Imposter Syndrome and Being "Pony Famous"

[MelissaBaby]

I have struggled with Imposter Syndrome since I started writing. It took me a long time to even think of myself as a "real" writer. Sometimes, when I have reacted badly to criticism, I think it was because it fed into that insecurity.

I doubt that I am the only one here who has dealt with that.

Earlier today, I read this in a thread on Bluesky, and it has given me a lot of food for thought, so I thought I'd share it here.

Okay. Short rambling thread. But about how i have learned to accept that I am "pony famous" and how, and why, you need to not talk down people who love what you do.
This is for minor writers or creators everywhere. Read this. /1

So "pony famous" means you are really good at a narrow thing. It comes from the My Little Pony community. It means you are legit well known in a SUPER NARROW vertical.
You will think this means you are not allowed to say you are famous. To certain people though, you are. /2

This matters because you, a natural hive of insecurites, will think you are insignificant in the grand scheme of life.
But to THAT PERSON OVER THERE who has just clocked who you are...
You are brilliant. You are a legit celeb, for whatever reason. /3

And that means if they work up the legit courage to approach you:
THAT IS FUCKING HARD.
You are pony famous to to them the reason for that DOES NOT MATTER. You are a legit celebrity to a level you probably do not understand or would feel embarrased about. /4

So if someone builds up the courage to approach you then, even if you think you are not worthy of it, you have to understand that was a HUGE battle for them.
You may, as i do, have massive imposter syndrome, but they do not know that. /5

So if someone has the courage to approach you, resist the urge to denegrate that.
Don't say:
"Oh it's nothing"
Or:
"Oh i'm RUBBISH but thank you"
You don't know it, but you're dismissing them and the courage it took to approach. /6

Fight the imposter syndrome.
Say "thank you".
Say "i'm glad you loved it as much as i enjoyed writing it."
DO NOT be humble, even if every bit of your brain is telling you to do so.
Validate them. /7

It has taken me YEARS to be comfortable with being pony famous.
I have the mental routines in place now to react in the right way.
It's absolutely worth it though. And iy started with a wiser author than me gently telling me how to react better. So i'm sharing that on here now. /END

The author of the posts is a military historian.

https://bsky.app/profile/garius.bsky.social/post/3lt3kxgn3b22g

 

[lovecraft68]

In that regard one of my market pen names is 'Pony Famous'. I didn't really think it was, just figured I had built a brand of sorts for doing it so long.

But when Mark Coker of Smashwords/D2D told me to pay close attention to their Winter Sale e-mail a couple of years ago and I saw my name under "Look who's participating", one of only a small handful of names mentioned on a site with tens of thousands of authors I was like, goddamn. I replied to thank him and he went on to say I was a top three author there for 'non romance' erotica, one of the top five most bookmarked authors on the site.

Under my other pen name, the one for erotic horror, I've done panels at cons, some radio interviews, and a you tube interview from a local horror podcast. I was at Rock and Shock in 2019 and two women came over because of one of my banners and said they saw the book advertised on a reddit horror sub group and the person called it "I spit on your grave meets Off Season". If you're a horror buff that's damn humbling.

So, although I don't think of it because I tend to take things as they come and not look back at things as one full body of work" I've gotten around in some small circles

I suppose I have what passes for fame here. Or maybe its more like infamy.

But I think the message for that post is don't be afraid to take pride in your accomplishments and feel like you're something to many someone's in whatever it is you choose to do.

 

[MelissaBaby]

In that regard one of my market pen names is 'Pony Famous'. I didn't really think it was, just figured I had built a brand of sorts for doing it so long.

But when Mark Coker of Smashwords/D2D told me to pay close attention to their Winter Sale e-mail a couple of years ago and I saw my name under "Look who's participating", one of only a small handful of names mentioned on a site with tens of thousands of authors I was like, goddamn. I replied to thank him and he went on to say I was a top three author there for 'non romance' erotica, one of the top five most bookmarked authors on the site.

Under my other pen name, the one for erotic horror, I've done panels at cons, some radio interviews, and a you tube interview from a local horror podcast. I was at Rock and Shock in 2019 and two women came over because of one of my banners and said they saw the book advertised on a reddit horror sub group and the person called it "I spit on your grave meets Off Season". If you're a horror buff that's damn humbling.

So, although I don't think of it because I tend to take things as they come and not look back at things as one full body of work" I've gotten around in some small circles

I suppose I have what passes for fame here. Or maybe its more like infamy.

But I think the message for that post is don't be afraid to take pride in your accomplishments and feel like you're something to many someone's in whatever it is you choose to do.

There are television channels that have an average viewership smaller than your followers list, I'd say you're famous here.

 

[redgarters]

Fight the imposter syndrome.
Say "thank you".
Say "i'm glad you loved it as much as i enjoyed writing it."
DO NOT be humble, even if every bit of your brain is telling you to do so.
Validate them. /7

So true, absolutely great advice.
Took me years and a few different people telling me variations of "don't dismiss it, just say thank you" to adapt to being well known (for something absolutely not related to writing erotica). Still haven't lost the impostor syndrome fully, don't think I ever will.

