Is BDSM all about the chase?

[PlayDoe]

I often wonder if BDSM is more about the chase and pusuit than anything else. Let me explain. I see the subs as kind of like the fox in the hunt. They don't know what is coming after them. They do get to set some guidelines but they never know what's coming their way. They set off down some course and then wait for the pursuit.

The doms are the pursuers. They set (most of) the rules for the hunt. The sub never knows which way they will be led - what path they will be forced to take by the dom.

When the dom has captured the sub (finished a scene), the sub wants it to start again. The Dom probably wants to rest, but will look forward to and plan next chase in due time.

The true fun is in the chase, (the sub) feeling the wind in your face, the rush of adrenaline as you bound down some unknown path, (for the dom) the sense of control you feel as you pursue the sub, directing them to where you really want to go.

In a long distance realtionship, I would suggest this hunt and pursuit is even more intense.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I often wonder if BDSM is more about the chase and pusuit than anything else. Let me explain. I see the subs as kind of like the fox in the hunt. They don't know what is coming after them. They do get to set some guidelines but they never know what's coming their way. They set off down some course and then wait for the pursuit.

The doms are the pursuers. They set (most of) the rules for the hunt. The sub never knows which way they will be led - what path they will be forced to take by the dom.

When the dom has captured the sub (finished a scene), the sub wants it to start again. The Dom probably wants to rest, but will look forward to and plan next chase in due time.

The true fun is in the chase, (the sub) feeling the wind in your face, the rush of adrenaline as you bound down some unknown path, (for the dom) the sense of control you feel as you pursue the sub, directing them to where you really want to go.

In a long distance realtionship, I would suggest this hunt and pursuit is even more intense.

Actually, when it comes to the pursuit, I am usually the one being pursued. I rarely initiate contact. Male subs are very good at asking to talk to you.

Both of my subs initiated first contact. They asked (respectfully) to speak with me. And we went from there. I had two subs contact me yesterday alone.

Ebony

 

[NemoAlia]

The chase? Well, I guess not more than vanilla relationships are all about the chase. I mean, the way I see it, chasing something is one of those things that you have to do until you get it. Then you get to sit back and enjoy. That enjoyment is how I see most of my BDSM experience. We both chased our fulfillment, and we found it in each other.

I know I haven't really addressed the analogy you make between the chase and a BDSM scene. Sorry about that, PlayDoe. I just can't quite finish making those connections successfully inside my own head.

I do wonder, though, whether your screen name is a reflection of your belief in BDSM as a hunt. Yes? No?

 

[PlayDoe]

Let me elaborate EB

I thought this might be confusing. What I meant wasn't about first establishing a relationship, but scene play afterward. I would expect a lot of female doms probably get "pursued" by wana-be subs.

 

[PlayDoe]

NemoAlia

I'm not sure what you are asking about my screen name.

 

[NemoAlia]

I guess I don't know much about you, PD, even whether you're male or female. But if you're a female, and if you're a sub who likes to be 'chased' during a scene, could that mean that you like to play doe (a deer, a female deer) in scene?

 

[PlayDoe]

LOL!

Wow, that was an awesome analogy! (I'm serious). I never thought about it, but the name has to do with playdough. The "doe" part was an accident , especially since I am a male (check my profile). By the way, does your occupation involve anything having to do with the field of psychiatry?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Let me elaborate EB

I thought this might be confusing. What I meant wasn't about first establishing a relationship, but scene play afterward. I would expect a lot of female doms probably get "pursued" by wana-be subs.

Ok, gotcha. I did misread it. Let me see. I am gonna sit back and let others post. I have actually drawn a blank.

Eb <will wonders ever cease>

 

[NemoAlia]

It's no wonder Persephone hasn't posted in here. Her electricity is probably out from the ice storm down in the Underworld, now that Ebonyfire has nothing to say.

That being said, nope! Not a psychiatrist. Just a violinist with a liberal (read: spotty at best) education.

 

[Cirrus]

For me it's not really a chase, but some of the fun is in not knowing all of what to expect. I know there are certain things my Dom will more likely than not do whenever we play because we both really enjoy them. Sometimes it's the "how" he does it, sometimes it's the "when" and sometimes, like tonight, he'll totally blindside me by doing something that I hand't even thought about.

