Interested in feedback and e-mail exchange
- Thread starter djm298
- Start date
mskittykatt
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2001
- Posts
- 292
ummm
Hello and Well Met djm298,
I tried to look up your name under "search stories" since you didn't leave a link to the story you wanted read, and the search came up with nothing. I may be a bit lazy... but I don't feel like searching through the thousands of stories under erotic couplings to find your story, especially since I don't know whether to start in "new" or not. Please post the link to your story here if you want me to read it...
Hello and Well Met djm298,
I tried to look up your name under "search stories" since you didn't leave a link to the story you wanted read, and the search came up with nothing. I may be a bit lazy... but I don't feel like searching through the thousands of stories under erotic couplings to find your story, especially since I don't know whether to start in "new" or not. Please post the link to your story here if you want me to read it...
P. B. Walker
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2001
- Posts
- 25,127
I also tried to find your story... I found your member name and it lists you as having no stories posted on Literotica. Maybe you submitted it and it's not posted yet? Post a link to the story if you can.
Thanks,
- PBW
Thanks,
- PBW
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
mskittykatt
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2001
- Posts
- 292
Thanks Eve (((smiles))) you're more motivated then I
Go curl up somewhere and I'll find the URLs. lol
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
djm298, I read your story and about 90% of it is very well-written. I truly enjoyed it. I like the sexual tension, and I loved reading about the character's discovery of Jane. It was very realistic. When he finally noticed her, it seemed to take him by surprise. And I appreciate you making Jane an intellingent and sexy woman -- and it wasn't her looks that made her sexy.
I was a little disappointed with the ending. It was like stopping in the middle of the story. And it was distracting to read this near the end: So tight it was against my c--- that the head and veins were outlined clearly on the shiny, soft leather. Taught in the candlelight. She leaned close and whispered to me, "f--- me with your leather, f--- my ass with your leather cock."
Still a very good story. By any chance, is there a part two?
I was a little disappointed with the ending. It was like stopping in the middle of the story. And it was distracting to read this near the end: So tight it was against my c--- that the head and veins were outlined clearly on the shiny, soft leather. Taught in the candlelight. She leaned close and whispered to me, "f--- me with your leather, f--- my ass with your leather cock."
Still a very good story. By any chance, is there a part two?
mskittykatt
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2001
- Posts
- 292
curl's up
(((mskitty climbs up into Eve's lap circling around for a moment, then lies down to watch her search for URL's)))
(((mskitty climbs up into Eve's lap circling around for a moment, then lies down to watch her search for URL's)))
mskittykatt
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2001
- Posts
- 292
Hello and Well Met djm298,
I just finished your story as well. It Started a little bit slow for me, i like having details and backgrounds for the characters but it got rather technical for my tastes.
I got into the story, after several paragraphs though and was really enjoying it until the ending where you censored yourself.
I like the character depth and agree with Eve that it was nice to see the whole woman there instead of only one part of her. That has definitely given me some things to consider as I write, and i appreciate your example of filling in the characters more.
There are several descriptions that had me giggling though,
"We headed to the car, hands spontaneously entwined as we walked."
that sounds painful, it brought pictures of ivy enveloping your hands. (But then I could just be strange)
"We both looked at each other knowing the resentment we were feeling towards our employer at that moment."
The word "both" is unnecessary as you are using the words we, and each other.
“Jane leaned against a phone booth. Black leather encased arms folded, staring at me”
I didn’t know arms could stare… that’s a bit freaky.
Otherwise, I did enjoy it, and would like to see more as you write!!
I just finished your story as well. It Started a little bit slow for me, i like having details and backgrounds for the characters but it got rather technical for my tastes.
I got into the story, after several paragraphs though and was really enjoying it until the ending where you censored yourself.
I like the character depth and agree with Eve that it was nice to see the whole woman there instead of only one part of her. That has definitely given me some things to consider as I write, and i appreciate your example of filling in the characters more.
There are several descriptions that had me giggling though,
"We headed to the car, hands spontaneously entwined as we walked."
that sounds painful, it brought pictures of ivy enveloping your hands. (But then I could just be strange)
"We both looked at each other knowing the resentment we were feeling towards our employer at that moment."
The word "both" is unnecessary as you are using the words we, and each other.
“Jane leaned against a phone booth. Black leather encased arms folded, staring at me”
I didn’t know arms could stare… that’s a bit freaky.
Otherwise, I did enjoy it, and would like to see more as you write!!
