in a rut

[sweetsouthernsa]

Ok, I'm not sure if this is the right place for this....I feel like I'm in a rut and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm 49 (I'll be 50 in 5 months), I'm divorced, I've got 2 teenage girls, my oldest is 18 & lives with my oldest sister (long story) and my youngest daughter is 15 & lives with me 24/7/365. I have chronic hereditary migraines so I had to retire in 2011 from a state job I'd had for 27.5 years.

I live in a rural community south of the state capitol. Being retired, I don't get out much and there isn't a lot to do around here. I'm not into bars & clubs (I outgrew that in my 20's), and that's mostly what's in town...it's a college town, but I do go to a local café sometimes...good food & sometimes a good live band. My oldest sister lives near me & we have get togethers sometimes, but most of her friends, like mine are married. I lost my Mama in 2005 and my Daddy was diagnosed with progressive-aggressive dementia in 2011; at the advice of his doctor at the VA, he was put in an assisted living facility in 2014. He don't know who I am.

I'm not what you would exactly call 'financially stable', but I DO pay my bills and I pay them on time. I don't get court-ordered child support from my ex (long story), but hopefully that will change soon. I'm NOT looking for someone to take care of me or my kids...I've been doing that by myself for awhile.

I just want to find something to get me out of this rut I feel like I've been in for months. I don't ever remember feeling like this, but I never thought I'd be single at my age either.

I'm not looking for sympathy and I know I probably left out some details; please don't respond if you have negative comments cause I surely don't need that.

thanks

 

[HisArpy]

Find something to do. I equate what you're feeling to when your kids are complaining that there's nothing to do. So they sit and moan and groan about how bored they are.

The best cure for that is to get out of the house.

I'm sure there are art fairs, swap meets, dog shows, concerts, and all kinds of other stuff to do. Most of it FREE. Hey, it's Florida, go learn to sail. Lots of hunky guys, often with no shirt, to look at. Eye candy is always fun.

Get out there. Smile a lot at the guys who look at you. Be sassy. Flirt. Wear that gauzy skirt that's been hanging in the closet too long unused and forgotten. Enjoy yourself. You don't have to have a 24/7 relationship to enjoy life. And, if someone asks if you'd like to have dinner and maybe see a movie, say yes.

Migraines suck. But you don't have to let them rule your life. Recognize the precursor warning signs and retire to your safe place before they start to hammer you. Meanwhile, go have a blast and LIVE!

 

[NOIRTRASH]

You reside in the heart of my territory. My people settled Tallahassee in 1824 or 25. Chaires is one of my family names. Southwood has a family cemetery of ours. My 4th great grandmothers portrait hangs at the Tallahassee Chamber of Commerce office.

Migraines are the worst. An uncle suffered from them. Keep a vigil of them.

You need a lover, to keep you busy. This is the simple solution.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

Good luck. Reread the two above posts and enjoy life. We recently left NW Florida because of our health and my short term dementia. There are some great parks and the Gulf is not as crowded around Mexico Beach. A walk in the woods or along the beach works wonders on the heart.
My husband and I try to keep busy and spend time here when too tired.

 

[mdbigdee]

Take some classes at the nearest community collage. Volunteer for some charity or community work. Learn a new language or how to play an instrument or paint.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

On second thought, take up drinking, stay shitfaced, and get elected to the school board.

 

[Jay321]

You sound bored. (along with a few other things) Find something to do. Get out and be social. Can you daughter be trusted to be at home alone? (You don't have to answer that here) If yes, be an adult. Do some of the art things that others have posted about. If no, take her out to the park. Do you have a dog? Find a dog park.

As for the migraines, do a little research on Daith Piercing. A lot of people with migraines are getting them done, with moderate results. http://www.thedailymigraine.com/blo...really-work-first-anecdotal-study-of-its-kind Looks to be 50-50, but if it avoids only a couple migraines, it would be worth the cost and the pain of a piercing.

Good luck to you. I have been in those ruts before. They have a tendency to try and keep you in. You can do it.

 

[jehoram]

Take some classes at the nearest community collage. Volunteer for some charity or community work. Learn a new language or how to play an instrument or paint.

All of these. And join on-line forums for the subjects that you're interested in ... writing, music, cars, whatever. (I see you've already joined this one, so you're off to a good start!) The internet is the greatest thing that has ever happened to people who are searching for connections.

 

[Conager]

Sounds like mild depression. it sounds to me like it is situational, not necessarily organic in which case it should pass on its own.

You can help that along with some good self-care watch what you're eating get some mild and moderate exercise and as others have suggested look for anything at all that seems reasonably interesting and fun to do even if you don't quite have feel like you have the energy to try it.

You allude to divorce in a way that suggests to me that it was rather recent and that perhaps you did not see it coming. That's not usually the case for women women tend to grieve the loss of a marriage while they're still in it which is why they are generally spring back quicker than men do from divorce. It sounds like you might be the exception.

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

thanks y'all. I've been divorced since 2011 and I have absolutely NO contact with him. I don't even talk to him on the phone unless I have something to tell him about the girls, which ain't very often.

I love the comment about gettin drunk & getting elected to the school board. Hell, if I were to do that, they'd run me outta there!!

Seriously, I don't get this way very often...I have my own sewing/craft room and I have TONS of stuff I can do in there...just have to figure out what to do first!! I HATE Tallahassee and only go up there when I absolutely have to. I HAVE been doing some online searches for fairs & festivals nearby. Hell, if we have to leave here at 7am to get to one, I'm game!! Now, my 15yr old....that's another story.

I appreciate the comments though.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

thanks y'all. I've been divorced since 2011 and I have absolutely NO contact with him. I don't even talk to him on the phone unless I have something to tell him about the girls, which ain't very often.

