is is weird to get into bed and not have sex right away??

[luvpats4unme]

Lately it seems that almost every woman I meet. . .and I mean almost every one. . .thinks it is really weird that I enjoy getting into bed and NOT having intercourse right away, whether it be a first date, second date or whenever. . .why is that?? I mean women have asked me if I am gay, if I am impotent, if I have physical problems. . .the list goes on and on. . .what is so wrong with getting to know someone on an intimate level without the pressure of having to perform or go through with the whole enchilada right away?? Women tell me that if they go to bed with someone they want everything or it's nothing at all. . .I think that is completely unrealistic and dangerous. . .that means everyone they have bedded down they have had intercourse with. . .so what is so wrong with getting to know someone on an intimate level through cuddling, caressing, talking and achieving manual satisfaction/orgasm right at first??? Why does intercourse have to happen right away?? I can think of a zillion things to do besides intercourse which may not be as pleasurable but certainly safe and fulfilling. . .in my opinion intercourse can wait until both parties are ready and willing. . .I guess I just don't understand why the women I meet can't wait. . .I mean if I can wait why can't the woman??? If I can achieve satisfaction manually why can't the woman?? Why is it so difficult for women to share intimacy, even if it means overnight stays and sleeping together. . .and not have intercourse right away?? I just don't get it and it has become very frustrating to meet and be with someone who agrees with me. . .

 

[deepstare]

Yep

Oh man I know what you're talking about. I think its a very intimate experience to sleep with a woman without actually having sex. It's very personal, very trusting.

But its important not to be like that guy they caught in New Orleans (I think it was there) for breaking into women's houses and climbing into bed with them. That's no good.

 

[cuddlybear1970]

Actually I agree with you. I don't feel the need to have intercourse on the first time intimate either. But our society has kind of pushed us into the path of "in bed, intercourse." I personally enjoy cuddling, mutual massage, and foreplay, just as much as I enjoy the intercourse itself.

 

[anonsipen]

I've been to bed with a couple of women who were quite happy to do no more than play around with out going all the way. I had, fun and so did they, so they do exist!

I must admit that most of them I had relationships with afterwards and felt it made for a more solid basis for our later bedroom antics.

Plus, I really get turned on by just turning my partner on, plenty of slow long foreplay, not always ending in intercourse.

Haven't met one for a while mind...

 

[anonsipen]

I've been to bed with a couple of women who were quite happy to do no more than play around with out going all the way. I had, fun and so did they, so they do exist!

I must admit that most of them I had relationships with afterwards and felt it made for a more solid basis for our later bedroom antics.

Plus, I really get turned on by just turning my partner on, plenty of slow long foreplay, not always ending in intercourse.

Haven't met one for a while mind...

 

[angelheart2351]

Interesting...

I think that maybe you guys have been looking in the wrong places if you can't find a woman who ejoys intmacy without intercourse.
I consider myself a pretty normal woman and I would be thrilled to find a guy that was interested in the whole idea of being with me without in that way.
I love falling asleep in a guys arms, extended forplay and just being intimate through touch.
I am sure there are plenty of woman out there who would agree with me.

 

[cuddlybear1970]

I am glad to hear from at least one lady, that she enjoys the open foreplay and cuddling. I can't imagine a life without cuddling, either in bed, or watching a movie, or even at a stoplight in the car. Now if I could only find a woman that wants this in Eastern Virginia. Personally, I believe that a relationship works best when both partners are giving to it. I love to cook dinners, give massages, and in general, pamper my partner. It really allows me that intimacy without necessarily having to resort to sex all the time. And I know at least 2 other guys that feel the same.

 

[MizTabby]

It's absolutely not weird, cuddlybear,
in fact, I've never met but would love to meet
such men like you who don't make me feel weird for not
wanting intercourse right away.

There is so much that we can enjoy intimately, while
getting to know each other, that can actually make that
wait even more pleasureable, in my humble opinion.
Just lying with strong warms hugging me tightly, little
touches and kisses, so cuddly, up close and very personal;
and a little sensual conversation, whispers are so nice!

Of course there's arousal and the feeling to get the groove
on, that's what makes such closeness so very stimulating
and enjoyable, the appetizer before the main course, and
who said the meal has to be finished first time, right away?
I think we're losing our taste for the touchy-feely kind
of closeness which can make for a much better sexual rapport
when we do get down to the bare necessities.

It's really comforting to know there are men like you around,
and the gents on here so far have the right idea

*angelheart, I could just hug you for all you said on here,
and yes, I'm in total agreement

 

[angelheart2351]

I'll be honest, I am more then a little surprised that more woman have not replied to this thread.
The measure of a true man is someone who can satisfy both emotionally and physically. Don't get me wrong. Sex is amazing and I love it. I just think that there is alot that can enhance sex. Say extended forplay, a massage, a light caress out in public.
I love pleasing the other person but I know it's better when it's more then just sticking his cock in my pussy.
Guys keep searching, there are woman out there that would feel honored to have you in their lives.

