Important - Please Read

[Dillinger]

No, this isn't to announce I'm leaving Literotica. But, I have some questions to ask, and some things I need to say.

Am I a member of this community?

Do the members of this community have your respect?

Do I have your respect?

I believe that communities function on the basis of respect. So, if I do have your respect, if the people of this community have your respect, then please pay me the courtesy of reading all I have to say here. Its going to be a long one but I hope its not asking too much. Just that you read what I have to say AND contribute to this dialog by speaking up and posting here.

I don't care if you've got 10,000 posts or you just posted for the first time today. I do care that, whatever the case may be, you post with respect - to each other and to yourselves. Whether it is in real life or online - people deserve our respect.

For those of you who don't know already, my name is Robert. That is a "real world" connection I am choosing to share at this moment. For those of you who have become my friends you know there are some things I have kept private, as we all do. I am breaking that rule right now with this and with a piece of what comes next.

This next bit, about my life, is to give a bit of background about where my head is at and perhaps put into perspective what has placed me in this frame of mind.

I have had some health issues lately. I had a scare and am dealing with the consequences. I am not saying this to get sympathy. I say this for perspective. My scare got me thinking about my life and my priorities: what I choose to do with my time, in real life and online, has been at the forefront of my thoughts.

So I ask myself, has the time I've spent here on Literotica over the last year and a half been a waste? I'd sure like to think that it hasn't. If nothing else I have made some real, and I believe, lasting friendships.

In dealing with my illness I have made some decisions that will change my life, in ways I hope for the better. Certainly in the way I choose to live my life. I need to make the same type of decisions about how I choose to spend my time online. About how I interact with people and what values are the most important to me.

For I believe that we do have to live by our values and our ethics and our sense of right and wrong. Whether that is in "real life" situations or here online.

I believe that people deserve respect, especially our friends and loved ones.

There was a long standing discussion that a friend and I often had. Her feeling was that people had to prove they deserved her respect - and the respect of the community here at large. My viewpoint was that I would give them the benefit of the doubt - give them that respect upfront until they proved they didn't deserve it.

In the past week, it saddens me to say that my optimistic outlook may have been wrong and that my friend was closer to being right.

This IS a community. Like any community, "real world" or on-line, there are certain ways that people should conduct themselves. Not because I say so. Not even because Laurel or Manu might say so. Not because there are any rules that say so. But simply because people deserve to be treated with respect.

There are people who think just because they have the anonymous shelter of a nickname that they can say and do anything they please. There may be no way to stop them from saying what they will but we, as a community, do have a say in how they are accepted into this community. We give up that "control" when we choose not to say anything.

This bothers me a great deal. More so than any one incident of rudeness or disrespect. What bothers me even more is that I have sat here and watched the majority of the members of our community allow such transgressions to occur without saying a word. That is showing disrespect to the community at large and to people who have shared at least part of your lives, your time, in this community. That holds both for those who have been here for quite some time and for those new members who are hoping to find an online community where they can fit in. Where they can belong. Where they can share and laugh and cry and feel accepted.

For too long I have been just as guilty of this as anyone. I have always maintained the attitude of "ignore the assholes." I will, for the most part, continue to do so, but not Indiscriminately. I will stick up for my friends and my "neighbors" here when I feel that they are being treated poorly or unfairly. I will say something, even if no one else will. This is part of coming to terms with what is important. With how I want to live my life, online and off, with sticking to my values.

I have not posted much of late. I've been lurking more than posting. The few times I've chosen to post were not pleasant situations. But I found that I could not just sit back and watch any longer as friends of mine were treated poorly.

I have now had some time to also think about how I chose to respond to these recent situations. I make no apology for saying what I thought or for sticking up for those I consider to be my friends. I do however want to apologize for stooping to the level of name calling. My patience wears thin these days and I was truly pissed off. I'm mad at myself for not being able to rise above that level and make my point on higher ground, so to speak. In all the time I've been here I would challenge any of you to find another situation where I resorted to name calling. That I did so this time will perhaps give you an idea of how very much this has upset me.

In fact, I am upset at the state of the board in general. This is not about old timers vs. newbies. This is about substance and quality. This isn't about "fluff" threads vs. political threads. This isn't about the flirters vs. the non-flirters. This is about respect and about simply treating people right.

