WrittenOnPaper
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2017
- Posts
- 9
Hello.
I study Psychology, Spanish and Mandarin at university (beginner level), I sleep outside and I sing and play guitar wherever I walk or sit. That is a very simple version of where my body goes and what it does when it goes there. As for how and why, it is language, communication, connection, sharing, sex, beauty, harmony, touch, love, pleasure, play, creativity, respect, freedom, giving and kindness that leak out from my soul and into my life like a dye; thus, if you were to stand downstream and gather me into your hands like water, I think these are the dyes you would see altering, energising and intermingling throughout my hopes, activity and substance. I like the thought of being like water, and of being filtered through someone's hands like water passing through grains of sand (and vice versa); indeed, it is these sensations, images and dreams, the ones that go into our rivers like sunlight, that I most want to explore with other human beings.
I feel joy, vulnerability, arousal and openness when I participate in and move towards these experiences; sometimes they feel scary, in part because I feel confused about the ethics and nature of desire, consent and objectification, but also because, emotionally, I have not been provided with a scaffold for understanding and climbing up into joyful, erotic and connected experiences. I'm also not very experienced, so I have personal work to do in this area; as such I am trying to build my own scaffolds, and have more experiences, and that is part of why I am here. I know that, sometimes, when these experiences and ideas are near, my body smokes and burns on the water like moonlight and damp leaves.
In general, I am trying to be more brave, more clear and more able to move towards the things that feel alive to me, both intellectually and emotionally, because my intuition tells me that is the right thing for me to do. I am not religious but desire makes me want to reach for words like grace, mystery, celebration, communion and surrender; it feels like a gift and I want to live a life of sharing, encouraging and embracing it. Something I find very compelling, for example, is the thought of making love in the grass, as if the natural world were a temple and making love its proper form of worship.
(I am suddenly reminded of the old-fashioned euphemism 'giving someone a green gown'. It brings to mind a TED talk I saw recently about how sex needs a new metaphor, since the dominant American metaphor of baseball connotes scheduled, agent-defined (pitchers, catchers and batters), formulaic and adversarial sex. The speaker suggests the metaphor of pizza as an antidote and alternative, one that should replace the baseball metaphor in sex education classes, because the pizza metaphor connotes, and has as its model, a social activity that is discursive, agent-neutral (you can have any number of pitches, catchers, batters and fielders - all of them get to eat and enjoy), cooperative and desire-driven. "Mmmm, I could really go some pizza right about now. How about you?"; "What would you like on your pizza? Should we get the usual?" and "Well, I don't really like Hawaiian - how about we go half-half?". This metaphor replacement seems a wonderful suggestion to me.
To my mind, the 'giving someone a green gown' metaphor is almost beautiful: it brings to mind a sweet and earthy passivity, of something similar to the wind falling in love with gravity and all the seed-heads it has been carrying up until now descending to the ground, probably to become a part of the grass. However, I prefer, and maybe you can sense that my thoughts are going in this direction, the image of it being the activity of the lovers that makes the hill green: "We dressed the hill in green". That is a sentence that feels like warm saliva in my mouth and which makes me think of love, humanity and poetry. It seems so much more arresting, truthful and real to me; insofar as it is expressing my emotions and sentiments, the way my thoughts transport sensation and perception, I think it makes sense to call it more truthful and real, too, even though a grass stain on a dress is the more objective perception. Thus, and while I don't know if makes sense to you when I say this, for me the image of the girl being given a green gown is not one of grass stains on her clothes, or in fact of her being passive and given something. Instead, there is an act of creation, done by both of them, that alters their world and experience of life and colour.
It is her warm skin, for example, her fingers wavering amid the grass and the valves of her breathing as she falls backwards onto the hillside and pulls him down with her, and his hands and weight that follow, dimpling her bottom as she is pressed down into the earth, and the two of them moving together in the sunlight, the sounds of them, their hair and thrown clothes, broadening out from where they sigh and clutch at each other, which is what makes the green of the hill actually become green. At least to my mind. But that was an aside.)
If you are also interested in language, communication, connection, sharing, sex, beauty, harmony, touch, love, pleasure, play, creativity, respect, freedom, giving and kindness, and would like to explore those and do not mind (or indeed would enjoy) that sometimes moonlight will burn on the water, sunlight will enter the river and metaphors will be lit in my blood, causing me to wander into sensations (like I did before), then it might be very nice to email together, and maybe even to chat and talk. I do not know what exactly I would talk about; mainly, I want to pour with the colours and sensations, however it is they pour. I'd be very interested in you doing the same.
If we were to discover that the way our minds touch, and what it feels like to hear the other person's breathing, generates an erotic charge and makes mist descend from the mountains or oil pour from a jar, or that one of us is interested in bringing an erotic charge they are feeling from outside of the situation (and, thus, not specifically because of something about the other person) into the situation, perhaps because it feels safe to do so, I think it would be good to have a conversation about that. 1) I think changes in levels of intimacy should be explicitly discussed, to know where we are coming from and where we are hoping to go and what that would mean; 2) I think it is right to care about impulses towards eroticism, satisfaction and pleasure and 3) I think it is right to care about consent and all parties entering into interactions knowingly and willingly. There is something that I profoundly cherish about communication, mutuality, willingness, clarity and respect. Historically, I have not been very good at involving myself in such conversations, to my and the other person's disadvantage, but I would very much like to in the future.
