Invent an Old English Custom

[oggbashan]

Og needs help.

He is an organiser for our seaside town's annual festival. The town is fairly modern, having being incorporated in the early 19th century so doesn't have any traditional old customs. I'll ignore the "burning of the rate (tax) books" that occurred on the two occasions that our Town Hall burned down. Each time the officials tried to rescue the tax records. The locals threw them back on the fire. We also burned down our Fire Station.

During the 18th and 19th Century many so-called "ancient" customs were invented to amuse villagers on feast days. Even the Harvest Festival celebrations weren't usual until about 130 years ago.

So...

I want to invent an ancient custom for our town to be started during the festival. It should be suitable for street, beach or mudflat.

A few basic rules.

1. It shouldn't be too dangerous. Although some towns carry flaming barrels of pitch through the streets, it wouldn't be allowed if we started now.

2. It should be suitable for all ages to see. The ceremonial rape of the May Queen won't do.

3. It should be pointless.

I have a few ideas but I'm sure that the combined efforts of the AH can produce something spectacular.

Og

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Water balloon fight..... as large a scale and wide a range as possible. It may not be "ancient" but its fun... and you can always lie and say the Druids used to do it with goat bladders and such.

 

[past_perfect]

You could dress up your mayor as a chip and the townspeople pelt him with fish.

But seriously, when is the event going to take place? Would fireworks be allowed? I seem to remember that they usually aren't during the year except for Guy Fawkes day...

 

[trysail]

Sock burning!

'tis an ancient and hono(u)rable custom marking the approaching end of winter.

 

[gauchecritic]

Flensing the Norman: commemorating having no involvement whatsoever with the Battle of Hastings.

William the Bastard's planned invasion of Britain was delayed by several days due to severe weather conditions. (Thus allowing Harold time to beat the Vikings to retreat in the Battle of Stamford Bridge and make it back to London in time for tea before setting off for Hastings: Over three hundred miles in total in less than a week)

Eventually William set sail on advice from his astrologer into less than clement weather and on landing fell face forward into the sand. He called for his astrologer to discover the portent of this when he was told that his astrologer had been washed overboard during the crossing.

Tradition has it that this astrologer, speaking no english, was washed up on the sands of Wherever-it-is-you-live-by-the-sea.

The locals aware of some unrest in some part of the country somewhere decided that this Norman flotsam must be an orangutan and also knew that orangutan pelts were highly prized in the North East. It was agreed by all and sundry that the ape must be skinned. There ensued a fearful flight through the small and twisting streets of Wherever-it-is-you-live-by-the-sea as the locals each tried to capture and skin the astrologer.

This event is commemorated symbolically to this very day by dressing Norman Wisdom in rags whom villagers chase through the town tearing of strips of clothing from him wherever they may until either Norman is naked or has fled the town limits.

 

[Xelebes]

When Hoogaard the Jute established his stake, he would insist on the counting the heads of the sheep. Not in any ordinary way though. He demanded that they be counted in fives and tens and the occasional twelve. His little good Mercian serfs obliged him with this favour until one uneventful summer, all his sheep died. The Jute earl insisted it be continued and for the first summer they replaced it with people. The next summer, they used purchased fleeces from the neighbouring county. Thus they would take turns counting the fleeces by fives, tens and twelves. They continued doing this even when the sheep returned to Hoogaards burgh, Hogarton.

 

[3113]

1. It shouldn't be too dangerous. Although some towns carry flaming barrels of pitch through the streets, it wouldn't be allowed if we started now.

2. It should be suitable for all ages to see. The ceremonial rape of the May Queen won't do.

Sure. Drain all the fun out of it. No burning pitch or public sex acts.

How about a running of the sheep (as compared to Spain's running of the bulls)? You'd only need a few sheep and a dog or person to drive them forward.

 

[Xelebes]

How about a running of the sheep (as compared to Spain's running of the bulls)? You'd only need a few sheep and a dog or person to drive them forward.

That sounds quite splendid but make sure it is only a few sheep, like three or four and make it all big like that.

 

[oggbashan]

Additional information:

We have had the invasion of the Vikings several years running. They came ashore (OK - ran up from the beach) grabbed a few willing "maidens" and fought the locals. The injury rate has been fairly high because of the re-enactors' enthusiasm. The average has been half a dozen broken arms and numerous bruises. One of the "maidens" belaboured a Viking with his own shield. He needed stitches in his scalp. Perhaps the free beer had something to do with the injuries?

We used to have a regatta with raft races. The rafts had to be made within three hours and paddled or otherwise propelled for half a mile. The last raft race needed six ambulances and no raft held together for more than 100 yards. Another feature of the regatta was running the greasy pole. We had to abandon that because the mud is now too thick. The Fire Brigade held an exercise to extract a person stuck in out mud two years ago. They lost three ladders and nearly killed a watch commander who was stuck too deep. The Royal National Lifeboat Institution had to rescue the Fire Brigade.

The next town along the coast dates back to the Domesday Book. They have an annual blessing of the waters - a tame affair now that they no longer hurl a priest into the harbour.

Running of the sheep? This is England. The Royal Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals would lynch me!

Og

Edited for PS. We have an annual carnival procession with various categories. One of the most popular is the alternative Carnival Court with three gay men dressed as the Carnival Queen and Princesses. Their float is a large pedal-powered tricycle which they ride in crinolined ball gowns. Their repartee with the spectators is impressive. The lesbians use an open sports car and are less outrageous.

