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Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2000
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In honor of the "Redneck High Holy Days" that being Speedweek in Daytona, FLA!
Some homespun humor
Just imagine being there....looking out over a virtual sea of John Deere caps, old schoolbuses turned into RV's, eleventy million four color pick'em ups with Nascar stickers holing them together, and buttcracks and beer cans as far as the eyes can see!
Ya'll know what the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is dontcha?
"Gennamen! Start yer enjins!"
Enjoy...
Did you hear about the Kentucky red neck who passed away and left his entire
estate in trust for his beloved widow? the only catch is that she can't touch it until
she's 14.
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front
desk an say, "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go
ahead."
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver,
"got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?'
Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When
they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?' "Jes' some chickens."
If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I' give you
both of 'em!" Okay......Ummmmmmm ....five?"
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here muh house is on fahr!"
"Okay," replied the fireman. "How do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still
have those big red trucks?"
Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because
they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya
know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little
different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years
ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Betty Sue got pregnant. Then two
years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Betty Sue got pregnant again. Last
year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Betty Sue didn't get pregnant again." Lester
asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says,
"This year I'm taking Betty Sue WITH me."
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she
would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the
operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can
you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to
Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Alabama to 32? They wanted to
keep alcohol out of the high schools.
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?...................... Documentaries.
Where was the toothbrush invented? Kentucky. If it was invented anywhere else, it
would have been called a teethbrush.
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Indiana State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year
for a million years.
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Because everyone has the
same DNA.
A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced,
they're still brother and sister.
What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in
common? Either way, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
Some homespun humor
Just imagine being there....looking out over a virtual sea of John Deere caps, old schoolbuses turned into RV's, eleventy million four color pick'em ups with Nascar stickers holing them together, and buttcracks and beer cans as far as the eyes can see!
Ya'll know what the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is dontcha?
"Gennamen! Start yer enjins!"
Enjoy...
Did you hear about the Kentucky red neck who passed away and left his entire
estate in trust for his beloved widow? the only catch is that she can't touch it until
she's 14.
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front
desk an say, "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go
ahead."
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver,
"got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?'
Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When
they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?' "Jes' some chickens."
If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I' give you
both of 'em!" Okay......Ummmmmmm ....five?"
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here muh house is on fahr!"
"Okay," replied the fireman. "How do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still
have those big red trucks?"
Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because
they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya
know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little
different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years
ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Betty Sue got pregnant. Then two
years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Betty Sue got pregnant again. Last
year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Betty Sue didn't get pregnant again." Lester
asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says,
"This year I'm taking Betty Sue WITH me."
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she
would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the
operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can
you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to
Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Alabama to 32? They wanted to
keep alcohol out of the high schools.
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?...................... Documentaries.
Where was the toothbrush invented? Kentucky. If it was invented anywhere else, it
would have been called a teethbrush.
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Indiana State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year
for a million years.
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Because everyone has the
same DNA.
A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced,
they're still brother and sister.
What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in
common? Either way, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
