Input welcomed.

[sch00lteacher]

Last night, about 12:30 our phone rang, didn't answer it, waited for someone to leave a message. No message. A few minutes later it rang again, this time the wife got up and answered it.

She began to have a loud verbal argument with someone about my son. Who, by the way, is 17, and will be a senior in high school next fall.

Wife got off the phone, "What the fuck is going on" I asked, of course.

It was the boy's girlfriend's mother. Ranting about my son leading her into evil ways. If he is ever on their property again... They are never to see each other again...

I really didn't get a straight answer. But the overall thing was that the kids were not at home. Excuse me? I look in my son's room, he ain't fucking in there. Oh shit. Wife panics. He had made a big production of going to bed about ten. Goodnight mom, dad, yawn, tired, see ya tomorrow type shit.

She goes out to find him, I didn't have a chance too, she is fast. They come home together. The girlfriend lives within rock throwing distance.

Seems he has been sneaking out his window at night... For how long I have no idea.

Now I don't feel like killing him, hey I was 17 once myself. But it pissed me off that for a few minutes I didn't know where he was.

Later I asked him if she had to be home at ten? No, she could have stayed out till later. I asked him why they didn't just go into our living room and watch TV? Hell they could have made out and I wouldn't have known. If they were protected I wouldn't have cared much either. But this sneaking around shit!

The only rule I have is they can't be in his bedroom with the door closed. Because I will not allow my daughter to be in her room with a boy with the door closed. Gotta be fair.

ANYHOW. What do I do? We had a long talk, wife, son, me, about trust issues, etc.. I explained how I would have died if the house had caught on fire, because I would not leave one of my kids in the house to burn to death, and I knew for certain that he was in the house.

So now it is your turn. What do I do? I'm not going to kill him. Like I said, I probably would have done the same at his age.

I don't like the fact he lied. Broke my trust.

I am pissed that the mother called my wife and pissed her off. She also let it be known that the two lovebirds were never to see each other again (yeah right, but this scares my wife, what if they run off to be together, a valid point).

I just need some input. More to consider. What would you do? What should I do?

Thanks in advance. Hi to all my friends out there.

My enemies and detractors can still go fuck themselves.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

My enemies and detractors can still go fuck themselves.

I'm not a enemy and detractor but can I anyway?

I see what you mean about the house catching fire. He is 17 and will do what his loins lead him to do. Just sit down and explain the fire aspect and that you were worried about what might of happened.

Let him know that her mother rang. But if she seems a nice girl to you just tell him to be careful around her parents. You can't really expect him to stay away if they lust each other just because her mother told them too.

Just let him know that you want to know when he leaves the house and if he needs condoms.

They are gonna do what they want at that age. Let him know that you love and care for him and you are there for him. But you have to have trust so you need him to tell you when he leaves the house.

 

[Lost Cause]

Personal Responsibility

I used to do the exact same thing as your son! G'night Mom & Dad, then slither out of the winder to my awaiting girlfriend. It's that rebel image he wants to portray, that nothing will stop him from being with her. There might be sexual play due to the nuclear hormone furnaces, but hopefully, they don't want to make you a Grandpa right away.
The thing that killed my little excursions was my parent's sat down with both of us, and told us my new hour of operations and why. The disappointment in my faces really crushed me, I never violated their trust again. It was explained to both of us that if we wanted to see a midnight movie, let them know what time we wanted to be back, and we'd reach some common ground.
After my probation, my parent's treated me like a near adult again. It felt good. I went into the service at eighteen, which straightened the rest of me out. I guess the way to explain your reactions to both of them is the big picture of what life is all about. The way you straighten out this misadventure with them will determine how they will deal with their own chillin' in the hopefully far future.
I hope this gives you ideas, if all else fails, duct tape him to the bed every night!

 

[mig]

My enemies and detractors can still go fuck themselves.

Reminds me of a girl I knew.

It was said she only screwed her friends but she had no enemies.

As to your problem.Short of locking him in the basement,what can you do?.

 

[Ishmael]

It's the sneaking out that's the big issue here.

Yes, you can use the 'fire' thing. Although at his age I doubt that that will make an impression on him. Afterall, the house never caught fire before, so why should it now?

It is now a matter of his word and your trust of him. I don't think you can white wash that. There has to be some sort of repercussion involved. Negative activities have to have a consequence. And the consequences have to be meaningful. Yah, he's going to think you're unfair etc. Tough nuggies. Life isn't all that fair at all. He can run if he wants, you can't stop him. But if you molly coddle this over he'll have learned nothing and he might very well be emboldened to engage in other activities.

I can't even begin to recommend what that punishment might be. Each child is different and what is a punishment to one might not phase another. Me? I kept my sons working. They were to damn tired to get into too much trouble. I just went by the old saw "Idle hands are the devils workshop".

