Is control addictive?

[Marquis]

I'm curious to see what people on this forum have to say about this article:

Mission Control

 

[nh23]

I'm curious to see what people on this forum have to say about this article:

Mission Control

Lol..Sure thing. Next time you have the urge to take control just take a few deep breaths.

 

[FurryFury]

It's late. I should have been in bed already. I'm not going to read the article at this time. I'll just say this:

Control is likely "addictive", (as are most pleasurable things) for those who are into being in control but not for those that dislike and are uncomfortable with control.

Goodnight.

 

[Betticus]

Marquis, you are so funny sometimes.

 

[BiBunny]

Control is almost as addictive as that article is silly.

 

[Netzach]

When I deep breathe like that and feel good I just want to tie someone to a chair.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Netz, you say the most awesomest things....

 

[HB1965]

I'm curious to see what people on this forum have to say about this article:

Mission Control

LOL I have to agree with Bett. Too funny.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm curious to see what people on this forum have to say about this article:

Mission Control

I think he's asking a good question. "Why do I feel so uncomfortable when I'm not in control?"

I've asked myself that a million times.

I also think he's got a pretty good answer. Part 1: "Control vs. Trust"

Waaaay back in the day, when I hit puberty, social norms were in a period of upheaval and everyone, but most notably females, seemed confused. I absolutely did *not* trust that they had clear or consistent expectations about what the hell they wanted or expected from males.

I watched a lot of guys jump through ridiculous hoops, spend a fortune, shun friends & formerly favored activities, negotiate & compromise & bend over backwards only to have the tables turned on them once they did, etc. -- all for the *hope* of getting some t & a on a regular basis. And I remember consciously thinking: No way. No FUCKING way I'm putting up with this bullshit to get what I need.

Part 2: "Control is Addictive"

Well, yes! It sure is. It's hot, and it gets me what I want, and for the most part things run smoothly. Since my experience with relationships involving an overt control dynamic has been that both people are happy and things run smoothly, why the hell would I stop?


As far as his solution, though.... please pardon me while I guffaw.

 

[Netzach]

I watched a lot of guys jump through ridiculous hoops, spend a fortune, shun friends & formerly favored activities, negotiate & compromise & bend over backwards only to have the tables turned on them once they did, etc. -- all for the *hope* of getting some t & a on a regular basis. And I remember consciously thinking: No way. No FUCKING way I'm putting up with this bullshit to get what I need.

That's funny. Millenia of the opposite seems to have influenced me.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[Marquis]

Personally, I don't think the article is all that funny, although it is clearly not written for a D/s audience.

In my experience, being hysterical about your need for control and being totally unable to cope with not being in control is never healthy; and from a dominant perspective counterproductive to your actual goal of attaining control.

 

[Marquis]

Oh yes, but I did think the phrasing of control as addictive was pretty silly.

 

[Puman]

I dunno... The method of 'control-relief' looks very much like the same method used for 'stress-relief' to me...
Then again, it is a very generalised article...so....

 

[Homburg]

Yes, of course it is. Why else do people bicker over the remote?

 

[Puman]

Yes, of course it is. Why else do people bicker over the remote?

So if one knows how the actual buttons ON the LCD tv work, does that mean that one had given up their control?
(Sorry couldn't resist )

 

[Homburg]

So if one knows how the actual buttons ON the LCD tv work, does that mean that one had given up their control?
(Sorry couldn't resist )

Buttons on the TV... Those things do something?

Actually, the remote on the one TV that I allow in the house is dead. The new remotes are less reliable, as they're young, energetic, and not always that good at pressing the right buttons...

 

[HB1965]

As far as his solution, though.... please pardon me while I guffaw.

And that's the part about it that's funny.

I think there is merit to what he says otherwise. The need to be in control of other people and your life situation is a negative coping response. It's something that needs to be changed if people are going to have meaningful and balanced relationships.

 

[HB1965]

Personally, I don't think the article is all that funny, although it is clearly not written for a D/s audience.

In my experience, being hysterical about your need for control and being totally unable to cope with not being in control is never healthy; and from a dominant perspective counterproductive to your actual goal of attaining control.

You may not want to answer this but can you explain your need to be dominant in a relationship, and why you think you're that way?

 

[RJMasters]

"Is control addictive?"

No its not. I don't see it that way, but I don't think its an entirely black and white issue either. For me control is not addictive, it is more of the natural outcome of me expressing my personality and character as a dominant. I like to be in charge, I like being in control.

Unlike the article that says a desire or need to be in control is based upon insecurities, I think my need or desire for control is more based upon the notion of personal freedom and sexual arousal.

If sexual arousal is only experienced through being in control, and one has a sexual addiction, I can see how the need for control would be mistaken as being addictive, yet I see it as more the bong or the papers in which the one rolls the drug.

IMO if power or control becomes "the drug" in and of itself, then as a dominant, you're fucked. I don't see how this can happen though unless you are chasing after something, and if you are chasing after it, its probably because is not something you have. Naturally assuming control shouldn't really be something a dominant has to chase after, nor does it have to be sommething they are addicted to, it can just simply be part of who they are and the natural outworking thereof.

 

[JMohegan]

I don't have any experience with substance abuse. But if I don't have at least one cup of coffee in the morning, the chances are very high that I'll become irritable to the point that sustained self-control would be necessary to keep me from being obnoxious and a general pain in the ass for the rest of the day.

Those are the same words I use in describing my need for control in order to be relaxed, happy, and satisfied in a personal relationship.

Not everyone describes it this way, of course. But I've noticed a whole hell of a lot of people using the need for control as justification for virtual or RL cheating on spouses, or as an explanation for the painful demise of an otherwise compatible personal relationship - i.e., the need for control leading to behavior that is somewhat self-destructive or harmful to others.

Control, for me, is not addictive in the sense that the need for it overwhelms and destroys my life à la crack cocaine. But control, for me, is not something I can just walk away from in the context of personal relationships.

 

[JMohegan]

And that's the part about it that's funny.

I think there is merit to what he says otherwise. The need to be in control of other people and your life situation is a negative coping response. It's something that needs to be changed if people are going to have meaningful and balanced relationships.

If control is an integral part of relationships in which both my partners and I have been satisfied and happy - at times, spectacularly so, then I personally don't see the need to change.

Nature, nurture, the combination thereof, the why - none of that matters. Balanced (whatever that means) might work for some people, but it doesn't work for me.

 

[myinnerslut]

Buttons on the TV... Those things do something?

Actually, the remote on the one TV that I allow in the house is dead. The new remotes are less reliable, as they're young, energetic, and not always that good at pressing the right buttons...

your not using your kids as remotes, are you?!?

 

[JMohegan]

Personally, I don't think the article is all that funny, although it is clearly not written for a D/s audience.

In my experience, being hysterical about your need for control and being totally unable to cope with not being in control is never healthy; and from a dominant perspective counterproductive to your actual goal of attaining control.

I remember learning cursive handwriting as a kid. Gripping the pen so tightly that my knuckles turned white, and desperately trying to make the loops and lines come out the way the teacher insisted that they should. My cursive handwriting sucked - until the day my mother said, "For Heaven's sake, relax! You'll never get control over that pencil until you do."

It took me years to figure out how to relax enough to gain effective control in personal relationships, and I agree that the unchecked urge to control can be unhealthy and unproductive indeed.

 

[Netzach]

Actually, I laugh. Because yeah, I can be control freaky about certain things, but if anyone is a control freak in my relationship it's the NON Dominant parties.

I personally see my mission as one of bringing a little chaos, mess, and entropy to the otherwise too tightly wound/clamped little sphincters of the world.