Mindfondler
Kinkster
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2010
- Posts
- 4,071
Hello!
This posting is something of an experiment, and I'm not sure what response (if any!) to expect. Please be gentle with us!
My wife and I have been happily married for many years. We love each other dearly and are firmly committed to each other. We have recently agreed, though, that our sex life has become dull and that we need to do something about it (in a more-than-vanilla way, but not extending to, say, threesomes and swinging). I have lots of ideas but, in different ways, we both lack confidence in following them up.
We have been thinking that it would help us to talk to someone who shares our values, who understands our issues, and who is enthusiastic about helping us to overcome them. I'm therefore testing the waters here to see whether anyone on Lit might be interested in this.
For reasons that I will explain in a moment, I am particularly keen to find a sympathetic female peer and/or role model for my wife. In my mind, our ideal correspondent might have the following qualities:
Please don't be put off if you don't exactly meet this profile and you feel that you have something to offer. I have tried to define the type of person that my wife and I would feel most comfortable with straight away in this context, but we are both broad-minded and we get on with a wide variety of people.
If you're interested in learning more about us, then please read on...
About my wife:
My wife enjoys sex with me, although she is most comfortable with "conventional" missionary position sex. She is curious about other possibilities, and sometimes open to trying them, but she acknowledges to me that she feels inhibited about exploring fantasies and desires beyond the definite vanilla. My wife wasn't brought up particularly strictly, but she was expected to be a "very good girl" and she has never had a female role model who demonstrates a comfortable and uninhibited sexuality. I think that's a great shame, because my wife generally has an easy-going and playful nature that would be ideally suited to bedroom pursuits.
About me:
I feel more adventurous than my wife. I get excited by the possibilities of less conventional sexual scenarios and I would love to try more of these with her. I sincerely believe that we could have a lot more great fun together if we can just relax and unleash our playful sexy sides. I am very sensitive to my wife's feelings, though, and I tend not to push an idea unless I get a clear signal that she approves of it. My fear is that my wife may feign interest and go along with something that she really doesn't like, just because she feels that she owes it to me to do so. However, I'm also aware that my wife often finds it difficult to articulate her sexual desires and fantasies, even to herself.
My wife and I have explored our differences over the years with some success, but we are now somewhat stuck. I think we would both benefit greatly from hearing another perspective on what is "normal" and "okay", and finding a positive role model for these aspects with whom we can identify.
Some examples that I have mentioned before on this forum may help to explain this further:
1. Photo shoot
As I described in this thread, I would love to take (or have taken) some pin-up style photographs of my wife that capture her playful appeal. The idea seems to appeal to her in principle -- she previously enjoyed a glamour shoot with a professional photographer -- but she is reluctant to commit to this. I think my wife needs reassurance that this is a worthy pursuit for her, perhaps from someone who has done something similar before and/or would be prepared to do this in company with her.
Similarly, my wife needs a lot of persuasion from me to wear outfits that are classily sexy (elegant, not trashy), despite her admission that she enjoys the attention that they bring to her when she does. I would like her to receive affirmation that it is okay for her to do this for herself, rather than just for me. I think my wife would learn a lot from the confidence of someone who wears such clothes with familiarity and poise.
2. Oral sex
As I described in this posting, my wife has a strong inhibition about oral sex. I rarely go down on her because she always complains strongly at first -- although, if I manage to keep going, then she admits to me in the heat of the moment that she enjoys it very much. Similarly, my wife doesn't like the idea of giving head to me, but only because the concept "doesn't seem right" to her. These aren't deal-breakers for me, but I sense that they are issues of perceived guilt rather than lack of desire. Perhaps her issues could be overcome with kind reassurance from a trusted peer. I would love to be able to satisfy my wife orally on a regular basis, and to have her enjoy it without any inhibitions.
3. Light bondage
My wife and I briefly experimented with light bondage games (e.g. blindfolding, tying up, spanking). As with receiving oral, my wife seemed to enjoy them at the time, but she doesn't feel comfortable about admitting this now. She certainly wouldn't initiate these activities or ask me explicitly for them. I believe that her "good girl" beliefs are again a big factor. As I mentioned earlier, I feel anxious about pushing my wife to try such ideas without a clear positive signal from her, so we've reached a deadlock and we haven't re-visited them recently. As before, I believe that a new stimulus on this might enable us to relax, trust each other and have a lot of fun together.
I hope that I've been able to express clearly the positive opportunity for change that my wife and I want to pursue. I would like to imagine that there is someone out there who feels motivated to help us with this.
I'd like to repeat that we are emphatically NOT looking for swinging, cyber or physical sharing. Please read my profile and listen to my audio introduction to get a clearer idea about me. My wife is totally lovely, of course.
It occurs to me at this point that the dialogue that we are seeking will only be sustainable if it has two-way benefits. If you do reply, then please let us know broadly what you think might be in it for you. We're very happy to receive sincere goodwill, but we'd also like to make new friends that we can keep in the longer run.
If you're interested, then please send me a Private Message and we'll take it from there. It may take me a little while to reply, as I'd like my wife to help me review any responses and decide what to do. Please don't be offended if we get "cold feet" -- it's quite a leap for us to consider this option, and we'll need to feel very comfortable in order to proceed further with it. Still, it seems worth a try.
Many thanks for reading this far!
MF (and Mrs MF)
.
This posting is something of an experiment, and I'm not sure what response (if any!) to expect. Please be gentle with us!
