Interesting Life Lesson

[PacificBlue]

I've learned that it isn't that I'm so terribly negative, it is just that I'm too stupid to keep my mouth shut about it. That revelation dawned on me this afternoon as I struggled to get over a crappy attitude. One of my frustrations...it seems to be ok when other people have a bad day but when I do...suddenly I'm negative, or I wear my heart on my sleeve, or blah, blah, blah.

I swear there is a tatoo on my forehead that I can't see that says please tell me everything that is wrong with me and then get really mad/frustrated/exasperated at me because you can't fucking understand why I have low self-confidence.

Why is it when someone hurts me it always seems to be my fault somehow for something I didn't do?!?!?

Apparently my nap didn't help.

 

[*~sekzee1~*]

I've learned that it isn't that I'm so terribly negative, it is just that I'm too stupid to keep my mouth shut about it. That revelation dawned on me this afternoon as I struggled to get over a crappy attitude. One of my frustrations...it seems to be ok when other people have a bad day but when I do...suddenly I'm negative, or I wear my heart on my sleeve, or blah, blah, blah.

I swear there is a tatoo on my forehead that I can't see that says please tell me everything that is wrong with me and then get really mad/frustrated/exasperated at me because you can't fucking understand why I have low self-confidence.

Why is it when someone hurts me it always seems to be my fault somehow for something I didn't do?!?!?

Apparently my nap didn't help.

boy do i hear what your saying.........damn right i do!!!

apparently it is bad form to vent how you feel..but when you dont your shuttng people out...you just cant bloody win!!

 

[PacificBlue]

I'm done trying to please and did I mention that the response to that...

"You are so negative!"

aaarrrggghhhh

 

[Raina]

I get told that I am "so negative" all the time. I know where you are coming from. I can't keep my mouth shut when I am stressed, pissed off, upset, or annoyed either. Someone once told my boyfriend that she didn't like me because I am "bitter and angry" all the time. WHAT?? I don't feel like I am, but I must come off that way to people who are really optimistic.

I prefer to look at it as "realistic"

 

[*~sekzee1~*]

The whole thing is...we all have bad days where it does seem that the world is against us..some of us are more receptive to that...where as others i swear would be singing & dancing thru hoops even if the sky fell down......i am not ashamed to admit that i get very negative & that is just e...so like me for who iam including the black moods..or WRACK OFF!!

 

[Bob Peale]

First off...{{{{HUGS}}}}

Second,

"People" only do what you let them.

And yes, it is negative when they bitch and moan as well - fortunately for them, they have a friend that is too polite to point that out, whereas you are afflicted with friends that seem to revel in making themselves feel good at your expense.

We all have bad days. I'd rather be surrounded by people that aren't always bloody perfect than have to be tortured by some smiley faced sap who never has a crummy morning.

Now stop blathering about how unfair people are. We are a flawed species, and as long as you expect us to be universally just, fair, and supportive you will ALWAYS be disappointed.

We can only give what we have, and no one has everything.

Now, here's a silly question - When you are in a bad mood, do you expect someone else to get you out of it, or do you need to work it out yourself ?

(yeah, I know the answer, but I like asking rhetorical questions )

Stop letting people believe that they have control over your happiness. If you are going to vent, let someone know that their job is just to sit there and listen; if you want anything out of them, you'll be happy to knock it out of them. Without that caveat, you will always be subjected to their interpretations about how you should feel/think/behave.

 

[Raina]

Good advice BP!

 

[PacificBlue]

Now, here's a silly question - When you are in a bad mood, do you expect someone else to get you out of it, or do you need to work it out yourself ?

(

Again, I probably expect that my friends will sympathize and they don't...they start in on what's wrong with me. So instead of being three feet under, I now feel as though I'm six feet under. I'm thinking my choice in friends sucks. I keep choosing the same personality over and over again.

Your points were well taken. Thank you.

I'm not good at putting people in their place. I don't know how to stop someone when they feel the need to tell me everything that's wrong with me. I never learned that part.

 

[Ice Cold]

Sorry to hear about your rough time PB...

Sometimes as much as you don't want to, you have to put up the thicker skin. Whether it is not listening to them, or putting them back in there place. Nobody is perfect out there, and I'm sure your friends have many fauts too. Insesitivity sounds like one of them. How would they feel if you systematically tore them down fault by fault. You need to find people who will support you no matter you are like, and accept you as you are.

 

[Bob Peale]

Again, I probably expect that my friends will sympathize and they don't...they start in on what's wrong with me.

Don't. In a lot of cases, people only sympathize when they feel superior. And for them to commisserate, you need to surround yourself with people trying to DO something with their lives (like you) and are stumbling along the way.

Your points were well taken. Thank you

As always, you're welcome.

I'm not good at putting people in their place. I don't know how to stop someone when they feel the need to tell me everything that's wrong with me. I never learned that part.

In the end, it's not really about putting people in their place as much as setting boundaries. Tell people what you expect/need up front. If they can't or won't give it to you, politely invite them to leave you the fuck alone while you find someone who will.

There is a thread around here right now about loneliness.

In truth, loneliness and being alone ARE NOT the same thing. Sometimes, you need to know when it's best to be by yourselfe (alone). That doesn't mean you're deficient or incomplete (lonely).

 

[Sillyman]

I think bitching can have a quite positive effect. Your attitude does depend on you, but if your situation really sucks than just plastering a smile on your face is just putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. You have my sympathy and I hope things get better for you soon. It's kind of sick the way people are just expected to be automatically and relentlessly happy. Don't force yourself so it can come naturally.

 

[PacificBlue]

In the end, it's not really about putting people in their place as much as setting boundaries.

Interesting that you mention that...I'm reading a book right now on how to set healthy boundaries. I relate to a lot of the example stories in the book.