Is BDSM becoming a fad? a trend?

[MissTaken]

Is it becoming something to do for folks who want attention?

Or is it becoming more popular as some need some way to identify their sexual identity?


This is just a brainfart and will soon pass, but I have been lurking in a number of places and am starting to think BDSM, for some, is like wearing plat form shoes and big hair was in the 70's!

Sorry


An annoyed Miss T!

 

[seXieleXie]

i think that people did BDSM before there was a name for it, do it now and don't call it that, and will continue to do so without ever joining the formal community. i think it isn't a fad or a trend so much as people realizing "hey, these people do what janey and i did last night, and they're probably even better at it than we are. let's join them"

then, when they get their fill, they go back to flying below the community radar, just as they were before.

 

[MissTaken]

I like that perspective and as usual, you are probably right!

I just got a bit disgruntled with some of the play I observed on another site!


(Never leaving this one mind you!)

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, I would say that even by KM's standards, and I mean this with respect, there is no such thing as true boring "vanilla."

We all have little idiosyncrasies that make us tick, sweat, breath hard or beg for more.

Perhaps, it is simply that the internet is a nice. safe place for people to explore their fetishes and sexuality?

I know it has been for me.

 

[WriterDom]

From my own research, I'd say the 49% of women in the E. Hariton survey who fantasize to be about right . And I believe that Anne Rice's beauty series is by far her biggest seller. If bdsm were a stock, I call it a growth stock.

http://www.ncsfreedom.org/whatissm/chapter6.htm

A handful of significant sociological studies have been done to determine percentage of the population engages in SM activities:



A new Playboy poll by Dr. Marty Klein appeared in November, 1998, p. 81:

18% of the men and 20% of the women have used a blindfold during sex. 30% of the men and 32% of the women have tied someone up or have been tied up during sex.
49% of the men and 38% of the women have spanked or have been spanked as part of sex. A survey by Hunt (1974) of 2,026 respondents found that 4.8% of men and 2.1% percent of women had obtained sexual pleasure from inflicting pain and 2.5% of the men and 4.6% of the women obtained sexual pleasure from receiving pain. These numbers are probably underestimates, because the erotic response to "pain" is only one aspect of SM. (M. Hunt, Sexual Behavior in the 1970s, Chicago: Playboy Press.)

A mid-1970s independent research organization poll funded by Playboy surveyed 3,700 randomly selected students from 20 colleges found that 12% women and 18% of the men had indicated a willingness to try bondage or master-slave role-playing. (Playboy, "What's Really Happening on Campus", October 1976.)

A survey by E. Hariton (1972) found that up to 49% of women fantasize about submissive scenarios during sexual intercourse with 14% doing so frequently. (E. Hariton, "Women's Fantasies During Sexual Intercourse with their Husbands: A Normative Study with Tests of Personality and Theoretical Models'" unpublished doctoral dissertation, City University of New York.)

Paul H. Gebhard, is an anthropologist and was the executive director of the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University from 1956 to 1983. Gebhard noted in Fetishism and Sadomasochism (Dynamics of Deviant Sexuality, 1969, pg. 79.) that "consciously recognized sexual arousal from sadomasochistic stimuli are not rare." The Institute for Sex Research found that one in eight females and one in five males were aroused by sadomasochistic stories.

In 1929, Hamilton's marriage habits survey reported that 28% of men and 29% of women admitted they derived "pleasant thrills" from having some form of "pain" inflicted in them. (G.V. Hamilton, A Research in Marriage, Boni, New York.)

 

[MissTaken]

Wow!

Thanks, WD.

 

[cellis]

I personally don't think there is anything new under the sun. I have being using elements of BDSM with a partner for the major of my sexually active life. I just did not know that it was called BDSM.

Blindfolds, restraints of some sort, anal sex, spankings have been a part of my sex life for almost 30 years. I had know idea that there was some kind of semi-formal organization for this kind of thing.

Of course, it has been alot more extreme in the last year, since I met Himself and have someone to really explore the depths with.

But it was always there in some form.

And thank goodness it was....

 

[DVS]

I do think there may be some younger people who tend to wear BDSM type clothing for the shock it has on others, especially their parents.

It was the same, when I was a kid. We all like to be individuals, and it is growing more and more difficult to do so, as each generation tries to 'come out'.

We just had to wear long hair and wear army boots to be strange. They called us freaks.

The next generation took to unusual haircuts, like Mohawks, and spikes. Then, different colors, and a different one each day.