At this point, I want to say that I am unclear about whether or not I would want to develop an online romantic relationship. For, while I appreciate that bridges can be built with words, and do believe that the stars can ferry sweetness, passion and intimacy across continents, there is something within me that still hesitates, unsure as to whether or not the moon can actually be happy with the earth; because, even though we loved it enough to send an astronaut, and even though our breath hitches slightly when we glimpse it and our bodies pool and heat beneath its pale colour, it still strikes me as being very far away from the many little footsteps we step and puffs of air that we puff, and thus I cannot help but think it would be somewhat sad and lonely. At least the mangroves get to hold hands underground.
A tiny poem just popped into life. I wrote the word 'lonely' and the word 'lovely' wanted to exist too. I am trying to give my body over to the things that are vascular and alive, so I will say Yes to its existence:
**********************************************
You are excruciatingly lovely, lonely little moon, in your
white dusting of rouge. How could we not love you?
And yes, see how the fish are dressing in silver for you? Tonight
the fish are coming out, darling moon, dressed like little combs:
They come to help you braid your beloved's wild blue hair.
**********************************************
But I don't know. As I said, I am unsure. I have the feeling, too, that, like the moon, I would be willing to pull at the tides just to receive a trace of someone's aroused breathing, brought to me on starlight. The thought does make my soul shiver and pearl, as does the thought of someone, filled with wanting, saying my name. I certainly don't want to be closed to anything that makes me shiver or create, if it is consensual, as I am here to explore, share and embrace connection, creativity and desire with another human being. Why express uncertainty at all then? Perhaps I was just being nervous. As I said, I need to be more brave, more clear and more able to move towards what I want - suggesting barriers and limits is not part of that. But guilty as charged.
If I sound like someone you would like to get to know and share with, I hope to hear from you. I don't know where it would lead but I am trying to open myself to desire, sex, creativity, pleasure, friendship, love, language and connection. A different way to phrase it, perhaps, is to say that I am interested in the way my body fills my soul and my soul fills my body. Thanks for taking the time to have a read.
P.S: Also, I'm Australian, male and 33. I hope nothing I said was in breach of Literotica policy.
I study Psychology, Spanish and Mandarin at university (beginner level), I sleep outside and I sing and play guitar wherever I walk or sit. That is a very simple version of where my body goes and what it does when it goes there. As for how and why, it is language, communication, connection, sharing, sex, beauty, harmony, touch, love, pleasure, play, creativity, respect, freedom, giving and kindness that leak out from my soul and into my life like a dye; thus, if you were to stand downstream and gather me into your hands like water, I think these are the dyes you would see altering, energising and intermingling throughout my hopes, activity and substance. I like the thought of being like water, and of being filtered through someone's hands like water passing through grains of sand (and vice versa); indeed, it is these sensations, images and dreams, the ones that go into our rivers like sunlight, that I most want to explore with other human beings.
I feel joy, vulnerability, arousal and openness when I participate in and move towards these experiences; sometimes they feel scary, in part because I feel confused about the ethics and nature of desire, consent and objectification, but also because, emotionally, I have not been provided with a scaffold for understanding and climbing up into joyful, erotic and connected experiences. I'm also not very experienced, so I have personal work to do in this area; as such I am trying to build my own scaffolds, and have more experiences, and that is part of why I am here. I know that, sometimes, when these experiences and ideas are near, my body smokes and burns on the water like moonlight and damp leaves.
In general, I am trying to be more brave, more clear and more able to move towards the things that feel alive to me, both intellectually and emotionally, because my intuition tells me that is the right thing for me to do. I am not religious but desire makes me want to reach for words like grace, mystery, celebration, communion and surrender; it feels like a gift and I want to live a life of sharing, encouraging and embracing it. Something I find very compelling, for example, is the thought of making love in the grass, as if the natural world were a temple and making love its proper form of worship.
(I am suddenly reminded of the old-fashioned euphemism 'giving someone a green gown'. It brings to mind a TED talk I saw recently about how sex needs a new metaphor, since the dominant American metaphor of baseball connotes scheduled, agent-defined (pitchers, catchers and batters), formulaic and adversarial sex. The speaker suggests the metaphor of pizza as an antidote and alternative, one that should replace the baseball metaphor in sex education classes, because the pizza metaphor connotes, and has as its model, a social activity that is discursive, agent-neutral (you can have any number of pitches, catchers, batters and fielders - all of them get to eat and enjoy), cooperative and desire-driven. "Mmmm, I could really go some pizza right about now. How about you?"; "What would you like on your pizza? Should we get the usual?" and "Well, I don't really like Hawaiian - how about we go half-half?". This metaphor replacement seems a wonderful suggestion to me.
