internet subs and doms???

[tom19]

whats involved in being either an internet sub or dom???

i'm into being submissive, but have never been in a bdsm relationship before. how do u begin one?

 

[wolf2002]

whats involved in being either an internet sub or dom???

i'm into being submissive, but have never been in a bdsm relationship before. how do u begin one?

It's a long distance relation with, obviously, the internet as major communication tool. It can grow out to a complete BDSM relation, though without the physical encounters. Of course, an internet Dom/me can give assignments to the sub, which can be pretty physical... but basically it is a mental thing...
Some people think online relations aren;t really BDSM. My experience is different, I have had very intimate relations this way...

How you begin it? Mostly you meet like-minded on a board like this... but don;t get too enthousiastic, online Dommes are very hard to find...

Wolf

 

[trodas]

...the "hard to find" might be also because it's not realtime interaction between two persons, so... Nothing for me. I NEED the reaction, i can't live w/o it... I must touch the body what i hurting, i must feel the pain, i must myself tie her up before... and later take care of her - IMHO the whole online thing called internet is just good for discussion on topics, that are hard to bring in between four eyes, at least on start for sure, but that it IMHO is
However, guys, i respect that everyone else is different and might enjoy the "over internet relationship" pretty well

 

[crimsonlace]

As with most other things in life, what you get from a relationship is often dictated by what you put into it. Finding the right partner is the key. Lucky for us, He found me!

 

[shyly curious]

As with most other things in life, what you get from a relationship is often dictated by what you put into it. Finding the right partner is the key. Lucky for us, He found me!

i agree, you get what you give ...

and thru an incredible set of coincidences, that neither of us triggered, we met online, and now she is Mistress, and i am so pleased she is...

be well all, shy

 

[trodas]

Yup, but your both seems to used net only for meet each other and continue in r/l

However they talking about living the relationship over the net. It sure work for someone, but not for me...

 

[shyly curious]

real life versus the net, in the last 9 weeks i have seen her only three times. once for just 1 day, the other two times for 2 days.

so everyday i log on and "be with her", sometimes for 24 hours straight. and when she demands, i webcam for her.

so yes, mine is not a pure online relationship, but it is close to being one.

but to each their own,

be well all, shy

 

[crimsonlace]

Yup, but your both seems to used net only for meet each other and continue in r/l

However they talking about living the relationship over the net. It sure work for someone, but not for me...

No, Ours is an Internet relationship only.

I can see how a relationship over the net would hold no interest for some and in all honesty, I can say that I would prefer it if we were r/l. That cannot be so we make the best of it and don't miss out on the joy we can experience because we are upset about the joy we cannot experience.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, I do believe that on line relationships have evolved vis a vis the internet. They are a part of teh evolution and mainstreaming of BDSM.

What works for one, won't work for everyone.

As long as two people are happy with what they have and their needs are met, who is to judge what is real or not?

As for what is involved and how to begin, I would recommend beginning by learning everything you can about BDSM. Read some erotic stories, check out some informational sites and check out our library for topics that interest you. Find out what makes you excited and draws you to BDSM, online or real time.


Then you can engage in a community setting like this or chat rooms (I hate them.) Or post a personal ad. Truth be told, on line Dommes are few and far between, so that could be difficult to achieve very quickly. There are many avenues, but the most important thing is to know what you want and what you are able to commit to.

Even on line, a half baked commitment is not well recieved.

Best of luck!

 

[wolf2002]

It sure work for someone, but not for me...

Before we start the usual 'Dommer than thou' discussion, let's just make clear that I don;t claim an internet relation to be better than a real life one. But it's a good alternative when a RL relation is not possible for physical or any other reasons...

Wolf

 

[trodas]

I don;t claim an internet relation to be better than a real life one. But it's a good alternative when a RL relation is not possible for physical or any other reasons...

wolf2002 - okay, that sounds better So, do the best and hope it's not a wasted energy. As for me, it was and therefore i concentrating my energy to make relationship in r/l better

MissTaken - As long as two people are happy with what they have and their needs are met, who is to judge what is real or not?

These are immortal words. As long, as something working well for the ones into certain relationship, no-one from outside have the right to judge this relationship.

 

[Wolf_77]

Agrees with trodas.

