Interracial Relationships in the Gay World

[Samuelx]

Recently, my good friend Eric, a young Black student from B.U. went out with Jamie, this white girl from New Hampshire.



He told me that many of the black women on campus frowned upon a
black man going out with a white woman. Also, the girl's Jewish
family didn't approve and they ended up splitting. This in 2005 !!!


How are interracial relationships in the Gay community ?



I'd like to think that we're a little less biased and bigot-savvy than the heterosexuals, since ALL of us know KNOW what it's like to be discriminated against or having society condemn our relationships. I'd like to think we're above that.



Are we ?

 

[sxxyblueyes]

I don't care what other people do.. if it's what makes them happy- more power to em

Me personally, I probably wouldn't date anyone who was outside of my race. I don't think that makes me a racist in any way, shape or form, it's just my personal preference on who I choose to date.

 

[Samuelx]

What if you found yourself attracted to someone outside your race ? Would you dismiss him or her ? Or act on it. Personally, I've hooked up with white girls, white guys and Spanish women. I don't discriminate !!! My main preference is black men and black women but who cares ??? Sex is sex. It's a want. It's a need.

 

[sxxyblueyes]

What if you found yourself attracted to someone outside your race ? Would you dismiss him or her ? Or act on it. Personally, I've hooked up with white girls, white guys and Spanish women. I don't discriminate !!! My main preference is black men and black women but who cares ??? Sex is sex. It's a want. It's a need.

I probably would not act on it.

You know.. let me say this though- I do find Latina women attractive.. and I may be inclined to act on it then but that is about the extent I would go on race mixing.
I don't mean this to be offensive... it's just my opinion and preference.

 

[neonflux]

Interesting question...

A good girlfriend and I (platonic not sapphic) were talking about this recently (she is the one who gave me the courage to start pursuing sexual relationships again after my recent break-up, BTW, she is black, I am white). We generally live in an area where people truly do interact with each other as people - not to say that ethnicity and race don't matter - in a society like ours, it is indeed woven into the warp and weft of all of us - simply that people interact as people and one's ethnicity and culture are treated as part of the larger picture of who one is. (We are both venturing out sexually, both of us with people of different backgrounds.)

That said, when I was involved (7 years) with a man who was black, I was very careful about when and how I shared that with black women I'd just met - his (my ex's) mother liked me a lot, but I know was happy when he married a black woman after our break-up. In my generation - I'm 49 - I guess it's tied up in so much, black pride laid on top of white denigration of black female beauty, the lack of available black men due to incarceration, etc. But would love to hear some comments from black women on this as I can only speak from what my friends have told me here.

Now, in the lesbian community, that's another thing. There is a "political correctness" (at least in my generation) about staying within the confines of one's race, particularly when it comes to black/white (but not black/latina or black/asian) relationships. Even though I have found a number of black women in my queer circle very, very attractive I've never acted on my feelings because I am afraid of crossing that boundary. Another close friend of mine - stunning black butch & strong community activist, recently fell in love with a woman who happens to be white, and initially had to find all sorts of ways to justify it to herself & her friends (black, white, latina, & asian)...

For a take on interacial mm relationships in my area of the country (and white gay male prejudice - yes, people should know better but don't always), take a look at Marlon Rigg's documentary/love poem to other black men, "Tongues Untied."

Recently, my good friend Eric, a young Black student from B.U. went out with Jamie, this white girl from New Hampshire.

He told me that many of the black women on campus frowned upon a
black man going out with a white woman. Also, the girl's Jewish
family didn't approve and they ended up splitting. This in 2005 !!!

How are interracial relationships in the Gay community ?

I'd like to think that we're a little less biased and bigot-savvy than the heterosexuals, since ALL of us know KNOW what it's like to be discriminated against or having society condemn our relationships. I'd like to think we're above that.

Are we ?

