I'm thinking about quiting my day job

[Rubyfruit]

Let me preface this by saying I know how blessed I am that I've had the option of staying home with my kids these years. I know that and I'm very grateful.

But I think I'm seriously going to lose my mind if I don't get out of the fucking house and away from the little monsters.

I've been out of the work force for 7 years now. I used to work as a legal secretary but really don't want to go back to that. Frankly, I don't know what I'd do. I'd like to take a job in retail for a few months and just enjoy the interaction with adults (I really do like people), but I'm sure that wouldn't pay for 3 in daycare.

Anybody else gone back to work after an extended absence in a similar situation? How did you feel about leaving the kids? Was it the right decision for you?

I really haven't a clue how people do this with 5 or 6 kids. I'd rather chew off my right arm than have another child at this point.

 

[MissTaken]

Leaving the children is a bit difficult at first, as is tending children who crave your attentin when you come home from work.

Re: Day care. Generally, there is a significantly reduced rate for each additional child. You may want to check.

Would I give up work? No. After some adjustment, it is good for all of us...and especially my psyche.

The money doesn't hurt either!

 

[Calamity Jane]

I hear you darlin. I was a stay at home mom for 6 months with my oldest, and almost two years after the youngest was born. I went back to work around Halloween, I think.

Some people aren't cut out to parent 24/7 and I think it takes a strong person to realize and admit that. My relationship with my kids has improved, and I feel better about myself.

The biggest problem is the finances of sending the lil heathens to daycare. Here, it's relatively cheap as compared to Kansas City, which is just down the road. I pay $206/week for fulltime daycare. Wasn't a big deal when I was doing the 8-5 M-F graphic design thing for $15/hour. It's a bigger deal now, because I make significantly less.

Gotta weigh the options. In home child care is probably cheaper. Have you considered a mother's day out? Volunteer work? Swapping days with a friend so you both get some alone time?

 

[Rubyfruit]

Have you considered a mother's day out? Volunteer work? Swapping days with a friend so you both get some alone time?

I've thought about that. I don't really have many friends here as we just moved to the area in August. The one I do know with kids has her mother planted in the guest house in back and at her call, so she's not willing to trade.

I'd love to volunteer. I asked my son's teacher if she could find another mom in my situation (with younger siblings) who would trade so we could both volunteer in the classroom, but she never got back to me.

(self edit - just deleted a big old whine)

Suffice it to say that I'm feeling very overwhelmed and basically just making it through day-to-day at this point.

 

[Debbie]

I have heard that daycare is very expensive in America. Such a shame. Here it is quite reasonable. Enabling both parents who need to or want to work able to do so.
Being a mommy day in, day out, 24/7 is a hard job. I am lucky my kids are 8 and 13 now and are less demanding of me than when they were little. And I didn't have twins either!
Having family who can help out is a wonderful thing.
You sound like you need a break. Some Ruby timeout to recharge your batteries. Are there no daycare centres near by (if you can afford it) who could take your kids even just for a few hours?
I am wracking my brains for ideas and damn it if i didn't live so far away you would be hearing your doorbell ringing by now. Smiling hello and gently nudging you out the door, clutching your purse and a bemused smile as the twins have a hold of each of my legs, waving a cheerful goodbye.

 

[MidnightsBlue]

Suffice it to say that I'm feeling very overwhelmed and basically just making it through day-to-day at this point.

I know how you feel. Lucky i have family that lives across the street if i get desperate and need an hour or two by myself. I have three children and two of them twins. Shit they were right when they said double the trouble! Don't have any advice for you just wanted to say you are not alone

 

[Rubyfruit]

Debbie, I'd be so happy if somebody gave me a break.

I'm taking a chance that my husband will read this and not like what I have to say, but what the fuck. When he gives me a break I pay big time. If he feeds the kids, he doesn't clean up after them - food on the high chairs, on the floor, etc., leaves it. If he changes them, he'll leave their dirty diapers and dirty clothes right there on the floor. Toys and trash and dirty sippy cups all over the fucking house when I come home. What kind of break is that?

MidnightsBlue, I envy you your family close by. I really miss mine. My sis-in-law would come over after work with her kids and we'd have wine and make dinner. Even though I wasn't getting away from them, it was so nice to have companionship in parenting.

