I'm up!

[poisonpen]

And no, not in the way you're thinking! I'm a gal, sorry. Anyway, third installment of Dark and Deadly Lover has been approved and is available to read. Will try to get more stories posted, am having too much fun writing these!
PoisonPen

 

[christabelll]

And the link is where???

If you want feed back - post it here

 

[_Lynn_]

And the link is where???

If you want feed back - post it here

Ditto. I'm too lazy to go hunt for a story.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Yes, post a link, we are pathetically lazy....

 

[poisonpen]

here's the link

hey, I'm old, I forget things! But here's the link needed.....
www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=316132

 

[_Lynn_]

hey, I'm old, I forget things! But here's the link needed.....
www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=316132

Thanks for posting the link....I'll check out the story as soon as I can.

 

[_Lynn_]

First off there are too many sentences beginning with "and" as well as too many "--ly" words. Some punctuation errors.

Your characters seem to be strong as they tell their story.

There are many places where you describe dialogue as: gasped, hissed, whispered, cried in near desperation....Good job. It gets the emotion at that moment through to us very well.

I'm not sure of the correct way, but some of your dialogue that is mixed in with a sentence seems to get lost. I wonder if it should be split or not but I don't know.

A good editor would help here.

Good luck in your writing.

My opinion only. ML

 

[poisonpen]

opins count!

Thanks, ML for the input, I appreciate it and I'll work on that punctuation and stuff you suggested next time if I continue. haven't gotten much feedback since I posted Chapter 2 so I dunno if I'll continue or not. It was fun while I was doing it.
Again, my thanks.
PoisonPen

 

[TxRad]

If it was fun while you were writing it, please continue. Write for yourself and they will come... if you'll excuse the pun. Writing for yourself and the joy of it will make anyone a better writer.

 

[christabelll]

You have a good start.
THe dialogue was strong...

While I beleive this could turn into something very very good...
you need to work on punctuation. Seperating thoughts from action.
A good editor can help you with this.
Just becuase the reviews have not come in the way you thought they would, do not give up.
Erotic Horror is a tough category...