I'm new -- could someone help?

[DeeJayPip]

Alright, I'm new. I'm not sure if it's a recipe for disaster to admit that, but... there you have it.

Basically, my girlfriend recently came out to me as sub/switch. It's not the first experience I have with the BDSM world -- one of my best friends is a sub/masochist. (Are those synonyms? I don't speak the lingo very well.)
So, turns out that I actually like the idea of being dom -- it makes me realize that my first relationship (with a man) didn't go very well because he was trying to fit us into the traditional heterosexual male/female role... and I did not want to be sub at ALL.

Umm. If anyone can point me to a good BDSM forum, that'd be great. For that matter, if anyone could explain the lingo of BDSM -- including what BDSM itself stands for -- that'd be great, too.

 

[NemoAlia]

I replied a little to your question in one of the other threads, so I won't make you read the same answer twice. But welcome, and may I also recommend the library that we keep here at lit BDSM Talk? There are several categories, including terms and lingo, that you might want to check out if you're just beginning your adventure.

Enjoy!

 

[MechaBlade]

Alright, I'm new. I'm not sure if it's a recipe for disaster to admit that, but... there you have it.

Basically, my girlfriend recently came out to me as sub/switch. It's not the first experience I have with the BDSM world -- one of my best friends is a sub/masochist. (Are those synonyms? I don't speak the lingo very well.)
So, turns out that I actually like the idea of being dom -- it makes me realize that my first relationship (with a man) didn't go very well because he was trying to fit us into the traditional heterosexual male/female role... and I did not want to be sub at ALL.

Umm. If anyone can point me to a good BDSM forum, that'd be great. For that matter, if anyone could explain the lingo of BDSM -- including what BDSM itself stands for -- that'd be great, too.

I would say a sub is a masochist who desires another person to dispense pain, but I don't want to make any subs angry, so that's just my guess. You'll have to ask them for more details.

Wiki on BDSM: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

I learned most everything I know about BDSM from erotica. Get to it.

Welcome to the world of Dominance. Feel free to ask me questions, although I have little actual experience.

 

[FurryFury]

Welcome!

I don't know the exact thing you are asking here but you can get tons of help if you try here. Being new is kind of fun IMO. The most help you can get is communicating with the other person in your life about what she is really into and what you are really into and researching those things that make you both hot or curious then having fun using safety protocols and experimenting.

Fury

 

[DeeJayPip]

Thanks, everyone.

...Yeah, I'm gonna ask my girlfriend what, exactly, she wants me to do when we get there. She has more experience ethan I do, which is a strange position for a dom/sub relationship, but oh well.

I'm excited, though.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks, everyone.

...Yeah, I'm gonna ask my girlfriend what, exactly, she wants me to do when we get there. She has more experience ethan I do, which is a strange position for a dom/sub relationship, but oh well.

I'm excited, though.

Actually we see that a lot here. So don't feel alone.

Fury

 

[SplitSoul]

Help!!

I am in the same boat as you. I have little to no experience in the real BDSM world so any help that is out there is great. Thanks for all the advice and stories. I have soooo many new ideas and all I need now is someone to share them with!!!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi DeeJayPip

I'll stick my beak in here. I've got about quite a bit in the last couple of days.

I'd say, if she wants to switch and you're therefore exploring two roles at once, to start with stuff you know you'll be comfortable with. E.g. Blindfolds, scarves, ice cubes, feathers etc Get into the roleplay without worrying about things going too far and then start to 'push the envelope' or move on a step. So maybe discuss using cuffs instead of scarves and introducing something new like spanking. I don't know, I'm thinking tame here.

I guess I'm just saying, start with whatever you're both already happy with and build gradually. That way you'll keep your communication open and your trust strong.

Happy playing, whatever you do.

Velvet

 

[Kylan]

Umm. If anyone can point me to a good BDSM forum, that'd be great. For that matter, if anyone could explain the lingo of BDSM -- including what BDSM itself stands for -- that'd be great, too.

This site (A slaves heart) may be of interest to you.

 

[wrathofkublakhan]

Yep, I think VelvetDarkness has the best advice.

Explore each new step thoroughly and then move on. It's like a long road so a comfortable starting place is a good idea. You'll each find things you 'like best' to fall back on when you've taken a wrong turn. And -- no hurry to get there -- enjoy the scenery, have fun, take pictures

 

[mr_demon]

relative new to post, old as dirt in the scene, the advice given to you is good, and never feel bad cause you dont know something or havent experienced it, talk it through, everyone learns, hopefully before they screw up, so take it slow and enjoy each sensation and moment.

 

[Winter Lotus]

I don't believe that all BDSM has to do with pain (although I know that contradicts the SM part)

for me, subbing is all about the psychological aspect. yes, i like spankings and they get me wet... but its the point behind the spankings that is what really attracts me to the lifestyle, not the pain.

however, every person is different. some people do it simply because they get off on the pain, or because they like to be humiliated, or because they like to dole it out to others. to each his own.


regarding your concerns, i'd agree with many posters in saying do what feels right to you. make sure that you're comfortable in whatever situation that you're in, and make sure that she is as well. thats the only true way to find happiness in what you're doing.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I don't believe that all BDSM has to do with pain (although I know that contradicts the SM part)

for me, subbing is all about the psychological aspect. yes, i like spankings and they get me wet... but its the point behind the spankings that is what really attracts me to the lifestyle, not the pain.

Yep. I'll second that.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Wow - I just dropped this bomb on my lover last weekend. I'm afraid I shocked him. But not too much. He is interested in learning more. This is going to be interesting...