International Marriages

[Guest]

Hello,

I am a swiss woman and I am married to a hindu nepali man. We met 3 years ago in his country and got married one year ago, we plan to have our first child soon. We are deeply in love. We live now in Switzerland, but spend a few months a year in Nepal. His parents are adorable and welcomed me with warmth and love. My parents-in-law gave me a new name, Tara. Tears come out of joy in my saasu eyes when I bow down to her, she has got one of the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. My husband's grand-mother bless and hug me every single day. The small cousins, miss school to be here on our arrival, etc. They fully respect me and ask me, only if I want, to take part in religious matters. I take part sincerely, (see below about religion). I love all of them very much and have always sweet thoughts for them.

My parents here love my husband very much and he does love them either. We live in Geneva, which is a town very used to foreigners (lot of people from all over the world, a real respectful melting pot, where people mix and where there is nothing like "Chinatown" or "Little Italy" in NYC, "classes" mix as well in Geneva) and my husband never had problems related to racism or religion fanatism. I neither had any problems in Nepal. I can see in other messages, that it can be quite difficult in the USA or in India, but I can tell you, that everything works fine in Switzerland and in Nepal, about socialization. We have friends in the Indian/Nepali community of Geneva, as well as friends of everywhere else. In Nepal, my husband's friends (male and female) became my friends.
I have got now knowledge in nepali language and culture and my husband in french language and european culture. Communication has never been a problem between us, even in the beginning, in poor english. We share points of view about the important things of life (family, education, respect, trust, honnesty, equality, work, ethical and political matters, etc.), and even about less important things like tastes, fun (travels' plans, movies, food). And when we do not agree, we respect the other point of view. I enjoy to learn a lot from my husband (calm, patience, but also hot chili and indian movies...). We both like simple joys of everyday life and always try to make the other one happy. I was lucky to meet him, but also lucky that parents of both side were progressive and respectful and made us progressive and respectful.

We both believe in God and, for me, the essence of religion is to love and respect God and any human-being. I think that is taught in every religion and I do not bother whether christian or hindu ritual to practice (I do both). To worship God, whatever name you give Him, or whatever ritual you follow, stays worship God. And for me, this would stay the same also if I had to practice following islamic, jewish, or any other rituals. I really do not understand why religion sometimes bring hate. Peace is taught.

Om Shanti.

 

[RawHumor]

Have you talked to this guy?

I think you two should get together.

 

[Guest]

I have been following with interest discussion on marriages particularly inter racial and intercaste marriages. I wish to express my observations on inter racial: particularly between Indians and Americans.My observations are based on my 45 years stay in this country as professors in some major
universities. I have obserbed many of my close friends and my relatives who married Americans- nor for visa problems but on the basis of their own choice based on love. et. While few of these marriages have been successful. most of them either ended in divorce or unhappiness and repentence. I have formulated my views realising that that there are
exceptions. I express these views to seek guidance and views of
this valuable net work.

Contrary to general belief, US society has its own social/economic classes- may be not so rigid as Indian caste system is-but strong enough that im overwhelming cases upper classes date and marry between their own classes. You will rareily find marriage between Indians ans upper class Americans.
Among middle classe young boys and girls, who meet our Indian youg people in colleges / workplaces
etc, are attracted to the high potential income of Indians and the high income/assets of their parents. Our Indians are attracted by physical beauty and modernity which they think is absent among Indians.

These Americans go after such Indians and ultimately get married. The cultural/ social distance is so
wide that after some years when the couples amass assets ( House, bank balances etc ), children are born, the gap becomes unbearable. Also these interrecaial couples get isolated from their own communities.You will find that most Indians with American spouses do not socialise with Indian community and even the American community do not receive with open arms. So
after few years, real pains and consequences of inter racial marriages: Social isolation, tensions from separation from parents ( who on both sidesin most cases accept these marriages grudingly at the best) and family friends etc appear. At that point Indian husbands shudder to have divorce realinsing that uner the divorce laws in this country, they will be cleaned. Between division of assets, child support and alimony, nothing is left. For
Americans that situation is not bad financuially .So the Indian partners hang around in unhappiness. Some get divorce and become too old to marry eligible Indian girls. What I am suggesting is that before our young people
get involved with American spouses, they should know what
they are getting into. I would like to get comments on my view so that I could learn. I realise that I am attaching too much importance to material aspects. In my judgement these factors are most important in western culture. Real love, emotional attachment, dharma towards spouses and children as we Indians interpret are different in West. May be I am blaming American spouses too much and fault could lie on Indians. In my view
an Indian would not easily destroy marriage due to factors mentioned above. I beg for forgiveness if I am touching any body's raw nerve. I seek guidance.