Clothes have always been a trend to make a statement. Makeup turned to the extreme, and it fit well with the hair changes.

Tattoos and piercing have been part of the latest ways to shock. And, clothing has become more revealing to show these tattoos and piercing. The larger and more viewable the piercing the better. Not just one in the ear, but 8, and not one in the eyebrow, but several, and one with a chain dangling to the nose ring.

Goth is another form of shock. And, more of the Goth 'look' has BDSM type wear incorporated. Collar and lead, leather, chaps, floggers, are all part of it. At the local fetish night, Goth is about 20-30% of the participants. They talk BDSM, they act BDSM, and they seem to want to play BDSM.

Kids just want to express themselves. There is nothing wrong with any of this, as we all did it, in our own time.

But, as it is becoming more difficult to be different, each generation has to delve into the darker, stranger, or more visual aspects of life to be an individual.

I have seen many young kids (God, that statement makes me feel old) 'act' as BDSMers, when I know they have no experience in it.

 

[Titania1616]

i know that the internet has definately let me be more open and confident about my feelings toward bdsm. at this point in time, i dont feel comfortable with it being known to all my friends and family. i think maybe the reason why there seems to be a growth in the bdsm area is because shy people like me finally have an outlet through which they can discuss and question things with relative anonymity. just my pov.

 

[shy_roamer]

even if there are way too many newbies, that does not diminish the desire of a sub to please, or the desire of the Dom/me to bring the sub to sub-space....merely makes it harder for the real P/people to find each O/other

 

[shy_roamer]

PS

i hope that i am not breaking any etiquitte by posting without introducing myself. i'm merely a guy tryig to find his one right Lady

 

[SubbieHubbie]

MissTaken - you're probably right on both ends. More people are into BDSM - or at least accept and express their interest their - as society becomes more accepting of it. Likewise, there are people who do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to get attention, from BDSM, through writing and reading poetry (my own attention getter) to studying to become a brain surgeon. People will allow themselves any outlet they enjoy and feel safe enough in, and people will use anything at all to get attention. I don't think it's either or.

 

[WillowPuss]

My 'story' is similar to that of cellis in that parts of BDSM play have been part of my sex life for years ... I just didn't know it was called BDSM.

Possibly, as more people get on the net; and find out what they have been doing for years is BDSM, they will appear on the scene.


On a more flippant note ... I hope to god it isn't becoming trendy - it would ruin my teenage kids life to have 'trendy parents'.
Gasp! Shock! Horror!
Fancy having parents that were 'cool' ... it would never do!

 

[Guest]

I think, maybe, now that it is not quite so stigmatized, more folks are willing to experiment. I have seen those, that I would have never guessed to be of interest, visit S&M clubs.
I have noticed quite the trend in fetish wear, though. Heh.
Don't be surprised. Your straight as an arrow neighbor might just be a Domme.

 

[Sandia]

As usual, (sigh), I'm late comin to the party... WD, IMHO your statistics are low... The thing is, folks are never quite as honest as you might think when talking to a stranger taking a poll. (But thank you for posting them though!)

Has anyone read a romance novel lately? You know, the ones with the handsome muscular pirate bending the lovely young virgin over as her bosom pops out of her blouse? These novels are some of the best selling books in literature, and they all have at least some BDSM elements in them. Some of them - especially the older ones - in fact would be rejected by this community as too extreme; non-SSC. (The "original" historical romance, The Flame and the Flower, started off with the hero "raping" his heroine. Their relationship blossomed after that. It was published over thirty years ago.)

Anyway, my two cents worth.

I think the distinction between BDSM and the "vanilla" world has been exaggerated.

Sandia.

 

[Never]

I think the idea that there's a definite split between BDSM and Vanilla is misleading, BDSM has three elements [four, really] all of which a person can enjoy a little or a lot of. It's a continuum and defining what is or isn't BDSM is impossible.

If I like to be spanked, am I into BDSM?
If I like to be in control while I'm having sex, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes like to be blindfolded, am I into BDSM?
If thigh-high leather boots on a woman appeals to me, am I into BDSM?
If I'd like to try role-playing, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes bite my partner, or have rough sex, am I into BDSM?

The either/or mentality is quite misleading here.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
31 flavors of sexuality.

 

[DVS]

If I like to be spanked, am I into BDSM?
If I like to be in control while I'm having sex, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes like to be blindfolded, am I into BDSM?
If thigh-high leather boots on a woman appeals to me, am I into BDSM?
If I'd like to try role-playing, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes bite my partner, or have rough sex, am I into BDSM?