 

[deepstare]

Thanks

Those are encouraging words ladies...I for one appreciate them.

 

[MizTabby]

so are we weird or wise?

Lately it seems that almost every woman I meet. . .and I mean almost every one. . .thinks it is really weird that I enjoy getting into bed and NOT having intercourse right away, whether it be a first date, second date or whenever. . .why is that?? I mean women have asked me if I am gay, if I am impotent, if I have physical problems. . .the list goes on and on. . .what is so wrong with getting to know someone on an intimate level without the pressure of having to perform or go through with the whole enchilada right away?? Women tell me that if they go to bed with someone they want everything or it's nothing at all. . .I think that is completely unrealistic and dangerous. . .that means everyone they have bedded down they have had intercourse with. . .so what is so wrong with getting to know someone on an intimate level through cuddling, caressing, talking and achieving manual satisfaction/orgasm right at first??? Why does intercourse have to happen right away?? I can think of a zillion things to do besides intercourse which may not be as pleasurable but certainly safe and fulfilling. . .in my opinion intercourse can wait until both parties are ready and willing. . .I guess I just don't understand why the women I meet can't wait. . .I mean if I can wait why can't the woman??? If I can achieve satisfaction manually why can't the woman?? Why is it so difficult for women to share intimacy, even if it means overnight stays and sleeping together. . .and not have intercourse right away?? I just don't get it and it has become very frustrating to meet and be with someone who agrees with me. . .

Seems like you opened a can of bed bugs, lovepats [/]
I'd definitely love meeting you!

I'm waiting to hear more from the ladies on this topic.

It can be extremely uncomfortable to be on a date, all the
time wondering what's (not) going to happen after coffee and
if I'm expected to provide dessert.

This isn't about not having sex, rather it's got everything
to do with is it a must, is he or she expected to get
physical. I'd be content knowing he wants me but also
wants to get to know me better; nobody has to prove him/
herself based on timing sexual interludes, there is a person
beyond the genitals who needs affection, pampering,
and to be valued and cherished, which in my book makes
for a more intense and satisfying sexual encounter, and
when it comes, it's much more satisfying and fulfilling.

BRAVO! to these men who have the balls to share
their views and speak honestly about how they feel,
although they'll probably be given a hard time for it.

 

[cuddlybear1970]

Maybe it is time for us "hopeless romantics" to finally up and speak out. I know I am referred to as "The hopeless romantic" by my friends quite often. But if you and your partner, and I stress the word partner, cannot have a good conversation, or just enjoy being together without having to have sex, then someone needs to re-examine their side of the relationship. And there are more gentlemen out here that feel this way. I have several friends who agree with this, that are entirely too shy to ever speak up on a forum. I know that I love having dinner, especially if I get to cook, candlelight, and then giving a gentle massage to my partner. If the evening does not end with sex, then you have deepened a relationship, you have made it more intimate without the sex than it would have been with it. Your partner knows that she can not only rely on you to make her feel good in bed, but that she can rely on you to make her feel good anywhere. She will be more confident in the relationship, you will get more out of the relationship, so there are tangible rewards to this. More so, though, there are the satisfactions and increased passions added throughtout the rest of your relationship. All guys should try to be more passionate whenever they can.

 

[cuddlybear1970]

I hope that this thread is not dying out. I would really love to meet a local woman who is into cuddling and just spending time. And having this discussion is a wonderful way to learn more ways to be intimate without having to resort to sex all the time. Not that I have anything against sex, but having more, makes that sex all the more enjoyable. Talk to you all soon.....



John

 

[MizTabby]

a little bump

for those who haven't seen this thread yet,
no it's not dying out cuddlyb, it's aliiiive

So how's everybody this evening?
any cuddling anywhere??

 

[cuddlybear1970]

No cuddling yet..............but I am still working on it. As soon as I find someone special, that I can truly share my time and life with. And yes, they are out there, just need to find them

 

[Tx girl]

I think you guys are wonderful!!! Wow!! Like a breath of fresh air. It's not often you find guys out there that enjoy the cuddling, and the simple loving touch of just being beside your partner. Im so sure that all of you guys will find you a very lucky lady. Seriously, i don't see how any woman could turn any of you down.

 

[luvpats4unme]

thank you to everyone that has responded

Thank you to all who have responded to my post and for speaking up on this subject. However I am not suprised that more responses haven't been received. I think society in general is now conditioned that "expectations" and "performance" are much more important than "exploration" and "enjoyment". I think both men and women are conditioned that when bedtime comes intercourse is "expected" just like oral sex might be expected or bondage might be expected or a spanking might be expected.
I don't make or put pressure on anyone to do anything. To me things should happen naturally and go with the flow and don't make expectations and have fun and get to know each other.