We have lost some of the older posters who were valued members of this community. Valued not because they had been around for a long time, but rather because they had truly earned our respect. We lost them because they finally had enough of this vapid nonsense and disrespect that seems to have taken over the board of late. Others are still here, lurking and waiting for things to hopefully improve before coming back out of the shadows. Unfortunately things might not improve and they too might fade away. Let's not let that happen.

There are also new people checking out the boards each and every day. Any one of them could be a welcome and respected contributor to our community. I have to honestly say that if I was in their shoes, if I came to this board for the very first time today and saw what was going on, I'd never post and I'd never have returned to give this place a second chance.

We can, together, make this community what we want it to be. We can do that by showing respect. We can do that by contributing. By choosing to participate in those discussions that are worthwhile and meaningful. And yes, those that are just plain fun as well. Its all good, when its done with respect.

Stand up for your friends. Stand up for this community. I hear a lot of bitching about the board, as I myself have done. We not only make a stand by supporting each other but also do so by actively participating. Actively participating in those things that are worth your time. Those of you lurking and waiting for things to change. Guess what? They just have. All it takes is your participation.

If you need to say something to someone - do so and move on. Don't let that overshadow your other experiences here on the board - the good ones. Stop feeding the trolls. Stop feeding the trolls in sheep's clothing. Stop feeding those who, by their words and action, have proven they do not deserve our respect. Say what you need to but then spend the majority of your time with what fulfills you. Let the threads that deserve to die do so. Participate in those threads that have value to you, keep those threads at the top and let the others fade away.

I am drawing a line in the sand here. I am asking every single one of you to put your stake in the ground:

Which side of that line are you on?

I'm not asking you to think about it and then move on without saying anything. I am asking you to speak up and say something. Right now. Right here. And from now on - in how you choose to participate in this community.

No, this isn't to announce I'm leaving Literotica... at least not yet. That will partly depend on the reaction this gets. We all make this community what it is. What we want it to be.

I'll know soon enough if this place is still worth my time. As will you all.

(Edited for spelling only.)

 

[Svedish_Chef]

You have my support, Dillinger

 

[Beaker]

Muppets unite.

"Be excellent to eachother, and party on, dudes"

 

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

dillinger,

I try my harderst to give respect for everyone until they themselves remove that respect.

i don't answer the nameless, i don't talk to the nameless.

i try to support those hurt from behind th scenes as to not add feul to the fires

I want lit to be a good community again.

I am with you

 

[celiaKitten]

I'm with you too, Dill. I've spit out the idea of basic respect for other people here and there on the board, and after your post, all I can say is that I agree. Show respect for other people, and act like an adult.

And I'll speak out more too.

 

[april-wine]

I too have sat back appalled at the treatment of folks around here.....I shall do that no more, but I will not stoop to name calling and negativity.....My support will be given, and I shall move on hoping the mob will move on with me.....And help make this place the wonderful place I know it is.......

 

[Desdemona]

Count me in.

 

[snneze]

I do not post much so I guess I have missed the pettiness fo rhte most part, however, the community in which you described is exactly what I am looking for. I also support this movement.

 

[Wiggles]

Saying my piece.

Dillinger, I'm with you a 100%.

I won't post to the trolls though, or at least I'll try not too. If I think that person needs support, I'll do so off the boards. Most of the people the trolls post to are strong enough to handle it. That's why they have the trolls in the first place. They're strong, they stick up for themselves, they don't get pushed around.

I'm sorry to hear about your illness. Do whatever is best for you, only you know what that really is.

I do think Literotica is a wonderful place. Hopefully this nastiness will cycle through. I have been feeling a bit uncomfortable here lately. I wonder is because of all that's going around?

Respect is a very important thing. Just because we're online, and we can't see that persons face crumple with tears, it does not mean that it isn't happening.
Follow the general rule, be kind with other's feelings. Usually they do care, even if they don't show it.

 

[Purple Haze]

I'm with ya Dillyman, I miss a lot of the old-timers, too.

 

[Siren]

BRAVO DILLY !!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Wow Dilly, you told me to stick around, and I'm glad i did.

I too often adopt the attitude of ignoring the assholes. Though lately that's been harder and harder to do. Perhaps because I too finally feel like i have real friends here. It's difficult for me to watch as people with no investment in this community, people who view it only as somewhere to dump their shit and then leave, treat those friends with flagrant disrespect.