If a net realations works, thats fine.

Finding the one to do it with is difficult. As mentioned above, being on this board is a start. Search around, interact, and all will fall into place.

 

[Esclava]

Having been in both r/l (D/s) and internet (M/s) relationships, I have to say that I am happiest with my current internet relationship. I have been Master's slave for more than 19 months. Master tells me that a r/l Dom is coming for me. I believe him and will do my best to be ready for his arrival.

When serving an online Dom, it takes a particular mindset to be able to be obedient without question or hesitation because there is no physical presence to push you to do it. Your mind is the biggest ally you have - it must drive you when all you have are words on a screen.

Using my hands as his, Master requires I use implements of service (toys and such) to produce feelings and sensations of pleasure either in audio chat or on webcam. Being obedient with real physical items (including clothes pins on my nipples and the wooden spoon of discipline), helps with the connection.

However, it takes a special mental state of mind to allow what transpires in an LDR - especially over the internet - to affect you as though it is real. I feel a deep love for Master and seeing him come online does the same thing to my heart (and clit) as seeing him come through the front door. He has requirements for me to meet and I will be punished if I fail. Whether the punishment is spanking your own ass or bringing your self to 10 orgasms - edging each one 10 times - it is extrememy difficult to carry out if your concept of the reality of the task is not real in your mind.

Fortunately, my imagination is not only my haven, but where I spend an inordinate amount of time serving in love.

Esclava

 

[Red Vixen]

Do those who are in a relationship such as this find it as fulfilling? I find words-stories and writing in general to be very erotic, so it might be fun!

Vixen

My Story

 

[crimsonlace]

Fortunately, my imagination is not only my haven, but where I spend an inordinate amount of time serving in love.

Beautifully stated, Esclava. Thank you.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Do those who are in a relationship such as this find it as fulfilling? I find words-stories and writing in general to be very erotic, so it might be fun!

Vixen

My Story

I think there is a very good point in here. It probably depends, too, on things like how much the written word, or words in general, mean to you. And whether you are more of a mindfuck person, or a sensation person.

The flip side is, if this Is your bent, it is possible to get yourself in trouble writing online with people, if you are in a committed rl relationship. In other words, it can be real enough to cause reallife heartache. Don't know that I would see it as a completely safe substitute for a rl relationship, if that is what you are looking for -- or for making your rl relationship what you want it to be. This is a little off-topic, but since we seem to have been talking about the online relationship's 'realness....' You are still being intimate, and with a real person. Something to keep in mind.

 

[SwtSouthrnSub]

.

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

No, Ours is an Internet relationship only.

I can see how a relationship over the net would hold no interest for some and in all honesty, I can say that I would prefer it if we were r/l. That cannot be so we make the best of it and don't miss out on the joy we can experience because we are upset about the joy we cannot experience.

I think that when you are new to something then you don't really expect too much and are content with an online relationship, but I feel as the relationship grows, there is a need to experience things in RL.

I am in the position where initially I was comfortable as I didn't know what to expect, and although I would do anything to please my master, I have an ache to be with his physical being.

VR brings us closer - RL pulls us apart.

 

[sprfreak2002]

You are still being intimate, and with a real person. Something to keep in mind.

too right

 

[tn_greeneyez]

As for me, an online relationship could have certain advantages. I do know myself well enough; however, to know that I would want to eventually be on my knees in front of Him in person. But, until that could happen, internet relationship would be good with the right Dom.

 

[LittleLambLost]

Hello - I've been a Literotica reader for years now and wondered why I always seemed to choose the storylines I did. I finally made my way to this board and, well...Bob's your uncle. Being new to all this, I was so glad tom19 asked this question. Having read the many intelligent responses given, my next question is this:

How do you find the right Dom/me for you? What is it you should look for (personal preferences aside) if you are contacted by someone? I have read the stickies on what to avoid, but not as much on what to look for. What kind of questions should I ask?

I ask this because I was recently contacted by a Dom online. During the course of our conversation, I asked many questions about D/s (as well as questions about him) and he seemed rather offended. As if it wasn't my place to ask questions. While I know it's my right to know things about a person I could be getting involved with, I wonder if there was some protocol or etiquette involved that I missed. These were not personal (along the lines of SS#, home address and net worth), instead they were questions I thought would give me some insight into what kind of person he is. I know relationships develop over time but I also believe people should have a reasonably good idea about the person in whom their time is invested.