I love the comment about gettin drunk & getting elected to the school board. Hell, if I were to do that, they'd run me outta there!!

Seriously, I don't get this way very often...I have my own sewing/craft room and I have TONS of stuff I can do in there...just have to figure out what to do first!! I HATE Tallahassee and only go up there when I absolutely have to. I HAVE been doing some online searches for fairs & festivals nearby. Hell, if we have to leave here at 7am to get to one, I'm game!! Now, my 15yr old....that's another story.

I appreciate the comments though.

Your problem is common, because all of us spend our lives coping with work and kids and parents, etc.

But I find the secret to contentment lies in the past. Whatever we obsessed about when we were eleven years old remains where are hearts lie. Our talents bloom then, is why. I'm retired with a wall fulla diplomas, but what I do is what I did when I was 11. I read, I write dirty stories, I garden, I research everything. Yesterday I explored dildoes. I like to get in Mother Natures head. Always have.

My oldest friend was a farmboy at 11. He retired from the school board, no doubt alcoholic! But on FACEBOOK I see that he and his bride spent the summer visiting farm museums up in Indiana.

 

[PurplePlunger]

Have a go!!

Well Sweet S
Why not write a short story. It doesn't have to be bursting with wild fantasies and sex. You've already written 15 lines of a short story about your life. There are lots of lovely people here who would help you with your venture. Certainly as an elderly retired gent living in SE Asia I'd be happy to read your story and make suggestions.
You know the beginning of a long journey is the first step.
Good luck my dear.

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

Thanks y'all. Things have definitely gotten better. Maybe that damn hurricane last week helped swipe it outta me...or maybe it was being without power for 3 days!!

 

[Riley69]

Migraines and us

I've suffered with migraines since I was about 15 years old and I'm in my mid fifties now. At first, I would get one about once every three or four months. But over time, they became more frequent until I was getting one every other day...

So, my doctor prescribed Topiramate and Sumatriptan to me about five years ago and they have REALLY helped with the severity and the frequency of my migraines. I take one 25 mg Topriamate tablet every morning and one 50 mg Sumatriptan if a migraine happens to start.

Of course, different people might need different amounts of the pills to see good results. I've read some people have to take up to 100 mg of Topiramate every day just to get by and they are taking Sumatriptan just about every day. But, those folks suffer with migraines once per day or maybe multiple times per day.

My migraines are a LOT better now, and I really only get one about once per month. The Sumatriptan tablets work wonders in reducing the effects of the migraine to a point where I feel like I hardly had one.

This works for me.... may or may not work for you....

Ok, I'm not sure if this is the right place for this....I feel like I'm in a rut and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm 49 (I'll be 50 in 5 months), I'm divorced, I've got 2 teenage girls, my oldest is 18 & lives with my oldest sister (long story) and my youngest daughter is 15 & lives with me 24/7/365. I have chronic hereditary migraines so I had to retire in 2011 from a state job I'd had for 27.5 years.

I live in a rural community south of the state capitol. Being retired, I don't get out much and there isn't a lot to do around here. I'm not into bars & clubs (I outgrew that in my 20's), and that's mostly what's in town...it's a college town, but I do go to a local café sometimes...good food & sometimes a good live band. My oldest sister lives near me & we have get togethers sometimes, but most of her friends, like mine are married. I lost my Mama in 2005 and my Daddy was diagnosed with progressive-aggressive dementia in 2011; at the advice of his doctor at the VA, he was put in an assisted living facility in 2014. He don't know who I am.

I'm not what you would exactly call 'financially stable', but I DO pay my bills and I pay them on time. I don't get court-ordered child support from my ex (long story), but hopefully that will change soon. I'm NOT looking for someone to take care of me or my kids...I've been doing that by myself for awhile.

I just want to find something to get me out of this rut I feel like I've been in for months. I don't ever remember feeling like this, but I never thought I'd be single at my age either.

I'm not looking for sympathy and I know I probably left out some details; please don't respond if you have negative comments cause I surely don't need that.

thanks

 

[box13]

Find some activity that's social and gets you out of your routine that has you (at least I interpret as) feeling not in very much control. There might be some hobby you enjoy, that others enjoy too, or there could be some new skill you could enjoy learning / mastering, and that could be rewarding. Perhaps some fear of taking risk socially has held you back, or doubts about how others might find you interesting has encouraged you to second-guess any thoughts of stepping out and trying something different.

Sounds like you're a successful parent, and you have some experience and compassion that others would enjoy if you shared.

I don't think there are any really satisfying answers to losing a parent, as you have, or other close family, such as a child. But what you are is more than what you've lost, and certainly more than what you haven't accomplished yet. But these seasons of life aren't easy for anyone to travel through. Lots of change. Lots of questions.

I don't think getting wasted and doing anything would help you; only some source of brief entertainment for others who aren't worth the time.

I hope the best for you.

 

[LadyVer]

Good luck, op! I'm in a rut myself so don't have much to offer, although I can say that you're still young, even at 49, so you do have more options that you might not have considered.

 

[Tigersman]

Since you live in Florida, you might consider learning to scuba dive then join a scuba diving club or take a basic motorcycle course. You don't need a bike to learn to ride, they supply the bike but you will need leather gloves (use leather gardening gloves), a long sleeve flannel shirt and a set of boots. They may supply helmets but ask to be sure. You could also take up bicycling which would keep you in shape.

 

[Hypoxia]

You could also take up bicycling which would keep you in shape.

For biking, try a semi-recumbent. (Too bad BikeE is out of business.) They're more comfortable than diamond-frame bikes, faster, and more distinctive. You'll get noticed as well as toned.

Biking clubs exist. Ride with others; socialize; wear tight clothes. They're fun.