Dr. J. S. Uppal

 

[Guest]

I am an American male. About three years ago I worked with an Indian women. We worked together for about six months. But, something happened between us within those six months that neither of us could explain. I at the time,was studying religeon, and was very familiar with her practices and her "ways of life" (understandable by any "foriegner)I found her very interesting to talk to. She was willing to share her life with me. How she was raised, how she will grow, and why. All of which I found very...I guess, very comforting. I myself was raised a Baptist Christian. (Although everyone is raised into one religeon or another. Or sometimes none at all) But at the age of sixteen, I found myself raising alot if questions about my belief. What was real? What was outragiosly glorized? Preety much everything seemed to be a folk tail myth. Passed down from century to century. Each time getting more outlandish. Though there were many truths to it. Nothing I saw fit to worship with my life. So I turned to books. Research the ways of the world. And it seemed that almost all religeons were the same. All have one supreeme being.But each have different practices. Which most were based off of an argument of two or more people thousands of years ago which now in turn have turned into their own little branches.
To get to the point, when her time came for her to leave to go to school, something inside of me did not want to let her go. Now I've read some of the other comments in this listing. Most of which contain something about the non-indian being only attracted to them for their "mystery", now I have no argument there my friends. My argument lies in the fact that with any two people who live vastly different lives, there will always be mystery. Regardless of skin color. The brown skin does help in making a person more attractiveMore of an addition to the persons quality. And depending on personel taste, will be a benifet or a downfall. The world is still a racist place no matter what anyone says. Though most of us haved learned to mature past that. But, thats not the point. The only thing that makes us different is how we live our lives. Most are not willing to change the way that they were raised. Which is understandable, for thats all they know. But most can listen, and hopefully understand. This is where "she" comes in. When she told me she was leaving, I realized that I was falling in love with her. Not because she was different, or becaused I was mystified by her. But because she would have died for me if I asked her to. And I knew that. She would sacrifice her life to help me. Which is very hard to find in a person. And I oddly eneogh realized that I too, would do the same. I was already aware that there were "laws" preventing us from really even dating. Which in a way I think is what stopped me to begin with. But I could not let this go. That next night I went over to her house. And about three o'clock in the morning on January the 28th of 1999 we started dating. Though to be quite honest it was hard to step over that line. To take a risk to loose a great friend but I am incredibly happy that I did. I find that now I am wanting to cange. As is she. Kind of comprimise a little. As of right now I am learning to speak Urdu. And studie a little more about the muslim culture. Increase any chance I have with her family. Who all of which love me to death. But her father still thinks that she should marry someone who will keep the culture in the family. Which is why I make it my personel business to know more about it than her own FatherI have no problem with this religeon. It makes more sence to me than what I was raised on. I am looking forward to learning more. And maybe someday sharing my knowledge in a loving family. The point of my message: Love has no boundaries, any obstacle that would come between two people should be valiantly mounted and secured. To love someone you must understand that no matter what they did or do, no matter where their from, and no matter what could keep you apart, it all has to be charished. That too is what makes a person who they are. A collection of all their falts, weaknesses, and obsticals. All are excepted. And you go from there. To love them for who and what they were, are, and will become. No skin color, way of life, or culture can stand in the way of love. If your willing to change for someone. That is the biggest I Love You card you could ever get them. So to anyone who is reading this and is going through what I did. Think to yourself; What do I love about him/her? If you don't know, then you better real fast. They need to hear it. And if there willing to change for you its not fare if your not ready. Just be sure. Interacial love can cause lots of emotional and mental challenges to the person who is at risk. And to go through that with someone will change them for the rest of their lifes. And its only fair that the person you love know the who,what,when,where, and whys about your love for them. I hope that this message may help someone who might be having problems in the relationship. Look I know it's tough. You get the butt end of it. Both sides do. Remember that. Your mate has the same problems as you are facing. Maybe worse! Work through them together. Most people will not help you, or encourage you either. Don't listen to them, or the doughts that you may face. If you love them, they are worth it. You and I both know that. Good luck to whoever is reading these words. If you need someone to talk to, or you would just like to comment on this, feel free.

 

[RawHumor]

So are you trying to copy my thread now or are you just feeling the need to punch keys?

You DO realize that nobody reads any of this crap anymore, right?

 

[Guest]

Hi guys!

 

[Guest]

 

[RawHumor]

Can you help ME too?