PPS. The festival is in August so the weather can be anything from blistering sunshine to driving rain.

 

[Xelebes]

What of the Counting of the Fleeces? Which means, counting of people's socks.

 

[3113]

Running of the sheep? This is England. The Royal Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals would lynch me!

Ah. Well, in that case, get a few guys to put on sheep skins and trot after people baa-ing.

I suppose a steak-and-kidney pie eating contest is too tame?

 

[ishtat]

Invite a French team to play a local side at football, pre 1880 rules to make it traditional. I believe that hacking tripping gouging etc was de rigeur then .

If it is a womens match the crowd will be much bigger.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Hold an annual: Hedgehog Festival

http://www.theanimalfiles.com/images/european_hedgehog_1.jpg

To, you know, raise awareness of the many contributions they make to the environment and to, uh, call for their protection.

Parades, costume balls, beauty contests, outdoor plays recounting the Legend of the Heroic Hedgehog and other similar uplifting events are possible. However, I would NOT encourage a Hedgehog Throwing Competition.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[TE999]

Re-enact the Monty Python Fish Slapping Dance.

 

[Guest]

Tea spewing.

Distance, accuracy, volume.

'Nuff said.

 

[R. Richard]

Since you already have something of the sort, why not a parade of couples to a ballroom dance contest? The winning couple would be crowned the King and Queen of the festival with tropies/plaques. The couples would have to be dressed in real ballroom dance outfits [part of the judging.] If it's pouring rain, they can carry umbrellas.

The best part of the exercise is that the couples who want to really try, would have to spend some time training. That translates to less time trying to get home from the pub with beer goggles on.

Just an idea.

 

[Jack_Samuel]

How about a town wide pub crawl and not just going to all the pubs but stopping in at peoples houses.

Every home owner must brew a keg off beer and having it sitting out the front for the worlds largest street party.

... hedgehogs man are they cute

 

[Misty_Morning]

Additional information:

We have had the invasion of the Vikings several years running. They came ashore (OK - ran up from the beach) grabbed a few willing "maidens" and fought the locals. The injury rate has been fairly high because of the re-enactors' enthusiasm. The average has been half a dozen broken arms and numerous bruises. One of the "maidens" belaboured a Viking with his own shield. He needed stitches in his scalp. Perhaps the free beer had something to do with the injuries?

PPS. The festival is in August so the weather can be anything from blistering sunshine to driving rain.

Well Og, how 'bout lifting something from the Irish and making it your own.

Ya know.....when Ireland was invaded and there was boat race between the victors. And who ever touched land first, got to have all the land from the point that land was touched. Well, one dude, supposedly an ancestor of mine (yeah right) was losing (makes sense) so he cut off his hand and threw it on shore and thus won the race.


Ummm, maybe they could cut off (figuratively speaking) another appendage or article of clothing...or maybe they could throw a photo of an ex and the land could be be considered toxic, thus keeping away the french forever.


Ok.Seriously.

One the local communities here has a large population of Greeks. Every year they have a big festival, and one of the most popular events is geared towards the younger men.

In one of the bayous (it's not a bayou here, but not sure what they call it) the orthodox priests toss a cross into the water. Then then the young men all dive in and search for it. The one that finds it is blessed by the priests. It a VERY big to do.

Maybe some variation of that is suitable for all.

 

[oggbashan]

Invite a French team to play a local side at football, pre 1880 rules to make it traditional. I believe that hacking tripping gouging etc was de rigeur then .

If it is a womens match the crowd will be much bigger.

We call it rugby.

Women's rugby doesn't get large crowds. Anyone making salacious or rude comments is likely to be beaten up by the substitutes or the reserve team.

Og

 

[oggbashan]

Since you already have something of the sort, why not a parade of couples to a ballroom dance contest? The winning couple would be crowned the King and Queen of the festival with tropies/plaques. The couples would have to be dressed in real ballroom dance outfits [part of the judging.] If it's pouring rain, they can carry umbrellas.

The best part of the exercise is that the couples who want to really try, would have to spend some time training. That translates to less time trying to get home from the pub with beer goggles on.

Just an idea.

The Carnival Queen is selected at the Carnival Dance in April. (The Carnival and Festival are separate events with different organisers). The prospective Carnival Queens wear ball gowns and are expected to be able to at least make an attempt at formal ballroom dancing.

We expect a lot of our Carnival Queen and her Princesses. They visit schools, open fetes, visit residential homes for the elderly, attend a dozen carnivals around Kent - and are expected to entertain at the events they visit. They perform in sun, rain, hail and sleet. They attend about 80-90 events during their year - for which they get a cheque for about £100, some free hairdressing and beauty sessions, and the dresses they would never wear at any other occasion. They are ambassadors for our town and every Queen and Princess during the last 50 years has been hard-working.

Two of the best
- A biker Queen who would turn up on her large Harley to meet her court, one of whom would have brought the Queen's dress and regalia. She would then nip into the nearest Ladies toilet to change from her brightly coloured leathers to the ballgown and sash.
- One of the amateur dramatic society who could sing, dance and do stand-up comedy. She was the principal "boy" in the town's pantomime and a great hit with the dads, the children, and, hardest of all, the mums as well.

When anyone criticises our town's youth I ask them what they think of our carnival court. No one yet has criticised the carnival queen or her princesses yet they are aged between 16 and 21 and need the enthusiastic support of their boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers and sisters (and parents) if they are to do their role properly.

Og