Irretrivable Breakdown in Marriage!

[Carl East]

I think I've known for some time now that my marriage wasn't going to last, yet now that the ends arrived I still feel saddened by these turn of events.

Fifteen years is a long time to spend with another person, just to see it cast aside like it never happened. I've known now for the past three weeks that she was leaving me, for in that time she has been packing her belongings in boxes ready to move.

Yet through it all we are still friends and she has offered to help me pay the morgage until I can get lodgers to help me out. It's almost a surreal event, like it wasn't really happening, we talk and laugh together just like before the only difference though is that we're not as affectionate to one another.

You may all be wondering why's he telling us all this, well, I just wanted to tell anyone that might know something of me. I also haven't posted here for quite some time, having stopped writing my stories. I dare say that some of you have been through this situation, so I'm curious as to how you handled the break up.

After a lot of tears from both sides, we've realised that it's the right thing to do. You may at this point be wondering why we are splitting up, well the reason is pretty silly.

You see I love my computer games (especially online gaming) and I spend most of my waking day on the net. She in turn hates, loathes and dispises this to such a degree that she gave me an ultimatum, which of course was "Her or the Computer"

I suppose because I told her I don't want to give up my games, she figures I'm choosing the computer over her, I just want both. That wasn't an option however, so here I am four days before she leaves pouring my heart out to anyone who will listen.

Carl

 

[Boutoo]

That's harsh & I'm sorry you're having to go through it. But just maybe, don't you think that a real person is more important than a game? Not to be cruel, just trying to help you to think clearly

 

[lavender]

 

[Mz_Scarlett]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a troubled time. I have to agree with Boutoo- people are more important than things. I don't think you should have to give up something that you enjoy doing completely though. Isn't there some compromise that could be worked out? Perhaps designating certain times to game play?
I wish you the best in working this out.

*Hugs*
Scarlett

 

[lickerish]

Oh wow. Carl East.. how great to see you again (considering the circumstances). I'm sorry to hear about all the pain you are going through, I hope it gets a little better one day at a time.

I'm not going to offer advice, cuz #1. I've never been married.. and #2. you didn't ask for any.

But I'm here if you ever need a spare shoulder.


Be well.

 

[ksmybuttons]

There has to be more than just "the computer or her" to have a marriage end.

 

[Carl East]

I did suggest that Whilst she was home I wouldn't play online, but that wasn't enough. What bothered me about it all though, was the nagging question "what's next to go?"

I mean if she suddenly told me she didn't like one of my friends online and that I had to choose between them or her, where does it end?

I suppose I'm being over dramatic here and I also think I am addicted to the computer but damn it all I enjoy it so much. lol

Carl

 

[Chuckus]

*tapping finger on forehead*

I tend to agree with Lavy mixed in with Mz Scarlett........it is time to evaluate (or re-evaluate) and make some compromises.

I dig my computer, I like my games and all that........but I have a life............you have to manage your time and balance it out.

This is of course just IMHO. I am not trying to be harsh, just my .02 cents worth.

 

[cuz cracker]

while it true you have a problem with the computer that is not the biggest one you have. what else may be wrong i do not know.
their is always his side, her side and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

the thing is that neither one of you does not want to compromise
does not bode well for your future.

i suggest that you start talking to each other and get real with it bud.

divorce is not fun and can get nasty.



Just a word from the cracker.

 

[Carl East]

There are other reasons, like the fact that I only work part-time and she wants me to go full time. I work part-time because it suits me and have worked part-time for the past year.

Yet suddenly and out of the blue she started calling me lazy, which of course led to some arguments, because I maybe a lot of things but lazy isn't one of them.

Also, just lately no matter what I say it's wrong, at first I suspected her of having an affair but she insists that she's not.

Carl

 

[freakygirl]

Is there any kids from this marriage?

 

[marksgirl]

I love my computer too but I'm not going to lose my 16 year wonderful marriage over it. When ever my guy is home we share the computer experence and have alot of fun doing so. I too agree with the others about maybe searching yourself as to what is more important in your life. I sure would not give up my marriage over a fucking computer. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

For someone who is supposedly addicted to the computer you are hardly here.

Hope things work out for you, king carl

 

[Tyrael]

For someone who is supposedly addicted to the computer you are hardly here.

Hope things work out for you, king carl

He's talking more about online games than just surfing the net.

 

[Cheyenne]

There are other reasons, like the fact that I only work part-time and she wants me to go full time. I work part-time because it suits me and have worked part-time for the past year.

Yet suddenly and out of the blue she started calling me lazy, which of course led to some arguments, because I maybe a lot of things but lazy isn't one of them.

Also, just lately no matter what I say it's wrong, at first I suspected her of having an affair but she insists that she's not.

Carl

Hi, Carl. Long time, no see. I wish you were back under better circumstances though.

I think you knew 1 1/2 years ago that it was going to be tough to save your marriage. The things you are mentioning now sound like "last straw" kinds of things to blame. But it has been coming for awhile, hasn't it?

I wish you well, Carl.

 

[Carl East]

I tried that route Marksgirl but she hates computers, so I've resigned myself to the fact that she's leaving. It's probably stubborness that is making me choose, because I'm just set in my ways.

Although there is some anger on my part that anyone should try to interfer with the way I live my life. As Cheyenne said, this isn't the first time we've come this far, the only difference here is that back then it was me who wanted to leave.

Oh, and by the way Chef, I'm back. lol

Carl

 

[SXCRgirl]

Carl, I'm sorry that you're going through this. But it seems like the "computer or me" ultimatum is just a symptom of whatever your real problems are.

Women like to feel secure in their relationships and perhaps she didn't feel that you offered stability or security by working part time. I know that society still sees the man as the breadwinner, even though we are slowly moving away from that stereotype. Both partners have a responsibility to each other to make sure that they address all the need in their relationship be it financial or emotional.

I know that when my ex-husband decided to stay in his dead end job, I felt like he wasn't looking to OUR future and left it in my hands to provide for us. It became a source of friction which eventually led to the demise of our relationship.

But, this isn't what you were asking. How do you get past it? Well, I suggest looking for a very good therapist and start there. Good luck. If you need someone to talk to, my pm box is always open.

Take care.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Holy crap! Carl? Carl, is that YOU? It's been years since we've seen the likes of you. I'm very sorry to hear about the misery in your life. Sometimes you have to wade through crap to get to paradise.

 

[KillerMuffin]

It's been a long time, hasn't it? I've missed you around here.

I'm not much help beyond:

*hugs*

 

[Carl East]

All good sound advise, I'm glad things haven't changed around here, thx guys/gals, I'm looking forward to getting to know the new faces.

I might even start writing again, who knows. lol

Carl

 

[lickerish]

You have enough posts.. and you deserve an av of your own. How about this?

 

[Carl East]

Thx Lickerish, I feel whole now. lol

Carl

 

[Cheyenne]

Ah, one of my favorite pics is back! And we know this one isn't a fake, folks. That is really Carl!

 

[Carl East]

Oh Cheyenne, now your making me blush. lol

Carl

 

[Cheyenne]

There are enough "fake" AV's around here that I just wanted to make sure all the women of Lit knew that was actually you.

Blush away, Carl. But you certainly have nothing to be embarassed about.