 

[Comshaw]

Pony Famous. It is amazing to me how that works. I ran for a spot on our county charter commission a few years ago. I did it because I wanted a voice in our county government. The district I ran in has 1/3 of the county voters, about 19,000 voters. I didn't win a spot on the commission but I received 5000 votes. That means there were 5000 people who knew me (at least by name) and thought I'd do a good job.

I'm not the gregarious, outgoing type, I have few people I describe as friends. So for that many people to know me kind of shocked the hell out of me. I guess I am famous in a very narrow, vertical context. It does feel strange. I'm not sure I like it.

Comshaw

 

[SimonDoom]

It's a good term, and i know the feeling. One of the strangest aspects of "pony fame" is that i am far more pony famous than i am real famous. I've spent a long time in a profession that involves modest exposure, but far, far more people have read my stories than know me in person. In just a few years as a pseudonymous erotic story writer I've acquired more "fame" than in all my years in my profession. That's weird, and it contributes to the impostor feeling.

I enjoy it, though. I think being "famous" as a writer is a very satisfying sort of fame. I am "famous" for something stories I, and no one else, has written, and my stories have given sone people pleasure. That's satisfying.

 

[Bamagan]

I like some of the points, but I think he may be oversimplifying things by suggesting it necessarily requires a great amount of courage to reach out to famous and/or pony famous creators. That's no doubt true for some people, but not everyone and perhaps not even most, especially in digital domains.

I think the idea of pony fame makes me slightly uneasy. I would loathe being actually famous for the scrutiny it brings, and I probably kind of resent the idea that I might be 'required' (as a courtesy, at least) to validate anyone who happens to like something I wrote enough to tell me so. But I suppose that might hinge on what validation requires. I've had a few people send me nice and thoughtful messages about something they liked or that resonated, and replying in what I hope was a gracious manner never felt forced. But I have also had a few where I was left with a rather discomforting impression of their enthusiasm, and finding the right tone for a response was difficult, to put it mildly.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The author of the posts is a military historian.

https://bsky.app/profile/garius.bsky.social/post/3lt3kxgn3b22g

Oh, him! Well worth a follow, that guy.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Do not be humble?

Define humble.

 

[StillStunned]

Does having a loud presence here in the AH count?

In recent months I've made a habit of replying to all comments on my stories, preferably with some substance about whatever aspect of the story the reader is commenting on. But at the very least it will be "Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed the story, and I appreciate you leaving a comment." It seems to encourage other readers to comment as well, and hopefully strengthens the bond between writer and readership.

That said, I'm more comfortable with compliments about my writing than about myself. Probably because the former deserves it, and the latter doesn't.

 

[PennyThompson]

That said, I'm more comfortable with compliments about my writing than about myself. Probably because the former deserves it, and the latter doesn't.

I crave validation but I hate attention, Lit is my ideal environment

 

[TheLobster]

"pony famous"

Back in my day — which is to say, the ancient past of early 2000s — I heard the term “microcelebrity” describe this exact phenomenon. You might be quite famous within a particular community but mostly or completely obscure outside of it. It’s largely the product of the internet, and I imagine social media only made it more prevalent.

Whenever the interaction described by this guy happened to me, I’d usually have the same urge that what he describes. It’s seen as polite to downplay your achievements in a sophisticated company, so I don’t see a reason why you should go against your instincts there. It is not any kind of dismissal, like he suggests, but simply a type of signaling that we as humans unconsciously engage in.

If your “fans” can’t understand this simple social dynamic, then that is honestly on them. You don’t need to second-guess yourself and your instinctive reactions.

 

[StillStunned]

Back in my day — which is to say, the ancient past of early 2000s — I heard the term “microcelebrity” describe this exact phenomenon. You might be quite famous within a particular community but mostly or completely obscure outside of it. It’s largely the product of the internet, and I imagine social media only made it more prevalent.

Similar to Big In Japan.

Without the connotations of homelessness and heroin addiction from the song.

 

[lovecraft68]

Do not be humble?

Define humble.

There's a fine line between confident/proud of your work and cocky/arrogant.

In order to succeed at something and continue to be, I feel that you need a certain amount of swag in your attitude. Even if its kept quietly to yourself you have to walk up to that next project or game if its sports etc with the "I got this" mindset or you're not going to get far.

I possess swag, a lot of times its on the quieter side, I'll use expressions like I did in my post above "what passes for success here" which is pure numbers (at least at first optics) and yes, I have those, but then we get into everything here is subjective, there are categories more popular than others, if you've been here a long time you have a base and that helps, so its not so easy to say "Look where I am on the fav list so I'm obviously..." There's a lot of perspective involved in how things work here, but I also know people like my work here for whatever reasons and yes I've made a mark here.

On the other hand-and due to an over competitive nature-I have moments of being cocky. Case in point of getting pissed off at another I/T author and sending them a message that the next story I drop would lay waste to the category and good chance it sees number one all time.

