I'm just looking for some feedback on my first story...

[lickthestar13]

The Day I Met Sandra

I'm basically looking to see what areas I need to improve on and what you think is good. Anything you have to say is gladly taken into consideration.

Its a work of fiction, but something I hope to make true someday, in other ways...

 

[Chantal Marchon]

Hmm-

The sex in the story is good, but that's all there is. You need a lead in. Start by explaining where the story is taking place- a college dorm or what? That is very vague. Then tell us that you are expecting Sandra and how hot she got you on the internet and all the interesting things you typed about and then tell about how hot you are getting anticipating her visit.

And you will see this comment from many of the experienced writers here so I will tell you now- only one exclamation point at the end of a sentence and caps aren't necessary. Good Luck with your story!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

This is an easy critique to write. Everything Chantal Marchon said, me too.

In terms of what you need to improve on, learning how to craft a story should be, IMHO, first on your list. That's not really bad news. Most first-timers have a lot of mechanical problems. Except of the usual first-person overuse of "I" at the beginning of sentence, there were few other than the one's Chantal mentioned.

My only advice is to READ both the fiction and critiques of others, STUDY how to write, write CRITIQUES-you've asked for help-give some back, besides, it'll force you to consider what other's are doing both right and wrong, and, most of all, keep WRITING.

Rumple Foreskin