My left testicle is from Pakistan, but my right testicle is American (it's difficult to explain, but it involves donation surgery) and lately the Pakistani left nut has been producing too much testosterone and my orgasms are spraying toward the left. I can't possibly get my American whore of a wife pregnant when my cum shoots so far to the left.

Please help me, Dr. Yaya.

 

[Guest]

 

[RawHumor]

No one can help you.
You are a loser
who dreams about a having a testicle.

I have a 6-paq of testicles!

And I know that you are wanting to have sexi with me because I am so sexually!

 

[Guest]

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I think I'm beginning to repeat myself

I have had several interracial relationships, and I'd like to give my point of view.

I have many times experienced the "culture clash". The worst case was when my boyfriend-at-the-time was acting according to his culture and cooked, cleaned and went grocery shopping for his mother, to such an extent that I, following my culture, thaught that she was taking advantage of him.

What was honorable in his culture was borde-line immature in mine. We had a long discussion about that, but at the time, we couldn't find a suitable compromise. We were both very young then, and both very sure of being "right".

What I have learned over the years is that whenever you're in a relationship, you need to communicate your wants and needs and then compromise. This goes for every relationships, but even more so when it's a matter of cultural differences, as this is very sensitive issues, and we tend to hide behind cultural conventions in roder to get our way.

Patience. Communication. Consideration. Compromise. The one you choose to live the rest of your life with must be your best friend as well as your lover.

 

[Guest]

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Talking to me?

Yayati, was that post for me?
Ehmmm... please don't be offended if I give a quick Swedish lesson here, OK? Svenskaflicka means Swedishgirl. Sven is a Swedish MALE name.

My boyfriend is a black American.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Hoppsan!

Waot a minute... were you talking about the guy I dated back then, which I had that culture clash with? Sorry, my mistake.

He was a Gambian muslim.

 

[RawHumor]

Svenska, it is not worth your time to post here.

All of the "guests" above were created by Yayati for reasons that only he could explain.

He makes a thread like this about once or twice a week, but usually they do not last this long.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Hoppsan!

Waot a minute... were you talking about the guy I dated back then, which I had that culture clash with? Sorry, my mistake.

He was a Gambian muslim.

 

[sunstruck]

This is really sad. So apparently when people start ignoring yaya he talks to himself.

Either that or he's gone totally MPD on us, which is likely anyway.

 

[markb325]

Svenska, it is not worth your time to post here.

All of the "guests" above were created by Yayati for reasons that only he could explain.

He makes a thread like this about once or twice a week, but usually they do not last this long.

RH he has a reason for doing all of this?

 

[RawHumor]

RH he has a reason for doing all of this?

In the loosest sense of the word. Maybe he's bored and lonely, or maybe he just gets finger spasms and puts his hands on the keyboard and out pops another idiotic thread! Who am I to judge him? I don't have a 6-paq! He does.

We should wall want to have sexi with him!

 

[KillerMuffin]

I can't believe Yaya wastes all of that time coming up with this totally transparent rants about Indian men. Then he goes on to give advice to himself as if he were someone else besides Yoyotwat. And then he even goes on to throw in his two cents worth all over again as Yoyotwat.

Yoyo, have you considered gainful employment? You have entirely too much time on your hands.

 

[penguindance]

 

[bluespoke]

I can't believe Yaya wastes all of that time coming up with this totally transparent rants about Indian men. Then he goes on to give advice to himself as if he were someone else besides Yoyotwat. And then he even goes on to throw in his two cents worth all over again as Yoyotwat.

Yoyo, have you considered gainful employment? You have entirely too much time on your hands.

Oh c'mon!

Would you employ a fruitcake like yoyo?

Unless you have a cesspit that needs emptying orally!

 

[tenyari]

My life has only had inter-racial relationships.

But then, my grandparents and my parents on both sides all married across continental lines giving me four races from over 12 nationalities (marrying other nationalities within the same continent was going before this).

It is nearly impossible for me to be involved with a same race person without commiting incest.

I tend to say I have no race, and it's a truthful statement.

I have a very negative view of race and racial divisions. Racial identity is a mean by which humans exclude others and force members to conform to a norm rather than exists an individuals.

But that's another discussion.

Inter racial relationships are very common where I live (San Francisco), so it's never been a problem here. Though it has in past in other places I've visited in the US and Asia.

I've seen many very long lasting relationships of mixed race and mixed culture and don't see what the problem is.

Personally, I feel anybody staying within their own race is only one step away from incest anyway; genetics speaking and possibly familial wise as well.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Would you employ a fruitcake like yoyo?

No way! If I knew who he was I would have him committed; he is a danger to himself and others!