Information Needed

[SmilinAngel]

Okay, so I need some help. This is kinda sticky situation for me. I'm not trying to be offensive, so I'm sorry if I do. I am engaged and while looking for dirty laundry - like 10 minutes ago - in my fiances closet, I found a pair of size 10 spiked heels, a plaid skirt, a white collered tie-up shirt, and a 34B bra from Victorias Secret in a zipped up bag. At first, I thought that he had gotten them for me as a surprise, but I don't wear a size 10 ... I'm a 7.5. And the shirt is TINY. So, I think he cross-dresses and has never told me. So, heres the issue, my father used to, and I've known ever since I was little. I associate cross-dressing with my father and it gives me a huge ew-factor ... I mean, that's my father. But I'm not sure how I feel about my fiance doing it. I mean, it has no sexual appeal for me, and I think I could handle if it was just cross-dressing, but I'm afraid that it may be indicative of other behaviors, like gay or bi tendencies. I don't have anything against gay or bi people, but I don't want to marry a man and then find out 5 years later that he wants to be with a man. I thought maybe it was an ex-girlfriends, but a size 10? Though not impossible, it is unusual for a woman. I'm not sure if it his though, because the shirt is TINY ... I don't even think it would fit me ... though I didn't try it on ... So, I guess what I am wondering is what are the general appeals of cross-dressing, and if it is usually coupled with other behaviors, or if it is simply cross-dressing. If you could share similar experiences or personal experiences, that would be a big help! The wedding is planned for July, so I gotta figure out how I feel soon ... any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[tronada]

hey ya

I got your pm and sent you one too.
Be strong. You're going to need it!!

tronada

 

[conntom2002]

BAD NEWS......

chances are he's sucked more dick than you

but remember....communication can solve alot

talk to him about it.......

 

[human_male]

Best thing to do is just talk to him about it. And remember if he's simply a transvestite that doesn't mean he's bi or gay. I believe most are straight.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Human male is right, most cross dressers are straight. There are some online support-type groups for people whose mates are cross dressers, you may want to seek one out. These people are where you are and can help you figure out how you feel, as well as how to proceed.
Good thoughts to you.

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

I think everyone has a common theme hich I agree with, Communicate. Don't be afraid to talk to him about it.

When you do dont come in with an offensive tone. Talk to him from a stand point of wanting to understand him more. If you go in with guns blazing it will immediatly cause him to throw up defensive walls and it will turn ugly real fast.

 

[carsonshepherd]

if he truly is a cross dresser and he's been hiding it for awhile, which is pretty common, more than likely he'll be relieved to get it out in the open.

 

[SmilinAngel]

Confrontation ...

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate the support.

Okay, so, I finally confronted him. At first, he said that they outfit was for me, and I didn't say much. I knew that it couldn't have. I just said that I was okay if it wasn't for me, but I just wanted to know whose it was. After just kinda leaving it as is for a minute or so, he confessed. I understand why he didn't tell me though. He said that once, when I was talking about my father doing it, that I said that I would leave him if I found out that he did. I don't remember saying it, but I don't doubt that I would have. He claims that he only has one outfit that he bought out of curiosity, and I believe him. I only found one - and it was a schoolgirl-like outfit - the same type that he enjoys seeing me in. I told him I was okay with him doing it, as long as he was honest and open with me. When I confronted him about possible tendencies, he denied that he had any and that it was only out of curiosity and that he had only worn it a few times, and hadn't since we have been dating. He said he only kept it because he had spent so much money on it, and thought that he could wash it and give to to me as a surprise, but had just forgotten about it. He also said that he had hoped that I would never find out because he doesn't see it as part of himself, just something he once tried and could live without. Is that denial? I believe him. Or do I just want to believe him? I don't see any signs that suggest that it is something deeper, and I told him that as long as he was honest with me, we could work anything out, and that if I had found out that he had lied later, I wouldn't be able to trust or stay with him after knowing I had been directly lied to. So ... that's where we stand. He says that he would still do it if I wanted him to, but that he doesn't have a strong need to do it. I guess it seems plausible ... I mean, we're all curious at some time or another, and there's only one way to cure curiosity. I just feel better having gotten it out in the open ... so, from those who have experience in this area - does this seem plausible? Or is CD something that one usually wouldn't "experiment" with?