 

[Rattlesnake1775]

Walk The Line

When I got back from Iraq, the greatest of all wives and me took a roadtrip to see some friends and spend quality time together. We stopped at a gas station in the middle of NOWHERE, Alabama, and went inside to use the bathroom and pay for our gas (yeah, no pay-at-the-pump, tells you how deep in we were). Afterwards I could tell something was wrong, and she confided in me that she sometimes gets nervous when groups of black women see her with me.

I'm black. She's white.

Now, when we were in college, I got hatemail (actual paper letters, not the cheap modern version of email) a couple of times telling me to stop dating white women, and I was a this, and she was a that, and we were all going to the hot place down under anyways.

Now, at that same university I knew a lot of gay/lesbian/bisexual/undecided students through two organizations I was a part of. And I can honestly say that they were the most open people I've ever known, more so then my parents, who are an interracial couple from way back when. A couple whose happiness I always try to emulate in my own marriage are two lesbians I knew, one white, one black, who were the epitome of "peas in a pod."

But, in the end I think it is a matter of personal prefrence. Some people are attracted to dark skin, some like light skin. Some like long hair, some like no hair. Some like big feet...well, you get the picture. I think not being attracted to black/asian/hispanic person makes you a racist anymore then not liking mexican food does.

 

[neonflux]

I like this

But, in the end I think it is a matter of personal prefrence. Some people are attracted to dark skin, some like light skin. Some like long hair, some like no hair. Some like big feet...well, you get the picture. I think not being attracted to black/asian/hispanic person makes you a racist anymore then not liking mexican food does.

In addition to (obviously) identifying with your wife, I like what you said. It's a shame that our societies and communities often don't want to allow us to follow our hearts and preferences...

P.S., Samuelx, thank you for another thoughtful thread...

 

[kalika]

I know this is going to sound odd, but here goes. I'm a mixed gal, black/mexican and my mother (mexican) is racist towards blacks. Talking with my mother she says that shes always that way even before her one night stand with my biological father.

Moving on to my actual response here... Because of my mothers attitude I am a little afraid of most black poeple. she was always saying really degrading things about anyone of color she saw so, it seemed normal to me all my life. I have dated poeple of color, but its always been a horrible experience for me since I've always been terrified of the person I was with. I no longer date any one with dark skin not because I'm racist, but because I don't think I would be able to get over my fears to give myself completly.

Now if were talking about somone joining me and my b/f for a night or two, well race wouldn't matter at all. In fact he's got quite a thing for black women, lucky me aye??



Oh BTW my mother has gotten over the racist thing now. I think it was something she developed from my Grandfather, who died before I was born. Good thing for that tho, hearing the stories about him I don't think he would have lived much passed seeing me born. I'm certian he would had a massive coranary. That or disowned my mother and me. Imagine all the extra issues I'd have then!! LOL

 

[neonflux]

Kalika, it doesn't sound odd & thanks for having the courage to post

it is amazing to me how all of us become sexually/affectionally wired, and just how we develop preferences, fears, etc. - have you ever met your biological father? re: the fear of the other, unfortunately, i think that for many of us it goes along with being raised in the U.S., and am wondering if meeting him would help (that is, of course, assuming he ended up being a nice person)?

btw, you sound like you must be a beautiful... and yes, re: your husband's preferences, lucky you

on another note - just saw a preview of a film that's coming out this season (sorry I don't know the lead's name but cast includes Alfie Woodard) about a black woman, "debutant-good-old established southern black family," who starts to date a white man and what she goes through... does anyone know more?

~ Justine

I know this is going to sound odd, but here goes. I'm a mixed gal, black/mexican and my mother (mexican) is racist towards blacks. Talking with my mother she says that shes always that way even before her one night stand with my biological father.

Moving on to my actual response here... Because of my mothers attitude I am a little afraid of most black poeple. she was always saying really degrading things about anyone of color she saw so, it seemed normal to me all my life. I have dated poeple of color, but its always been a horrible experience for me since I've always been terrified of the person I was with. I no longer date any one with dark skin not because I'm racist, but because I don't think I would be able to get over my fears to give myself completly.