The persuit, as you put it, is enjoyable for him because he has the power over what I feel, and to a point, how I will respond. He can do or not do anything he wants (within our limits, of course)...I can definitely see why that's a turn on, though it's not something I think I would enjoy. I like to be controlled...half the fun is giving it up.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Re: Re: Is BDSM all about the chase?

Actually, when it comes to the pursuit, I am usually the one being pursued. I rarely initiate contact. Male subs are very good at asking to talk to you.

Both of my subs initiated first contact. They asked (respectfully) to speak with me. And we went from there. I had two subs contact me yesterday alone.

Ebony

Do you think most dom/mes expect the sub to make initial contact?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Is BDSM all about the chase?

Do you think most dom/mes expect the sub to make initial contact?

I cannot speak for anyone other than myself. I have never had to make initial contact. There are very few Dommes and a lots of male subs. There are even fewer african american Dommes.

So I am bombarded almost daily by prospective subs.

Ebony

 

[WillowPuss]

I often wonder if BDSM is more about the chase and pusuit than anything else. Let me explain. I see the subs as kind of like the fox in the hunt. They don't know what is coming after them. They do get to set some guidelines but they never know what's coming their way. They set off down some course and then wait for the pursuit.

The doms are the pursuers. They set (most of) the rules for the hunt. The sub never knows which way they will be led - what path they will be forced to take by the dom.

When the dom has captured the sub (finished a scene), the sub wants it to start again. The Dom probably wants to rest, but will look forward to and plan next chase in due time.

The true fun is in the chase, (the sub) feeling the wind in your face, the rush of adrenaline as you bound down some unknown path, (for the dom) the sense of control you feel as you pursue the sub, directing them to where you really want to go.

In a long distance realtionship, I would suggest this hunt and pursuit is even more intense.

If you are talking purely about playtime, then, yes - I suppose I can follow what you are saying. Mind you - I am usually totally drained after a session and I definately cannot start all over again for a good few hours!

However - your final sentence has left me all confused. How do LDR's fir into it?


If you are talking about BDSM (specifically D/s) as a lifestyle ... then I do not think your analogy works at all.

 

[Cirrus]

My Dom and I were already beginning a relationship when I told him that I was submissive, and would enjoy exploring D/s with him. He's about the last person I would have pegged as a full on dominant. I would have thought he might like to role play a little or engage in some light bondage but was basically 'nilla. Wrong. He'd been in D/s relationships before and had pretty substantial SM experience under his belt as well.

So I guess you could say I approached him.

 

[PlayDoe]

Answer to Willow

Let me explain what I meant about LDRs and the pursuit being more intense. It's kind of like this message board. If we were all in the same room, blurting out our answers, then I doubt it'd have the same affect. Instead, we type and wait for response. Time and distance make us wait and anticipate. The longer a thread continues, the more fun. The waiting and anticipcation get magnified by the delay. This makes it more enjoyable (at least for me). I guess for some involved in an LDR, the pursuit is less intense but more prolonged. To me though, that is the part I enjoy the most , the path I take to get where I'm going (the pusuit) not the final destination.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Answer to Willow

Let me explain what I meant about LDRs and the pursuit being more intense. It's kind of like this message board. If we were all in the same room, blurting out our answers, then I doubt it'd have the same affect. Instead, we type and wait for response. Time and distance make us wait and anticipate. The longer a thread continues, the more fun. The waiting and anticipcation get magnified by the delay. This makes it more enjoyable (at least for me). I guess for some involved in an LDR, the pursuit is less intense but more prolonged. To me though, that is the part I enjoy the most , the path I take to get where I'm going (the pusuit) not the final destination.

Don't you have to be or at least learn to be patient over time? Cause it seems the longer time goes by between online & the reality of RL, and chances of the RL actually occuring dims. Unless the two people work really hard to cement an online bond that can stand time and distance.

Eb

 

[PlayDoe]

That's a good question EB. I'd have to defer to someone that is involved in an LDR.

 

[Ebonyfire]

That's a good question EB. I'd have to defer to someone that is involved in an LDR.

Let me try another angle.

I start getting to know my subs online. I am not the chaser I am usually the chasee.

At first I sense an urgency, maybe that can be construed as the chase.

I think it is my job to slow the chase down. Remove the urgency. So that communication can take place.

Eb