 

[carsonshepherd]

SmilingAngel....
*hug*

You've made it safe for him to tell the truth; it sounds like he has. So if you trust him, then you're both lucky to have someone who's truthful and understanding. As long as he knows you're not judging him, then he won't feel pressured to be in the closet about this. I've been close to a cross dresser so I know the signs and it sounds like he's been honest with you.

 

[SmilinAngel]

Thank you, carsonshepard, the support really means a lot. It was really difficult for me at first, because of my father, but I tried to be understanding. We haven't said the vows yet, but "for better or for worse" really means something to me. We are engaged, committed, and on the scale of "worse," I realized that this wasn't that bad. The only thing that I could really leave him for is if I couldn't trust him. If there is more to it, I just hope that he tells me.

 

[Mistress_Blueeyes]

SmilingAngel....
*hug*

You've made it safe for him to tell the truth; it sounds like he has. So if you trust him, then you're both lucky to have someone who's truthful and understanding. As long as he knows you're not judging him, then he won't feel pressured to be in the closet about this. I've been close to a cross dresser so I know the signs and it sounds like he's been honest with you.

I live with a CD. I'm sure the night he told me he likes to CD was difficult for him. Luckily I was accepting and it has made for an exciting sex life. I fully agree with Carson. Your finace now knows that he can open up about his cross dressing. Most cross dressers are straight. Like I said in the pm I sent you I'm here for you and if you need someone to talk to dont hesitate to write.


MB

 

[incubus'_sub]

I think that the others are right. It sounds like the truth to me too.

My concern is that whilst you are being supportive and understanding that underneath is a little whisper saying eewww, my father. Now that I can understand too, very well.

Can you, in all honesty, put that thought away, or is it going to begin to turn you off your fiance over time? You love him & you won't want it to happen, but it's probably best to face the possibility now, before you are married.

That said, I wish you both well and you have both handled the situation with great love & respect for each other.

 

[Etoile]

A lot of good things have already been said, there's not a lot more I can add. I'm going to ask a CD friend of mine for his thoughts, though - his wife doesn't know about his CD (or rather she chooses to pretend it's not happening), so he might have some insight on how your fiancé is feeling.

 

[SmilinAngel]

A lot of good things have already been said, there's not a lot more I can add. I'm going to ask a CD friend of mine for his thoughts, though - his wife doesn't know about his CD (or rather she chooses to pretend it's not happening), so he might have some insight on how your fiancé is feeling.

Thanks, Etoile, I think that would really help! Some first-hand thoughts from a CD would definitely help me better understand my fiancé. Any insight that your friend - through you - could provide would be greatly appreciated! I look forward to your reply, and thanks again!

BTW - I love your pic, there is something that is just so sensual and classic about black and white pic!

 

[lipgloss_clare]

Thanks, Etoile, I think that would really help! Some first-hand thoughts from a CD would definitely help me better understand my fiancé. Any insight that your friend - through you - could provide would be greatly appreciated! I look forward to your reply, and thanks again!

Hmmm, OK, for the first time ever I told my (newish) gilfriend I'm a crossdresser a few days ago. There have been a few bumps but I knew she was very intentionally accepting of other people's issues, and although she's not ready to face it yet (and I'm not that compulsive - no rush after some initial mess) it's going to be OK. Her issues are more to do with me being more into makeup than she is, than with me dressing up!

We were getting close to it anyway, playing with her clothes and stuff, so there was no hiding it without subtly lying really.

So... what am I saying? I consider myself straight (not into male bodies) but I wouldn't dress if I didn't find TVs to some extent attractive (but that's me, other TVs I know don't like to admit to cocks while they're dressed). So I've sucked one cock. And I'd like to do more, probably, but my girlfriend is incredible and I'm thinking (for the first time ever really) that I don't need to do that more - there is so much we have to explore. I do need to dress, but I can let the rest go and feel I'm gettting the best bargain ever. I'm a happy bunny.

I think if he's curious enough to try it, it probably is slightly more of an on-going interest than he admits. But he may not need it. I don't know.

Just thought I'd mumble for a bit. Hope it made some sense. Main message? Noone's perfect. I think you've handled it right. In the end, after I confessed this to my gf, we told eachother tons of other stuff and I think it's been the most wonderful thing ever to share all that and be open about everything.

 

[lipgloss_clare]

Hmmm, OK...

