Is a butch lesbian sir or ma'am?

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

I work retail in Texas, and customers are addressed as sir or ma'am.

One sticky spot is occasionally butch lesbians comes through my checkout line. She has very short hair, wearing a guy plaid shirt, jeans, work shoes, wallet on chain, a heavyset gender neutral build, and fairly masculine mannerisms. I'm not stereotyping, this just seems to be the local butch lesbian uniform.

So as I'm waiting in my customer, initially, I'm thinking man, so I'm starting conversation with sir, but after a couple minutes, I see it's not a man. Uh oh: do I keep with sir, or do I switch to ma'am? Have I offended her? Will I offend her? So far, all the butch lesbians who've come through my line have been very nice and not said anything.

And as far as not using sir or ma'am, it's Texas, you don't get out of it. If you use it all the time, it's a reflex.

So my signature for this post is "straight and confused in Texas"

 

[thecuckedone]

I'd go with ma'am unless they say otherwise. I mean, they're still women.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

Makes sense. How should I handle it when I've already started the conversation with sir? Go with it or switch to ma'am?

 

[thecuckedone]

Makes sense. How should I handle it when I've already started the conversation with sir? Go with it or switch to ma'am?

I guess the same rule applies. If they don't correct you, don't suddenly switch.

 

[1sickbastard]

Makes sense. How should I handle it when I've already started the conversation with sir? Go with it or switch to ma'am?

Just ask her which she prefers. It shows respect and that you're sensitive to her feelings.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The cuckedone is right; If she smiles when you call her sir, give her a little smile and keep calling her sir.

 

[Dyslexicea]

GorgeousGeekGirl, don't worry about it one way or the other. She really isn't going to care. Just be courteous and don't be to shocked if she flirts with you. If you flirt back you surely are going to put a smile on her face.

By the way there is no butch uniform, butch is a gender expression, some straight girls, to few in my opinion, also express their masculinity by how they dress. The only difference is butch is embraced in my community whereas in the hetero world it's looked down upon.

If it still bothers you and you're not sure if she's a woman or man, look at her hands before you speak.

Edited to add: Do not go by nails, most all of us are going to have short well manicured nails, for obvious reasons.