My response has been to be here less. Post less, and talk to people off board more. Chicken shit? Probably. I guess I still don't feel as if I've been here long enough for what I have to say to have that much of an affect on anyone. As if my words would be wasted. I'm still pondering that thought.

Thanks Dill, for saying what needed said. I hope it's taken in the spirit that it's meant.

 

[MsFigment]

I've watched another board I was a member of for years going into terminal meltdown with the same kind of name calling and disrespect you're discribing. It's the reason I lurked for so long before posting here and why I still don't post often. So I applaud this effort and line up beside you Dillinger.

 

[Starfish]

Here, here.

Dill, you have a pm. Well, you will.

 

[wildtiger60]

I am new..........

but I am with you all the way, I respect everyone I meet in here, and out of here. I try my best to earn their respect too.

Best Wishes to you, and I'm behind you too.

WildTiger

 

[BigDawg69]

My fellow Literoticans. I stand before you today, well sit actually, I could stand but that would make it difficult to type this. . .

You make some good point Dill, mind if I call you Dill, good. Anyway you're right. You're right, and you know it, I know that guy over there knows it -----------------------> Hell I bet even the duck knows it! She's actually pretty quick for a water fowl. As Yogi may say: "She's better than your average Duck, yuck yuck yuck." But I digress. Everyone deserves our respect on some level, this much I believe to be true. For everyone you meet, everyone out there has lived a different life, full of different experiences. And to that end we each can learn something from everyone. And if someone has something from which you can glean a pearl of knowledge or wisdom to make your life the insy wittle bitiest bit better. Then that person deserves your respect. And that can be applied to every single living soul you meet. Besides a little respect can go a long way.

Fellow Literoticans ask not what the boards can do for you, ask what you can do for the boards. Ask not what the world wide web can do for Literotica, ask what Literotica can do for the brotherhood of humankind! Oh and ducks and dawgs to, it's important to include all earthly creatures, or E.T.'s don't want to exclude them.

I close with the immortal words of Socrates who said: I drank what!?

 

[Xander]

I agree with you Dillinger, and I am behind this 100%

I must apologise for the fact that I have at times resolved to name calling. And I have also, in the past feed trolls.
No more of that anymore.

You are absolutely right!

 

[Rhys]

Well said...and even though I am a newbie more or less, I will support this. I am tired of slogging through the vitrol to get to the interesting stuff.

 

[Nigel]

Bravo, Dillenger!!

I'm with you...on your side of the line. And I agree whole heartedly....lately there has been a lot of negativity which has kept me away......

But I'm here....and I think that, as adults, we can all play nice....

Nigel

 

[Laurel]

Dilly rules. You all rule.

 

[Siren]

hey Laurel

 

[daedalos]

Dillinger:

Thank you for your post. I found it helpful and satisfying. Several hours ago I tried to start at thread (which went no where) asking for the lit vets to comment on what they consider to be the high point of their time on the lit boards. I asked this question because during the past month that I have been occasionally posting and persuing threads, I have gotten the sense that there is some tension and hostility in certain areas. I have also gotten the feeling that vets are convinced that the board was changing for the worse.

What I have also found, however, is that there is much that is good about this board. There is a generally healthy, affirming and humorous discussion of sexuality and relationships, and this is a very good thing. It is also obvious that there are some very deep roots here. Community is such a hackneyed word these days, but in this case it is exactly the right word. There is an abiding community on Lit, and this is also a very good thing.

What I would like to think from your post, and I believe that this is true, is that there is a critical mass of people around here who are willing to fight for the decency and value of the Lit community. I hope that many people read your post and decide to put the principles you have outlined into practice.

If we all do this, then Lit will remain a very good thing.

 

[Starfish]

Kitty Mama rules.

 

[crystalhunting]

Absolutely Dillinger,

Our resident philospher speaks wisely as exspected.




Would be nice if WH or Laurel attached STICKY to this...at least for a little while.






CH

 

[Cheyenne]

Hey, I already told you in that other threat to "Ilk me."

I'm not exactly known for being quiet. I think I already speak up when many others are silent- tends to get me in trouble just as much here as it does in RL. I'll just speak a little louder, if I have to.

Thanks, Dilly. You said that all very well, as usual.