I'd say we have a damn good start.

 

[CarolineOh]

I think the idea that there's a definite split between BDSM and Vanilla is misleading, BDSM has three elements [four, really] all of which a person can enjoy a little or a lot of. It's a continuum and defining what is or isn't BDSM is impossible.

If I like to be spanked, am I into BDSM?
If I like to be in control while I'm having sex, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes like to be blindfolded, am I into BDSM?
If thigh-high leather boots on a woman appeals to me, am I into BDSM?
If I'd like to try role-playing, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes bite my partner, or have rough sex, am I into BDSM?

The either/or mentality is quite misleading here.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
31 flavors of sexuality.

I agree with your sentiment, but I also recognize that when people say "BDSM" they are sometimes refering not just to the activities, but to the "lifestyle", so that makes the question a bit more complicated.
Like Cellis and Willow, spanking, bondage, blindfolds, etc. were part of our sxual repetoire before we understood that they can be part of a much broader form of sexual expression.

 

[Sandia]

I think the idea that there's a definite split between BDSM and Vanilla is misleading, BDSM has three elements [four, really] all of which a person can enjoy a little or a lot of. It's a continuum and defining what is or isn't BDSM is impossible.

If I like to be spanked, am I into BDSM?
If I like to be in control while I'm having sex, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes like to be blindfolded, am I into BDSM?
If thigh-high leather boots on a woman appeals to me, am I into BDSM?
If I'd like to try role-playing, am I into BDSM?
If I sometimes bite my partner, or have rough sex, am I into BDSM?

The either/or mentality is quite misleading here.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
31 flavors of sexuality.

Well said, Never.
Have you noticed that I'm courting you yet?
What are the three or four elements of BDSM?

 

[Never]

DVS:
I'm just warming up.

CarolineOH:
The lifestyle part isn't that cut and dried either of course. There's everyone from the 'I accept that this is my sexuality and I'm not going to change' lifestyler, to the 'Here's my cheque book, I'm yours totally.' lifestyler.

Sandia:
The leather community traditionally had close (well knotted) ties to the BDSM community.

 

[Sandia]

Sandia:
The leather community traditionally had close (well knotted) ties to the BDSM community.

So you're saying...

1. BD - bondage and discipline
2. D/s - domination and submission
3. SM - sadism and masochism...

and 4. the leather community?

How about this?

1. bondage... helplessness, vulnerability
2. SM... pain
3. domination... control/ obedience... perhaps service
4. humiliation... degradation, humility or subservience... or whatever you want to call it.
5. fetish

Sandia.

 

[cymbidia]

How about this?

1. bondage... helplessness, vulnerability
2. SM... pain
3. domination... control/ obedience... perhaps service
4. humiliation... degradation, humility or subservience... or whatever you want to call it.
5. fetish

What's the difference between a dom and a switch and sub, Sandia, in your mind? The real difference, the emotional difference, the psychological difference?

Did you ever figure out what a bottom was?

If you were put into tight and restrictive bondage, would it freak you out?

What about pain? Do you like to play with pain? What kinds?

Are you a needle freak or a service sub? A pain slut or an interested observer? What about edge play; does it fascinate you, draw you like a moth? What do you consder to be edge play anyway - for you?

What about control? You *like* controlling stuff and people; i've bnoticed that about you already. Do you like erotic control too?

You ask so many questions of others.
Time for you to answer a few, i think.


edited to add: This is cym, the commmunity member speaking in this post and not
cymbidia
BDSM Forum Moderator
just in case any of you were confused. I know it's hard to tell the difference between the two for some of you, suddenly. I'm just trying to help you. Really.

 

[Sandia]

What's the difference between a dom and a switch and sub, Sandia, in your mind? The real difference, the emotional difference, the psychological difference?

Did you ever figure out what a bottom was?

If you were put into tight and restrictive bondage, would it freak you out?

What about pain? Do you like to play with pain? What kinds?

Are you a needle freak or a service sub? A pain slut or an interested observer? What about edge play; does it fascinate you, draw you like a moth? What do you consder to be edge play anyway - for you?

What about control? You *like* controlling stuff and people; i've bnoticed that about you already. Do you like erotic control too?

You ask so many questions of others.
Time for you to answer a few, i think.


edited to add: This is cym, the commmunity member speaking in this post and not
cymbidia
BDSM Forum Moderator
just in case any of you were confused. I know it's hard to tell the difference between the two for some of you, suddenly. I'm just trying to help you. Really.

