Incompatible religions

[Cakegirl]

Can anyone offer my any advice/experience on relationships between incompatible religions?

I've got a good friend who is a born-again Christian. We're quite close on a friendship level, and we spend a lot of time together. I'm very attracted to him, and he does seem to pay 'special' attention to me.

The problem is, though, that I'm an athiest. His religion is very important to him, and my athiesm is possibly equally important to me LOL!

We know we share a lot of morals in common - it's just that he had nobody to teach them to him when he was younger, and relies on christianity to guide him. I was just raised by very moral athiests.

I know he doesn't believe in sex before marriage (he did before he became a christian), and I, aherm, do.

So can anybody offer me any advice? I keep having flashbacks to that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is dating the born-again Christian, and he doesn't try to convert her, and she gets offended because he doesn't care if she burns in hell (which she doesn't believe in)...

Cakegirl

 

[Vixandra]

As a Wiccan/Pagan married to a Catholic, I can sympathise. Night and day we feel like sometimes.

Some things a couple won't see eye to eye on, faith being one of them occasionally. Opposites attract.

If he understands that your an atheist and accepts it without trying to convert you and you do the same for him after inserting BAC (born again christian) into the equasian, then there's no foul.

Sex before marriage is a personal choice, some people are okay with it (rah rah rah, sex makes the grains grow!) and others aren't.
If you want to have a serious relationship that doesn't pass go to get to marriage then go for it. But if you're not ready to move that fast (most people wouldn't be) then you need to figure out what you can/will and can/will not compromise on in a relationship.
If premarrital sex is one of those things, you won't compromise on, then perhaps you need to find a different man.
On the other paw, if he's worth the wait, go for it.

 

[GirlMidnite]

As an atheist who was seeing a Catholic and who has a very religious family and set of friends (Christian, Muslim, Jewish), I do sympathise with you.

It may be easiar for you to initially compromise- for example, occassionally attending church for special occassions (e.g. Christmas.) He may try and convert you, if he does, you could tell him that whilst you respect his beliefs and who he is, you cannot be converted as you are happy as you are. He should be okay with this though he may try to debate it a bit out of principle. If he does speak about his religion, the bible or his beliefs, just listen, and try and respond in a positive way, without resorting to using religiously coloured language.

I do think it will be up to you initially to be more tolerant of his beliefs. However, this is a small price to pay if you believe he's worth it.

 

[Bobmi357]

Well the last two posters preached tolerance. I'm going to give you the other end of the spectrum. Run. Now. Today. Do. Not. Look. Back.

Born again christians are not human. They are hyper aggresive sheep that do not believe in tolerance and will not settle for your following your own path. Should you persue a relationship with this guy, he will start to get pressure from his church, his bible study group, and everyone else around him to bring you into the fold.

I am, and have been for most of my life, a non-practising catholic. Hell I'm not sure what I believe in these days, and when I married my first wife, she was of the same type. Clear out of the blue near the end of our marriage she became "born again", and despite my attempts to have her aborted, she became a royal religious pain in the ass. She had lost the ability to think for herself and blindly accepted everything her Pastor and her circle of friends told her. I was heckled and hounded for not only refusing to follow her footsteps, but refusing to tithe to her church.

I watched my brother inlaw become a Born again christian and sell his business to his church for ONE FUCKING DOLLAR!!!! He then became a amway dealer. Here's a guy that was about to have the first business in the family to turn into a million dollar a year enterprise and he gives it away to a church that drove it into bankruptcy.

So if you're not born again and don't want to be born again. If you have a working mind and have no wish to lose it, if you look at the bible as a book of philosophy and not a book of facts. RUN NOW.

 

[vargas111]

I think practice is more important than belief.

I married a Catholic woman and that was not a problem. The problem was she has a problem with sex. No cunilingus, no felato and damn little foreplay. Not even enough reproduction as many time as I wanted.

Probably the best Idea is not to try it.

 

[smoothdevil]

Can anyone offer my any advice/experience on relationships between incompatible religions?

I've got a good friend who is a born-again Christian. We're quite close on a friendship level, and we spend a lot of time together. I'm very attracted to him, and he does seem to pay 'special' attention to me.

The problem is, though, that I'm an athiest. His religion is very important to him, and my athiesm is possibly equally important to me LOL!

We know we share a lot of morals in common - it's just that he had nobody to teach them to him when he was younger, and relies on christianity to guide him. I was just raised by very moral athiests.