Ugh. I see this is really lengthy and it's only my first post. I promise to exercise restraint in the future - I hear it's a good quality to possess. Thank you for any advice you can give.

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

I ask this because I was recently contacted by a Dom online. During the course of our conversation, I asked many questions about D/s (as well as questions about him) and he seemed rather offended. As if it wasn't my place to ask questions. While I know it's my right to know things about a person I could be getting involved with, I wonder if there was some protocol or etiquette involved that I missed. These were not personal (along the lines of SS#, home address and net worth), instead they were questions I thought would give me some insight into what kind of person he is. I know relationships develop over time but I also believe people should have a reasonably good idea about the person in whom their time is invested.

Hey ther LittleLambLost!

You are perfectly within your rights to be wary. An online relationship is as delicate as the real thing. A D/s relationship no matter where or when it is conducted, is done so on the basis of trust. Personal details are not relevant so much (depending on the involvement) but as with any relationship, how can you trust someone if you know nothing of their beliefs? As with any relationship, you need to know whether you are going to click. With a D/s relationship, you need to know whether you can have respect for the person you are going to submit to.

I cannot offer too much advice as I am still relatively new to this myself, however, I have chosen the people that I talk to carefully when I have been approached. I feel that the Dom/me needs to respect a sub as well before a meaningful relationship can get underway. When you meet someone for the first time you make decisions based on your first impression, I find that this works in the same way here. Trust your instincts, and if you feel that it isn't going to work, walk away.

You need to chat initially to discuss boundaries and preferences, without that how would you know what the other person is expecting from you? If the Dom/me isn't willing to discuss these things with you before then they really aren't worth talking to.

I have been lucky so far, I have had a good realtionship with several people who have contacted me, but on the same token, there have been the odd few who just weren't serious enough who I politely told I wasn't interested.

You are as much within your rights to know as much about them as you divulge yourself.

Good luck with your journey and welcome to Lit, I am sorry I couldn't help much more, but it is nice to be able to offer some reassuring words to someone who is in the same situation as I felt I was not too long ago.

BBBx.

 

[redelicious]

How do you find the right Dom/me for you? What is it you should look for (personal preferences aside) if you are contacted by someone? I have read the stickies on what to avoid, but not as much on what to look for. What kind of questions should I ask?

I ask this because I was recently contacted by a Dom online. During the course of our conversation, I asked many questions about D/s (as well as questions about him) and he seemed rather offended. As if it wasn't my place to ask questions. While I know it's my right to know things about a person I could be getting involved with, I wonder if there was some protocol or etiquette involved that I missed. These were not personal (along the lines of SS#, home address and net worth), instead they were questions I thought would give me some insight into what kind of person he is. I know relationships develop over time but I also believe people should have a reasonably good idea about the person in whom their time is invested.

I think you should ask whatever questions you need to get the information that is important to you. If the Dom/me is offended, then that alone gives you some answers, right?

A first time contact is a wee bit soon for any kind of protocol, IMHO.

Good first post, btw. Enjoy your time on the boards.

 

[LittleLambLost]

Thank you red and bbb - for the advice and the kind words.

 

[Esclava]

You're getting around, Lamb! I hope you are enjoying your time on these boards.

I'd like to pass something to you that my online Master told me. As a prospective slave/sub, you have just as many rights to confirm for yourself whatever it is you need - to feel that the person you are giving your submission to is worthy of it and right for you. If they will not be questioned, end the discussion. Because that is exactly what it is - a discussion.

Until you have agreed to be bound in submission to another, they have NO power over you. IMOHO, as a Master/Mistress/Dom, they command a modicum of respect; but I can respectfully say, "Thank you for your interest. I will not continue this conversation with you further." And MEAN EVERY WORD YOU SAY! If they get ugly with you or threaten you, take appropriate action to stop them (block them, report them - what ever you decide needs to be done to make them stop).

There are predators out here, but there are also fabulous people who will help you find - not only yourself - but perhaps the love of your life. I wish you luck in both!

Esclava