I received an email from a woman that said she "expected" that the sex "better be good" when she beds a man. How ridiculous and fantasy-oriented. I would rather practice, practice, practice and never be perfect!! The pressure to "perform" is so evident nowadays it turns me off and takes away from the pure reason of intimacy and to have fun, enjoy and express your true feelings for that individual.

Best wishes to all from Richard

 

[Starfyre]

I must agree...

I don't see anything wrong with waiting for a deeper relationship before having intercourse. (besides, there's so much more you can do!)

I've been in an intimate relationship for almost two years, and we've never had intercourse though we sleep together often. I think we are very sexual; when we're together we cuddle close on the couch or spend hours in bed just touching and pleasing each other.

I admire men who don't have anything to prove in bed. My past experiences were all with men who were interested in what they could take from me and not in what we could share. This is new to me, but I'm certainly enjoying it.

I hope you find someone who appreciates you.

~Star

 

[Tx girl]

Ok i have a comment!!! Whoever sent you the pm seriously needs to think of something. She said "it better be good when she beds a man" What if she's not good? It swings both ways. What comes around goes around, and the day may just come when it comes right back at her.

Your very welcome Richard! And thankyou for being open and honest. You didn't have to be, but you were. People seriously need to be more honest. Why tell a lie, especially to someone you don't even know, haven't seen,or haven't even talked to! Its better to come out ahead by being honest in the beginning!

 

[Tx girl]

Oops forgot something!!! I definatly DEFINATLY agree with Starfyre there are so so sooooooooo many other things you can do! *S*

 

[cuddlybear1970]

Personally, I hope there are some guys reading this and deciding that maybe they have some more to learn. I know I have more to learn, I am not an expert, although I am more than willing to continue learning. And yes, I have been in the situation where I was expected to be good, and it is kind of not fun when it is more like a business proposition, than an act of intimacy. I have friends that think the only thing is to score (reach intercourse) and miss so much more of what could be. I do want to thank the ladies here for being willing to speak out and let us know that it is appreciated. And I also thank our host for allowing both this post, and the other posts out there. We need more discussions like this one, and more oportunities for friendships. People who don't reach out to other people are really missing the purpose for existence.

 

[Tx girl]

You know Cuddlybear, the learning part is the best part. Learning about one another, what touch drives your partner over the edge, or that soft slip of ones fingers carrassing the others skin, the gentle carrasses. That in my opinion is how it should be! Learn first, score later! Lucky for you, your not like all your friends, and your right, they are missing out. But you know what they say its kinda like when your growing up and your moms always telling you "one of these days you'll learn and see im not stupid at all". You know when you think she's full of crap! Your friends will most likely think, damn i really wish i did things diffrent. Sex should be fun, and comfortable. Not like as you said a contract. To much pressure can just put a huge damper on stuff. I mean how else is anyone supposed to learn just exactly what it is that pleases the other? You have to start from first base, work your way on. And just because one thing may have excited the guy/lady from another partner, may not be the samething that drives her crazy for you.


BTW, i really hope that made sense, i've had insomnia for days and i think the sleepy's are finally kicking in. Of course knowing my luck, if i do go to bed my eyes will pop wide open! I think i could use a nice massage right now!

 

[cuddlybear1970]

Wish I could give you that massage. I was certified for a while as a masseuse. You sound like you need a good relaxation session. If there is ever a way, count on one from me.

 

[TantaLiza]

I must say I really have hope now!! I think I'd give just about anything to meet someone who is like you fellows!! I crave the one on one interaction just as much if not more than the literal act!! That's not to say I don't like it, too but I wouldn't mind waitin... would make things so much hotter to get to know someone better before settin off fireworks, so to speak!!

Makin me crave it big time right about now!!! Cuddlin, touchin, tastin, nuzzlin..... DADBURNIT!!!

*waitin impatiently*

LizA

 

[luvpats4unme]

the learning part

I agree with everyojne that has posted here that learning is the best part however it is very difficult to find that due to the issues with "performance" and "expectations". And I very much agree that honesty is the best policy always. However I remember a while back a woman who was as she put it "very experienced" in bed told me that she "expected" the man to "know what he's doing". How absurd. Talk about pressure geez. I am no expert and don't want to be cause I love to explore, learn and practice, practice, practice. How boring if everything was "perfect". I am very open to experimentation and there are some things I have never done that are considered "normal" yet have not found a woman who is willing to have the patience for me to learn and please.

Just yesterday I received a very lengthy email from a woman who at first complained that she could not find a man for a LTR that all they wanted was sex etc etc. In this email she rejected me cause of my spanking fetish and the content of the email was all about HER and how she could not do that and she had "so much going on" to even "think" of a LTR. What was wrong with this?? It was just so negative and self-centered. To me learning and exploring would make very fulfilling relationship-communication is not just a one-way street!!!

best wishes from Richard