To my mind, the 'giving someone a green gown' metaphor is almost beautiful: it brings to mind a sweet and earthy passivity, of something similar to the wind falling in love with gravity and all the seed-heads it has been carrying up until now descending to the ground, probably to become a part of the grass. However, I prefer, and maybe you can sense that my thoughts are going in this direction, the image of it being the activity of the lovers that makes the hill green: "We dressed the hill in green". That is a sentence that feels like warm saliva in my mouth and which makes me think of love, humanity and poetry. It seems so much more arresting, truthful and real to me; insofar as it is expressing my emotions and sentiments, the way my thoughts transport sensation and perception, I think it makes sense to call it more truthful and real, too, even though a grass stain on a dress is the more objective perception. Thus, and while I don't know if makes sense to you when I say this, for me the image of the girl being given a green gown is not one of grass stains on her clothes, or in fact of her being passive and given something. Instead, there is an act of creation, done by both of them, that alters their world and experience of life and colour.
It is her warm skin, for example, her fingers wavering amid the grass and the valves of her breathing as she falls backwards onto the hillside and pulls him down with her, and his hands and weight that follow, dimpling her bottom as she is pressed down into the earth, and the two of them moving together in the sunlight, the sounds of them, their hair and thrown clothes, broadening out from where they sigh and clutch at each other, which is what makes the green of the hill actually become green. At least to my mind. But that was an aside.)
If you are also interested in language, communication, connection, sharing, sex, beauty, harmony, touch, love, pleasure, play, creativity, respect, freedom, giving and kindness, and would like to explore those and do not mind (or indeed would enjoy) that sometimes moonlight will burn on the water, sunlight will enter the river and metaphors will be lit in my blood, causing me to wander into sensations (like I did before), then it might be very nice to email together, and maybe even to chat and talk. I do not know what exactly I would talk about; mainly, I want to pour with the colours and sensations, however it is they pour. I'd be very interested in you doing the same.
If we were to discover that the way our minds touch, and what it feels like to hear the other person's breathing, generates an erotic charge and makes mist descend from the mountains or oil pour from a jar, or that one of us is interested in bringing an erotic charge they are feeling from outside of the situation (and, thus, not specifically because of something about the other person) into the situation, perhaps because it feels safe to do so, I think it would be good to have a conversation about that. 1) I think changes in levels of intimacy should be explicitly discussed, to know where we are coming from and where we are hoping to go and what that would mean; 2) I think it is right to care about impulses towards eroticism, satisfaction and pleasure and 3) I think it is right to care about consent and all parties entering into interactions knowingly and willingly. There is something that I profoundly cherish about communication, mutuality, willingness, clarity and respect. Historically, I have not been very good at involving myself in such conversations, to my and the other person's disadvantage, but I would very much like to in the future.
At this point, I want to say that I am unclear about whether or not I would want to develop an online romantic relationship. For, while I appreciate that bridges can be built with words, and do believe that the stars can ferry sweetness, passion and intimacy across continents, there is something within me that still hesitates, unsure as to whether or not the moon can actually be happy with the earth; because, even though we loved it enough to send an astronaut, and even though our breath hitches slightly when we glimpse it and our bodies pool and heat beneath its pale colour, it still strikes me as being very far away from the many little footsteps we step and puffs of air that we puff, and thus I cannot help but think it would be somewhat sad and lonely. At least the mangroves get to hold hands underground.
A tiny poem just popped into life. I wrote the word 'lonely' and the word 'lovely' wanted to exist too. I am trying to give my body over to the things that are vascular and alive, so I will say Yes to its existence:
**********************************************
You are excruciatingly lovely, lonely little moon, in your
white dusting of rouge. How could we not love you?
And yes, see how the fish are dressing in silver for you? Tonight
the fish are coming out, darling moon, dressed like little combs:
They come to help you braid your beloved's wild blue hair.
**********************************************
But I don't know. As I said, I am unsure. I have the feeling, too, that, like the moon, I would be willing to pull at the tides just to receive a trace of someone's aroused breathing, brought to me on starlight. The thought does make my soul shiver and pearl, as does the thought of someone, filled with wanting, saying my name. I certainly don't want to be closed to anything that makes me shiver or create, if it is consensual, as I am here to explore, share and embrace connection, creativity and desire with another human being. Why express uncertainty at all then? Perhaps I was just being nervous. As I said, I need to be more brave, more clear and more able to move towards what I want - suggesting barriers and limits is not part of that. But guilty as charged.
If I sound like someone you would like to get to know and share with, I hope to hear from you. I don't know where it would lead but I am trying to open myself to desire, sex, creativity, pleasure, friendship, love, language and connection. A different way to phrase it, perhaps, is to say that I am interested in the way my body fills my soul and my soul fills my body. Thanks for taking the time to have a read.
P.S: Also, I'm Australian, male and 33. I hope nothing I said was in breach of Literotica policy.