I know he doesn't believe in sex before marriage (he did before he became a christian), and I, aherm, do.

So can anybody offer me any advice? I keep having flashbacks to that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is dating the born-again Christian, and he doesn't try to convert her, and she gets offended because he doesn't care if she burns in hell (which she doesn't believe in)...

Cakegirl

I was baptised in the RC church, but my parents were not deeply religious. I went to a College run by Jesuits and here I had the opportunity to read many forbiden books to the average RC and then out of curiosity read the Koran and everything I could get my hands on. All this did for me was allow me the opportunity to become an atheist.

I won't preach the pros and cons off any point of view, but if someone does not take the hint that I do not intend to become a BAC, or any other so called faith, depending on the person, I no longer associate with them or express my opinion about their lack of free opinion and then no longer associate with them.

One cannot have a intelligent discourse with a fanatic. There are no exchange of opinions as the fanatic can only repeat.

From my point of view, these view will forever clash and become sore points, as one tries to "convert" the other.

move on to greener pastures

 

[Reloader]

Bobmi357 hit the nail on the head. Directly!
I was raised as a Catholic, but as of this day there are a few things about the Catholic religion that I have a problem with. I rarely go to church, but my belief in God is strong. As for the nutcase Christian Fundamentalists, They believe that you HAVE to be born again. I do not. They believe that you mustn't be baptized as a baby, but as an adult. I do not. They believe that any one of them can perform the sacrament of Communion. I most definitely do not. (I have seen them do it with a loaf of store bought bread and Welch's grape juice in their homes) They call the Roman Catholic Church "The Great Whore" I most definitely do not. They think that if you do not believe their way, you will burn in Hell. I do not. They have their own interpretation of the Bible and they live their lives literally by what their so-called "pastor" tells them is in the Bible. I have seen them give money to their "church" instead of paying their car payment or their utility bills. (Tithing, what a joke) I know people that will turn away and run out of the room if a TV commercial comes on that has a woman in a bikini selling something, because they say to look at that is comitting "lust". I know people that will only read religious material and only listen to Christian music. They go to their "church" 3-6 times a week. I know people that refuse to give out Halloween candy unless they include a religious pamphlet from their "church" wrapped with the candy. I know someone that refused to be a Godparent at his new baby nephews' Baptism because he said it was wrong and against what he believes. Needless to say he was a big hit with the entire family. I know people that describe other people they meet by what faith that person follows. Like "that protestant guy" or "that Lutheran girl" not "John" or "Mary" or even "the guy down the street". I work with a guy whose wife was thrown out of a Calvary Chapel because she was wearing a shirt with a picture of an airbrushed Unicorn on it. They said it was an evil thing. When you ask them "What religion are you?" They answer with "Christian" "Christian" is not a religion, it's a faith. Most all people that believe in God, no matter what religion they are, are Christian. But they think that only they are "Christians". Every time you engage in a conversation with them, no matter what the subject is, it seems to always turn into a religious discussion.
And you know what? All these people I have described either are members of, or got their start in....Calvary Chapel. As far as I am concerned, it is a religious cult, and anyone that follows their teachings is a fool.

 

[intelligencenazi]

It's possible.

As long as you can each accept each others beliefs and neither of you try to push your own beliefs on the other person, there shouldn't be a problem. At least, not with the beliefs themselves. If you can't agree on what actions are acceptable and what aren't (such as sex before marriage) than you're going to have a problem. And if your relationship ever led to marriage and/or kids, you'd have to decide how to raise the children.

The main problem, in my opinion, with a relationship between people with vastly different religious beliefs is that one or both of the people almost ALWAYS has to preach their point of view. I'm an eclectic Pagan and I was once with an atheist - an atheist who was very vocal about his beliefs. We couldn't even discuss the topic of religion without him proclaiming that anyone who believed that we have souls that last beyond our death or believe in any sort of higher power is a moron. As he could never quite grasp that in saying such a thing he was directly insulting me, we eventually stopped discussing religion altogether.

I've also had relationships with devout Christians where our religions didn't cause any problems because neither of us tried to say the other's beliefs were wrong. We just accepted that he had his faith and I had mine and they didn't have to be the same.

The point of all my rambling is that a relationship can work between followers of incompatible religions, but it can be difficult. And it's far more difficult if you disagree on things you actually do, such as attend church, have sex before marriage, etc.

Good luck!