First of all, I would like to explain the title of this post. Yes, most of us would say that we do live in the "real world," and not in some 24/7 dream-wish fantasy fulfillment mode. At least I would not want to believe that my lifelong dreams of service to a dominant female be only a full-blown psychotic episode. And I know for a fact that I actually have participated in domestic submission on more than one occasion and for more than just a one-hour session with a prodomme.
My submissive feelings date back to early childhood, though in pre-puberty days, I was more than a little confused about gender identity and gender preference. Having said that, I always seemed to navigate toward girls and women (though many of the girls I hung around with were considered "tomboys").
But it wasn't until my late teens that I really came face-to-face with actual BDSM practices (via trashy magazines depicting mostly woman in compromising positions). But this brought up another question: Was I dominant or submissive, or did I just enjoy playing the role of the submissive woman in the story?
By my late teens and early 20s, I had pretty much decided that I was heterosexual. But that was the easy part. Finding a woman who wanted to outwardly switch roles, in the d/s sense of the word, seemed harder than finding the proverbial needle in the haystack.
In those days, the BDSM community was mostly underground, all but for a few real or ficticious correspondence club ads in alternative newspapers, as well as a handfull of Hollywood-based "dominance houses" staffed mostly by mistress-wannabes. Nevertheless, it did provide some measure of release for those of us who were badly in need of discipline.
So, what we really had in those days, was a fantasy that was fueled by players in a very bizarre theater of the mind. But what of the real world -- the BDSM underground? I was sure that there was something akin to it, but how to find out? I obviously traveled in the wrong circles, because I never came across anything like that.
Jump forward to 1985 and volla, along came a BDSM social organization in my town! Then spin it another eight years and the Internet was born! Later came munches and private play parties. Life was being breathed into this long taboo subject, but was it really producing results? For some, it did, but only for a very few. And the posers, chudwas, curiosity-seekers and wannabes were coming out of the darkness and into the light like so many cockroaches.
After my involvement in the Internet (IRC) since 1993, I actually joined a local BDSM group and came out in about 1997. I spent a good ten years of socializing within my community. I made some very good friends and had good times, but much to my disappointment, I never really connected into an ongoing BDSM relationship.
I have also changed my expectations many times since the beginning. At first, the only relationship that I was open to was mutually-exclusive, but today I have considered living among a poly household with little expectation of romantic love. And it very well may be that my best hope is to find a professional who is local to me that I can visit on occasion.
I'm not bad looking, don't smoke, don't use drugs, drink socially, have been married once, have had a number of mostly vanilla relationships, am well-educated, talented, have a variety of interests, and have the right attitude and my own sense of style.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but at least I thought I was getting some things right.
________________________________
If it was only sour grapes I'd make wine.
My submissive feelings date back to early childhood, though in pre-puberty days, I was more than a little confused about gender identity and gender preference. Having said that, I always seemed to navigate toward girls and women (though many of the girls I hung around with were considered "tomboys").
But it wasn't until my late teens that I really came face-to-face with actual BDSM practices (via trashy magazines depicting mostly woman in compromising positions). But this brought up another question: Was I dominant or submissive, or did I just enjoy playing the role of the submissive woman in the story?
By my late teens and early 20s, I had pretty much decided that I was heterosexual. But that was the easy part. Finding a woman who wanted to outwardly switch roles, in the d/s sense of the word, seemed harder than finding the proverbial needle in the haystack.
In those days, the BDSM community was mostly underground, all but for a few real or ficticious correspondence club ads in alternative newspapers, as well as a handfull of Hollywood-based "dominance houses" staffed mostly by mistress-wannabes. Nevertheless, it did provide some measure of release for those of us who were badly in need of discipline.
So, what we really had in those days, was a fantasy that was fueled by players in a very bizarre theater of the mind. But what of the real world -- the BDSM underground? I was sure that there was something akin to it, but how to find out? I obviously traveled in the wrong circles, because I never came across anything like that.
Jump forward to 1985 and volla, along came a BDSM social organization in my town! Then spin it another eight years and the Internet was born! Later came munches and private play parties. Life was being breathed into this long taboo subject, but was it really producing results? For some, it did, but only for a very few. And the posers, chudwas, curiosity-seekers and wannabes were coming out of the darkness and into the light like so many cockroaches.
After my involvement in the Internet (IRC) since 1993, I actually joined a local BDSM group and came out in about 1997. I spent a good ten years of socializing within my community. I made some very good friends and had good times, but much to my disappointment, I never really connected into an ongoing BDSM relationship.
I have also changed my expectations many times since the beginning. At first, the only relationship that I was open to was mutually-exclusive, but today I have considered living among a poly household with little expectation of romantic love. And it very well may be that my best hope is to find a professional who is local to me that I can visit on occasion.
I'm not bad looking, don't smoke, don't use drugs, drink socially, have been married once, have had a number of mostly vanilla relationships, am well-educated, talented, have a variety of interests, and have the right attitude and my own sense of style.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but at least I thought I was getting some things right.
________________________________
If it was only sour grapes I'd make wine.
