I'm to shy

[Momma of Fire]

Ok so here it goes. I am Bi and have been married going on 5 years now. I miss being with a women and well my husband and I have talked about this long and hard and we agree we might be Polyamorous. We have looked for a third for 2 years or more now with no luck.

Ok so there is the background.

I am extremly attracted to the produce clerk at our grocery store. My husband and my best friend believe she is interested in me as well. Mainly because of the way she looks at me and that she has "checked me out". Everytime we go shopping I tell myself I am going to talk to her but as soon as we get inside my stomach is in knots and I can't seem to get a word out. My biggest fear is that she is going to freak out and think OMG what is this girl doing? We can always go to a different store if something like that were to happen I just don't know if I could handle us being rejected.

Please any advice on what I can do to get over being such a damn pussy, I would greatly appreciate.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You don't have to walk up to this clerk and say 'fancy a threesome?' Just talk to her about normal stuff and see if she flirts with you. If she does, then flirt back etc. Be aware though that she may be gay rather than bi and may not necessarily be open to seeing both you and your husband.

There are loads of sexual networking sites you can advertise for a bi third on. There are even women advertising themselves as open to playing with couples. Many of them feel that seeing a couple is safer as a casual encounter than a man on his own.

Failing all else, many escorts are happy to see couples. If you fancy treating yourself that is.

 

[subwannabe]

Sounds like a guy trying to get up the nerve to ask someone out for the first time. I say you start out by just talking with her and take it from there. The more you talk the more comfortable you will feel, all the way up to the point where you ask her if she would like to come over for dinner and a few drinks some night. Don't forget to mention that your husband will be there too. Let us know all the details if it works out the way you want.

 

[JamieB]

A letter

If you really can't get the nerve to talk to her, you might try an eloquent letter. the store's a public place, and flirting with another woman while she's at work with customers around...she might not be that receptive under those circumstances.

Put down a couple of brief paragraphs about you and hubby and what you're after, that you find her attractive, and invite her to email you. Then see what happens.

Not guaranteed to work, but it might.

J

 

[PersianKittie]

i don't know about the letter. a letter would freak me out, but someone approaching me to talk and even to suggest lets get coffee together sometime is less harmless.

baby steps should work.

 

[wild-thing]

Persian Kitty has it right. Just ask her if she wants to go to coffee or lunch sometime to shoot the bull. You're liable to freak her out too soon if the sex thing comes up right away.

 

[mynameiskate]

Yeah, she might be weirded out if you asked her such a question around other customers and her co-workers. Maybe try giving her your phone number?

 

[SweetErika]

I've had pretty good luck with friendship first. If we happen to have a sexual connection after getting to know each other as friends, great; if not, I've made a new friend.

But I actually AM looking for more than sex. If friendly sex, particularly involving my husband, was my primary goal, we'd pursue the swinging avenue instead. If your primary goal is a threesome, I'd suggest posting ads on swinging websites and going to local clubs/events, keeping in mind that you'll have better luck if you're flexible in general and open to the male half of another couple watching or having sex with the other woman in a group encounter.

Flexibility is good when it comes to polyamory and bi relationships, too. You might consider meeting other poly people at local poly events or starting a FF relationship and just being open to our hubby joining if everyone clicks, instead of insisting on a threesome or triad right off the bat. You never know what a relationship and friendship might develop into.

I agree you're best off starting small and casual with the grocery store woman. You could ask her what she likes to do for fun, or try to find some other common ground, then suggest coffee or something equally non-threatening if you have things in common. Once you're one-on-one, you can tell her a little about yourself/your open relationship and see how she reacts. If it's positive, you might tell her you're looking for a partner. It should be pretty clear if she's interested.

Basically, don't put the cart before the horse, and stay flexible!

 

[Delighted]

I know exactly where you're coming from on this, I guess deep down we're all damn pussies! What worked for me with my current GF was just thinking that if I didn't go through with approaching her and trying to get to know her I was really going to regret it. I'd be in my bath chair when I'm 86 or whatever bitterly regretting not summoning up the courage. Ahd that thought countered all of the 'what if' thoughts that might put you off.

You know deep down that she's not going to go bizerk or make a scene, the worst you'd probably get is that she might not respond in the way you're hoping if you've read the signals wrong. It'll sting but you're strong enough to survive that. Then, when you're 86 and sitting in your bath chair, you can keep yourself warm with the thought that at least you tried.

Go for it and good luck.