I'm really upset...

[penguindance]

 

[Ms_Lilith]

HOney, he's being a dick. You have every right to be angry. If it were my man, I'd tell him that he's got two options:

1) he sucks it up and comes to the reunion, and he's on your good side or

2) he doesn't come, and you can hold that grudge for as long as he's held his.

Fishing? Whatever, that's bullshit. A lame excuse for him just being a jerk.

 

[Ezarc]

*Walks up and gives pretty_lil_strange a big hug* I hope it all works out well.
Take Care and Lust Always,
Ezarc

 

[markb325]

In my opinion you have every right to be upset. Of course I am a firm believer in family first. Fishing or anything else should not take the place of family.

 

[Carl East]

...What do you guys think? Am I unreasonable for being upset?
If not, how can I convince him how important this is to me?

I think he has A reason to not go, it's just not a very good one.
Turn on the charm, twist his arm, promise anything (within reason) and if that fails, hog tie him and drag him there.

As for being unreasonable, no I don't think so.

You could use reverse psychology on him, how? Simple, explain to him that he's right, they did snub your wedding, but that you don't want them to think he's just as bad.

In other words your telling him he's above all that, it might work.

Carl

 

[erosman]

Hmm...., This is all to familiar. Are you reading a page out of my life?

For starters, fishing is and can be more uplifting than family reunions. It might be an excuse, but it isn't a lame excuse.

As for the family thing. Four years is not a lot of time to get past family gestures. You talk about forgiving your family, and that is fine and good, but whatever hurt you felt at the time, became his hurt. I am betting that he relates to that hurt, better than he relates to your forgiveness.

Are you wrong? Hmmm...not necessarily, yet. But, it would do you good to remember, that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Forgiveness is one of life's grander schemes, but it is a choice - a choice that one makes for himself.
Is your family and their desire more important than your hubby's freedom to choose? Only you can answer that. And whatever your answer, it will communicate volumes to him.

 

[CAROSI]

That fishing comment really sucks. If all he mentioned was the family not "caring" to meet him, maybe he was hurt and probably was just as you. Four years is a long time to hold a grudge. I think he's being unfair. I hope things work out.

 

[SlowHand89]

Explain to him that at the time of your wedding four years ago, the family (which seems to be somewhat numerous) wasn't at a "need an excuse to get-together" point. It's now four years later and everyone is itching to see everyone and catch up. I'm sure they will miss him if he doesn't go. Plus he will come off as being kind of childish if he doesn't (but I'm not sure you would want to say that to him).

Fishing just doesn't cut it. Have to watch the hockey playoffs would have been much better.

 

[YogiBare]

HOney, he's being a dick. You have every right to be angry. If it were my man, I'd tell him that he's got two options:

1) he sucks it up and comes to the reunion, and he's on your good side or

2) he doesn't come, and you can hold that grudge for as long as he's held his.

Fishing? Whatever, that's bullshit. A lame excuse for him just being a jerk.

I think you've got it exactly right, Vix.

 

[Shaq]

Upset? I wouldn't say you should feel upset....instead of focusing on being angry you should make it very clear to him how important your family is to you and that it is important to you that he be there.

The fishing excuse is bogus...it sounds like he's either A)Hurt about your parents not showing up....or B)Doesn't think your parents accept him and would rather stay at home....B sounds like the one to me....talk to him and see...

 

[TN_Vixen]

marriage is all about compromising. You can no longer act on your wants alone, you must always consider the other person's feelings. My exhusband never did this. I consistently entertained his family and friends and he never participated with mine. Never. And, yet I let him get away with it for 7 years. My fault entirely, but only because I set the scene early on. You need to make him see how important it is to you that you have him there instead of clamming up and doing it without him and then getting resentful. Doing that will damage your relationship just as badly as if you had a knock down drag out about you insisting he attends. Trust me. At least by doing the latter you will have stated how you feel. It's up to him after that.

good luck, hon.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Cheyenne]

Fishing is important, too. The family that fishes together stays together.

But I'd be made if he used it as an excuse to not meet family.