Now if were talking about somone joining me and my b/f for a night or two, well race wouldn't matter at all. In fact he's got quite a thing for black women, lucky me aye??



Oh BTW my mother has gotten over the racist thing now. I think it was something she developed from my Grandfather, who died before I was born. Good thing for that tho, hearing the stories about him I don't think he would have lived much passed seeing me born. I'm certian he would had a massive coranary. That or disowned my mother and me. Imagine all the extra issues I'd have then!! LOL

 

[georgewas]

this post definatly has me questioning the definition of "a racist." anyhow...

im watered down hispanic, light skin and black hair, but i pass for white in most circles. i just wanted to confirm that bigotry comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and sexual preferences. In general, i dont particularly find most white and asian men attractive, and on a couple of occasions i have caught the jungle fever line from some ignorant asshole or two. No better way to upset a man than to not help him get off. such is life

 

[kalika]

It did take me a a lil while to pull up the gumption ty for noticing

it is amazing to me how all of us become sexually/affectionally wired, and just how we develop preferences, fears, etc. - have you ever met your biological father? re: the fear of the other, unfortunately, i think that for many of us it goes along with being raised in the U.S., and am wondering if meeting him would help (that is, of course, assuming he ended up being a nice person)?

Yea I met him when I was 15 and sadly everything my mother had to say about him was right. Then his child count was at 15 boys and 3 girls with another child on the way. Last I knew he hasn't paid any support to any of the kids I've met, and I'm sure he still hasn't yet.

btw, you sound like you must be a beautiful... and yes, re: your husband's preferences, lucky you

ty

 

[revolution724]

I'm not sure I know what the question is. Is it - would you date someone of a different race? Or do you find people of different races attractive?

In my case, the answer is yes, in both cases. Sure, it's more complicated, but I think I've heard that GLBT people are more open to interracial dating than straight people anyway - I guess once you've overcome the gender issue, race/ethnicity isn't quite as difficult?

I'm white - my best friend is a straight Asian-American (Filipino) male. We nearly had a relationship; if I'd been straight, we definitely would have. (In fact, we had a conversation about this once in which he asked me why people had Asian fetishes - to which I started to respond and then said, "this from someone with a thing for redheads??") Almost all the women I've ever dated (including the one I'm kind of seeing now), randomly and not intentionally, have been Jewish, and I'm not. I find people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds attractive, and though there might be complications, I would not hesitate to act on the feelings with someone of a different race. All types of people have their own beauty; race may add a dimension to that, but shouldn't prevent appreciating it.

 

[neonflux]

Now if we are talking personal tastes, preferences, history, etc.

Am I attracted to people of different races? (Which, by the way, is actually a construct that doesn't scientifically exist, if physical anthropologists are to be believed.) Absolutely. Indeed, I have and will date people of a different race and not only race but culture/national origin - in fact, if you were to take a look at my "dance card," you'd see a "mini United Nations." And yes, my family has met and accepted all but one of my SOs (it was a class thing, unfortunately, and therein lies a whole other can of worms), regardless of gender or background. Most interesting, two of the people with whom I have experienced the strongest desire in terms of the whole package - sexual/intellectual/soul attraction, did not, at first glance, physically fit any of my standard "types."

~ Justine

I'm not sure I know what the question is. Is it - would you date someone of a different race? Or do you find people of different races attractive?

 

[Samuelx]

GLBT people are more open to interracial relationships ? I'm not surprised.
Leave it to sex to improve racial relations, lol.

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Am I attracted to people of different races? (Which, by the way, is actually a construct that doesn't scientifically exist
~ Justine

Exactly! Thank you.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

For the record, let it be stated that i first came out to my parents with a girl who was 11 years older than me (i was 15), she was a lesbian, (up till then i had been thought of as straight) she was muslem (i was raised Jewish),and we were from different racial descents.