Oh p.s. I didn't mean to imply I'm the friend Etoile mentioned - I'm not. Just your comment made me think you might be interested in my rambling!

 

[Street Mystic]

I'll throw my two cents into what has been a very fascinating thread.

A few years ago, a girlfriend and I got into some role-reversal fantasy play. I gave her some of my roughest he-man duds, and then she dressed me in panties, garters, stockings, cocktail dress, etc.

She looked like the stereotypical bull dyke truck driver and i looked like a hairy decoy cop on the granny squad, but it was the inaugural night of her new black strap-on so we went all out. And damn, did we have fun.

Honestly, femme'ing out turned me on with her (and with others) but unless we were going to play, I never even thought about wearing women's clothing. And really, it was like every other routine in our sexual library - we didn't do the same show every night, and certain games got played more frequently than others.

as to whether the clothes "make" a man go bi/gay, (or lean towards it) i think that's a bit far fetched (says the guy who was buttfucked while wearing panties...) If you put a hard hat, boots and overalls on a girl, does it mean she automatically wants to eat pussy? I've always been bi-curious, and when I finally did have adventures later, it really didn't matter what I (or he) was wearing, just whether we were both horny. And really, the majority of the men that I was with never seemed to go for "femmed" males even in the bedroom, and until that girlfriend took me, i probably never would have thought of putting on a dress except for a Halloween party.

I think that it's just another fetish, and as others have mentioned, in certain situations, it can be a real turn on for both parties (unless of course, he looks better in your clothes than you do.)

though I will say this, until that night, I never could understand why when babes would come out in some sexy little corset, garters, etc. outfit, they would get annoyed that it drove me so wild that i had to take them then and there. After spending about an hour fiddling with this strap or that clamp, i realized how much fucking work it was to dress up... and of course, my girlfriend took me then and there like I did when she wore the outfit... even fake dicks warp the mind I guess...

 

[SmilinAngel]

Hmmm, OK, for the first time ever I told my (newish) gilfriend I'm a crossdresser a few days ago. There have been a few bumps but I knew she was very intentionally accepting of other people's issues, and although she's not ready to face it yet (and I'm not that compulsive - no rush after some initial mess) it's going to be OK. Her issues are more to do with me being more into makeup than she is, than with me dressing up!

We were getting close to it anyway, playing with her clothes and stuff, so there was no hiding it without subtly lying really.

So... what am I saying? I consider myself straight (not into male bodies) but I wouldn't dress if I didn't find TVs to some extent attractive (but that's me, other TVs I know don't like to admit to cocks while they're dressed). So I've sucked one cock. And I'd like to do more, probably, but my girlfriend is incredible and I'm thinking (for the first time ever really) that I don't need to do that more - there is so much we have to explore. I do need to dress, but I can let the rest go and feel I'm gettting the best bargain ever. I'm a happy bunny.

I think if he's curious enough to try it, it probably is slightly more of an on-going interest than he admits. But he may not need it. I don't know.

Just thought I'd mumble for a bit. Hope it made some sense. Main message? Noone's perfect. I think you've handled it right. In the end, after I confessed this to my gf, we told eachother tons of other stuff and I think it's been the most wonderful thing ever to share all that and be open about everything.

I really appreciate your input. It's nice to have a first hand experience. I think you're right about my SO being curious but not needing to do it. I also really appreciate your support about the way I handled it. I constantly worry if I have alienated part of him. I hope all goes well with your gf, and thanks again for sharing with me!

 

[SmilinAngel]

as to whether the clothes "make" a man go bi/gay, (or lean towards it) i think that's a bit far fetched (says the guy who was buttfucked while wearing panties...) If you put a hard hat, boots and overalls on a girl, does it mean she automatically wants to eat pussy? I've always been bi-curious, and when I finally did have adventures later, it really didn't matter what I (or he) was wearing, just whether we were both horny. And really, the majority of the men that I was with never seemed to go for "femmed" males even in the bedroom, and until that girlfriend took me, i probably never would have thought of putting on a dress except for a Halloween party.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me! I wasn't implying that my fiance CDing "made" me bi or gay, but rather, the reverse. I was wondering if he was bi or gay and the CD was a display of his sexual curiosity. I have no problem with his curiosity, but I guess the fact that he hid it from me - when we are so open about so many other things - made me suspicious. But, thank you for taking the time to share with me. I think it's great that you and your gf can be so open with each other and share in new experiences!