IMHO, this is LOL funny (but I'm Rumple)

[Rumple Foreskin]

The old Rumple unit was exploring craigslist.org when I came across this anon post in the "Best Of" section. Not only was it, IMHO, funny as hell, it provided me with a new term, "mutton musket," for the male protuberance.

Just another fine service of:
No Hope Enterprises,
Rumple Foreskin, CPO (chief procurement officer)

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newyork.craigslist.org > missed connections > My immense member must frighten them. Why? - m4w
last modified:Fri Aug 06 00:37:12 2004
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My immense member must frighten them. Why? - m4w - 28

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Reply to: anon-37512069@craigslist.org
Date: Mon Jul 26 13:30:10 2004


I've posted on Craigslist for the past six weeks, using my spell-check to make sure that I had few grammatical errors, revealing myself through insightful verbiage to be a sensitive, honest soul in search of simple things, gently encouraging the romantic side of the Craigslist community to take risk on a truly nice guy, but to no avail. No woman has yet to accept my subtle, yet passionate overtures. I am left alone.

I can't imagine why. It must be my immense cock that intimidates people. I always to used to think that it was such gift to be blessed with such a gargantuan appendage, but I’m starting to realize that it often gets in the way of real communication. Believe me, I've tried dealing with this in a variety of ways but with little success; I've mentioned it as a matter-of-fact in the first sentence. “Hi, me and my massive mutton musket would like to show you around new york…”. I've used the posting title "This SWM wants romance with a SWF who can handle a humongous stiffy", and I’ve even written postings that only spoke of it off-hand, “…so if you’d like to go to the Kabuki show tonight at the Lincoln Center with a nice guy who is hung with a colossal dong and cobblers, just drop me a line…”. All to no avail. What is with women these days? They say that they’re looking for honesty and sensitivity and sophistication but when they have it in the form of a good-looking yet vulnerable 28 year old man who’s hefty meat stick resembles some kind of mammoth fraternity pledge fist, they get shy all of a sudden. Sometimes I get dejected by this rejection and I just want to lie and not even mention just how incredibly large my pork sword can be.

I hope someone reads this and doesn’t just skip over to the next posting. After all, behind this message there’s just a nice, yet incredibly well-hung guy looking for a girl that wants love and romance with someone who’s purple plum perch looks like an Edgar Rice Burroughs cover art creation.

Thanks,

John

 

[Guest]

Oooooh!

Pork Sword? *sigh*


How romantic!


I'm all a-flutter!





Too funny, Rumple!

 

[tolyk]

Rumple, that is hillarious

It makes me wonder if this guy was posting in seriousness.. I certainly hope so, that way I can laugh more

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Dear Rumple4,

The gentleman in question does have a winning way with euphonious euphemisms.

You might write back suggesting that he investigate the possibilities offered by reconstructive surgery.

I gained a passing familiarity with the process know as Short Scar Breast Reduction while researching procedures going in the alternate direction. From his description, the aforementioned procedure would not be the ideal method, or else the surgery is poorly named.

Still, some form of surgery similar to mammary diminution would be preferable to the usual reductive sculpting commonly practiced upon oversized olfactory organs. That, I feel might only further exacerbate his complaint.

In point of fact, he does not seem especially disturbed about possessing his breeches’ big boy, but rather in communicating honestly about its present condition.

I doubt that his mind could be less disordered by the response to descriptive passages in his posts announcing his possession of a well formed and now normal-sized schwanser through the miracle of rhinoplasty.

 

[doormouse]

Well did he leave a contact number??