I have twins also. 2-1/2 year old little terrors. Plus a 5 year old son who has difficulties. I love them all to death but I'm ready to start beating them into submission.

 

[ZoeKat]

**hugs Ruby hard**

Err..yes i'm seriuos and trying to help...
umm maybe you could do phone sex from home with a diverted number and calling fee setup
(if it doesn't gross you out) for 1-2 days a week(i think you'd be good at it, and it pays well so i hear)..giving you enough money to have them minded at least one day a week for Ruby time?

**huggy** you are being a very responsible parent to recognize this..you need something for you..or you'll run out of you to give
hope you feel better soon Ruby

 

[Rubyfruit]

Zoe, it's interesting that you should mention that. I've actually thought about doing it. I know I'm good (grin) and I really enjoy it but it seems so sleezy somehow to be paid for it. I like doing it with people who inspire me. I'm not so sure how I'd like to do it for money.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Toys and trash and dirty sippy cups all over the fucking house when I come home. What kind of break is that?

OMG... you too huh? I've been working for 2 months? I still have to call my husband from work at least three times a week to make sure he remembers to bathe the children... and when i get home (at midnight), it's at least 3 loads of laundry, dishes from dinner, feeding all the pets, cleaning up the toys...

 

[Rubyfruit]

OMG... you too huh? I've been working for 2 months? I still have to call my husband from work at least three times a week to make sure he remembers to bathe the children... and when i get home (at midnight), it's at least 3 loads of laundry, dishes from dinner, feeding all the pets, cleaning up the toys...

See now. That is my dilemma in a nutshell. I know I'd still be doing all the things I do now in addition to working. Or else I'd be nagging all the time. I hate nagging. I recent it. I recent being put in the position of having to ask over and over again for something that he agreed to. Both of our lives would be miserable.

 

[ZoeKat]

hmm..i see your point, but you have a skill, that people will gladly pay for, and you would'nt have to touch them, be nice in person, or even think about them really.

besides which, to alot of lonely people their "girl 6" is a lifesaver..something to cheer themselves up..it's kinda a community service

and yesss..i bet "inspired" with a friend you're fantastic

hmm..my bf's less domestic than me(not very) and if he ever wants me to have his spawn..he better hire me a house keeper at least once a week..poor you!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Both of our lives would be miserable.

Welcome to my world.

 

[Guest]

feel free to flame

have too many children then get a job that ables you to pass them off to some day care where really, you have no idea what will happen. but hey, it's your sanity that's important--not the kids *YOU* chose to bring into this world.
so while you have your life, how's your austistic kid doing?

and indeed your husband should support your ass then come home from his own stressful job and give you a huge break from your job of what? vacuuming?

what an asshole he is, sheesh!

Whine moan whine moan whine!

 

[Cheyenne]

THAT troll had to be male.

 

[Debbie]

Debbie, I'd be so happy if somebody gave me a break.

I'm taking a chance that my husband will read this and not like what I have to say, but what the fuck. When he gives me a break I pay big time. If he feeds the kids, he doesn't clean up after them - food on the high chairs, on the floor, etc., leaves it. If he changes them, he'll leave their dirty diapers and dirty clothes right there on the floor. Toys and trash and dirty sippy cups all over the fucking house when I come home. What kind of break is that?

MidnightsBlue, I envy you your family close by. I really miss mine. My sis-in-law would come over after work with her kids and we'd have wine and make dinner. Even though I wasn't getting away from them, it was so nice to have companionship in parenting.

I have twins also. 2-1/2 year old little terrors. Plus a 5 year old son who has difficulties. I love them all to death but I'm ready to start beating them into submission.

Tell hubby. I know what you are saying. You don't want to nag but tell him you love the fact that he looks after the kids but it is not a break if he leaves it for you to clean up.
And uh, Ruby's hubby if you read this please understand we are never ungrateful when you look after the kids for us. We love you for it. You work hard and then give us a break. But understand this, when we get home from a few hours peace and quiet with a more relaxed attitude and walk in through the door to find a disaster zone. Our faces and bodies go directly into, "OH, no!" *groan* mode. Imagine the look on Ruby's face when she walks in the door and you have things a ok and you and the kids are smiling. Now if I could I would give you a big kiss (on the cheek) for that!

