Interested in another person's woman

[milwcruisin]

******

 

[peachykeen]

Well whatever you do, don't do this...

" take advantage and give this girl all the love she deserves for one night and then act like nothing ever happened..."


Look, you can't 'save' anyone from anything. She is an adult, she has to decide for herself whether or not to stay in the relationship she's in, whether she is happy with the current guy, etc. It is, quite frankly, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, unless he is actually smacking her around, in which case you call the appropriate legal authorities, give her some info about the nearest womens shelter, and then get your nose out of it.

You have a crush. A big crush, but a crush. If you feel you can't keep that under control, then you are right to stay away from her. And if this guy is really a friend, maybe you can subtly encourage him to treat her better, like say,"jeez Bob, Katie's such an awesome chick, why are you so mean to her sometimes?" Maybe he really cares about her but doesn't realize how much he's taking her for granted (we know men are kinda dumb like that sometimes) and needs a little reminder. And if he continues to treat her badly, well, maybe you need to examine why you would tolerate being friends with someone who doesn't respect women.

Other than that, like I said, stay out of it.

 

[KingDingaling]

OK. Let me say first off that I am not the type to go around stealing peoples women. I believe it is SO wrong and if it ever happened to me I would be SO pissed off who knows what I would do. But there just happened to come into my life this woman who, the moment I saw and met her, was immediately infatuated with. Come to find out she is like me in many ways and we share alot of the same views. If I had met her in different circumstances I would say she would be the girl I would marry. The problem is she allready has a man, who happens to be one of my new friends (just moved). She has been with this man for 5 years, since she was 17 and probably hasn't had a chance to experience other relationships. They have been engaged for a long time 2 years and have no plans to marry in the near future. maybe it was just his ploy to get her to stick around longer. Now I wouldnt have a problem with this at ALL, but the thing is... he treats her like total shit and she is such a princess. probably one of the awesomest girls I've ever met. I don't understand why she is with him he treats her like shit and she knows it. She has been really nice to me lately I'd say borderline flirting (if not more) and I want to make a move , but, this is someone elses woman. I know I could give her everything shes ever dreamed of an more. I just don't know that I can control myself.. In fact I find myself trying to avoid being alone with her because I know that something could possibly happen. Its not like this girl is a slut and tries to do everyone she sees. I feel there is a very strong emotional/physical connection almost like we're destined to be together. I need people's opinion (not that it would matter but just to calm my mind) that I am doing the right thing by avoiding the inevitable. I mean knowing that I could make this girl so happy and just love her to death but not stepping in because of her relationship (although a shitty one) with someone else. Am I right in not making a move?? Its almost like she WANTS me to save her from the horrible relationship shes in but I just feel I could never look this guy in the eye again? Or maybe givin the oppurtunity should I take advantage and give this girl all the love she deserves for one night and then act like nothing ever happened... I am so confused... I hate my emotions... its just I feel that this girl has come into my life for a reason... but now what should I do???

Firstly the way you started the quote gives you the answer to your question. If you feel you will regret something don't do it. No sense being a man of regrets. You seem to be a man of strong moral fiber, keep it that way.Just remember whatever you put out there in the universe will come back to bite you in the ass x3.

My father always told me it's a simple rule. You loose them how you get them. It sounds to me as if you want a relationship with this woman. If she'll leave him for you at the level of commitment she's at she'll leave you for someone else next.

If you are going to do it; understand you are the other man. If she is on the phone with him, don't talk in the back ground. Don't expect her to spend any special holidays like say valentines day with you. YOU WILL BE THE OTHER MAN!!!

Leaving one person for another is bad ju-ju. Residual emotions will just complicate things. I'd say avoid this "opertunity" like the plauge. Unless you can handle being the other man. I don't think that's the role your looking for.

I've been the other man and loved it. I prefer unavailable women because i'm commitment shy. A few nights of hot love and leave the rest to fantasy.

 

[milwcruisin]

[****

 

[peachykeen]

"I may be more than tempted to make her happy, at least for one night."

Okay so this is the second time you have made such a ridiculous statement. Please do not make me have to fly halfway across the freakin' globe and beat the fact that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MAKING HER HAPPY FOR JUST ONE NIGHT into your skull. I don't know where you ever got such a patently ludicrous notion but please, immediately expunge the idea from both your conscious and subconscious mind.

Mind your own business and keep your dick in your trousers, period.

 

[milwcruisin]

*****

 

[OSA]

Another thought

If you seriously care about her, I don't know if I would pursue the "sharing" notion. If she's really into the idea and that's your thing, then maybe so. If not, then that's not exactly the way to start off showing the "woman of your dreams" how much you care for her.

Given what you described, I think I would just talk to her about it openly. If you can talk to her without her fiance around, ask her how she is doing in her current relationship. Tell her it looks like maybe she's unhappy or being mistreated/not respected. Offer to shut the hell up and ignore it if the conversation bothers her. If she says do that, then do that. Leave it alone. She might want to talk about it. She might agree with you. If she does, it may give her ambition to change her situation (ie. leave the guy she's with). I'm not saying you should encourage that, but it might make her re-evaluate her current situation. I would suggest you do this from a unbiased point of view (I know that's hard, but try). By this I mean, do not make it clear that you have a huge crush on her. Just point out that from an outsider's/friend's perspective, you are worried about her. If there's a problem, she may let you know.

One more thing, you keep mentioning sleeping with her. Nothing wrong with that when you are attracted to a person. But, if you think your infatuation will decline if/when you do, then defintely stay the hell out of this.

My $0.02, but what the hell do I know?

OSA

 

[peachykeen]

mil it's not a touchy subject for me, and I have never been in such a situation where another person came between me and my partner, so I'm sorry if it seemed like I was coming across too strongly. However, I really just want you to realise that TO HER, there will never be any such thing as you 'making her happy, just for one night' in this sort of la-dee-da, romantic, rose-colored glasses way you seem to imagine it. It's like you think you'd be doing her a favor or something!

She's a chick. We don't think like that. Women produce a substance called oxytocin which primarily exists to help us during childbirth, but a lot of current research also suggests that we also produce it during sexual activity, and it helps 'bind' us emotionally to our partners. This is not to say we fall in love with every guy we screw; but it does explain a bit why sex and emotions are often more tied together for women than they are for men. So in short, youreally probably can't just have some nice sex with her and be done with it, without seriously fucking with her head too. Like she needs that.

I'm telling you, stay out of it, even if HE seems to be encouraging you - remember, you said he doesn't generally seem all that concerned about her feelings, right?

Someone - maybe more than one person is going to end up feeling hurt and used here, mark my words. Might be her, might be you, might be both of you. It's very obvious to me, because I can step back and see the picture you are painting here very clearly, whereas you can't, because you're in it.

 

[milwcruisin]

*****

 

[KingDingaling]

trust me you really don't want to entangle yourself in their drama. Sounds like they have a failing relationship already. Either get involved with a stable couple, be the other man.


OR oh here's a thought. Stop persuing unavailable women.

It's fun when you know what you're dealing with but appearantly you have no freakin clue what so ever.


Stay away from this situation. It's nothing but trouble.

 

[milwcruisin]

*****

 

[Prime]

Man, i know how you feel. I'm in the exact same boat right now.

excpet that he doesn't treat her like shit, and they are totally happy together.

oh well, nothing i can do about it.