My wife and I have been happily married for many years. We love each other dearly and are firmly committed to each other. We have recently agreed, though, that our sex life has become dull and that we need to do something about it (in a more-than-vanilla way, but not extending to, say, threesomes and swinging). I have lots of ideas but, in different ways, we both lack confidence in following them up.
We have been thinking that it would help us to talk to someone who shares our values, who understands our issues, and who is enthusiastic about helping us to overcome them. I'm therefore testing the waters here to see whether anyone on Lit might be interested in this.
For reasons that I will explain in a moment, I am particularly keen to find a sympathetic female peer and/or role model for my wife. In my mind, our ideal correspondent might have the following qualities:
- A woman with a high libido and strong sense of sexual self (even if this is inhibited)
- Similar to us in age (40s or nearby)
- Experience of a long-term loving relationship
- Kind-hearted, imaginative and articulate
- Sympathetic about conflicts between roles of mother/wife/employee/homemaker/lover
- Willing to chat to us regularly (initially by e-mail) -- and perhaps eventually meet us in person if things go well
- In a similar time zone to the UK (for ease of interaction)
- Keen to support us in our quest for affirmative change
Please don't be put off if you don't exactly meet this profile and you feel that you have something to offer. I have tried to define the type of person that my wife and I would feel most comfortable with straight away in this context, but we are both broad-minded and we get on with a wide variety of people.
If you're interested in learning more about us, then please read on...
About my wife:
My wife enjoys sex with me, although she is most comfortable with "conventional" missionary position sex. She is curious about other possibilities, and sometimes open to trying them, but she acknowledges to me that she feels inhibited about exploring fantasies and desires beyond the definite vanilla. My wife wasn't brought up particularly strictly, but she was expected to be a "very good girl" and she has never had a female role model who demonstrates a comfortable and uninhibited sexuality. I think that's a great shame, because my wife generally has an easy-going and playful nature that would be ideally suited to bedroom pursuits.
About me:
I feel more adventurous than my wife. I get excited by the possibilities of less conventional sexual scenarios and I would love to try more of these with her. I sincerely believe that we could have a lot more great fun together if we can just relax and unleash our playful sexy sides. I am very sensitive to my wife's feelings, though, and I tend not to push an idea unless I get a clear signal that she approves of it. My fear is that my wife may feign interest and go along with something that she really doesn't like, just because she feels that she owes it to me to do so. However, I'm also aware that my wife often finds it difficult to articulate her sexual desires and fantasies, even to herself.
My wife and I have explored our differences over the years with some success, but we are now somewhat stuck. I think we would both benefit greatly from hearing another perspective on what is "normal" and "okay", and finding a positive role model for these aspects with whom we can identify.
Some examples that I have mentioned before on this forum may help to explain this further:
1. Photo shoot
As I described in this thread, I would love to take (or have taken) some pin-up style photographs of my wife that capture her playful appeal. The idea seems to appeal to her in principle -- she previously enjoyed a glamour shoot with a professional photographer -- but she is reluctant to commit to this. I think my wife needs reassurance that this is a worthy pursuit for her, perhaps from someone who has done something similar before and/or would be prepared to do this in company with her.
Similarly, my wife needs a lot of persuasion from me to wear outfits that are classily sexy (elegant, not trashy), despite her admission that she enjoys the attention that they bring to her when she does. I would like her to receive affirmation that it is okay for her to do this for herself, rather than just for me. I think my wife would learn a lot from the confidence of someone who wears such clothes with familiarity and poise.
2. Oral sex
As I described in this posting, my wife has a strong inhibition about oral sex. I rarely go down on her because she always complains strongly at first -- although, if I manage to keep going, then she admits to me in the heat of the moment that she enjoys it very much. Similarly, my wife doesn't like the idea of giving head to me, but only because the concept "doesn't seem right" to her. These aren't deal-breakers for me, but I sense that they are issues of perceived guilt rather than lack of desire. Perhaps her issues could be overcome with kind reassurance from a trusted peer. I would love to be able to satisfy my wife orally on a regular basis, and to have her enjoy it without any inhibitions.
3. Light bondage
My wife and I briefly experimented with light bondage games (e.g. blindfolding, tying up, spanking). As with receiving oral, my wife seemed to enjoy them at the time, but she doesn't feel comfortable about admitting this now. She certainly wouldn't initiate these activities or ask me explicitly for them. I believe that her "good girl" beliefs are again a big factor. As I mentioned earlier, I feel anxious about pushing my wife to try such ideas without a clear positive signal from her, so we've reached a deadlock and we haven't re-visited them recently. As before, I believe that a new stimulus on this might enable us to relax, trust each other and have a lot of fun together.
I hope that I've been able to express clearly the positive opportunity for change that my wife and I want to pursue. I would like to imagine that there is someone out there who feels motivated to help us with this.
I'd like to repeat that we are emphatically NOT looking for swinging, cyber or physical sharing. Please read my profile and listen to my audio introduction to get a clearer idea about me. My wife is totally lovely, of course.
It occurs to me at this point that the dialogue that we are seeking will only be sustainable if it has two-way benefits. If you do reply, then please let us know broadly what you think might be in it for you. We're very happy to receive sincere goodwill, but we'd also like to make new friends that we can keep in the longer run.
If you're interested, then please send me a Private Message and we'll take it from there. It may take me a little while to reply, as I'd like my wife to help me review any responses and decide what to do. Please don't be offended if we get "cold feet" -- it's quite a leap for us to consider this option, and we'll need to feel very comfortable in order to proceed further with it. Still, it seems worth a try.
Many thanks for reading this far!
MF (and Mrs MF)
.
