Intensely Erotic!

[Diamondbarrow]

Hello again.

Methinks I turned a few people off with the cynical title of my last advertisement, so I'm advertising again, this time being more positive. Hooray!

A Love Scene, Ch. 3 has been doing well; it's rated as 4.83, with 1 vote of 4, and 5 votes of five! So far, 1321 people have read the story, and I'd love it if you did, too! Already read it? Tell me what you think!

Want more? Feel free to check over my other work until I submit something new

Enjoy, and please, tell me what you think! So far, one reader has said:

"Sara goes full out to both give and receive sexual joy with her lover. If you enjoy reading a story that relies heavily on the sensuously written language - this story's for you. From paragraph one throughout it continues to get hotter. Intensely Sexual! Good Write!" - duddle146, via public comment

Read it and find out for yourselves

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Be careful, if the rating gets too high a bunch of '0' votes usually follows.

<Sigh> Lit has turned me into a cynic.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Okay, so I read the story. Here are my remarks. First off I feel it is better form to establish the character names, despite being the 3rd chapter, as readers may not always commence with the first (me being one).

<Crazily shaking my head, as I've been editing British stories the past few days and John Cleese's voice still resounds !!!>

Long physical descriptions are not required (as may have been originally stated), but a brief synopsis would do nicely. I don't mean the offish 'she had ravising DD cups' mind you, but rather referring to the sloping swells.

And you are guilty, sir, of starting (repeatedly, mind you) successive paragraphs with 'She' (take a look, I won't mind a bit, look a round while you're at it...)

Not bad writing, just poor form. Straighten your back!

AS

 

[Diamondbarrow]

That's what happens when I hit stretches of laziness and dissatisfaction with the way I'm living my life. Thanks, I'll be sure to take care of that

 

[RomanCEisdead]

Watch that voting

Not yet read the story, but will do.

AsylumSeeker wrote:

Be careful, if the rating gets too high a bunch of '0' votes usually follows.


Hmm. I wrote a little story for the Halloween contest (called Katie - by all means read it and see what you think). It wasn't written with any expectation of winning, but as an exercise based upon what I thought was a cute little twist.

After six votes I had four very nice reviews, but with an average score of 3.67 that indicated 4 x 5 and 2 x 1, I rather lost interest in the event.

Don't get me wrong. I'd be the first to admit that I'm not a literary genius, but over seven stories that I have submitted with readings totalling over 100,000 my average is 4.6!

 

[Diamondbarrow]

The only vote I've gotten below a 4 on any story was a 2, because someone was upset that my male character didn't go all the way on the eating out of the female character. Apparently, she thought this was a personal stance on how men can't make women orgasm without their penis. Methinks she was a tad bitter about something...

 

[Diamondbarrow]

What's this? Chapter 3 is the highest rated story of the series? How can that be? Only 1632 people have looked at it, and there have only been 8 votes!

How can I, in good conscience, declare this the best so far? More of you must read it, yes! Will their escapades continue? Will either Barrow or Sara say anything? Will there be a strand of continuity that ties the whole series together !? Will the shameless self-promotion never end!? Log on, read it, and find out!

(Answers are as follows: yes, no, no, maybe; please note this series is not meant to be one long continuous story. It's mainly a series of snapshots in time. Enjoy!)

 

[Diamondbarrow]

For the person who gave me a 3:

Thank you for your constructive criticism. For future reference, a 'gout' is defined as:

2 : a mass or aggregate especially of something fluid often gushing or bursting forth

Hooray vocabulary!

Still, you're correct; my grammar has gone to complete shit over the last year. SO, to work I go to improve my form!

 

[Matthew82]

my two cents for what it's worth

grammer, cliches, lack of this or too much of that aside...from critical/editorial analysis, did the short story entertain..in the LIT world, did it get a man hard, a woman wet..those essential facts are sometimes lost amongst the harshness that the fellow authors and critics love to give out. from a general did you like it stand point, heck yes! it was erotic, sensual and entertaining. keep it up!

SEX SELLS!!

 

[Diamondbarrow]

grammer, cliches, lack of this or too much of that aside...from critical/editorial analysis, did the short story entertain..in the LIT world, did it get a man hard, a woman wet..those essential facts are sometimes lost amongst the harshness that the fellow authors and critics love to give out. from a general did you like it stand point, heck yes! it was erotic, sensual and entertaining. keep it up!

SEX SELLS!!

Thanks a bunches! It's good to know I at least got the core of it right

By the way, Chapter 3 now has an 'H' tag! Hooray, my third one!