 

[Guest]

 

[Debbie]

Re: feel free to flame

have too many children then get a job that ables you to pass them off to some day care where really, you have no idea what will happen. but hey, it's your sanity that's important--not the kids *YOU* chose to bring into this world.
so while you have your life, how's your austistic kid doing?

and indeed your husband should support your ass then come home from his own stressful job and give you a huge break from your job of what? vacuuming?

what an asshole he is, sheesh!

Whine moan whine moan whine!

Oh goodie! *swoop* A troll! Boy are you cute! Can I take you home with me and tie you up? Hmmmm? Can I imagine kicking you every time you feel down?

If you put as much energy into being a nice person as you do being a mean spirited fool you would be a Saint.

 

[Cheyenne]

I have no children so I can't directly relate to most of you in this thread. But, I do work every day with the husbands you send off to bring home the bacon. I think most of them DO know how hard your job is being mom back at home. I've actually HEARD some of them say they don't know how you do it all. Really.

The best thing that could happen is that your husbands have to take care of the kids all on their own for a few days. Let them get to the end of the day and look around at the house that is still a mess. Let them wonder how it got to be so late and they haven't started dinner yet. Let them play taxi driver for all of the music lessons, sports, etc. that you drive for every day. After a few days, they are HAPPY to come back to the office for a rest. They may not tell you to your face, but I have heard it more than once.

I wish I had a magic answer for you. It does sound like you really need a break to be able to keep your sanity, Ruby.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: feel free to flame

and indeed your husband should support your ass then come home from his own stressful job and give you a huge break from your job of what? vacuuming?

My husband is a contractor. He doesn't work in the winter. So if i'm working to pay every fucking bill, he ought to take at least the same standards I do when parenting.

On a related note, why is daycare perceived to be the foisting off of our children onto someone else, but school is perfectly ok?

asshole.

THAT troll had to be male.

And childless, me thinks. Hope so, anyway.

 

[ZoeKat]

you eediot troll, shoo...

hmm all of us who actually READ ruby's post's, not just pick one to throw up on**rolls eyes** KNOW how important her kids and husband's well being and love are to her..so fuck off.

Also..who the hell do you think you are to slander the childcare workers of the world like that? hmmm?

MOST daycare centres are staffed by devoted well trained childcare workers, like my sis-in-law and a few of my mates.. challenging play, activities and early socialization are CRUCIAL to brain development
and you are the lowest of the low..to be slandering those workers and trying to stick the knife into working mothers soft spots..
A Plauge Upon Your House and Line!!

say whatever you like..i'm ignoring you now.

 

[missy378]

idea

hope this helps, in my town the church has a day care in the afternoons after school, but maybe if your lucky youll find one that is all day. and as far as i know its free or donations. and i work part time and have a 4 yr old and by himself is a terror , so three.. big hug and if i were close a cooked meal.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Can't men understand that from 6.30am to 6pm of looking after kids all day that the woman might just need a break. If they are not asked to bring their work home at the end of the day, why should the woman keep doing her job. After hours the load should be shared.

Men forget that they get a luch break during the day. A mother can not just say,"Ok kids it's Mummys lunch break now, go play on the motorway for the next hour".

I had my own business when the first of my kids were born and always since (8 years). Be very careful Ruby you don't end of working outside the home and then coming home to do all the house work if your man is not prepared to do any now. My man is pretty good at sharing the load.

I'm sure there are some house husbands that feel the same way about wanting a break in their 24 hours.

The telephone call work: Just got to make sure there are not sounds of "Mummy I need to pee pee" coming from the background, lol.

 

[Cheyenne]

Daycare! Another controversial topic!

My mom thought it was terrible when my sister went back to work after having her baby. That baby goes to an excellent day care that my sister did a lot of research to find. She is a happy child, and actually loves the place. When she was younger, she'd get upset on Saturday and Sunday when she couldn't go to "school." She learned things quicker than my other nieces/nephew who stayed home with their mom. Feeding herself, drinking from a cup, sharing, etc. All kinds of skills. My mom is now a convert and no longer thinks the devil runs all day cares.

 

[u2slow13]

I'm sure there are some house husbands that feel the same way about
wanting a break in their 24 hours.

Yes we do...and t/y for recognising that