Flower Petals]

I think it's far more sexy when a woman has confidence in her looks. To constintly be hearing a women complain of her looks, and poking at her imaginary flaws... there is nothing sexy about that. When I see a beautiful woman walking with her head held high, and with a stride that boasts of confidence, I go weak kneed. Beautiful!

 

[ToPnOtCh]

Keep it nice and tight

Keep yourself up nice and tight

A women should never have low self esteem...even though we know there are people like that out there, besides keep it tight and smelling good and you will always feel good about yourself

 

[MidnightAngel]

What makes a person attractive to you ? Other than looks ?

Attitude. Sense of Humor. The ability to enjoy life and have fun. Most of all, the ability to let me be me.

 

[Cherry]

A wicked sense of humor and a strong self-confidence does it for me.

I may look and linger appreciatively at the handsome peacock strutting his stuff, but the inner soul is what attracts me further.

 

[april-wine]

I have always thought of myself as pretty average, I am not a drop dead beauty.....I am also round, with more grey coming in daily lol....But my love, tells me I am beautiful, that there is something that shines from within....Hmmm maybe it is just sappyness lol....

I think beauty is more an attitude, there are many pretty faces out there, that are stone cold ugly on the inside, they are always unattractive to me....Beauty comes from the inside out.....My 2 cents.......april

 

[sabbathstorm]

In my own case, attitude has a lot to do with people being attracted to me. I'm not drop dead gorgeous or model thin but I am content with the way I look. My partner tells me it's all about the attitude, intellectual capacity, and sex appeal (I say pheremones )

What makes a person attractive to me? Again, it's predominantly attitude. Pretty boys just don't do it for me as they can be too involved with themselves.

 

[Wave_Rider]

In my 'humble' opinion only

It took me after my early 20's to realize that being handsome was a "gift", the end result of being genetically "charmed" but "beautiful gifts" lose their value quickly and are replaced by objects that are more engaging to be around. In high school and college, being an cocky, strutting Athlete seemed like it was enough at the time. Girls/women always desired to be "With Me". However, I came to find out the reasons for them wanting ME was to cause envy and jealousy from other women.....a sort of BOY TOY status rung climbing. It had nothing to do with "my inner self."

Yes, self confidence also came from the way others would flirt or admire with their eyes, body language etc. However, once in the classroom, I noticed others were also admired for their intelligence and creativity.

As time goes on, the outer shell 'might" morph. Hopefully, the inner self continues to learn and grow.

 

[MaddyBaby]

Well, most people that I talk to have seen my pics on Lit. Most people say I am pretty or what not. Even though I might not find myself the most attractive girl... I do know that I have a likeable personality. I think, for me, the personality is the most important part of a woman/man.

I'd never date someone on just their looks... but on the contrary, I would and have dated people on just the personality. The personality is what makes them beautiful to me.


Mads

 

[Calamity Jane]

In my offline life, I'm initially drawn to someone's looks. If I don't know a guy, or anything about him, I don't have anything else to go on. But in order to hold my attention, there's gotta be something else going on.

Wit, intelligence, well read, the ability to carry on random philosophical conversations, make me laugh, appreciate the same things I do, all of that is vital.

Online, I'm obviously only given the second option... the writings and thoughts of a person, and I find myself drawn to a vastly different type of person. By the time I want to see what they look like, the looks no longer matter.

 

[Starblayde]

, I would and have dated people on just the personality. The personality is what makes them beautiful to me.

Mads

That is very true... especially for me. People i find attractive IRL dont seem to realise that someone can favour personality over looks.

Which is why they look shocked when i ask them out.

Right?

 

[Nicodemus]

Looks only carry things so far. Being with someone that can make you laugh, shares some of your interests, and compliments who you are with who they are is most important. One of the greatest relationships I have ever been in was with a woman that was almost boyishly petite. She was always wondering if I wanted one of those women with huge breast. Took alot of reassurance to get her to see the beauty that I saw ever time I looked her way. She was cute....not phenomenally beautiful, but in my eyes she was super model material. When we made love she was every romance novel you have ever read, every porn movie you can think of. Her personality and who she was inside was the beauty that held me and makes her a part of me to this day.

Nic,

 

[Ginny]

Other than looks, what makes a person attractive?

it's all about a sense of humor...about life....about sex.....

 

[freescorfr]

One quickie word about being attractive when pissed, - I always thought I was. And brilliant and rich and funny.
So I got pissed a lot.
I was very brilliant, very rich and very funny. And very pissed.


Actually, for those of us who have lived through those days of inebriation, we didn't like ourselves to much. In fact, I hated myself.
Then, it changed - by some miracle which involved drinking water -I began to like myself again - and slowly like myself enough to enjoy living and then, love myself enough to love someone else - whom I'd been already married to for years.

And then to love life itself and discover that there is a treasure chest of riches in everyone.

In fact, I can say, that being attractive is to do with the value you place on yourself, for yourself. People who value themselves are open, honest, accessible and vital - because nobody can devalue their own image of themselves.

If, of course, you think you're something your not, you're in the shit, so it's important to know yourself pretty well.

 

[bluespoke]

Wit and intelligence, intelligance and wit. In any order you like.

Beauty is all in the mind, the skin merely a package to carry all you internal organs.

 

[JazzManJim]

I can safely say that I've been told that someone considered me sexy far more often online than offline. Offline, I've had a grand total of two people look at me and tell me they thought I was sexy.

So, I think it has far more to do with attitude and conversations than it does sheer appearance. Appearance helps, though. I've had folks who had been interested in me stop being interested once they knew what I looked like. That's also happened far more often than not.

Hmm...in conclusion. Yeah..personality carries the day, but never underestimate that the majority of humankind are horribly shallow people.

 

[IA951]

I will have to say that attitude IS a large part of it.
And it's no mystery that my very poor attitude has turned off people before and will no dobut continue to do so, I give off this "fuck-off" vibe without even knowing that I do it.

Oh fucking well, life sucks buy a fucking helmet alright?

 

[Guest]

 

[cherrylips_au]

Well I think the person they are, is more important than looks. As been said already if they only have looks to rely on the attraction doesn't last.
It's really the whole thing of how they hold themselves, personality, self confidence and if they enjoy life.
I do have a weakness for nice eyes too think they can reveal alot about the person.

 

[SilverVeil]

Some interesting thoughts. Thanks for ya'll's input on the subject.

 

[freescorfr]

It's smell as well. That's missing from lit. So here's mine:
wood smoke, sweat and grass-cutting and dust rain - and a few less palatable ones possibly . They're the attractors or the repellants, probably.