My heart is fluttering.

What's the difference between a dom and a switch and sub, Sandia, in your mind?

A dom is somebody who likes to dominate. A sub is someone who likes to be submissive. A switch, well, likes to switch. (whew, easy question!)

The real difference, the emotional difference, the psychological difference?

I don't know the real difference. The emotional difference is tougher, but I'll take a stab at it. I think for a so-called true dom, the pleasure from dominating comes substantially from the pleasure s/he produces in the sub. But, I've also come to feel there's more to it than that, particularly from reading Pure's contributions. I'm still working on that part. On the minimum, I've come to feel a dom has a "right," perhaps even an obligation, to take pleasure out of dominating her/his sub (ok, dammit, I'm just gonna switch to made doms for the rest of this, but you all know what I mean...!) for it's own sake, and for his own benefit, from time to time. I don't think everything a dom does needs to be, or even should be, strictly for the benefit of the sub.

A "fake" dom, on the other hand (and I think this is important, because God knows there's plenty of them) is just a guy who tries to get women into bed by acting like an asshole.

My own feeling is that the emotional quality of the submissive sexual experience is one of the most beautiful things in nature; though admittedly I've only experienced this second hand (through well-written stories, mostly--I'm not bragging here! Really! smile) I won't try to describe it here, except to say one of the truly wonderful and powerful things about it is that it is produced through actions or activities that seem degrading or cruel from the outside, but feel loving and tender from within. That's the wonderful tension of BDSM.

Uhm, I'm not ducking the rest of the question, but then again, there's only so much time on this earth, and so much patience, so:

Did you ever figure out what a bottom was?

Another easy one: a bottom is someone who enjoys the sexual side of BDSM but not necessarily the emotional side. This is (I believe) your definition, cym, but certainly a reasonable and intelligent one.

If you were put into tight and restrictive bondage, would it freak you out?

I would love to be put into tight and restrictive bondage, by a true Domme. (I think there's like, six of them, on the planet earth... sorry! I couldn't help but say that...)

What about pain? Do you like to play with pain? What kinds?
Wonderful question. I've been dying to be asked this.

I'm not into pain for it's own sake; only as a method of producing domination, and submission, and humiliation (--I'm using "humiliation" cautiously here; I know it doesn't exactly mean the same to me as to some folks, but that's another dissertation.)

Are you a needle freak or a service sub?

I'm not sure what a needle freak is, unless it's just somebody who likes needles, in which case the answer is "no."

I'm definitely not a service sub, as I understand the term. (Mainly non-sexual maid-type work; drawing baths, foot massages, etc.)

A pain slut or an interested observer? What about edge play; does it fascinate you, draw you like a moth? What do you consder to be edge play anyway - for you?

I'm not a pain slut. I am an interested observer. I think by edge play you mean extreme BDSM; which of course means completely different things to different people. For me something could be edgy that probably would not be edgy to you, but yes that's exactly what I'd be interested in.

Edge play... for me... as a dom? Holding a woman's head in my hair by her hair while I fucked her up the ass... Writing possessive words on her body... Making her wear my collar, or a leash, that trails down between her naked breasts... Having the knowledge that I could take her, even in public, if I wanted to... Maybe testing her, a little, to make her nervous about what I'd do...

Light stuff, I guess, but I would like these things. As a sub? I guess pretty much anything would be edgy for me. My experience in this area is extraordinarily limited, and disastrous. Well, disastrous is too strong a word. Let's just say unfulfilling.

What about control? You *like* controlling stuff and people; i've bnoticed that about you already. Do you like erotic control too?

I disagree that I like to control stuff and people, at least I don't think I like it more than some, and less than others.

The control element of BDSM... that's a little tough. I guess the simple answer is yes, I like that. But then, I'm not sure you'd be in BDSM if control was not an issue.

I'm flattered that you took the time to ask me questions. As you might guess, I love attention. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to turn it around, and ask you a question too.

Cymbidia, how are you doing?

(I've been reading through your loneliness thread - and what a wonderful and beautiful thread it is, and what wonderful posts you've made there - and I hope you will take the question in the well-meaning and hopeful manner that it's asked.)

Sandia.

 

[shysub]

WriterDom

Thank you for the statistics. I agree with what many people have said and I think it was good thread to start. I know, that for me, it was something I enjoyed before there was a name for it, and long before I ever knew there was a community. I am thankful to have found a place I can ask questions and read from others who are more experienced than I.