As far as the other child is concerned, she is their problem. Not yours, or your sons. And as I remember back to my teenage years I recall that in most instances the female was the instigator in many of my less stellar activities. If her parents had her under control she would not have been participating in whatever activity they were engaged in. So she is just as much to blame and her parents attitude of blaming your son is going to make your job harder. He is going to feel very put upon.

Ishmael


Ishmael

 

[Lost Cause]

I forgot to add if you haven't done it yet, take away critical privileges, then give them back as they are earned. By the sound of your conference with him, you did/said all the right stuff!
I recently heard a similar problem with two teens...let me see...what were their names? Oh yeah, R...Romeo.....and....Julie...Juliet! Hey! Wait a minute!

 

[fgarvb1]

ahh the days of our youth!
when i was young with the chance of getting into a girls panties very little would have stoped me.

Thank god i had a strong back! pushing that 1970 dodge fury 1 four door out of the driveway was a real bitch!

 

[erosman]

boy, Teach, I agree with what is said above. I'll add my two cents, though.

Yes, the sneaking is the big deal. I have a son the same age. Last night it was graduation parties and drinking. At 17, a lot of kids are feeling their oats, but haven't felt the weight of consequences, yet. I try to keep that at the forefront of our conversations. It's one thing to drink, and party, and fuck around. But, it's another ball game when you have to pay. You drink and drive, and there are real consequences that follow you all of your life. You fuck around with the ladies, and you can be facing an unwanted pregnancy.

I don't know how to tell anyone how to communicate with their child. It is so individual. I would say he needs to hear exactly what you think - about the making out, or sex , or sneaking. I would say that you are moving into new territory, and frankly he probably needs to hear from his dad about the real issues. Talk about making out. Talk about fucking. Talk about protected sex issues. Talk about the breach of trust - his with you, and hers with her parents. Her mom was upset, but today might shed new light, too. I would sit down with he and her, and have an extrememly frank discussion. Life has some different twists these days. The information is coming so fast, that being on the level with our kids about their choices is imperative. It takes transparency on the parents to invite the same out of the kids.

 

[navarre]

Ahhh..the joys of children

There's not much I could add to what Ishmael and Lost Cause have said except....

I hear that young males bring good money in the Moroccan slave markets.

Been there.

 

[Weird Harold]

So now it is your turn. What do I do? I'm not going to kill him. Like I said, I probably would have done the same at his age.

You know how your kid will react better than any of us. I would point out, that there's no particular reason you have to let him know you're not going to kill him.

 

[Ishmael]

Re: Re: Input welcomed.

You know how your kid will react better than any of us. I would point out, that there's no particular reason you have to let him know you're not going to kill him.

Damn good point WH. Sometimes waiting for the hammer to fall is worse than the hammer.

Ishmael

 

[LukkyKnight]

I'd keep it personal, teach, you and him. No big fire story, even if it's true. You already identified the issue, it's trust. If he's been doing this, what else DON'T you know about? How are you supposed to trust that he's not drinking and driving? Why should you believe he'll do anything he tells you without verifying it? I would think one of the most odious threats would actually be that you're going to have to start coming along on dates now, since you can't be sure where he is or what he's doing, but regardless there's two things that stand out.

First, that "What's gonna happen?" question IS probably scarier than anything, so leaving it hanging over his head awhile can't hurt IMHO.

Second, the more understated you are the better, no hauling in dramatic "what ifs" for ammunition, just "You've deceived me, and violated my trust, and that hurts me even more than it worries me."

IMHO.

YMMV.

Glad my kid's younger.

 

[APhil]

You could always do what my mom did to my oldest brother when he was 17 and sneaking out.

At first, she would wait just inside the front door with her hand on the lightswitch, and flip it as he was climbing back up the antenna tower (he lived on the second floor).

Later on, she would take his shoes after he went to sleep.

Finally, she caught him sneaking out one too many times, and his clothes were bagged up and on the sidewalk the next day.

 

[alexandraaah]

I'm not sure what type of relationship you have with the girlfriend's parents, but I think once things cool down a bit, you might consider giving them a ring.

Before you do so, consider if it was your daughter and their son, just to get a frame of reference for how they're feeling.

If it's possible to get through to the other parents on a rational level, you may want to talk to them independent of the kids, about setting limits in which all parties are comfortable.

If this works, explain to your respective kids that they have a choice. People love choices! They can continue to sneak around and continue to get caught, therefore losing all privileges, one by one until they are not allowed to see each other any longer.

OR, they can follow the simple guidelines you've set up to allow them to date responsibly, and everyone wins.

Good luck, teacher, and thank everything down to the keyboard you're typing on that I wasn't your daughter.

 

[marksgirl]

I'm just setting here shaking my head and thinking Thank God my now 18 year old son is in the Army...but then I think holy shit my 12 year old daughter...I can see it coming.......payback!!!!