im new at writing

[IWantToFuckYou]

hi there. im new at writing, and just for fun i wrote a couple of stories and put them up on this site. the public comments have all been rather negative, but i got a few positive comments in my email.

the person i wrote them for originally thought they were very good, and after showing them to other people who also liked them, they said i should put them on the internet.

it would be good to get some advice on how to improve. or are they so bad that i should give up?

i guess you can locate the stories by looking at my profile.

thank you.

 

[Hotcappucino]

Link to IWantToFuckYou's stories.

I read the two most recent ones. Right off the bat I knew I wasn't going to like them, not because of the subject matter, but because they are written in the second person ("you did this," and "you did that"). I can count on one hand the number of stories that I've liked that were written in the second person. I think it's because it sounds like the author is telling me how I, the reader, is supposed to feel and react, when I may not naturally react that way in that given situation. This is especially pertinent when the subject is a different gender than I am (as in this story).

Now, if you're writing the story for someone else, and you have that specific person in mind while you're putting it together, and it's meant only for that person to read, then fine, second person perspective would fit. But I think it's harder for a general audience to relate to the main character in second person perspective. Third person perspective ("he did that", "she did this") seems to be most preferable, first person perspective ("I did this," "I did that") slightly less so, but both are still way above second person perspective in popularity (in my opinion).

I noticed that you got a few negative comments on your nonconsent story, Bus Stop Surprise, about how the main character reacts to being raped. I agree, it's not very believeable, and that would be my main complaint about many of the "nonconsent" stores out there: that women get sexually turned on during rape.

I don't think you should give up writing, especially if you enjoy it. You seem to have a lot of ideas, and your spelling and punctuation are decent, but I would like to see you flesh out your stories to make them a little richer. For example, I think Your Day As A Schoolgirl Slut could be improved by adding a lot more detail. You should check out the Essays and How To's section of the Writer's Resources page for tips on improving your writing. Good writing, in most cases, takes a lot of time and effort. If you want to make the story good, that is. There are a few authors out there that can crank out good stories in ten minutes sitting at their keyboard, but they are few and far between.

 

[kbate]

The waiting for the bus rape story does not belong on this site - it is not hot and is somewhat disturbing. Women do not enjoy being abducted and raped.

The others - written in first/second person have enough errors and other distractions to keep most readers from finishing. Try giving your characters names and try writing in third person. "John reached over Jane's shoulders and rubbed her breasts." instead of "You felt him reach for your breasts."

You do not bring me 'into' the story by using - you and your, but rather distract me because most of the actions "you" are supposed to enjoy would not excite me.

 

[IWantToFuckYou]

thankyou. i see your point. i guess we all have to start somewhere. ill try again and think more carefully before submitting something.

 

[Hotcappucino]

The waiting for the bus rape story does not belong on this site - it is not hot and is somewhat disturbing. Women do not enjoy being abducted and raped.

I'm not sure I agree with your first statement. If the story does not belong on the site, then the editors wouldn't have allowed it to be posted. Note that there is a whole category devoted to Non-consent.

As far as your second statement goes, I totally agree, women do not enjoy being abducted and raped, and there are too many unrealistic nonconsent stories out there where the "victim" turns out liking the experience. That being said, there are some people who fantasize about being forced to have sex and will even play-act scenarios about forced sex.

I think the vast majority of people who read and enjoy nonconsent stories, however, probably identify with the rapist rather than the victim. I'm not sure exactly what the attraction is, maybe it's a power or control thing. But it's like asking someone why they like incest stories, or why someone likes big breasts, or why someone likes small breasts: they probably can't give you a specific reason, only that it turns them on.

 

[Mesachie]

Non-cons/rape stories that have women becoming turned on are interesting even if less plausible as presented in many stories here.

But I have read that women in real circumstances have had that actually occur. I am not saying that they changed their mind about the sex and it became consentual. I am saying that in some circumstances, their bodies began to respond.

That becomes a perplexing part of the damage and sense of guilt that some rape victims feel. That they somehow wanted it or why would they have felt anything.

Some folks believe that non-consentual stories should purged from here. Hmm, I fear I cannot reply and keep my membership here. I can only suggest they join a convent or monastary with a requirement of perpetual silence. Or perhaps they might just visit mystery or thriller forum and suggest that no one write murder stories because the actual reality is quite offensive. I'm sure that such a view would be received as a profound and worthwhile revelation there. Or maybe not.

Since we are writing fiction, then it I see nothing wrong with having a non-cons character change their attitude. It may not be plausible. But then extensive sex partners without either protection or disease isn't either, but we (readers and writers) seem to have little problem with that.

And of course, It is a interesting challenge. How might it be made plausible? What sort of character might change their mind? Under what circumstances?

 

[IWantToFuckYou]

To be honest when i wrote it, i didn't think it was that offensive. Its not real life - , only a story. I thought it was rather tame compared to what you'd read in something like william burroughs or that sort of thing. I didn't think it was even supposed to be realistic. I have known a few chicks with that kind of fantasy. But its only fantasy.

Maybe I needed to be more over the top??

 

[Rubnesque]

You don't necessarily need to be over the top in order to write a decent erotic story. In fact, it's the "over the topness" that turns most people off. You want your stories to incite people's imagination, not gross them out or have them roll their eyes in disbelief.

I think having a woman change her mind during rape isn't realistic, but then, rape isn't about eroticism or sex even. It's about a man's (or woman's) need for power over a person. In fiction it can be done believably, if you are able to express the emotions of all those involved in the most realistic way possible. However, I agree with one of the posters; I read all of your stories and felt they were decently written, but the biggest drawback is the p.o.v. I think if you could change it, then you would probably get better feedback.

 

[DonFox]

Link to IWantToFuckYou's stories.

I read the two most recent ones. Right off the bat I knew I wasn't going to like them, not because of the subject matter, but because they are written in the second person ("you did this," and "you did that"). I can count on one hand the number of stories that I've liked that were written in the second person. I think it's because it sounds like the author is telling me how I, the reader, is supposed to feel and react, when I may not naturally react that way in that given situation. This is especially pertinent when the subject is a different gender than I am (as in this story).

This was a big problem in "Your Day As A Schoolgirl Slut", especially. While the title does let the reader know up front that it is written to someone and indicates that the intended audience is female, the schoolgirl fantasy is so potent for some men that its very mention in a title will draw them in. It is unlikely, though, that they will stick around to finish the tale the instant they realize that they will have to assume a female point of view to become engaged in the narrative.

As Hotcappucino noted, there is also the problem of the writer/narrator telling the audience how to feel and react. If the story was reworked to be more of a domination/submission tale (This is what you will do, rather than this is what you will feel), it could work, and might even appeal more to male readers who can identify with the narrator's desires.