 

[Carl East]

I will try the reverse psychology thing, Carl. Dang it anyway.

((hugs))

Well, good luck beautiful, I hope it all works out for ya.



Carl

 

[Bluesboy2]

Im going to play Devils advocate

Its obvious he doesnt want to be there. Supposing he is harboring a great deal of resentment, would it be better for him to not show up and seem and ass, or show and display himself to be one? That is ofcourse assuming he wouldnt be able to hide those feelings. Not passing judgement on him. But I do think its a scenario you should consider.

 

[fgarvb1]

Fishing huh? bullshit.



I've been married a lot and altogether for a fair amount of time and i can tell you and you can tell him i said he's fucking up big time.

Even if this does not start a bunch of trouble with you, your not going to forget it anytime soon and any other asshole stunt he pulls in the future will only add to it.

Sometimes when your married you have to do things that does not thrill you to death. Spending time with your inlaws may be one of them but it comes with the marriage.

Besides he might like them if he ever met them.

 

[Saint Peter]

He is going to miss a great chance to get drunk at the reunion and make an ass out of himself.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Okay, I hate to go to such family functions, and when I was younger I would have used almost any excuse to avoid going, but he should suck it up and go anyway, regardless of what his feelings are - just because it is important to you and it would make you happy. It is obvious he is being childish about it.

That said, I doubt he is going, and I doubt you can convince him to go.

If I were you, I would carefully try to convince him to go. By carefully I mean with no threats or nagging, just loving reason. I am a bit dismayed at some of the advice given here - it could result in a broken marriage. It is obviously a point of strife in the marriage, so don't make it worse than it already is.

Think about what is really important in this marriage and that is the marriage, not the reunion. Too often such things become a point of contention and are blown way out of proportion. Sure it is important, but not important enough to drive a wedge between you two.

Try to carefull convince him to go, and when he refuses, drop it and just go yourself and make the best of it. Tell your family to keep their mouths shut if they know what is best for them (sometimes families like to gossip and put down people in front of their loved ones, and you need to nip that in the bud if there is any chance of that), and put it behind you. Just because he holds a grudge doesn't mean you or your family should. Somebody needs to be the adult in this situation.

 

[Northern Lights]

Been there. Done that.

Your husband is being selfish when he won't go to meet your family. I've felt the same way about going out of my way for my wife's family. But what it comes down to, is that it's important to *you*. It will obviously mean alot to you to have him there. Address the real issue by telling him how important it is to you that he be there. Admit to him that he may not have as much fun as he would if he went fishing. Loving you as he does, he'll understand that this is important to you and may be your only chance to meet all of your immediate family to ever meet your extended family. It's just one weekend. Even we dense husbands can understand what it means to you.

I've sat and smiled through more boring visits with my wife's family than I care to remember. But it's worth it because it's important to my wife, just as I want her to spend time with my side of the family.

One more suggestion....avoid the nagging and pleading. If he's anything like me, simple logic - it's my family, it's very important to me that you be there, please come with us - works best. And it doesn't hurt to be sitting on his lap when you say this.

If he does decide to attend with you, do your best to include him in activities. It's not easy being the "in-law" at these functions, and connecting with a few of the nicer relatives who also fish might get him back to the next one.

Good luck, dear.

 

[penguindance]

 

[xMorganx]

He's not going. Today we had a big fight about it, he said some hurtful things and I cried, and it became quite obvious he is not going. Oh well. Maybe I'll go out to a bar while we're there and find a girly to play with....

There is an idea... Take pictures and don't let him see em. That'll teach him to not come for the fun

 

[SleepingWarrior]

I saw the word compromise somewhere in the previous posts so I'll have my say and get flamed for it... Have you considered HIS feelings about this? I think he should go but you have got to be open to his not going. Marriage is a 2 way street where it should be perfect but it usually isn't, this is one of those times. Is it really right for you to try and force him to go? No, it isn't.

Just remember he married you, not your entire family.


*Let the flaming begin*

 

[penguindance]

 

[Carl East]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't all work out for you PLS, it would've been nice to hear you'd both gone.

Take care



Carl

 

[penguindance]