Let no one say i choose the easy way out...

 

[neonflux]

only have to say...



P.S., have i told you how nice it is to have you back on the boards and how much i adore your new sig???

~ J

For the record, let it be stated that i first came out to my parents with a girl who was 11 years older than me (i was 15), she was a lesbian, (up till then i had been thought of as straight) she was muslem (i was raised Jewish),and we were from different racial descents.

Let no one say i choose the easy way out...

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Thank you Neon... There is nothing like a wink towards public display of intimacy to make me smile and to warm my soul.

Come here...

P.S., have i told you how nice it is to have you back on the boards and how much i adore your new sig???

~ J

 

[Lady_Prowless]

Recently, my good friend Eric, a young Black student from B.U. went out with Jamie, this white girl from New Hampshire.



He told me that many of the black women on campus frowned upon a
black man going out with a white woman. Also, the girl's Jewish
family didn't approve and they ended up splitting. This in 2005 !!!


How are interracial relationships in the Gay community ?



I'd like to think that we're a little less biased and bigot-savvy than the heterosexuals, since ALL of us know KNOW what it's like to be discriminated against or having society condemn our relationships. I'd like to think we're above that.



Are we ?

i myself have dated blk girls before even though visually i prefer white girls ..just as a preferance.i am married to a blk man so it is like i said more of a preferance.But yeah rasism in the north??kinda odd to me..im in the deep south and aint had a problem to date.always went against the grain.ive always liked blk guys and white girls.but it is more of whatever floats ya boat.just like the size of tits ..one person may like small ones ..one may like larger ones...you get my drift... but they never should have split because of the stupidity of others...and alos how you carry yourself in an interacial relationship is key.if you walk around looking like a scared puppy afraid to hold each others hand or be seen together other people will pick up on that,and feed into it.for me i dont like the "sterotypical crackhead trash white girl with the hip hop slob black dopehead"alot of people catagorize all interacial couples like that..or the "Ghetto gurl welfare babamama snap yo fingers black girl with the wannabe yo b-boy i lived this life im hardcore but cant keep a job white guy."seeee that is the steriotypes i see on tv all the time.we are all people it should be looked that way nomatter what our color we all fuck the same way.lol

 

[Lady_Prowless]

When I got back from Iraq, the greatest of all wives and me took a roadtrip to see some friends and spend quality time together. We stopped at a gas station in the middle of NOWHERE, Alabama, and went inside to use the bathroom and pay for our gas (yeah, no pay-at-the-pump, tells you how deep in we were). Afterwards I could tell something was wrong, and she confided in me that she sometimes gets nervous when groups of black women see her with me.

I'm black. She's white.

Now, when we were in college, I got hatemail (actual paper letters, not the cheap modern version of email) a couple of times telling me to stop dating white women, and I was a this, and she was a that, and we were all going to the hot place down under anyways.

Now, at that same university I knew a lot of gay/lesbian/bisexual/undecided students through two organizations I was a part of. And I can honestly say that they were the most open people I've ever known, more so then my parents, who are an interracial couple from way back when. A couple whose happiness I always try to emulate in my own marriage are two lesbians I knew, one white, one black, who were the epitome of "peas in a pod."

But, in the end I think it is a matter of personal prefrence. Some people are attracted to dark skin, some like light skin. Some like long hair, some like no hair. Some like big feet...well, you get the picture. I think not being attracted to black/asian/hispanic person makes you a racist anymore then not liking mexican food does.

AMEN!!!

 

[blondi84]

In my area the genral attitude is that gays don't discriminate against anyone! I live in a pretty conservative area though so maybe that is not the case elsewhere.

 

[red111a]

Friend of my is in a interracial gay relationship and from what ive heard he hasnt had any trouble with that within and outisde of the gay community.