I published model sister in June of 2023, the story is slightly over two years old and has 1.9 million views 15.5k votes 3400 favorites and 540+ comments. It's been the all time number one I/T story for close to the entire time its been live and placed in a contest for a Chef's Kiss.

Is that arrogant? Can be seen that way for sure, but its also a case of being confident in the 'when you know you know" I have a lot of experience in I/T but my specialty is Sibcest because I have that kink personally so a I have a great grasp of what works. My last four sibling stories I've published here all have Blue W. That's when you know you have the finger on the pulse of a category.

What it probably says most about me is I've become that old gray muzzled dog under the tree that wants to be left alone, but if a pup is dumb enough to piss me off they're going to get bitten.

That person does come to the boards sometimes so thanks for making me Pony Famous. Appreciate it.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I have no idea what this thread is about.

 

[lovecraft68]

I have no idea what this thread is about.

Gist is being famous but in a very small way or niche market.
Think underground type art, music, film. You're into it and you hear a name you're like "Oh, yeah!" but 90% of people would say "Who?"

 

[MelissaBaby]

Gist is being famous but in a very small way or niche market.
Think underground type art, music, film. You're into it and you hear a name you're like "Oh, yeah!" but 90% of people would say "Who?"

Example: Comic book writer Gail Simone has over 200k followers on X and 100k on Bluesky. If she shows up at a Con, she is swamped by fans all weekend.

Who knows who she is outside of comic fandom?

Somebody out there is the world's most famous classical piccolo player. 99% of people don't have a clue who that is, but if you're a fan of piccolos and you met them, you'd be thrilled.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I'm glad to see a variety of thoughtful posts on this subject.

I see it from two perspectives. The first is that it as a simple matter of respect for the admiring fan. When they tell you they enjoy your work, simple courtesy should dictate that you don't tell them that it's not worth their admiration. My husband is a chef. I can't imagine a customer praising his food and him replying, "Naw, it's not that good."

The other perspective is that the poster is encouraging writers not to be arrogant or over confident, but to develop the self respect to be able to take sincere pride in their work.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Similar to Big In Japan.

Without the connotations of homelessness and heroin addiction from the song.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I've been 'pony' famous before and I've just been so over the moon when someone at a contest said, "Man, I saw your model in that magazine! I thought it was so cool. It's even better in person!" It never even occurred to me to be humble, I usually just turn it around to them, asking to see their work. I try to be a good emmisary of the hobby.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I've been 'pony' famous before and I've just been so over the moon when someone at a contest said, "Man, I saw your model in that magazine! I thought it was so cool. It's even better in person!" It never even occurred to me to be humble, I usually just turn it around to them, asking to see their work. I try to be a good emmisary of the hobby.

Sounds better than "Hey, I saw your mug shot on TV."

 

[Djmac1031]

I was a mobile DJ for many years, performing at weddings as well as a variety of other events.

I used to play at this campground down the Jersey shore, almost every weekend through the summer.

So yeah, I'd occasionally get approached by someone who recognized me, especially at the campground on the few weekends I'd stay there with my family.

People would come up to me, address me by name, and I'd think "how do they know me? Oh, right."

It was awkward sometimes but I was always nice about it. Most just wanted to say hi and tell me how much fun they had at the party. Then moved on.

 

[iwatchus]

I suspect every community has some sense of this. I have seen it in both academia and tech communities. It is a weird and fun experience to walk into a room of strangers and have people know who you are. Very few scientists cross over into real celebrity, where people on the street know who you are. Even most Nobel laureates are relative unknowns outside of their field.

It is also interesting to have two people fanning each other. Many years ago, I had an experience where someone came over to fanboy me, but I was a huge fan of theirs. We each thought of ourselves as nobodies, but the other as a big name. It was cool.

 

[SouthernCrossfire]

Good post, Melissa.

I'd heard the term "pony famous" and thought it was like the racehorse that makes an ever-so-brief challenge for the lead but has faded before even reaching the final stretch, like fifteen seconds of fame rather than the commonly mentioned fifteen minutes. I sometimes feel like that about my work on another website, where I feel quite famous but only among a legion of graphic artists who are dying to do cover art for me.

 

[lovecraft68]

Example: Comic book writer Gail Simone has over 200k followers on X and 100k on Bluesky. If she shows up at a Con, she is swamped by fans all weekend.

Who knows who she is outside of comic fandom?

Somebody out there is the world's most famous classical piccolo player. 99% of people don't have a clue who that is, but if you're a fan of piccolos and you met them, you'd be thrilled.

I've met her both in RI and at Applecon in NYC. She's really nice and very grounded. Trust me when I tell you a lot of these 'creators' and I have that in quotes because so many of them only write characters created decades ago by people whoa actually created something are so full of themselves its not funny.

GS's Red Sonja work is fantastic

I'm such a fucking nerd.

In that vein. Ben Templesmith is a good example, a comic artist who's notoriety originally came from the 30 days of night comic series. He has a unique style that doesn't work with everything so he's not as well known as other artists. Great guy, I sat across from him at Terror con and bought a print from him before the show kicked off. His comment was "Thank you, now I'll be able to feed my cats when I get back."